Humanzee
@HumanzeesUncle
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Following
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Proud Husband, Father, and Texan. I like humor, science, and nature. Try not to take everything so seriously. I’m just sitting back, and enjoying life.
Texas, USA
Joined April 2022
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Pinned Tweet
“I can't stand in line at the store
The mean little people are such a bore
But it's all right if you act like a turd
'Cause I like
Birds” - Mark O. Everett
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@PicturesFoIder
Nice way to isolate your kid from ever having friends, and why is going to the bathroom a $1 each time?
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56K
@PicturesFoIder
I’m not a vegan, but I’m tired of these “YouTubers” who think they are funny by being jerks and disrupting peoples lives.
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@InternetH0F
Dude went from “I’m not interested” to “We’ve been married for 30 years” in 10 minutes.
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3K
@PicturesFoIder
You don’t live in a house, you live in a hallway. Is there even a spot for a bed in the first and second bedroom? Say goodbye to privacy if you are in bedroom 1 or 2.
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3K
@lporiginalg
I probably would have been like. “Oh that’s why there is 200 motorcycles parked out front.”
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3K
@NoCapFights
She’s been waiting for this vacation forever, and she doesn’t want it ruined by her husband getting into a fight with some random dude at the first stop.
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3K
@crazyclips_
I like how that lady seizes the opportunity to get his seat. He probably should have offered it to her, and then this wouldn’t have happened.
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2K
@HumansNoContext
This would be a cool feature to make the passenger side pay at the drive thru window.
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2K
@crazyclipsonly
Spider man villains taking notes, and are going to start carrying around buckets of water.
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2K
@AMAZlNGNATURE
Where did that person come from? Were they just riding a tornado and got dumped right there, and they appear to be unharmed. That’s crazy.
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2K
@stillgray
Why is walking down the street being a “Karen”? Am I missing some context here? Honestly I can’t envision a scenario where it is ok to harass an old person.
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1K
@gunsnrosesgirl3
Mom is coming back, and she told them they better be on the tree when she gets home.😁
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@FAFO_TV
Everyone is always worried about sharks at the beach. You really should be looking out for the beach bull.
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@HumansNoContext
The look of disgust when they first turn around is awesome. They are thinking “Are you really watching that during class?”
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@FAFO_TV
Grandma took that broom handle to the head like a champ. She was popping back up for another round.
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@InternetH0F
I got to watch it up close with my son’s birth. It was a lot worse than I thought it was going to be. There is a reason they block the view from the mother.
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@InternetH0F
Oh, hello fellow bird. Mind if I just rest here a moment, since we are going in the same direction.
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@InternetH0F
The character with the gut shot also has to do something that requires an enormous amount of core strength.
Something like jumping off a building and onto a helicopters landing gear and then pulling themselves on board while the pilot tries to shake them off.
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@Bornakang
She’s not worth it, if she is going to act up about this. The relationship would be a nightmare.
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@PicturesFoIder
I’m a pretty chill person. I would’ve been like “cool a deer” got into my car and left. The complete opposite of swinging a purse at it and screaming like a little girl for 5 minutes.
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@PicturesFoIder
Looks like they got him down unharmed. Kids going to have a story to tell the rest of his life, and video to prove it.
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@MattWallace888
It is really suspicious that you have a warehouse full of product that nobody wants and it’s the only building that got destroyed, and now you can write it off as an insurance claim.
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@ScienceGuys_
I knew dogs would be the most chill. That dog was like, “this is what I do now, I float.”
As long as they get to be near their humans they will tolerate almost anything.
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432
@buitengebieden
Here’s the conversation:
What do you want for dinner?
I don’t know, you pick?
Ok, here’s what I got?
I don’t want that. Do you even know me? (Storms off)
C’mon babe, just eat some dinner with me.
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@dom_lucre
I love that there is no video of the White House coke fiend, or the j6 pipe bomber. But in like 5 minutes we got this video. Someone let this one slip out.
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@PicturesFoIder
Defacing something that old is not going to bring any sympathy for your cause. If anything it’s going to turn more people against you.
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@HumansNoContext
Finding out the federal government doesn’t have your best interests at heart.
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@PicturesFoIder
This is why we didn’t stay home. Me and everyone I knew was always meeting up somewhere. I think back now, and realize my parents probably loved all the alone time.
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@HumansNoContext
The worst is when it happens while you are sleeping. I’ve had to get up and walk it off. Then it’s hard to get back to sleep.
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@NoContextHumans
The guy that couldn’t wait to tattletale bugs me more than the guy smoking on a plane.
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@HumansNoContext
Young kids today would freak out if their hard drive made that constant grinding noise and they had to connect to the internet with a noisy baud modem.
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@crazyclipsonly
The Brazilian samurai needs a security booth closer to that gate, so he doesn’t have to take the 5 minute elevator ride, and run half a mile.
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@InsaneRealitys
She started to sway, he almost had her worn down for a second there. Keep trying little dude, puberty will catch you up soon.
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@gunsnrosesgirl3
No matter what they actually taste like, I’m only going to taste dirty dish water.
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@SparkyAdamsX
@ClownWorld_
I’m 6’5”, and I demand that they remove the seat in front of me when I fly. I also want the plane to be taller, so I don’t have to bend down when finding my seat. I am also a man, so I need the seats on either side of me empty, so I can man-spread. Is this too much to ask for?
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@FAFO_TV
He will always be known as the guy that got stuck in the giant vase. I wonder if they had to break it to get him out?
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@cctvidiots
Perfect opportunity to bring back the cauldron of boiling oil defense mechanism.
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@cctvidiots
She just saw out of the corner of her eye. To her it looks like he is doing a humping motion.
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@NoContextBrits
There should be a drinking Olympics. Every country that wants to participate can send their top drinkers to a venue every four years. You could have a bunch of fun drinking games. It would be pretty entertaining to watch.
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@jackciapciak
It would be the best if they all just ignored him. Finished the match, and then everyone went home. Leaving him sitting there in the dark by himself.
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@InternetH0F
About once a week. Now I just ignore it. When the real one comes I won’t know it till it’s too late.
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@stillgray
Think of all the change that lady has seen. I bet when she was a kid there was still segregation, and I’m not saying she was ok with it. She could have marched in solidarity for the civil rights act. It’s just not cool.
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@allgarbled
I have a few questions
What’s your mother’s maiden name?
What was your high school mascot?
What was the name of your first pet?
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@crazyclipsonly
Water doesn’t displace like air. That’s probably the same as just landing on the concrete.
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@DrLoupis
Tattoo artist: What kind of tattoo do you want?
Her: I want it to look like I dunked my head into that blue Porto Potty stuff.
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@PicturesFoIder
Exactly, the last one we stayed at charged over $100 for cleaning and wanted us to do all the cleaning. We’ve just stayed at hotels since.
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@ClownWorld_
You never know when something is going to come out of left field and derail you. I hope they caught the person responsible.
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Back in 1963 William Shatner tried to warn us about lizard people on planes. John Lithgow tried again in 1983. Nobody believed them either.
#TMFINR
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@HumansNoContext
Everyone there just wants to get to where they are going without this nonsense.
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@interesting_aIl
Total badass pilot. Doesn’t panic or lose control. Just does what she needs to do to get back on the ground.
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@HumansNoContext
Century BOB finally had enough, and fought back. Poor guy will never hear the end of that time he lost a fight with a mannequin.
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@il0venostalgia
You had to plan out what you wanted to watch on tv through the tv guide in the newspaper. If you missed the show, you missed the show.
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