HNGED is out everywhere now I'm really excited about this album and hope you enjoy it. Thanks for all of the support. Listen, laugh & share ...

Can any espn stations talk about anything but football for a few hours

Duke lacrosse players finally got off

Trump's gold sneakers are available again. But you can only get 3 pairs per family. We have 2 kids. Talk about a Sophie's Choice. That means between my wife and I, only one of us gets an extra pair.

sending architects pictures of buildings and sh*t until people stop sending me standup clips

Freddie Freeman is giving Hank - Jim Carrey's alter ego in Me, Myself & Irene

@MichaelRStahl @caseyJsalengo Haha That's because we have your Hulu pw

All these political spam texts sure do make banana republic seem less thirsty

4 yr old: Daddy we obviously need a basket attached to my bike for when we go pine cone hunting you don't have to hold them

As a Jew that has partnered his way into celebrating Xmas I can definitively say that people celebrating Xmas spend more $ on wrapping paraphernalia than we do on Chanukah gifts

Friend: how you feeling? Me: I have not felt healthy for more than one week at a time since our second child was born one year ago today. Happy bday boy !

RT @JosephPera: My very first standup special just went live:

Sitting's awesome when you're old

A lot of people ask me how I got started in comedy. Even more ask how I plan on stopping.

I just peek-a-boo'd so hard my Apple Watch started my cardio tracker

Today's Daughter Meltdown brought to you by Not Snuggling Her Hard Enough

RT @WiseCrackersCC: 😆Come out and Laugh! We're bringing an over the top hilarious show in our new room upstairs in @MoheganPA this wkend wi…

@loripalminteri 🤣🤣🤣

RT @AndyFiori: Controversial Springsteen opinions with my homie @JonnyFisch

@JSalmonComedy @carriegravenson @PrineJohn 😊😊