not Johnny Manziel (parody)
@JohnnyFootbalI
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They call me Johnny Fuckin’ Football (parody) #MoneyMan
Diamond Cabaret
Joined September 2013
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Coach asked me why I'm throwing to Benjamin so much. Told him I'm used to throwing Benjamins' at the club so it just comes naturally
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I’ve had more coherent debates with a .30 BAC
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Winston asked me to exchange autographs because he's a big fan, and this is what I get from that idiot
http://t.co/kdpU5cLueo
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Yeah, I don't remember Trump or Clinton ever winning the Heisman as a freshman
#ManzielForPresident
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Yeah we get it Biebs got a DUI. Apparently the kid can't drink more than 5 wine coolers without thinking he's Jeff Gordon.
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Held the door for some Chinese kid and he said "sank you." Dropped kicked the fucker into tomorrow, can't believe he brought up Pearl Harbor
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Hell of a game by Hoyer, keep it up bud. 0 TDs & 7 Ints in your last 3 games is just what the team needs
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I didn't play bad today. Went 33/45 with 372yds & a TD. If our O-line didn't allow more sacks than a Michael Sam pool party, we'd score more
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Saw some bitch texting and driving so I rolled down my window and hucked my beer at her. Johnny fuckin patrol keeping the roads safe n shit.
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Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to have both teams wear orange helmets and dark pants? It all looks the same when you're this drunk
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Yeah whatever congrats to Mariota, but just remember I won the Heisman as a freshman with a JV defense and a .30 BAC
#HeilManziel
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Told LeBron it was cool to get drunk at halftime I do it all the time. Didn't know the guy was gonna blackout by the 4th, fuckin rookie.
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Sanchez vs Romo this should be interesting. Curious why the NFL would air the Special Olympics on Thanksgiving but whatever its a good cause
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Who's the dickhead to schedule a Jets vs Dolphins Monday night game? I'd rather listen to Winston try and read a book than watch this shit
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The Patriots murdered the Colts tonight, Hernandez would be proud
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Yeah Hoyer has 0 TDs and 5 Ints in the last 3 games, and I come in and score on my first drive. You haters can lick my balls
#HeilManziel
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Stopping Calvin Johnson is harder than Ray Rice's left hook
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Yeah I flipped Washington the bird, fuckin relax
@SportsCenter
. Nobody's talking about Ray Rice beating his wife unconscious anymore
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Imagine me playing at lambeau tonight, Erin Andrews would have a 2 foot icicle hanging from her crotch cuz me and kaepernick are a gun show.
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Alabama chokes more than Saban's daughter when I show her my Heisman
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If Derrick Rose and RG3 had to run 50 yards, who do you think would blow their knee out first?
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Getting sick of McCarron trying to add me to his group messages with Michael Sam
http://t.co/8sM5oyJtSZ
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Get me an icy hot endorsement or whatever, my back already hurts just thinking about how I'm gonna have to carry this team
#JohnnyCleveland
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Mayweather didn't win the Heisman as a freshman
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Damn, this game is really turning into a shootout. Aaron Hernandez would be proud
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And dipshit of the game goes to Richard Sherman.
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Yeah finally getting the start Sunday, it's about fuckin time
#HeilManziel
http://t.co/WL4T5G8Qfv
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Winston gets away with rape and stealing crabs, but the guy finally completes his first sentence and gets suspended half a game? Makes sense
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Iggy winning best rap album over Eminem and Drake sounds a lot like Hoyer starting over Johnny fuckin Football
#HeilManziel
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Bitch told me she wanted to see me tonight. Told her to turn on SportsCenter.
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Yeah, rumors are true, the CFL wants me to play in their league and I don’t blame them. Canada’s beer has a higher alcohol content and the league basically said I can play drunk, so why not? Pounding Canadian brews and slews
#HeilManziel
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That's the first time Saban has cried since he walked in on me giving it to his daughter on top of his washing machine
#HeilManziel
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Yeah don't draft me, the longer I sit here the more beers I can steal
http://t.co/sLS97g0bnc
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'Twas the night before Manziel, having a party at his house, 32 beers deep, with his hand up Katherine's blouse
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Yeah, no days off
Josh Gordon admits he used drugs or alcohol before every NFL game he played.
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Yeah showing up hammered to my first start probably wasn't the best idea but whatever I've come back from worse
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Looks like someone's a little upset their wife has been sleeping at my place more than his
http://t.co/FVC2O8TwEH
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Roger Goodell: "Johnny Football is fined $12,000"
Me: "I can't hear you, there's too much fucking money in my hands"
http://t.co/G3LRZk5zZ7
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Does Winston play with the 97th ranked defense with bitches swarming his dick? No he rides the
#1
team and rapes chicks
#HeilManziel
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Played Madden online and scrambled every play with myself. Won 84-10 with 537 rushing yards and 12 TDs holy fuck that game is realistic.
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Who got to pick our starting QB, Helen Keller? I mean my stats aren't great, but they're still better than dipshits
http://t.co/ClF18vXMtu
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Some douche in a Prius just said "I get 50 MPG, what do you get in your Lambo?” Sack whacked him and said "I get laid"
#HeilManziel
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Yeah, I don't have to win the Super Bowl to drink a bunch of Budweiser
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This flappy bird game is bullshit. How the fuck do you expect me to weave that retarded bird through Mario world?
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Sherman might have grown up in Compton but Peyton Manning has been through 3 World Wars and plays bingo on Wednesday nights, dudes a fossil.
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Winston is a shit show out here. Kid can't keep his offense on the field, or his dick in his pants at parties
#RapistWinston
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Ebola coming to Cleveland right after LeBron comes back & the Browns get a winning record is the most Cleveland thing to happen to Cleveland
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Woke up, took a piss on a picture of Clowney, yelled "Draft Day BABAY" out my window and did the Shooter McGavin double pistols
#HeilManziel
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Mariota against
#5
Stanford: 2 TDs, 234 yds
Winston against
#7
Miami: 1 TD, 329.5 yds
Me against
#1
Alabama: 5 TDs, 562 yds
#HeilManziel
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Hide your girl, hide your wife, Johnny football is turning Brown town into pound town tonight.
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Yeah Gronk's BAC is at least a 1.2 already
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Yeah Richard Sherman didn't win the Heisman as a freshman.
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Now that Michael Sam is a Cowboy, are we finally gonna see Tony Homo come out of the closet?
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The 6-1 Cowboys just lost to a quarterback who had 1 completion all of last year, but that's none of my business
http://t.co/EH3H4p5Ctw
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Just got back from a 7 month vacay in Corpus Christi drowning in alcohol & ass when I heard my boy Teddy B pulled an RG3. Hit me up
@Vikings
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Just heard the news about Michael Sam getting cut by the rams, by default Tom Brady reclaims his title as everyone's favorite gay NFL player
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Yeah if you played for the Browns you'd need rehab too
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Yeah, heard Rodgers might be out for the year & your backup is ass. You looking for a replacement,
@packers
? Asking for a friend or whatever
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"So Johnny, how would you fix the USA?"
Thanks Lester, sweet name btw. Uhh yeah, I'd start by making the drinking age 18 and go from there
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Yeah, I can't believe Blake "Broken Arm" Bortles plays in the NFL and I don't. Ship that idiot to North Korea, he'll overthrow Kim Jong Un
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Yeah I don't care which shithole team I end up on, I entered the draft for Bill Gates cash and to nail model ass.
#HeilManziel
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But was Russell Wilson shotgunning beers at halftime?
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And with the 1st pick, the Texans select the Lead Orc from The Lord Of The Rings, Jadaveon Clowney.
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Yeah I hope Cleveland is ready for me and LeBron to run trains on chicks and bring the city championships.
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Just heard Michael Sam was released from the Cowboy's practice squad. That's gay.
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Yeah for you idiots who don't think I'm the best, check the fuckin stats.
#HeilManziel
http://t.co/m3fkUS8dvb
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Apparently assaulting chicks wins you Heismans... Yeah I have a beer or 24 on an average Friday night but at least I'm not a rapist.
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Yeah too bad Winston can't just steal this football game
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Official 40 yard dash times:
Johnny Manziel - 4.56
Marcus Mariota - 4.56
Jameis Winston - 4.97
Publix Seafood Clerk - 4.85
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