The Journal of Immaterial Science
@JImmatSci
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Satirical science journal, welcoming fictional research from all fields. Submissions to goodenough.immaterial.science @gmail .com. Templates on our Reddit page.
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The second volume of J. Immat. Sci. is here! 64 pages jam-packed with bullshit science, open-access and beer-reviewed. Download it now and spread the word:
(150 MB)
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BREAKING NEWS
The 2023
#NobelPrize
in Chemistry has been awarded to Walter White for promoting an understanding of synthetic organic chemistry to the general public. This unprecedented selection is bound to spark controversy, but Walter is/was an undeniably inspiring figure...
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BREAKING NEWS:
The Noble Committee has decided to award the 2022 Noble Prize in Chemistry to Günther Schlonk, Joues de Boeuf and Jeff Vader.
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BREAKING NEWS
The 2023
#NobelPrize
in Chemistry has been revised to acknowledge the contribution of Jesse Pinkman to "the promotion of an understanding of synthetic organic chemistry to the general public." This is a first for the Nobel comittee.
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BREAKING NEWS
The 2023
#NobelPrize
in Literature has been awarded to Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion “for their provocative and hauntingly profound lyricisms whose myriad facets challenge conventional notions of gender norms and female sexuality."
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BREAKING NEWS
The 2023
#NobelPrize
in Physics has been awarded to Uri Blyatovik for discovering a slightly-above-room-temperature superconductor: SK-431. This material has been termed a holy grail of physics since the discovery of a room temperature superconductor in August 2023.
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Yo mama’s so fat she causes gravitational lensing: a mathematical investigation.
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Monoalizeamine D is a psychotoxin and lachrymator produced by a Venetian sea sponge (Gioconda vinchianes). It acts as an attractant to fish, which are observed to school around the sponges. Many chemists have remarked that the peroxide seems to follow you around the room.
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BREAKING NEWS
The 2023
#NobelPrize
in Economic Sciences has been awarded to Liz Truss (1/3 share) and The Lettuce (2/3 share) "for developing and experimentally proving the theory of tumble-down economics".
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We report the first synthesis of a slightly-above-room-temperature superconductor: SK-431
PDF:
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Calculating the probability of a sperm quantum tunnelling through a condom.
PDF:
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We're pleased to announce that you can now buy left-handed glassware from our sponsor: ChemGlasses.
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Just announced: Donald Trump has received the 2023 Noble Prize in Physiology or Medicine for the treatment of COVID-19 with disinfectant and light. Trump first proposed cleansing the body of the virus by injecting disinfectant in 2020, and recently published his findings...
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On April 1st,
@SigmaAldrich
challenged chemists to make this absurd molecule. Today, we give our answer. We report the total synthesis of the elseviamine Rashnovinol A from methamvaniline and ipso-xylene
PDF:
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How much would it cost to make chocolate cookies with ingredients from
@SigmaAldrich
? Answer: quite a lot.
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A novel uranium-vanadium catalyst for the Fischer esterification.
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Green chemistry in action: how to protect a reaction from oxygen using avocados.
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We report an efficient, one-pot total synthesis of Taxol.
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BREAKING NEWS
The 2023
#NobelPrize
for Peace has been awarded to Marjorie Taylor Greene “for fostering harmony, unity and friendship between peoples in the USA". Her call for a "national divorce" has been universally received as the obvious solution to disunity in the USA.
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50 Shades of Brown: An Index Of Chemical Misery
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We offer you a new adventure sport: Extreme Titrations!
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Tutankhamine is a toxin produced by the golden scarab beetle of Egypt, and the source of the mythical “curse of the pharaohs”. It is notable for containing gold in five different oxidation states, in addition to several pentavalent carbons.
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Our next entrant is “Fibonaccicene”. This organometallic oddity was isolated in 1965 from an algae native to mine tailing dams. It is rumoured that R.B. Woodward was trying to deduce its structure when he suffered his fatal heart attack in 1979. Correlation or causation?
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First isolated in 1993 from bacteria found in the chernobyl reactor core (R. diabolus), this compound is believed to play an important role in the organism's metabolism. It releasing energy in the presence of suffering, up to 0.7 kJ/mol in the vicinity of a rejected grant.
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Total Synthesis of Tesseractane: the First Reported Synthesis of a 4-Dimensional Natural Product
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A Scalable Synthesis of Methamphetamine, via C-H Activation of Paint Thinner.
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Spread the word, The First Edition is here! All 69 pages free to download: (none of that paywall bullshit here). Chuck one on your coffee table, present it at group meeting, cite it in your papers. Plenty more to come.
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Breaking news: Triphenylphosphine Oxide detected in the clouds of Venus. Is this evidence for alien synthetic chemists? Find out in this week's paper from The Journal of Immaterial Science.
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Sodium metal is the new superfood: it's alkaline, a powerful antioxidant, and rich in sodium. Here's a recipe to make it more palatable.
PDF:
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Alongside his work in science communication, Walter is an accomplished organic chemist, and is known for his landmark study on the chemical frenetics of recreational drugs in organocatalysis.
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Echocatalysis: Playing Mozart to Chemical Reactions. Some highlights include the splitting of N2 with Adele, a synthesis of [9.2.5]-dollypartone and IKEA's new instrument: the Echosyn.
PDF:
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X-ray Crystallomancy: How to use healing crystals to generate a 3D chemical structure.
PDF:
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The Smythe Reagent: ~1.6 M LiOH in Hexane
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Here's a quiz question for you all: which natural product was this before we hit one wrong key in chemdraw?
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We are delighted to announce that the winners of our Supernatural Product Competition are Monoalezeamine D and Mobiustrine A! The creators of these compounds receive a free hardcopy of Volume 2, and we will write up total syntheses of both compounds. Well done to all the entrants
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Tetrapsilocybinyl-ezekiol is a prodrug for psilocybin, and was ritually consumed by the Aztecs in a psychedelic tea. The ezekiol core is described by some as a "biblically accurate acetal,” and its name was confirmed at the joint ACS Meeting–Burning Man festival in 2018.
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And finally, a happy ending to our competition. Maitococcin is the largest natural product reported to date. It is produced by the algae Gambierdiscus lotsotoxicus, and it raises cytosolic calcium levels in humans by activating the CatSper ion channels.
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Alternative Strategies for NMR Processing and Impurity Suppression: BS-NMR
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A song about triphenylphosphine oxide.
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Coming to a toy store near you: my very first synchrotron.
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Next we have Mobiustrine A, a polyketide-alkaloid extracted from the mould beneath a fumehood waste container. Research into its anticarcinogenic properties is ongoing but slow, because it keeps killing the researchers. At least one synthesis is already underway in the Davis lab.
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Hello phosphine my old friend
I've oxidised you once again
(we finally recorded it, turn the sound on if you dare)
Full length song on youtube:
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Solvent Misconduct: how a flask of DMSO almost lost me my job.
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We are delighted to kick off the new year with a fantastic article: A Grease Mediated and Solvated Tzatziki-Moussaka Cross-Coupling Reaction. If you thought the amine-catalytic Suzuki reaction was improbable, you’d better read this. The illustrations are top notch.
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The Mechanism of the Over Reaction: A One-Pot Route to Elseviammonium Dismylates. Density dysfunctional theory, kinetic isotope defects, SP4 hybridised carbons, this one has it all.
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Chemical Frenetics: Party Drugs as Organocatalysts
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The Synthesis of Hexazine by Azide-Azide Click Chemistry with an Ammoniumide Catalyst
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We have our first entrant in the cover-art competition for the rerelease of Volume 1, with an electron density map of our old friend Impracticatechol.
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Entry 7: The Lovebox. We absolutely loved this one.
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The Total Synthesis of Monoalizeamine D. This was the co-winner of our supernatural products competition, from about 10 months ago now.
PDF:
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And finally, entry 19: some stickers to fix up your Western Blots. Thanks for all the entries everyone, winners will be announced soon.
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No flux left to give: six things to do with a decommissioned NMR.
PDF:
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Ichi-Ei Ishigen and co-workers present the Retro-Suzuki Reaction: a method of cleaving biaryl C-C bonds to give aryl halides and boronic esters. This could completely revolutionise cross-coupling chemistry!
Full text PDF:
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Competition Time: Design your best natural product. We’ll write a synthesis of the winner, and give them a free hardcopy. Details below...
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Hydroxy-Etalene (ETOH) is a mostly-aromatic hydrocarbon (MAH), which occurs naturally in plant ligmacellulose. It was first isolated by E. T. Alia, who rendered down a pile of manuscripts in boiling carbon-tet in a fit of post-rejection pique, and stumbled across it.
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We have our first entrant: Nicolausnightmarine T
This fiendishly complex polycyclic alkaloid was isolated from a fungus (Desperandum cultorem) found in a container of laboratory waste and elemental mercury. The compound has phosphoresces in the presence of chemical frustration.
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I have run, seven columns 🎶
I have vac’d down all the tubes
Trying to locate you
And remove the DBU
Spots have streaked,
Shit has smeared,
All my mass has, disappeared
Disappeared
I’ve done all that I can do
But I still haven't found what I'm looking for...
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Chemistry in America grinds to a halt as SCOTUS votes 6-3 to ban transition states.
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A one-step total synthesis of Spirodragone from N-Boc-Spirodragone. Also, a tool for computational chemists: BackToBasis.con
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Novel Undergraduate Grading Strategies: Lab-Coat Stainometry
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A proposal to rename 3’-hydroxycinnamaldehyde as phenol-(m)enal
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Kaijulamine B is an enzymatic cofactor found in the Japanese giant salamander Andrias godzilla, which lives in the Fukushima prefecture. It is thought to act as a growth factor. It is also remarkable for bearing a coordinated uranium ion, in the unusual +2½ oxidation state.
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Volume 3 of J. Immat. Sci. is almost ready, the last things we need are some spoof ads to fill some gaps. Can you help us? Make a funny scientific ad and send it to us, the best five entries win a free hardcopy (details below). Here are some of our favourites from last year:
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We present an abridged video guide to our synthesis of chocolate-and sodium-chip cookies.
Full video on youtube:
This work was thematically inspired by the fine work of
@Explosions_Fire
and
@ChemPlayer1
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Entry 3: Need an extra pair of thumbs?
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On the Polishing of Turds: How to target your grant applications in 2023
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A sneak-peak at next week's paper on the mechanism of the Over Reaction:
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Schrödinger’s Cat Presumed Dead After 88 Years in Box Without Food or Water
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Poly(vitamin C) occurs in the Australian finger lime, and appears to constitute the medical panacea that Linus Pauling believed the monomer to be. Studies have found that the longer chain is better at reaching into those hard-to-reach places in the body to combat disease.
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Entry 6: Mass Spectacles
There's still a week left in our competition, so make a spoof ad and send it in! We'll even bribe you with a free hardcopy of Vol. 3, if it's good enough.
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(+)-Triptomoon is a potent psychedelic alkaloid isolated from a Mesoamerican cactus. According to the legend, this substance was responsible for the 9th century collapse of Mayan society, when emperor Pánámácánál smoked the cactus and attempted to invade the sky.
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Imperial Units in Chemistry: A Vitriolic Perspective. NMR shifts are to be reported in chains per league from now on.
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The Ultimate Separation Science Technique: FUPLC-NMR-CE6-GC-IR-ICP-MS-MS-MS-MS
PDF download:
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Uri's seminal work was desk-rejected by Science and Nature, but was eventually published in a flagship materials science journal:
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We present the total synthesis of impracticatechol. Almost. Featuring the amino acid L-joline, the Nebuchadnezzar coupling and Electrochemical Boogaloo.
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If Post-Docs were traded like footballers… Featuring the Boston Red Soxhlets and Hantzsch Ester United.
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Supernatural Products: An Illiterature Review. A compilation of each entrant in our competition.
PDF:
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"Let them use rhodium"
- Marie Antoin ette al.
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Entry No. 2: Didiazokaboonamide 1. This notoriously capricious compound is produced by the flowers of Cardamine instabilis, a Micronesian plant that grows near harpy colonies. It was first isolated by Pete “no-fingers” Smith.
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Thiotimoline, a molecule first studied by Isaac Asimov in 1948, has been characterised and synthesised for the first time. Its structure features bonds that span time as well as space. Here's the full paper:
We've just added a new product to our catalog!
Thiotimoline is a natural compound initially isolated from the bark of Rosaceae Karlsbadensis rufo. It has potential applications in batteries & meteorological instruments. First studied in 1948, it wasn't until more recently...
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Another entry in our spoof ad competition. Send in your designs, win some money, so on and so forth.
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The structure of Skaldinium IX was published in November 2022. It was retracted in December of the same year, after it was found that the computational chemist who originally characterised it had used a basis set that treated electrons as little yellow balls.
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Christmoxonium hexahexafluorophosphate was published earlier this year, in a paper which claimed it to be the strongest acid ever reported. This claim has since been disputed, as the structure of this compound was isolated and characterised using mass spectrometry alone.
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Glassware for any occasion: MRFTSGCBCATBRADWB
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@SigmaAldrich
@Phil_Knutson
We wish you'd told us earlier, we've already finished our total synthesis. This does explain the anomalies in the 1H NMR though...
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It’s finally time to announce the winners of our spoof-ad completion: here they are. Thanks to everyone who submitted an ad, it was an absolutely fantastic turnout this time. We’re almost ready to print Vol. 3, and more articles are coming soon.
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Entry 5: Who needs a supervisor when you have ChatOMG?
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First, there were MOF's. Now, there are MILFS. Featuring such gems as "Chanel's MOF number 5" and "palladium OwlPHOS," this one is a beauty. Keep the submissions coming in!
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It's time to play the Chemdraw game: can you guess what these molecules were before we bumped a couple of hotkeys by mistake?
We encourage you to make your own and send them in, we'll keep the game going.
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Towards a Total Synthesis of 3,8-Unethoxydiscombobulene. Featuring a mouldy omelette and racoons with grabby hands. Next week: the first edition of the journal is set to be released.
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Keep an eye out for this week's paper: A comprehensive guide to X-ray crystallomancy! Here's a sneaky preview:
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News Just In: Man with Prince Albert Piercing Stands Too Close to NMR Spectrometer, High-Intensity Splitting Results.
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Happy new year everyone: you can now buy a hardcopy of J. Immat. Sci. - Volume 2. Read the thread for details.
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Leveraging Astrology to Optimize Behavioral Studies of Laboratory Mice
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