#WhyIDidntReport
because I was 14 and two of my three rapists (each grown men) were Sheriffs deputies. In back seat of car I was raped in, lay the crisp white uniform shirt and the dark green windbreaker with Sheriffs Office seal on it. 1/
To my fellow Americans: we are your mothers, grandmothers, sisters, daughters, granddaughters, friends and wives. We support you and love you. Support us and love us back. We don't choose to be victims. We aren't seeking attention. We are seeking help and a friendly hand.
I've never shared details in full before except to that detective. But though I am just one voice in a sea of voices, I could not remain silent and in pain any longer. Enough! Stop defending rapists and abusers. Be better. Start today. Please. End/
Again, please accept my deepest gratitude for the time you've given my posts and the generous, supportive and loving sentiments. I have your backs, too. Always. ❤️. End/
"Why did she wait so long to report?" I did not. I came forward. I reported it. I was interviewed. I had injuries and was treated by a physician. We went to my school admin for help. I GOT NO HELP. That was America in the early 1980s. 38/
I came forward. I paid for doing so. I lived in absolute, all-consuming fear through what should have been my carefree years. My community failed me. My school. My Sheriffs Dept. I mattered. All victims matter. Hear us, please. 39/
It never leaves you. The faces. The pain. The scars. The trauma. It never caught up with me though until 2 1/2 years ago when my country betrayed me by normalizing depravity and misogyny. Thousands of rape kits sit on shelves untested. Why? Who are we as a nation? 37/
I found my confidence and my inner strength. I vowed to work harder/longer than my peers to earn their respect. In the end, what mattered most is that I learned to respect myself. I hadn't done that since I was 14. Came to be a lifelong pursuit that I've had to revisit 33/
That large knife left three large scars on my upper left arm. I tried desperately to hide those scars for years. I show them now. I refuse to hide. These scars changed the course of my life forever. 6/
My recruiter was a wonderful man and Marine. He had me exceptionally well-prepared before I shipped off to Paris Island for bootcamp. I was Guide from Day 1 to finish, given Leatherneck Award and meritoriously promoted. 1st female platoon to go they same training as men, 31/
I walked into a building complex across the street from my high school and chose the most difficult branch of our Armed Forces and I enlisted in the United States Marine Corps that day. I would find my confidence and my strength. 31/
I knew them on sight. I knew their faces. I knew the haircuts. I did not forget. I see their faces as clear as a bell today — 36 years later. I didn't forget. I'm not mistaken or confused or hysterical. I can still smell them. 27/
Two of my rapists were clean cut and the third was unshaven and smelled of gasoline. He wore a gold necklace with a cross around his neck. The smell of gasoline is still a trigger for me — 36 years later. 4/
@AOC
@jentaub
@DonaldJTrumpJr
is Googling ‘nomenclature’ right now. His dad is trying but can’t spell the word properly even though he’s staring at it on his internet machine.
I was a terrified, size 0, athletic young girl. My bike was thrown into a little ditch along the road that lay between the mall and small patch of woods. On other side of woods us a cemetery. I buried my mother there 6 years ago. I will sadly never visit her grave again. 3/
I was not impregnated by my rapists, thankfully. Had I been, I would have been forced to carry to term the fetus of one of three grown, violent predators without knowing which of their DNA was in the fetus. That would have killed me. Zero doubt. I wouldnt have survived. 24/
The idea of having a stranger, esp a man, examine me was terrifying. The examination itself traumatized me. I had been given an STD by one or more of my rapists. Part of my cervix had to be removed, Told at 15 yo that I'd never be able to have children. 22/
I lay in ditch staring at the blue sky. It was end of day with sun lowering and dusk approaching. I learned to fear blue skies that day. I am still learning how to live and welcome sunny skies again. Not sure how long I laid there. It was early dusk when I crawled out. 10/
My rapists were never held accountable. The detective that threatened me to tune of Sexual Healing w/his hand on my inner thigh ended up in prison for unrelated matter. I did not return home again until mother was elderly. I buried her less than 100 yds from my kill zone. 41/
went through life, never playing the victim and always projecting strength. I've survived sexual harassment in literally every single workplace I've been in employed at except one. I'm 52. Let that sink in. Enough, please. 36/
Several months after my rape, during one of many drives home with my mother after dr appt for vomiting, I blurted out what had happened. It wasn't planned. I will never forget the devastated look on my mother's face. 15/
I had left the local mall to find my bicycle with tires flattened. I walked bike up road leaving mall parking lot. My rapists were parked along side of road across from me. One walked over and I tried to get on my bike but he picked me & bike up and carried me over to car. 2/
I was raped by all 3 men. One of these men — the largest and cruelest — held a large knife with an intricately carved handle and terrorized me with it before stabbing me with it 3 times. The worst was when he stabbed me & twisted the knife, leaving tissue hanging out. 5/
I did graduate with my class. It took pure grit and determination by me. Rather than playing sports or being on dance squad, I took extra classes after school so I could graduate on time. I could not survive there an extra year. I prevailed and graduated. And then left. 29/
I met with my school principal and female Dean after school with my mother. My mother explained my absences and the rape and injuries. I had been a great student. My mother wanted the admin to know why I was struggling and to enlist help for me. I got none. Zero, 28/
That was a hard pill to swallow at 15 yo. I didn't even have my learners permit to drive yet. I decided to focus on surviving and then rebuilding my strength. My mother and father were strong people. I wanted their strength and set out to find it or build it. 23/
I didn't sleep at night for months. I was too afraid. Every car I heard made me rush to a window to see if it was that car or a Sheriff's car. I missed a lot of school. I vomited daily, often multiple times a day. My mom picked me up early many days from school. 13/
I could hear my mother cry uncontrollably through her bedroom wall that entire night. The next day, she called to report my rape. The next day, while I was home alone, a deputy showed up and took me with him to a remote building in the county. 17/
One of my rapists was a smoker. He passed a lit cigarette to the man that had just stabbed and cut me after raping me. I was burned with the cigarette, externally and internally. It took almost a year to fully heal from those burns in the heat & humidity of the Deep South. 8/
I was given failing grades for missing too many days. I became uninvolved in school activities, sports, friends. There was never a carefree day of high school after that day at the mall. It's a miracle I graduated with my class on time. 14/
I tried to avoid my mother that night. She saw my bloody arm or part of it. She saw my bike. I convinced her that I'd crashed my bike and injured myself but was fine. I was insistent. And afraid. And protective of my mother suddenly. 12/
Another kind of blade was used on me during my rape though I didn't see it. I have over 30 thin scars over my ribs and upper torso. I do not show those scars; they still sting to this day. 7/
One of my rapists saw a car at the far end of the mall parking lot and they panicked. They threw my battered body into that ditch alongside my bicycle and left me there like garbage and sped off. I never heard that car come anywhere near where I lay. 9/
The detective put a tape into his car's player. Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye. He explained to me how dangerous it was for me & my mother to accuse "good men" of such crimes. He rubbed his right hand up my inner left thigh as he said this to me. 20/
I stayed in bed for the next 2 days. My mother was furious that I'd been taken from home without her consent or her present with me. I begged her to not raise a fuss. I begged her. She set me up for my 1st appt with an OB-GYN dr the next day. 21/
I was alone in this small building being interviewed by a detective with 2 others present. I gave full, detailed answers and descriptions to best of my ability. Then the detective drove me home. And terrorized me during that drive home. 19/
I moved to NC near my father, a retired Army LtCol. I tried taking a few college courses but I wasn't ready. I had no confidence or strength. So I went back home to my mother after she became gravely ill. It nearly killed me. Then I did something bold. 30/
I pulled my bike out of ditch and as I walked it to top of road exiting mall, a Sheriff's car pulled up. I became incontinent and I froze out of fear. Sheer terror. The deputy put my bike in trunk and drove me home. My mother had been looking for me. I didn't tell. 11/
By summer before my senior year, I'd met my high school sweetheart, a truly good boy. He empowered me and supported me. He played football & I started going to games again just to support and cheer him on. Until... 24/
Until the third game of the season of our senior year. I was sitting close to the track between field and stands. I saw two familiar figures walking around the track, in uniform. I became incontinent and shaking uncontrollably. I knew those 2 men though not by name. 25/
I didn't want to be a victim. I didn't want to distrust men or law enforcement (my husband is former FBI Special Agent). I don't distrust men and I respect LEOs and support them. But I want and deserve and demand accountability and change. Finally. 35/
To say I am overwhelmed and humbled by the outpouring of support and dignity extended to me is an understatement. I felt small yesterday. I feel less small today. I feel undeserving much of the praise but I am truly grateful and appreciative of each of you, 45/
It's not just girls and women; it's boys and men too. I see you too. You matter to me. And to men in general, you are not my enemy. You are all my brothers or fathers or friends. It's our culture that needs repair and healing. Where we go one, we go all. 50/
When I posted my series of tweets last night, I did so without forethought or planning. Something was happening yesterday that made this very real for me again. And so I began typing, never expecting more than a couple of pairs of eyes to glance over my tweets. 44/
When I began my life with my husband 26 yrs ago, his two children were in Jr high and just entering high school. Today they are healthy grown adults. Our son and his wife just brought their 4th child into this world last night. A baby girl. I felt panic/joy at same time. 46/
Im no hero. I'm not sure I'm courageous. In that ditch 36 yrs ago, I drew breath again after my attack. And so I rose and pulled myself up until I stood tall again. Every day since is just one more step forward. I try to live by example. That's all. First do no harm 48/
This baby girl is our second granddaughter. We have two grandsons as well. They give me life. And I would give my life for them. Protecting them is the hill I die on. Protecting my country is hill I die on. They are why I shared my story yesterday. So are all of you 47/
@msteach11
This may seem odd (it does to me) but I got to a place where the best outcome I could hope for was the one I could deliver myself — forgiveness. I tried to imagine these men were such tortured souls that their own pain was what they inflicted on me.
I've tried to never dwell in self-pity. I know my suffering pales in comparison to so many others. I know it's not a competition. I have no hate in me. I wanted justice but what I want most now is to understand. Why do we do this to one another? 49/
@democracygirl2
@AbbottisLame
@AmoneyResists
Don’t reserve this accountability for just those holding office; hold them all accountable…every single person voting to legislate morality thst they lack themselves. Everyone who is ok with bounties placed on women and doctors. NO MORE SECRETS.
@ThatEricAlper
RBG. I have a bank account in my own name w/out needing a husband or father to co-sign. Bourdain. He got it. Betty White. True joy epitomized. Alan Rickman. Like DeNiro, he could win an Oscar just for best use of facial expressions. Lordy, that man gave great face.
@MattGertz
Things got dark in Charlottesville, Virginia. Things got dark when the former admin put children in cages. Things got dark when pipe bombs were left in DC. Things got dark on J6. Things got dark the day the entire right wing started gleefully calling for violence
@politico
Why is he yelling on the House floor at all? When did the halls of Congress become an extension of a bad college frat keg party for Republicans?
@jdawsey1
They are solidifying. I wouldn’t laugh about this. We now know how far they’ll go and that it’s straight to the total destruction of the nation if it means giving up their procedural grasp of disproportionate power. We cannot lower our guard.
@AOC
More than several & just as many “pro-life” women. I will personally/publicly out every one of them that I’ve known personally and “family values” GOP men, you have NO MORE secrets. We are going to put you. How? Well, as an example…using your own words/emails. Let’s roll.
@YoAndyZou
@thewrightkansan
I’m seeing Kramer at the anti-vaccine rally and Neuman hoarding rapid tests (and all Drake’s Coffee Cakes in three boroughs). George is quarantined with his parents and that’s going splendidly.
@gtconway3d
There are Republican members of Congress who were with her that day, saw the effort she was making, and who have been publicly lying about it ever since. Then there are the insurrectionists like
@RepBoebert
who were giving her movements away to the mob by tweet.
@Acosta
@CNNSitRoom
Who in hell made the decision to bring that baby that, just days before, lay beneath the dead body of his/her mother so the POTUS could have a prop for his Goebbels-inspired propaganda film? SHAME!
@PreetBharara
Lack of a plan to defeat the rise of fascism in this country and globally. The authoritarians are planning/coordinating and we seem to be frogs sitting in a pot of slowly boiling water and talking about voting harder to get out of it.
@eorden
It’s about a power imbalance. He had it; she didn’t. I was grilled about why I (at 14) didn’t report my rape right away. Well, my head rested on a Sheriffs Dept uniform shirt and windbreaker for the duration of my rape. Who was I supposed to call for help? It’s about power.
@AOC
And I am coming for you now, with the weapons you provided me, because you drew first blood. I’m keeping none of your secrets anymore. Any of you.
He will be living in a Motel 6 by tomorrow.
/End
@charlesbethea
A real Shock n Awe campaign would be the double whammy of a Fulton County indictment *and* a Jan6 indictment out of DC on the same day or in the same week.
A gal can dream
@keithboykin
Sickening game she’s playing that can result in tragic consequences for that young man. And she does a huge disservice to women victims everywhere. Karen cried wolf. Sick
@tomricks1
@MalcolmNance
It’s the most unsettling and astounding thing I’ve ever witnessed. Everyone is either burned out or waiting for the Calvary to ride in and save the day. Newsflash: we is it.
Anybody fawning over Trump’s ability to read off a TelePrompTer without starting a war or insulting the fallen needs to shut up altogether and never utter a word about the electability of other candidates (read: WOMEN).
@dannyhakim
@Teri_Kanefield
The glacially and agonizingly slow pace at which these types of cases move (totally normal, relax everyone) shall be well worth it if justice is served at the end of the day.
@ryanjreilly
MOD Officer Gunther Hashida had a compelling background.
MPD Officer Kyle DeFreytag had a compelling background.
MPD Officer Jeffrey Smith had a compelling background.
U.S. Capitol Police Officer Howard Liebengood had a compelling background.
Watkins is a traitor.