John Rain 🥇
@ItsJohnRain
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I do @SmershPod I co-do @WheezingPod Author of Thunderbook, Explodobook and Superbook. You must never show it to the Laker Girls.
London & South
Joined June 2009
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ANILPIN WE ARE THE ONE
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#ปิ่นภักดิ์EP6
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Edmundo
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#CLAP_for_SVTpalooza
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Super Bowl
• 87157 Tweets
Kendrick
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SEVENTEEN AT LOLLAPALOOZA
• 74617 Tweets
Zapatero
• 61456 Tweets
プロジェクトKV
• 59209 Tweets
Wayne
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#愛を貰って貰ってジュッキュンday
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Infinite Love with Junkyu
• 45850 Tweets
Drake
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Cowboys
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Kostic
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Tyreek Hill
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Not Like Us
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İdam
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Dolphins
• 26894 Tweets
NFL Sunday
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#TransferYapmakZORUNDASINIZ
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Dak Prescott
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JENNIE IS COMING
• 20327 Tweets
Browns
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Benzema
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#乃木坂工事中
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ジュンギュ
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Football Sunday
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坂の上の雲
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Jay Z
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Your mother is buried in an unmarked grave on a golf course.
Totally normal to greet your wife with a firm handshake and a bro hug/back slap. Tim Walz isn't weird at all, guys 🤣🤣🤣
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If only Diana had lived. She’d be attending today with Pete Davidson.
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"Yes, that's right, 'Rolf Harris'. From the kids. Thank you"
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That song is inappropriate for funerals.
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"I would like to form a government with the..."
"...No"
"Pardon?"
"You heard, fuck off"
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Elon Musk has arrived at 10 Downing Street with a submarine
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Just put the bin out and the whole street applauded. Best day of my life.
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Properly can’t stop watching this. As a Kitchen Nightmares obsessive, this kills me.
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The person that sent that Civil Service tweet right now.
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Wait until those Russian lads find out about Derwent Pencil Museum.
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Me logging off pornhub.
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“Ladies and gentlemen, Abel Tesfaye”
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I got banned for a month for asking Farage if he had ever put a cricket bat up his urethra. He's on here tonight threatening a race war.
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Gwyneth Paltrow's Vagina?
Exciting news coming from Pipers Crisps for this year. We are releasing a NEW flavour, can anyone guess what it is?
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Should be motion blurred.
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Rik Mayall talks about his Harry Potter experience in the only way he could.
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He's such a pervert that he had to stop on the way into court and wank off a bannister.
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Looks like the fucking Honey Monster escaping from the Sugar Puffs factory.
Omfg who is he trying to kid he actually took his photographer to shoot this god help us all
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The Sun give an old lady flowers the next day for missing their paper due to activists worried about the planet. They took 25 years to apologise for their Hillsborough coverage, so fuck them with a wire brush, the twats.
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I tell you what, Sarah Vine, what makes me MORE uneasy, is you husband and his mates lying to our fucking faces for WEEKS to cover their mate going on a fucking jolly during a pandemic. That concerns me more than a statue celebrating slavery.
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Never thought I’d see another team win the treble in my lifetime.
Whoever you support it’s an incredible achievement.
Congratulations to Pep and the team 👏
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Rory Stewart on the way to do an emergency Rest is Politics.
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Orson Welles pissed out of his mind doing a Paul Masson advert for champagne is my everything.
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When Katie Hopkins dies they’ll be able to cater her funeral with a Twix.
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You've clearly never read Giles Coren
Ok, these are the worst columns I have ever seen in my life.
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Just a reminder that the Sun's sister paper hacked the voicemail of Milly Dowler while she was missing. They'd even deleted some messages—potential evidence—in Dowler's voicemail box because it was full, in order to free up space for new messages, to which they could listen.
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You're never too rich to enjoy caravanning
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Brexit Eve - remember to leave a plain digestive, and a glass of warm piss out for Father Shitmass.
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BUT 6 PEOPLE TURNED UP IN A DINGHY
Over 1,000 new cases of COVID-19 yesterday in the UK. First time that number’s gone north of 1,000 in over six weeks.
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Not in a 30 zone, no.
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In this photo Theresa May looks like she is being treated at the roadside after a minor traffic collision.
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"Just took 93yr Mum to vote, she's registered blind. In a very loud voice she said, "Which box for Pavel Grudinin?" A cheer went up from waiting voters as she was shot"
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Can we just take a minute to appreciate how fucking amazing and incredible Christopher Reeve was as Superman?
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Who's next on Piers Morgan's "Through the Bum-Hole"?
"I'm here with Robert Mugabe. Mr. Mugabe, I am sure the world is dying for me to ask you, just what is your favourite jam?"
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Gordon Brown looks like he's going to drop the greatest political ballads album of all time.
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"My wife, Melania, who happens to be right here" is so fucking funny.
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"Nine minutes. Two less than eleven. Wembley used to have two towers"
"Anyone want to switch seats?"
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@FoxNews
Guys - I have another scoop for you - Robert England murdered loads of kids during the 1980s, despite being a nice guy.
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Love this moment. The Beatles on Morecambe and Wise. Lennon seems genuinely awed by Morecambe.
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Didn’t even buy her dinner.
Moments after Nadine Dorries waltzed into Downing Street, Boris Johnson entered through the back door.
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Stephen Crabb looks like ALL the baddies from Superman 2 mixed together.
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Dance around it as much as you like, lads. By backing Cummings, you made lockdown stop.
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@tomhfh
@michaeljswalker
I've got awful news for you about politicians, Tom. You may want to sit down...
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You didn't fight in the Second World War.
You didn't liberate France.
You didn't liberate Belgium.
Sit down, you old mess.
“We fought in the Second World War. We liberated France, we liberated Belgium. We beat the Germans. And what we got now? Trying to tell us what we can and can’t do."
Former miner Danny Gillespie, who voted Leave, says the situation is "absolutely ridiculous"
#newsnight
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Probably out of relief that for once you weren't fucking talking about Diana.
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Why are we putting a poppy on a puppet? This country has fucking lost it.
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Peter Sutcliffe: "My excellent lorry driving has been forgotten"
Harvey Weinstein: my work promoting women has been forgotten
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She looks like a cartoon mouse that's just been told a cat has eaten her husband.
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LOVE this Bob Hoskins story about how he didn't get the part of Al Capone in The Untouchables
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IT'S GOING WRONG
IT'S GOING WRONG
IT'S GOING
BREXIT'S GOING WRONG
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"Yes, since I had Coronavirus my eyesight has been affected. I still can't see my kids"
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Very poor taste to dry her eyes with some undelivered letters
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@LaurenWitzkeDE
Is it Christian to bang porn stars while your wife gives birth? Asking for a former President.
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Fun bit of movie magic trivia. In Superman The Movie, when Lois says good night to Superman, it's one take until she opens the door to Clark. But how?? Well, the Superman she waves to is a projection. She then opens the door to the real Christopher Reeve. FUN!
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Mark Francois is like every right-wing wank tissue melted down, mixed with a gerbil, and pumped into the jelly mould of a cunt.
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Watching Chernobyl again, this moment seems very COVID-appropriate.
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A General Election isn’t the right time to be a candidate, lads.
🚨BREAKING: Nigel Farage says 'at some point I'll be back as a candidate as well, this is just not the right time for me'
[
@Nigel_Farage
]
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Please call the Tory leadership contest "The Battle of the Bastards".
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Boris spent a month bumming a bee hive and joking about getting stung. Now we have to feel proud of him for recovering from multiple bee stings on cock. What a world.
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Each day it becomes more and more apparent that this government are the Fyre Festival
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"I wasn't listening to the man I was interviewing" is quite the sales pitch for new racist channel, Daz.
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“NO COLLUSION”
The sponge crab grows an enormous ‘hat’ of living sponge. Stylish and great for camouflage!
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Richard Harris delivers one of the best theatre anecdotes ever told on Johnny Carson.
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