john beer 🍻
@JohnLazalde
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253
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My ex said “I know a spot” and took me to the lowest point in my life 😫😫😫🤣
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I purposely pretend to be upset so my bottom can suck my d*ck ... call me toxic 🥲
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I needa stop flirting I almost got myself in a relationship 😩
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Me explaining to my crush that I’m not really a hoe and it’s just a front😔😔😔
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The gays unfollow you when they get a man real quick and also follow you back a week later when they break up... pick a struggle
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All the gays say “deleting later” until it becomes their most liked pic and keep it 🥸
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When you’re trynna be the bigger person and you hear “that’s what i thought”
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May his car break down on the side of the road while he’s on the way to someone’s house that isn’t mine… amen
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When you wanna quit drinking but drinking don’t wanna quit you 😫😫😫
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Don’t ask me for advice, we gonna end up at the liquor store and blacked out on a Tuesday evening
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When you accidentally open someone’s live and it’s just you 2 in it 😶
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Oomf posted me on his story for 5 mins and forgot he wasn’t “gay” so deleted it LMFAO 😅
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When you plan the whole conversation in your head and the other person doesn’t follow the script... the audacity
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I’m not an open relationship kind of guy, as soon as you entertain someone else. I’m out 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
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You ever just mad but don’t know why you’re mad so you get mad at yourself for being mad?!
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How do y’all do open relationships? I’m sorry but I’ll stab someone 😪🙃
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I don’t fear commitment, I just fear committing to the wrong person 🥴
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Da car/ da driver
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Me coming into your life to make u drink
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Me & my 3 friends @ EDC cause everyone is selling their tickets
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Someone offered to pay my car payment in exchange for me stuffing them… I 🧐
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I miss my boo a lil extra today... idk who it is but I miss you 😪
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Fr y’all bullied tf outta me just to grow up and be ugly... 🤔
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Came back to work from vacation to find out I’m getting promoted 🥺
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My future boo thang probably gonna be getting a New Years kiss from a bum tonight 😩 cryin and throwin up
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Oh yeah this was my impulse, idk what to name him- help 😬
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The gays put “model” on their insta bio and think they can unfollow you- get yo ass out of here w yo hills have eyes lookin ass 🙄
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Asking me to hangout at 1 am is sad. Where’s the self respect at? Where’s the dignity? Where’s your house? What’s your addy? 🤣
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Who trynna get stuffed?!?!
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I’d rather start over w someone new than stay w someone who continuously does me wrong 🧐
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Y’all ever wanna quit alcohol but alcohol don’t wanna quit you 😫
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I just want a boo who will gas me up when I get a fresh cut 🥲
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