My brother and I are going shopping for the woman across the street who's been salty with us since June 1996 when she confiscated our tennis ball cos it bounced off the wing mirror of her car but we've decided to call a truce
So ITV's cancelled Alastair Stewart for using social media inappropriately but that giant sack of shit Piers Morgan who hounds Greta and stalked Meghan like a rejected schoolboy is the first thing they want everyone to see in the morning?
Eamonn Holmes:
"I've never met Meghan but I look at her and think 'I don't think I'd like you in real life.'"
Me:
"I've never met Eamonn Holmes but I look at him and think 'my god you're an almighty cunt.'"
Really don't want to hear from folk cocnerned about the appropriateness of putting Joe Lycett on a political panel show given none of them batted an eyelid when Boris Johnson's entire family were given television slots and radio shows to present.
Some sad news guys: Corona took my uncle last night. It’s especially devastating as we saw him as the Uncle Buck of the family - a true gent with a heart of gold and someone you could totally be yourself around because he was cool as shit. It all suddenly feels very real now.
Mum had been on the phone to her doctor for a long time so I went downstairs to check everything was ok and she was explaining step by step how she makes the marinade for her grilled chops
Literally every south asian kid got called a “p*ki” in the playground, difference is Priti Patel tries to gain acceptance by becoming like those people whereas the rest of us don’t.
It's been a while since I was shocked by anything in the paper as we're so desensitized to it all but that paragraph Jeremy Clarkson wrote in The Sun about wanting to chuck lumps of shit at Meghan as she's paraded down the street naked is seriously fucked up.
Any time someone goes "yeah but Ann Widdecombe's from a different generation" to excuse her views I think of Miriam Margolyes who's 7 years older and cool AF.
I didn’t even know who she was til a few days ago but reading about Rachael Bland wrapping presents for her 2-year-old son all the way to his 21st birthday has absolutely destroyed me.
One of the biggest highlights this series is when we all leapt off our sofas and clapped out loud as Krishnan milked the ending of his quickstep for all it was worth
#Strictly
In honour of Johannes we all step out our front doors tomorrow in leather trousers and heels and pull out giant fans while strutting down the street
#Strictly
Any fake news about Tom Cruise being struck down by the corona virus can be traced back to my mum who has got him and Tom Hanks confused on multiple WhatsApp groups and international phone conversations.
Dropped off some food for my aunt whose husband passed away from corona and her forlorn figure as she picked up the box and waved absently to us from her doorstep is going to haunt me for some time
Like I was just hoping to avoid the devastation of Hamza being a week one boot and now I'll accept nothing less than him being handed the glitterball
#Strictly
Feel like we've been watching Helen go through weekly therapy sessions and tonight was the one where she came out feeling fixed and absolutely thriving
#Strictly
Carol McGiffin calling Loose Women woke for having an all-black panel when the show was literally four white women, five days a week, for years and years.
I need Ash to survive for the sheer awkwardness when the Traitors reconvene but mostly so she can spread Paul's name around like wildfire the next day out of spite
#TheTraitors
@jk_rowling
You were amplifying far-right sympathiser Darren Grimes the other week so maybe reflect on the part you yourself played in emboldening this part of society
I see everbody's being completely reasonable and understanding about Emma Raducanu pulling out of the mixed doubles and not using it as an excuse to get on her case again when Andy would have done exactly the same thing.
Only thing more disappointing than Michelle landing in the bottom two is that the judges didn’t yell “The time has come for you to dance for your LIIIIIIIIFE” followed by a dramatic echo and “Don’t fuck it up”
#strictly
I mean I totally get the Chief Rabbi being unable to support Jeremy Corbyn but he congratulated Boris Johnson when he became PM which feels like he's happy to throw other minority groups under the bus and I'm not down with that.
@GaryLineker
yeah cause protesting for racial equality and getting a suntan on the beach are totally comparable - it's not tribalism that's the main problem, it's false equivalences and deliberately ignoring nuance.
My mum thought she was wild about the monarchy. Turns out it was Lizzie's demeanour, bright outfits and cute hats. She does not give two shits about Charles and the upcoming coronation.
Andrew Neil being all "Meghan and Harry don't live in the Commonwealth so they aren't allowed an opinion on it" so I look forward to him never having a take on anything outside the UK ever again.
Seriously fuck off Piers Morgan and Julia H-B being all shocked and horrified like where did you think cheering on Muslim-baiting shits like Farage and Trump would eventually lead?
#Christchurch