Jessica McCabe
@HowtoADHD
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Building a toolbox of techniques for tackling ADHD. Learn to work with your brain, not against it đ she/her
Seattle, WA
Joined September 2015
Hello Brains! I'm so excited -- baby is coming Feb 29th!!! How to ADHD will still be posting, but our lovely community manager Harley (they/them) will be taking over so I have time to heal -- and bond. Look for updates about the baby, ADHD content, & probably some cat videos.
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I accidentally relaxed too much and now I donât have enough anxiety to get stuff done. #ADHD.
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ADHDers often feel like we âshouldâ be able to do something because ⨠weâve done it before ⨠or that our difficulty with focus/productivity isnât a real disability b/c sometimes we can do it just fine. GUYS. LADIES. GENTLETHEMS. THAT IS THE DISABILITY. The INCONSISTENCY.
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It is far past time for stigma about ADHD stimulants to subside. They are:. â¨not addictive when taken as prescribed.â¨highly effective for most w/ADHD w/minimal side effects .â¨out of our system quickly .â¨stimulants. LikeâŚcaffeine. They donât get us high, they help us work.
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Me: Did you know adults are supposed to be able to plan for events 8-12 weeks out? I donât even know what 12 weeks from now IS! . Boyfriend: Christmas. Me: âŚâŚâŚno. Christmas doesnât exist yet.
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So. Um. For those of you who have evolved your look from "young adult" -- wearing the same clothes and hairstyle as when you were 20 -- to "grown ass woman" -- how do you like. do that? I feel like I missed a memo.
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How my ADHD makes friendship hard . (a thread đ§ľ) 1/10.
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For those who think #ADHD isnât a big dealâI just melted down crying trying to open mail & pay bills before my meds kicked in. My ADHD has hurt my credit, GPA, relationships, career, & mental & physical health. The symptoms might not seem âthat badâ but the way they affect us is.
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One of the more interesting aspects of ADHD is shorter time horizons. Things feel like theyâre either ânowâ or ânot nowâ & if theyâre ânot now,â they donât exist. Deadlines donât feel real until theyâre almost on top of us, which can make it hard to kick ourselves into gearâŚ.
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Quick reminder: . Neurodivergent children ⨠do not ⨠hit developmental milestones at the same time as their neurotypical peers. Weâre on our own timeline. Give us a few years.
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I tend to overexplain because (as a woman with ADHD) Iâm used to either not communicating clearly or not being heard. But overexplaining can overwhelm some ppl. A simple hack: if Iâm overexplaining something, let me know you got it & then repeat it back to me to make sure.
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Implementing strategies to support executive function *also requires executive function.* . So as lovely as it is to suggest making lists to someone with ADHD, theyâve probably made lists. Theyâve lost them. Or they werenât sure how to prioritize them. 𧾠(1/3).
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Step 1: get excited .Step 2: overcommit.Step 3: get overwhelmed.Step 4: melt down.Step 5: get through it.Step 6: forget how hard it was.Step 7: repeat all of this forever . just me? đ¤Ł.#ADHD.
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How to use systems: #ADHD edition . 1) get excited about system .2) set system up instead of doing whatever it is youâd planned on doing .3) use it for 3 days.4) recommend to everyone you know.5) get busy.6) abandon system.7) feel guilty about abandoning system & avoid forever.
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Signs youâre overextended & need to take care of yourself for a bit:. âYouâre more emotionally reactive than usual. Irritable, quick to tears, quick to frustration. âYour ability to transition is worse than usual. You canât start or canât stop. âYou wonât leave your blanket fort.
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Does anyone here know how to relax?. LikeâŚintentionally?. âŚand not immediately get bored and start a new project? . #ADHD.
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Why reminders donât work for us â thread:. The more often those of us with #ADHD are reminded to do something we donât know how to do, . or at a time when we canât do it, . the more we get used to ignoring those reminders, . until at some point theyâre no longer effective.
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Some days I wonder if I really *need* my meds. And then I go a few days without them and have 2 meltdowns, walk away from the tea I just heated *3 times*, play video games for days until I manage to wrestle myself into productivity and then drop and shatter my phone.
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This has saved my butt this week. 4/5 days I woke up and went âwaitâŚdid I take my meds???â And the bottle TOLD ME đ. #ADHD
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Donât believe someone with #ADHD really struggles with executive function challenges? Rearrange all their stuff. I just moved and am *trying* to unpack, but really Iâve been walking around in confused circles for most of the day. Not all disabilities are visible.
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Emotional dysregulation is common in #ADHD. So is emotional impulsivity, due to impaired response inhibition. Stimuli happens, we respond. No pause in which to consider if itâs a good idea. What this means is we react with raw emotion. This is why we need help w/our brakes.
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For those dealing w/grief today⌠itâs okay to cry. Itâs okay to miss them. Itâs okay to enjoy what you can. Itâs okay to take breaks. Itâs okay that it still hurts. Itâs okay to âbe a downer.â Itâs okay to ask for what you need. Itâs okay if it isnât enough. The hole is deep â¤ď¸.
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Waking up vs. getting out of bed: . Most people: 5-15 mins. #ADHD: Depending on current levels of anxiety, depression, how long we overslept, where we need to be, meds status, whether anyone will notice and how far away the snooze button is â between 0.5 seconds & 5 hours đ
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Taking care of your teeth can be hard when you have #ADHD. What are your ADHD friendly teeth care hacks?.
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How to do projects: #ADHD edition. 1. Enthusiastically commit .2. Have tons of ideas .3. Do nothing until the deadline is terrifyingly close.4. Start in a panic .6. Hyperfocus for days.7. Pass out from exhaustion.8. Get excited that youâre done and forget about 3-7.9. Repeat.
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PSA: . Someoneâs behavior being understandable does not automatically make it acceptable. We can be kind and understanding about peopleâs challenges, their past, their limitations, and still set boundaries around what we will and will not accept.
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For #ADHD brains, ârelaxingâ often means *taking a break from self regulating.* . Letting your brain do what it wants. Making myself focus on something ârelaxingâ â or fighting my brain if it wants to work â isnât relaxing. Itâs draining. Let your brain wander sometimes.
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One of my favorite things about my #ADHD brain:. Itâll randomly hand me the most brilliant solution to a problem I wasnât aware it was even working on. It apparently just needs enough input then time to percolateâŚthen I just need to write it down before I forget. Anyone else?.
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Six years ago, I decided to learn about my #ADHD. Today, I signed a book contract with one of the top publishers in the WORLD to share what Iâve learned. âŚafter doing a livestream celebrating 1 million subscribers. Itâs a good day.
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I apologize in advance for all the things Iâm gonna forget to include in my book about ADHD. âŚI have ADHD.
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After 2 divorces Iâve realized maybe I wasnât ready to get married so much as I was ready to own a really sparkly ring . #ADHD.
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While #ADHD is trending is a good time to share things we didnât know were related to our ADHD. I didnât know ADHD affected my working memory (the ability to hold information in our head while we work with it). This is why I felt dumb growing up even though I was gifted.
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Okay so Iâm having a slightâŚexistential crisis? . I finished my book . I understand ADHD on a deeper level than ever. I have a full toolbox. âŚI was really good at learning about my brain. And now I can go back to doingâŚthe part I was bad at . Living my life. Iâm terrified.
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The best thing I ever did for my self esteem was letting go of the idea that the right productivity system would make it so I didnât have ADHD anymore . Now I can just enjoy the chaos and be proud of myself when I manage any level of organization at all đ.
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You know whatâs really empowering to me, as someone with #ADHD? . Having tools & strategies to help me function in a NT world and accomplish the things I want to accomplish. Know whatâs even more empowering? . Not having to hide the fact that I need them.
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For the record â this does not help us listen. #ADHD.
How schools force neurodivergent children to act like neurotypicals:
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The main thing I've learned about ADHD is this: *accept* the symptoms, *manage* how they impact your life. Example: I'm impulsive. Okay cool!. Given that I'm impulsive. --In what areas is that an asset? Use it!. --In what areas is it a liability? Put safeguards in place.
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Getting my #ADHD brain to do what I want sometimes feels like a hostage negotiation situation. Me: please let me work.My brain: THESE ARE MY DEMANDS.
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Ppl are often quick to correct those with disabilities: âdonât dis your ability! Youâre capable!â. They donât want us to be limited by our disability. *Acknowledging and accommodating impairments makes us more able, not less.*. Imagine if I refused to admit I needed glasses?.
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#ADHD brains tend to have low self esteem and get discouraged easily â so we need LOTS of immediate, positive feedback. This often leads to people pleasing and even codependent relationships. Learning to self-validate is apparently a thing. Iâm skeptical but letâs try it đ.
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Me: Iâm so lonely out here I have no friiiiiends I need to make some. Also me: doesnât ever reach out to the friends I have . #ADHD.
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I am writing a book called How to ADHD (based on my experiences with ADHD, ADHD research, practical strategies, and what Iâve learned from this community). Iâm aware of the potential impact it can make & want to write it ethically & respectfully. What would that mean to you?.
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My ADHD meds work great for me, but what most people without ADHD probably donât realize is *they wear off quickly.* So I mayyybe have a few hours a day where I can focus well. Then nope, unless Iâm doing something I find engaging in which case hyperfocussss. Itâs a daily battle.
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Okay for real though can whoever diagnoses or treats someone for a mental health condition please EXPLAIN that condition to us and how it might be affecting our lives because if we see a mental health pro *we should not be learning about it for the first time on social fkn media*.
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Things that affect âtime managementâ that arenât about time management: . âenergy .âmotivation .âinternal & external distractions .âanxiety over past failures .âemotional or physical pain .âperfectionism .âaccountability .âorganizational skills .âdepression or burnout . & more.
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Needed this today 𤣠RELATABLE.
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An #ADHD cleaning hack: . 1. Pick a room (or section).2. Set a 5 minute timer.3. Clean as much as you can in 5 minutes *and do not leave the room.* put anything that goes somewhere else by the door. 4. When the timer goes off *stop immediately* .5. Repeat.
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Are you ever, likeâŚ*suprised* that you *actually got the thing you were trying to do, done?*. I am. Constantly. This time, though, I got done half an hour early and Iâm actually *confused.*. #ADHD.
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PSA â . If you have a service dog, hotels canât deny you access or restrict you to a âpet friendlyâ room. You are entitled to any available room, same as someone w/o a disability . (If you do not have a service dog, please donât say you doâit makes it harder for those who do).
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SO true. As someone with ADHD, Iâve been shut down, silenced, even mocked by people I care about because my working memory sucks and my emotions get loud. When Iâm having the hardest time explaining myself, the emotions are the biggest, & itâs usually about something important.
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One of the most loving things anyone has ever done for me: . take my pile of mail Iâd admitted to avoiding & laid each piece out on a table so I could see it clearly & it wasnât just a giant paper monster anymore . no pressure to do anything, just support. #ADHD #neuroacceptance.
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For anyone wondering what happens if you push yourself past your absolute cognitive limits . You stop being able to word . Eat. Walk . Hear . Itâs kind of like being awake for 3 days straight . Brain just slowly loses function . âŚthe back matter for my book may be nonsensical đ¤Ł.
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If youâre looking for more info on #ADHD, I have dedicated my life to making research-based info about it accessible to anyone who needs it. This is my TED talk:
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Sometimes my brain is a terrible version of Clippy. đ . âI see youâre trying to do ____. Can I help you do *something else entirely?*â.
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How to ADHD just hit 700k subscribers đĽłđĽłand to celebrate I am going to ⌠đĽłđĽł. Stop myself from adding more to my plate by trying to figure out how to celebrate and just . Enjoy. the . accomplishment. Thank you to everyone who subscribed and to my incredible team 𼰠#ADHD.
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Those w/#ADHD are at higher risk of unplanned pregnancy. Also of divorce, job loss, financial struggles, abusive relationships. Taking away choice in terms of whether or not to have a child regardless of our circumstances will cost us access to many other critical choices as well.
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The very things that lead to getting diagnosed and getting #ADHD treatment are the very things that get in the way of us actually getting it. ADHD treatment is NOT ADHD friendly.
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For anyone whoâs like âyou canât have #ADHD! Youâre sUcCCessfULâ . Yes, I finished my book. âŚwhich required neglecting everything else. This is my desk⌠which I *just came out of hyperfocus enough to realize* needs attention:
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You know what I wish Iâd learned about #ADHD a long time ago? . How much emotions drive us. Both in terms of acting on impulse & in terms of things we do to avoid our (intense, emotionally dysregulated) feelings. I might have paid more attention to learning to manage them đ
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I recently realized that a good chunk of what I think of as âcommon knowledgeâ (because I talk/hear about all the time), other people have never heard at all. Iâm starting a thread for dumping random things I know. Feel free to join. Only add if youâre sure the info is accurate.
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Juuuust in case you didnât know this, #hyperfocus comes at a cost. If you (or your boss) gets super excited at the epic amount you got done in x amount of time, remind them/you this is not a sustainable practice 𤣠. And when it wears off, expect to be fairly useless for a bit.
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I have a theory I want to test out. Join me? . The next time you find yourself Not Doing the Thing, find a way to reduce overwhelm. Tackle some clutter, take a project off your plate, cancel plans, decide youâre going to do 3 things today instead of 500. Does it help? Lmk â¤ď¸.
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Telling someone they should âtake time for themselves,â âlearn how to be alone,â âhave a life outside work/partner/whateverâ doesnât help if they donât know what that means. Iâve spent the last few weekends in tears b/c I donât know what to do when no one needs anything from me.
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For many ADHD brains, our sense of time is fuzzy, which makes time management. challenging. How do you experience time? Any favorite strategies you use to make time "real?" . We may use some of your ideas in a book. my writing buddy @Real_Theresa will message you.
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IâmâŚtired. Some days I kind of just want to be allowed to struggle without having to fix it. #ADHD.
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Letâs talk about IBNUs: an #ADHD thread 𧾠(1/5). IBNU (Ib-new) is the term I use as shorthand for tasks that are âimportant but not urgentâ . âŚaka, the tasks those with ADHD often donât get to unless they *become* urgent, at which point itâs often a crisis.
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Whoever invents a device where the instant you fall asleep on the couch at night youâre gently teleported to your bed can have all my money.
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Okay fine, after 7 years learning about my ADHD itâs time to admit my anxiety could maaaybe use some attention too. Whoâs managing anxiety on top of their ADHD?. Whatcha got that helps? . #ADHD #anxiety #mentalhealth.
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I love to play video games but I feel bad Iâm not being more productive. I love to read but I canât sit still long enough. I try with audiobooks but I get too distracted. LISTENING TO AUDIO BOOKS WHILE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES đ¤Ż. This is where I live now đ𤣠#ADHD #HappyPlace.
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When I was a kid, I had a hard time fitting in. Part of this was my overt ADHD symptoms -- Iâm fidgety, impulsive, have trouble waiting my turn, have trouble staying focused on activities and conversations that donât interest me, and keep forgetting everybodyâs name. (2/10).
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Before you assume someone isnât trying, or doesnât care, remember:. Many people have cognitive disabilities. âMakes careless mistakesâ and .âfails to follow through on tasks and instructionsâ. are literally in the diagnostic criteria for #ADHD.
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Confession time. Iâve always felt things like gifts, flowers, romantic dates, and yâknow, being treated well in a relationship, were things that other girls got to have. Not me. I had to be low maintanance. A people pleaser. I had to tolerate a lot because. they tolerated me. đ.
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I'm seriously thinking about hiring a dog trainer to help me train Chloe as an ADHD service dog to help me find things, remember things, transition, and calm me down when I'm about to have panic attacks. No idea how it'll work. Would anyone be interested in seeing that journey?.
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I would sometimes be allowed to participate, but I never truly belonged to any social group. I could pretend to belong, for a little while, but it never lasted. Soon Iâd be too loud, too weird, too much. and the others would edge away. (4/10).
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It is very difficult for me to focus on topics that donât interest me. This is not a choice; itâs how my brain works. What I can do, what I try to do, is give as much of my attention as I can for as long as I can. When people get that & appreciate the effort, it helps :).
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Merry ADHD Christmas!. itâs where you text everyone you didnât text on actual Christmas because you were distracted by new shiny things, still needed to get them a đ, &/or passed out halfway through b/c you forget to get a meds refill before the office left for the holidaysđ.
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How many of you work late if you had a bad brain day/got distracted but donât stop work early if you crush it & get everything done?.
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I need a subtitle for my book. How to ADHD: a practical (and empowering!) toolbox for working with your ADHD brain, not against it. How to ADHD: a guide for those of us who didnât grow out of it. How to ADHD: itâs ok you donât have to read it . Other ideas? đ¤Ł. #ADHD.
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Eventually, I learned to edge away, to escape to a place where I did belong. Which was often my own world. I retreated. into books, into video games. Later, into (serial) monogamous relationships. I couldn't break up with someone, because then I'd be alone again. (5/10).
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#ADHD can be a disability, which just means itâs a condition that causes impairments that arenât well accommodated in this society so they sometimes get in the way of things we want to accomplish (that other people can, &/or expect us to be able to).
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We miss the impact our actions are having on others, we miss social cues, we miss the fact that they don't hate us, they really just ARE BUSY sometimes, which makes our rejection sensitivity & emotional dysregulation worse. we ruminate, and when we do, we miss more stuff. (9/10).
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Whatâs your absolute favorite #ADHD hack? . (Mine is currently timercaps â post below this one đ).
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. you are never too old to be tested for ADHD. You are never too old, female, or gifted to have ADHD. All of these demographics have ADHD, too.
My dad just told me that his doctor said he's too old to be tested for ADHD . He looked into it and feels like it explains so much about where his life fucked up.
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2019 was the most difficult year of my life. I feel. changed, like Iâve lost my rose colored lenses. The advantage is. I see more clearly now. Iâm no longer unrelentingly optimistic, but I know how deep pain can go and I can be a better advocate for it. 2020, letâs do this.
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The accessibility issues those with #ADHD face on a daily basis are profound. Most of us are just, used to it at this point. Often, we blame ourselves because âthis should be easy.â . But letâs call them what they are. Accessibility issues. And most CAN be resolved.
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Iâd like to propose an #ADHD friendly service. Form concierge. You pay an annual fee and then anytime you need to fill out a form you can call and someone will walk you through it. Someone make this happen đ.
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Part of it was that there's also a developmental delay associated with ADHD -- so at 10, I had the self regulation skills of like, a 7 year old. This is why I had an easier time with adults, and kids a couple years younger than me. With my peers, I got made fun of. a lot. (3/10).
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I stayed in relationships that were truly awful for me. If I managed to make (and keep) a friend, I let them treat me badly, because I was just lucky I had a friend. I did what they wanted to do, gave more than I had. It was. rough. (6/10).
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Proposed return to pre-pandemic guidelines â where you have to see your doctor in person at least once before you can get a prescription for a controlled substance. âŚmy doctor is in another state. Letâs speak up about the serious barriers to treatment this creates.
BREAKING: The Biden administration has moved to require patients see a doctor in person before getting attention deficit disorder medication or addictive painkillers, toughening access to the drugs against the backdrop of a deepening opioid crisis.
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Ok but itâs actually kind of amazing how many things your body can do as long as you treat it at least as well as a houseplant.
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If Iâm feeling scattered, itâs usually because Iâm trying to do too much at the same time, which often happens when thereâs no clear order for me to do things in. I save a lot of time and mental energy if I decide on an order then do them one (sometimes two) at a time. #ADHD.
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We often have it in our heads that once you set a goal you have to achieve it, in a linear fashion, in the manner you intended to, or else youâve failed. Which leaves no room for adventure, surprises, or pivoting to a better goal or better way. And WAY too much room for shame.
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The worst part of having #ADHD, for me, is the constant societal pressures telling me Iâm not supposed to have ADHD. Itâs been incredible connecting with the #neurodiversesquad and getting to experience being accepted as is.
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I canât track whatâs going on in a TV show or movie unless Iâm also doing something else. unless that something else makes me forget Iâm watching. Anyone relate? . #ADHD đ
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Emotional dysregulation is a big part of having ADHD â . How do you handle big emotions when they come up? . (I may include some quotes in the book I'm writing -- if so, @sometimesreese will DM you with a quick consent form to fill out!).
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If we could easily use all the tools designed to support executive function (a planner, lists, setting reminders etc.) consistently and effectively, we would. But that would require not having executive function challenges. #ADHD #neurodiversesquad . (3/3).
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