Parker Williams
@JParkerWDE
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539
Following
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Media
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Statuses
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Auburn University alum | Alabama native | D.C. transplant | Former Capitol Hill Communications Director | Comms for @DucksUnlimited 🦆 | Opinions are my own
Washington, DC
Joined July 2011
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Pinned Tweet
So I lost a bet to
@zachdooley
thanks to Auburn basketball getting blown out by UK. But the real winners are my 123 twitter followers who will now be treated to 50 straight days of
#AnimalFacts
. 5 different animals, 10 facts each, animals selected by Zach. Without further ado...
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The
@DucksUnlimited
Waterfowling Heritage Museum was truly the envy of the ancient world
(touring the pyramids)
wow i didn't know they had so many bass pros in ancient Egypt
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Of the many decoys in our DC office, my favorite is a replica of these 2,000+ year old hand crafted canvasbacks, originally discovered in Nevada’s Lovelock Cave a century ago.
Waterfowling traditions date back further than you might think.
A century ago, archaeologists working in the Nevada desert discovered the world’s oldest-known duck decoys, providing today’s hunters with a fascinating glimpse into waterfowling’s ancient origins.
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Ok, final self-indulgent post, I promise! What a crazy, awesome few days it has been. Could not be more grateful for all the love and support and can’t wait to see what the future has in store with
@lovett_kasey
!
📸
@RFDCphoto
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@ClayTravis
@dannykanell
Funny how he conveniently left out quality SEC wins over Auburn and Kentucky. As an AU fan, it hurts to type this, but it's true.
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If you live in a DC apartment building, you have an upstairs neighbor that routinely drops a handful of marbles on the floor between 7-10pm. This is a fact of life.
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As is my policy, I will retweet slander of the Navy Yard
@ChipotleTweets
, no questions asked. That establishment is a stain on the neighborhood
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The reaction by
@anthony_flash10
is all of us watching the Red Wedding for the 1st time. Welcome to GOT...
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Thanks,
@roselavelle
for stopping by the Capitol to hang out with us lowly Hill Staffers for a minute. Sweet goal.
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Probably being run by the Navy Yard
@ChipotleTweets
, if I had to guess
Genuine question – not trying to be snarky here – why has
@Uber
been so, so, so horrible in D.C. lately? Absolutely unreliable.
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One of my favorite things on Twitter is watching people fume at
@sean_spicier
totally unaware that it isn't
@seanspicer
. Classic.
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Ushered in my 30s the only way I know how: renting a party bus to play laser tag with my friends.
#RIP20s
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Maybe I'm just starting to show my advanced age, but it truly feels like we've crossed some sort of societal threshold with AI in the last few weeks that we'll never be able to turn back from.
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Boss.
Cornyn: "Most of us have multiple notebooks & notes & books & things like that in front of us. Can you hold up what youve been referring to in answering our questions?"
ACB: <Holds up blank notebook>
Cornyn: "Is there anything on it?"
ACB: "The letterhead that says US Senate."
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Hear me out...since Tortilla Coast is gone (RIP), how about we replace it with a Taco Bell Cantina?
Better food, same drinks...seems like a no-brainer to me.
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I’m always here for slander of the Navy Yard
@ChipotleTweets
. Will RT without asking questions.
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As a former federal employee, I can emphatically declare that is incorrect.
There’s no Sunday scaries when you get to work for the American people every day.
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One of my favorite artifacts in the
@DucksUnlimited
DC office.
President George H.W. Bush signing the North American Wetlands Conservation Act into law on Dec. 13, 1989
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Must-read thread. Every year.
7:59am September 11, 2001
American Airlines Flight 11 with 92 people on board takes off from Boston to Los Angeles.
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There have been random fireworks at all hours of the night for the past 4 months. At least these look cool
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PoPville should honestly consider changing their name to “Helicopter monitoring account”
About that Helicopter in Georgetown. This is developing situation:
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@DanielDopp
@POTUS
Yeah he only gave a speech at the Pentagon instead. Which has been all over TV and the internet. But if only he had tweeted...
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The ducks are here
Who says raising money for local charities can't be fun? DU had a blast promoting wetlands conservation at tonight's Congressional Baseball Game!
Thanks to our co-host,
@Purina
, & to the DU volunteers corporate partners, & congressional staff that came by our event.
#DuckPolicy
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I feel like the fact that
#Tennessee
survived overshadows the fact that Josh Dobbs got absolutely DESTROYED on the goal line...
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@EliGravitt
Lol. Auburn wins this game with or without Wiseman on the floor. Memphis fans are delusional. They were
#NotGood
this year
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Tell me why Navy Yard has room for three (3) different boxing studios but can’t manage one half decent sandwich place.
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My life is complete. I got a local TV station to use the term
#ScootPoopBandit
Proof we are living in a simulation
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No
People should drink less coffee to combat climate change, study says
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Take Sweetgreen instead
It is with the heaviest of hearts to report that our last day of service will be Sunday, 9/20. It’s been a great 26-year run, and we’re most proud of the way our management and staff have handled incredible adversity over the last 6 months.
Thanks to all for the love & support.
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Fun fact: I nearly hit John Kerry while I was riding a lime scooter on a sidewalk once.
How the turns have tabled.
Earlier today John Kerry took like 10 minutes to end his lime scooter ride, he then went to get groceries from Whole Foods before leaving on the same lime scooter
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*Psst...you don’t have to wear masks while seated and eating/drinking*
Would think someone so concerned with COVID would’ve taken the time to learn the rules.
We are just so thankful that Roger Marshall is on the frontlines fighting COVID-19 (maskless) at a bar in DC right now.
#kssen
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@AuburnMBB
@coachbrucepearl
How did this highlight tape NOT include the three straight 3s by McCormick??
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13-0. Absolute blood bath. We may have just violated the Geneva Convention.
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The fact that anyone is “deciding the fate” today of Liz Cheney instead of universally praising her backbone and principles is an outright embarrassment to our party.
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Ahmad Brooks “looked far and wide” in the dictionary for words to describe Rondale Moore and came up with: spectacular, smooth, and sensational.
Looks like he started in the S section and called it a day.
#MusicCityBowl
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Appreciate the legendary
@Bill_Dance1
for coming by to see us at the
@DucksUnlimited
booth today at the
@BassProShops
#worldsfishingfair
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Major shakeup in the 2020 Presidential race
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I hear it was very bi-paw-tisan
(I’m sorry)
The DU National Headquarters Pets-in-the-workplace policy town hall was well attended. Feedback was received from employee advocates and the policy was unanimously approved by bark-vote.
#DuckPolicy
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I'm glad his/her name is still declassified so the scumbag journalists can't dive into past tweets in an unrelenting attempt to extinguish any and all happiness in this world.
We have declassified a picture of the wonderful dog (name not declassified) that did such a GREAT JOB in capturing and killing the Leader of ISIS, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi!
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Number of overall wins Auburn Basketball had while I was in college, all under Tony Barbee:
2011: 11
2012: 15
2013: 9
2014: 14
Just a few years later,
@coachbrucepearl
has a team with 30 wins & playing in the program's first-ever
#FinalFour
. Impossible not to enjoy this ride.
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April Fools, ya schmuck! Auburn hasn't lost since I've started tweeting
#AnimalFacts
and I'm for damn sure not about to be the reason this run comes to an end. We've got 25 facts left to go, folks. Now, where were we...ah yes, the flamingo...
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Anybody hearing any complaints about the electoral college today?
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Fox News taking a break from coverage of the Capitol siege to officially make the call that Ossoff has defeated Sen. David Perdue, giving Dems the majority.
Quite possibly the worst 24 hours in GOP history.
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(1/50) We begin with the mighty starfish (using the term "animal" loosely). Starfish have no brain and no blood. Instead, they actually use filtered seawater to pump nutrients through their nervous system. Fascinating...
#AnimalFacts
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AOC called it with Steven Leath
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(2/50) This one is wild. Starfish use tiny suction cups to capture prey. But they actually eat inside out - meaning their stomach literally exits their mouth to digest the food & reenters the body when they’re done eating. Much like
@zachdooley
w/a quesadilla.
#AnimalFacts
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I've finally done it. After 26 years of life, I've finally managed to get as irrationally upset watching an Auburn basketball game as I do watching Auburn football games. Good times.
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People seriously read this statement and draw the conclusion that Liz Cheney is the problem with party...
In a new statement Trump goes after Rep. Cheney...but also Mike Pence and Mitch McConnell
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If you have a problem with Lindsey Graham and Dianne Feinstein hugging, you’re the problem.
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Pretty standard day on Capitol Hill
The traction may not be the best, but it’s not everyday you get to train your retriever in the halls of Congress
#DuckPolicy
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Can you imagine if Twitter was around during the era of Bo Jackson??
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If I must.
#ForTheWetlands
We're proud to have
@BuschBeer
as our official beer. You can show your support by purchasing some cool merch. And remember to wet your whistle. It’s for the wetlands.
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This can’t be real...
Job Opportunity!
Colonial Pipeline seeks a Cyber Security Manager to oversee the development of standards and processes for cyber security and lead the recovery from security incidents.
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Fortunately, the Duck Stamp Modernization Act was signed into law at the tail end of last year.
Waterfowl hunters were very appreciative!🦆
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Our wonderful Capitol Police Officers, a few of whom I’ve gotten to know over the years, don’t deserve this nonsense.
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As you get older, Christmas morning loses a bit of novelty and excitement. For me, that feeling has just transferred over to the first football Saturday. It’s the best day of the year.
#WDE
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(16/50 continued) Peter the Anteater's team, led by redshirt junior guard Max Hazzard, will face off against
#4
Kansas State at 2pm ET on Friday. Safe to say my new Cinderella favorite will absolutely be the underrated, 30-win, Big West Conference tournament Champion Anteaters.
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Once again, a satirical site with the most on-point commentary of the day.
Business Owners Boarding Up In Case Party Of Love And Tolerance Loses
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Apparently anytime a Republican majority does something Dem leadership doesn’t like it’s now considered one of the “darkest days” in human history
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Anyone who makes this comparison is a grade A moron. Send tweet.
Their Taliban, our Taliban, everybody’s got a Taliban. They’re at their best when they confiscate the halls of power.
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First time Bernie has been called a Right Winger in his life.
Looks like the Dems will be playing a 4-3-3 in the next election.
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$21...LOL
Metro says it's reaching out to riders who were on the Blue Line train that derailed last week to offer a $21 SmarTrip credit, but some affected riders think the compensation isn't enough.
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(32/50) The T-Rex lived on an island continent called Laramidia, which you may recognize as present-day western North America. That's right folks, the T-Rex was American 🇺🇸. Though it's not known for certain, their average lifespan is estimated to be around 30 years,
#AnimalFacts
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(13/50) Lets revisit that *mainly* in regards to their diet. They can also eat some plants, including the appropriately named aardvark cucumber. Naturally, it’s a win-win for both - the aardvark gets to eat a delicious cucumber while spreading seeds with its feces.
#AnimalFacts
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Turns out
@DucksUnlimited
is a pretty great place to work.
Don't believe me? Just ask our employees
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I, too, would support ridiculous laws and regulations if I knew they didn’t apply to me.
BREAKING: Nancy Pelosi's office has confirmed the speaker got her hair cut indoors in a San Francisco salon, but released a statement claiming she didn't know she'd done anything wrong.
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The
#DuckPolicy
takeover on Capitol Hill begins
The Ducks are back in DC! For the first time since 2020, DU senior leaders & volunteers are gathered in the nation's capital to meet with members of Congress & their staff to advocate for essential conservation programs in the
#FarmBill
.
#DuckPolicy
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Finally started watching
#TheLastDance
last night, and I couldn't stop thinking about how Steve Kerr looks exactly the same now as he did when he played for the Bulls.
The problem is, he looked like he was 54 in 1997.
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Bless your heart
*in exaggerated southern accent*
Have spent two days in Arkansas. Had forgotten how dang warm, like-able and genuinely nice people from the South can be.
For the life of me, I don’t know how they gave us the likes of Jeff Sessions.
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We’re almost at the point where, regardless of what happens from here, there are a LOT of pollsters with a LOT of questions to answer.
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Merry Christmas Eve from the nation’s Capital, ya filthy animals.
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I can't believe I almost let the day get away from me without holding
@zachdooley
's feet to the fire for that whoopin
@AuburnMBB
put on the Wildcats Saturday.
It's time to learn about some animals!
Your 1st animal is...drumroll please...the mighty SEA HORSE.
#AnimalFacts
It’s official: the
#AnimalFacts
bet has been renewed for another year for the AU vs. UK 🏀 game next week. Myself and
@zachdooley
. Just like last year, loser tweets 50 facts about 5 animals of the winner’s choosing.
Let’s go
@AuburnMBB
I need you!
@CollegeGameDay
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This is my nightmare
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It’s official: the
#AnimalFacts
bet has been renewed for another year for the AU vs. UK 🏀 game next week. Myself and
@zachdooley
. Just like last year, loser tweets 50 facts about 5 animals of the winner’s choosing.
Let’s go
@AuburnMBB
I need you!
@CollegeGameDay
So I lost a bet to
@zachdooley
thanks to Auburn basketball getting blown out by UK. But the real winners are my 123 twitter followers who will now be treated to 50 straight days of
#AnimalFacts
. 5 different animals, 10 facts each, animals selected by Zach. Without further ado...
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