''unfortunate but iconic'' | SBI, QSMP, HC | I made the funny acronym fic | dabbler in bad ideas | considered a small annoyance |
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@Aamynta
I love being introduced to fandoms and seeing THE fic. Like you haven't read that? that's the fic everyone has read. we base our fanon off of it, it's the gateway fic in this fandom.
Pretty much no one outside of the fandom has heard of it, but us? we all know and it's great.
Quackity has the funniest decision where instead of letting the eggs die, let them hatch into the German, Portuguese and French people he's planning on adding.
Have Tallulah hatch into a 25 y/o German man and then NOT address it at ALL.
I REALLY wanna know what speaking habits we've all adopted from streamers so this is an invitation to tell me
I've got Tommy's 'HELLO?' and Technos 'heh?'
b- baby zombie Tommy where he can't bite sbi because he got turned before his baby teeth could grow in.
He's just toddling around, chewing on ankles without being able to turn anyone
*sprints away*
Tommyinnits Infamous Taxi Service is going to go on pause until it's rewritten to be 3/3 because I actually cannot stomach the idea of proceeding the way i stated I would at this point. Big fuck you to anyone supporting him and even bigger fuck you to Wilbur himself.
1/2
AU where Tommy gets proper pissed off at Wilbur & decides to hire the syndicate, a mafia group, to "teach him a lesson"
What tommy doesnt understand is that the syndicate *kill* people & not just give them a stern talking to.
Phil & techno are beyond confused at this 1/3
Pirate AU where Wilbur is a siren who LOVES fucking with Tommy, the captains son.
Splashing him? Breaking fishing string? Making him think he's hearing things?
Wilbur does everything to stay hidden from the rest of the crew & he finds it HILARIOUS when nobody believes Tommy 1/8
FUCK IT, sbi AU with villain Wilbur and Techno who decide to kidnap the no.1 hero Phil.
Upon waking up, Phil is like "oh no... did you also capture my son?"
"You'll be happy to hear we didnt"
"Oh... NO"
What follows is a crack horror fic with Tommy crawling around the vents
FUCK IT
Supernatural SBI au but they start as human
Phil falls down the stairs because wings burst from his back. The sudden weight tips him right over and he can only stare in mild horror and amazement at the sudden change. 1/4
Immortal techno & phil AU where as a joke, Techno signs Phil up for a retirement home and Tommy is a problem child whos volunteering there as his act of community service.
Wilbur is tommys brother & the poor unfortunate man who ACTUALLY works there and has to put up with them 1/6
AU where sbi decide to foster toddler Tommy and find out hes never celebrated Easter.
They set up a really complex Easter egg hunt just for him and at the end, instead of some amazing prize, its just techno who drew the short straw and had to dress up as the Easter bunny
I think shapeshifter tommyinnit as a villain, harassing Wilbur a top ranking hero is a very overlooked dynamic.
All of Tommy's actions are purely fueled by the question; would this piss Wilbur off? Thus leading to an immense amount of crime wherever Wilbur is trying to work
Vampire SBI au where one day techno finds human Tommy hiding in their house.
Techno grimaces at the little thing, dirty and weak but still fighting like hell. Techno has to drag him out of his hiding spot, tossing Tommy over his shoulder to bring him to Phil.
Tommy doesnt- 1/5
I would love an AU where all the typical powers we give SBI are swapped and theyhave to figure out how to adjust.
Like tommy gets wilburs silver tongue, the ability to control someone with his words. Tommy's reckless with his speech so he has to be more careful & mindful. 1/5
It's really funny going into other fandoms & realising that sbi is insane for all of the AUs. we are so far from the source material atp that seeing sbi as heroes feels like the normal.
like wdym you don't throw your characters into different universes every chance you get?
Sbi superhero/ platonic soulmate AU where the opposites attract rule means villains are often paired with villains.
Tommy, a powerful villain, gets bound to the hero Siren who is having NONE OF IT.
The big problem? Their pain is shared. If one of them dies, they both die.
1/6
SBI crime au where Wilbur gets caught and has to wait for SBI to save him
The prison takes their job seriously: it contains the worlds most dangerous criminals
Wilbur has no interest in talking to anyone until through the bars at the front of the cell a small hand appears
"Ayup"
Space au where human tommy explains that physical touch and quality time are super important and it's a love language so alien SBI absolutely refuse to let go of him because they interpret that to mean Tommy is in pain every time he's alone.
AU where Phil moves into a haunted house that Techno, Tommy and Wilbur have been chilling in, only to later discover that Phil is a descendant of the Angel of Death and with enough effort, can communicate with them.
At first, they want him out but with time, they get attached 1/6
Just an AU where techno and wilbur lose Tommy after swearing on their lives to Phil they'd look after him at an amusement park.
(Phil has Tommy, of course. Tommy ran back to him after a loud noise scared him and the twins didn't notice. They spent six hours looking for him...)
@simpingboisinc
@Zephyrusgremlin
Heroes: we've kidnapped your right hand man, Technoblade! Turn yourself in! OR ELSE!
Wilbur: who? I don't work with anyone.
(Muffled discussion over the phone) Heroes: weve just found out- oh fuck, uh, your janitor?
Wilbur: NOOO GODDAMIT NOT MY JANITOR
Villain Neapolitan trio vs Phil, the hero who has to complete one more case before he can leave his hero contract.
He decides the lesser known villain of the 3 will be the easiest to capture. He doesnt expect a 7yr old with a hard bite and attitude. He- oh shit, PHILS ATTACHED
I have the stupidest idea of Wilbur buying a rlly old fairytale book as a joke gift to Tommy. Except when he opens it up, he gets sucked in and all the people are someone wilbur knows in the real world. except, one small detail, he's the only one with his memory intact
1/3
Techno is absolutely flabbergasted like, "bro you want us to...take your brother out?"
*Tommy, not understanding the connotations at ALL, "Well I thought you could just do it here big man but if you need privacy sure."
Phil is in the background losing his mind.
AU where kid Twinsduo are vampires & Phil tries his best to protect them from humans. They stay away from the village and stick to the forest to stay safe. However, he accidentally may have kept them a little too sheltered from humans to the point they don't know what they...
1/9
AU where Tommy knows nothing about the occult but he is CONVINCED the summer job he took as an apprentice for SBI is being run by witches... OR VAMPIRES!
hmm maybe werewolves..
(In truth, theyre all humans. just really bloody weird but Tommy's CONVINCED theyre supernatural)
1/7
AU where Neapolitan trio are a group of assassins sent to infiltrate the castle ranks and kill Phil except he KEEPS SURVIVING THEIR ATTEMPTS BY DUMB LUCK
A falling flower pot? Someone stopped him to chat seconds before. Poison? Hes not hungry.
They start to think he's unkillable
AU where Phil and Kristin decide to move to a small cottage in the country side, knowing itll require a bit of clean up and pest control.
What the previous owner DIDNT tell them is that these "pests" are of the fantasy variety and are actively taunting Phil and ONLY Phil. 1/6
"mate, no offense, but you look... erh. Are you not 7?"
"AND. A. HALF."
Wilbur is literally in the room, deep sleeping in the background after working 2 jobs despite all the noise. "Look, Wil is being a right fuckin' prick so I need you to sort him out."
"...but are you SURE?"
AU where villain crimeboys get tired of no one taking them seriously so they kidnap the syndicate leader.
Obviously Phil isn't worried when he realises wil and Tommy are just kids trying to join the team... but the rest of the syndicate don't know that. They think this means war.
What if instead of doing the whole secret identity thing in heroes/villain AUs, someone did a fic like,
years after a mutual falling out with eachother, Tommy shows up on Technos doorstep bleeding like,
"Yeah, this looks bad but can we ask questions once I'm not bleeding out"
The lights go down and wilbur screams that something touched his arm.
"That was me, wil." Techno responds
"OR WAS IT?" Comes the vents and they all descend into chaos
a villain AU where Tommy works in the drive-thru and constantly beefs with a few of his regular customers. When the villains make a pitstop for drinks he automatically recognizes their voices & jokingly is talking shit to them. Right up until he realizes who they actually are 1/7
SBI au where the world is connected to a gods wellbeing. With just one God, the world is fragile. When a God is angry, storms strike. Emotions are the core to everything.
Phil & Kristin have taken good care of their world. With two of them, its easy to maintain a balance. 1/7
Sbi fic called whoopsie daisies w/flower shop owner Phil & street kid Tommy1/6
"12 wildflowers," Tommy pushes a handful of squashed colours across the counter. "Freshly picked."
Phil clicks his tongue, "mate-"
"I want $40"
A pause. "How about $4?"
The kids eyes light up & he nods
AU where Phil has made a name for himself & is given offerings to collect from the villages he protects. He tends to send Wilbur & Techno out to collect it for him during the night as more often than not, he'll get recognised.
It goes well until Wil & Tech bring home a 3 y/o 1/5
An AU where Tommy is really insanely good at using any kind of weapon because techno always brings back one as a gift from his travels and Phil doesn't have the heart to take it away so he just teaches Tommy how to use it
Techno is the type of guy to pretend nothing gets to him when in fact hes extremely sensitive
Techno: Why did u get me a present im confused
Phil: well I thought it would be a nice surprise but if u dont like it I can tak-
Techno fighting tears: NO!... its ok or something
Just saying Tallulah either has the wildest, uncontrollable hair style or her hair is in braids because its the only style Wilbur knows how to do and I'll die on this hill
SBI AU where Twinsduo want to earn some cash over the summer and find two job opportunities at the zoo.
Phil, the local zoo keeper, decides to assign them both to the newest animal- an abandoned lion cub called Tommy.
Surely theyll be able to handle ONE lion cub... right?
1/7
I'm just saying in an SBI au where Phil is a farmer and Tommy is, like, a fluffy cow, he would 100% chase Wilbur around the fields the first time they meet and Wilbur would be scared SHITLESS while Phil is like "he does this sometimes!"
AU where techno is a cop who's been hunting tommy, a street kid thats constant causing trouble
What techno doesnt know is that Wilbur is protecting said street kid & trying to get him off the streets & help him
At the same time, Phil is giving them both advice on what to do
I have officially changed the title of TITS/ Tommyinnit's infamous taxi services
And be prepared... this is a huge change...
It is now
Tommyinnit's infamous taxi service
So sorry to the TITS community. The second S in service will be missed o7
sbi au where Earth is one of the planets determined by galactic government to be "off limits"
It's the law to leave planets alone that are still developing...
Except Phil, techno, & wilbur are on the run & need a place to hide from the government. Earth seems, uh, convenient? 1/5
When Tommy sees Wilbur this time, he doesnt retreat or call out. They're frozen.
"It was you, wasn't it?" Tommy asks but its more of a statement. "You saved me"
Wilbur scans his face- checking for injuries- then nods.
A beat."Thank you." Tommy thinks its the start of a friendship
And finally Tommy who wakes up with fangs, covered with blood in the middle of a forest after falling asleep the night before.
He's mortified but only half convinced this isnt a fucked up prank from his war with Wilbur. Where the hell was he?
4/4
Coffee suddenly tastes awful and Techno wants blood. It's weird but it doesnt bother him until he goes outside and the sun causes him to literally start smoking. Oh and he wakes up a bat once without knowing how to swap back. 2/4
Tommy: i swear to god Techno I SAW him- RIGHT HERE! His head poked out
Techno, inspecting the fifth broken fishing rod: bro maybe youre just bad
Meanwhile Wilbur is losing it underwater with laughter, collecting teeny tiny shells to throw at tommy for a reaction (it works ofc)
Sometimes writing fic Phil is just writing a mellowed out version of Wilbur and adding "that's so fuckimg cursed" and "mate" to the end of half the sentences
Wilbur thinks he's having an allergic reaction when scales pop up. He's the first to change so its nothing too worrisome. That is until gills appear on his neck when he gets out of the shower and his skin starts to shimmer slightly. 3/4
AU where civillian crimeboys are like,
"hey.. while the heroes are preoccupied with the bigger villains, what if we... yk... did crime."
They call themselves the brains and the brawn (they argue endlessly over whos who)
They keep getting away with their crimes by pure dumb luck
Sbi witch au where when you hit 18 you get a familiar that is chosen based on whats most compatible with your personality.
Phil gets a crow. Techno gets a pig.
However, Wilbur is CONVINCED there was a mistake when he gets stuck with a shithead raccoon who he names Tommy
AU where Tommy gets turned into a vampire and because of the rule where vampires cannot cross thresholds of a home if they're not welcome, when the sun starts to rise he realizes he's too far from home.
He remembers his old history teachers had once told him he was always 1/3
Do you guys remember when we used to joke about having no idea what techno looked like even though he'd technically faced reveal?
Because even after all these photos of him have come out, I could NOT tell you what he looked like
Phil WANTS to believe Tommy but it just doesn't seem possible. They're all a bit worried that so much time at sea has effected him-
Tommy: i am not a child!
Phil: but MAYBE it was a bad idea to keep you on a boat without many kids your age
*cue another small shell pelting him*
Tommy is on rest for 3 days despite desperately wanting to go see if the siren is there and of course Wilbur doesnt leave.
He likes how the human talks to himself & how easy it is to hear him even underwater from how loud he is.
He likes the human.
He hopes the feeling is mutual
Phil: mate if it was a siren, we'd all be dead by now
Tommy: but it IS a siren, his voice is just- i don't know! He doesn't speak!
Phil: are you sure this isnt just a fish
Tommy: PHIL I FUCKING SWEAR-
Thinking of a slice of life Office working au where sbi make it their life DUTY to ruin eachothers work department. Theyre actively preventing one another
Phil, the boss, is of course aware of all this and believes they just need to have some bonding nights to fix it.
1/6
It stays as a one sided feud until a storm hits & Tommy gets knocked overboard without anyone noticing.
The wind & rain was loud- thunderous as it crashed against a furious ocean and Tommy couldn't swim up. He wasn't strong enough.
Sinking & sinking & sinking.
Until he's grabbed
SBI au but theyre superspies & its well known that all spies are INCREDIBLY competitive for the number 1 rank. theyre absolutely shite at team work & trust
So when the organisation needs 4 spies to go undercover as a normal suburban family, they base it on skill not relations 1/6
They all get closer. Techno visits a few times and mocks Phil for not escaping yet.
Once Tommy's community service finished he goes back again to see phil
& this time he promises break phil out. If Wilbur found out, eh.oh well. In Tommys mind, it was like kidnapping a new dad 6/6
Hes vaguely aware of grabbing onto a piece of drift wood. Coughing when he breaks the surface and gasping. Of a humming noise that seems to slow his panic.
And then the hands guide him towards the boat again and Techno rushes to save him.
But Tommy knows. A siren had saved him.
mmm... child actor Tommy au with over protective co-actors sbi
They protect him from the media everywhere they go and when Tommy faints after overworking himself they all start fussing over him and making sure he's looked after
@simpingboisinc
Tommy: wil please tell me how you got a 100% on the history paper, it's my worst su-
Wilbur: oh God, I hate history. Yeah I cheated- pretty sure the answers are online
Tommy: you what
I am committed to finishing my fanwork because it is MINE and he will not take that from me. He is being completely written out and I cannot express how truly disgusted I with him.
Assassin AU where Wilbur, techno & Tommy are sent to kill Phil but they end up actually really liking the guy & become his body guards.
It's hard to be subtle about it though when Tommy's SUPPOSED to work in the kitchen, Wilbur is meant to be a gardener, and techno is a butler1/3
New headcanon that c!tommy kept a box of letters in exile that he wanted to send to people but couldn't after his nether travel was broken and when he starts living with c!techno, techno finds one addressed to him saying thank you
Ghostbusters AU where Phil, Techno and Wilbur are getting increasingly pissed off because they can't catch a ghost who's deadset on haunting them.
But not... even in a mean way just in a very annoying way.
Like everytime Wilbur uses a spirit box it says penis
Techno makes up a list of problems Phil has like "uh yes he slips in the shower so make sure youve got someone to check in every minute. Hes a bit deaf, LOVES porridge, yeah hes a runner too."
Wilbur, making serious notes, "Mhm, we'll take care of your dad."
"Oh hes not my dad"
Wilbur, in an usually loud voice "So your son gave us a list of precautions for you, Phil."
"...I'm sorry what?"
"Yes we were told youre a bit deaf."
Tommy hates community service but Phil is the most interesting old man hes ever met, even if he sounds a bit delusional sometimes
Tommys not sure how phil came with "being immortal" but it makes for some cool stories.
Phil is constantly trying to escape & so he gets stuck with Tommy a lot; the one mfer whos loud enough to get any nurses attention if something happens AND the one fast enough to catch Phil
They become inseparable. & 1day Wilbur asks Tommy why he's a villain.
So Tommy explains his anger. At how cruel the world had treated him. How he'd been hurt and shunned and that the system needed to be destroyed.
Wilbur decides that maybe the world doesn't need another hero.
Techno loves to fight & be on the front line but he gets Tommy's healing & has to learn a new way of strategy.
Techno doesnt understand he has to go slow & focus while Tommy is swearing & cursing, telling techno to shut up & listen
(which he HAS to due to Tommy's new power)
They exchange stories. Of how Wilbur & Tommy ran away and Wilbur looks after him.
Of how techno and Phil are timeless friends.
They play stupid games and cause chaos in the retirement home. One night they get ridiculously competitive at bingo and scare most of the other residents
Wilbur gets Phil's wing, despite him being horrified of heights. He has to learn how to fly from a flightless instructor whos dealing with his own problems- technos bloodlust ability.
Phil had never realised how hard it was for techno to control or the voices that came with it
Whether theyll get their old powers back or not they don't know but this has only strengthened their respect for eachothers roles on the team and the bond they all share (as if it needed strengthening in the first place)
AU but it's just that Phil has a secret tattoo but refuses to show Techno, Tommy and Wilbur.
The three of them are determined to find out what it is no matter what.
(In truth, its just a flower dedicated to Kristin thats very personal to Phil... but the boys don't know that)
When the powers had swapped, techno had gone running to find out who had his power to make sure they were okay. Tommy had told everyone to calm down (which worked- a little bit too well as Wilbur passed out)
There was lots of confusion- and they're all learning things even now
Time to spread my silly little SBI brain rot because i havent seen anyone else do this but AU where they're forest creatures from mythology/folklore
Wilbur is a journalist, tasked with exploring the forest
Tommy, however, decides Wilbur would make a wonderful forest guardian
1/6
As though nearly killing eachother while on the battle field wasnt bad enough, tommy taunts him outside of work
Wilbur constantly gets brain freezes from tommys ice drinks so Wilbur burns his tongue on hot drinks to spite tommy.
Tommy's very clumsy & stubs his toe frequently too
Au where the people of Tommys village start to believe he was swapped for a changeling and they "return" him to the forest for the changelings to take.
This was the third child this year and Phil was starting to get a bit annoyed at the village for ditching these kids with him
If tommy gets himself in danger, wil HAS to save him despite everything.
If Wil punches Tommy, they both fall to the ground in a rather embarassing display.
Phil & techno know a villain & hero bond is the most dangerous kind. Tommy & Wil need to make peace but it feels impossible
AU where Phil is proudly sent to earth to help the new four horsemen of the apocalypse rise to power. What he doesn't anticipate is the 3 babies who arrive on his doorsteps instead of 4 mighty warriors.
This is not the job he signed up for.
diner AU where Techno is the scary chef who always handles situations when the customers start to get abusive. when they realise that they've got less stock than what was paid no one knows its cos whenever street kid!Tommy comes in, Techno will give him free food and a milkshake
AU with child Tommy taking constant naps to account for his usual high energy chaos. He falls asleep in the most unlikely places. sbi will find him asleep literally ANYWHERE if he can sit or lie down and it means that sbi is constantly having to carry him until he wakes up again
Thinkin bout an AU where Tommy and Wilbur both plot to break in and rob a museum,
"It's a museum! How guarded can it be?" Tommy grins and Wilbur sighs.
"Okay but no fucking around, alright? Just in and out."
"100%"
Techno & Phil, the two night guards, have a different plan.
Thinkin' bout big time professional thief techno meeting wannabe thief Tommy & accidentally trying to steal the same things so there's a begrudging alliance otherwise they're both goners
They keep meeting eachother and have a "if you snitch, I'll snitch" policy