Tamaryn
@HellaTamaryn
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Following
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Introvert with clown blood. Sometimes I lie awake at night hoping people choke. ND AF. Difficult. Trash panda enthusiast. Cats and cuss words.
Johannesburg, South Africa
Joined May 2020
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Hi y’all. I am a freelance copywriter with immediate availability. Please HMU to outsource:
👏 SEO website copy
👏 Blog articles/newsletters
👏 Social media content
👏 Everythang else
Tamarynshepherd (at) gmail (dot) com
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Hear me out. Imagine if, instead of a period, women got to sleep for five days straight.
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So my husband and I have decided that our eldest will be repeating Grade 7 next year. Why? Because he’s not ready for high school after the shit show that was quarantine home school. It’s not fair to push him to high school when he didn’t get a proper chance at anything this yr.
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We’re all tech savvy millennials until it’s time to use Excel.
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Just take a moment to marvel at the fact that you’re vaccinated. This time last year we were WISHING so hard for this exact thing.
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No offence but does anyone actually really truthfully like jazz?
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Look what I found when we went through my late ouma’s stuff a few weeks ago.
It’s extremely rare. I’m pretty sure it’s the only one I’ve ever seen irl.
It’s a flying fuck.
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What takes people so long at the ATM? Honestly, are they refinancing their mortgage? Playing a hidden crossword puzzle?
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I would rather go back into lockdown than have load shedding like this.
Yeah, I said what I said.
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GM. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but take a day off from being the bigger person. Choose violence. Embrace the darkness. Be a full-blown poes. Don’t hold back.
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DONT EVER BE SKAAM TO SHOW YOUR VACCINATION SELFIES. WE ARE ALL HERE FOR IT.
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I fucking love thrift shopping. Today I picked up this Adidas messenger bag from the 90s - in near perfect condition - from a charity store for R50.
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My husband bought a box of Peter Stuyvesant Blue 10s today and came home with them. Offered me one and I declined.
I DECLINED MY OWN BRAND. Who I am even? 7 months of no smoking for me.
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Just took care of 2023’s stationery for both kids on the statesman website. Cost me R989.02 whereas it would have cost me R1854 if I’d used the school’s preferred supplier. I did use them last year and my order was still being delivered in bits and pieces in AUGUST this year.
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My husband is not an animal person by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, he’s allergic to my cats and takes allergy medication daily just to breathe. But when I tell you that man LOOKED and looked for my missing cat, you must know how much he loves me.
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I’m pleased to announce that regular programming has resumed.
The Daily Astro.
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Imagine if clothing labels were made from soft cotton instead of the scratchiest substance known to mankind.
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In my defence it was on sale. Got all this for under a grand.
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I read somewhere that there’s been more than a million vaccination registrations since yesterday.
If there’s one thing I know, it’s that my generation will show up.
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Check in on your friends who are always fine. In the last few weeks my husband and I have scraped two of our friends off rock bottom. Life is hard right now, and people are not okay.
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I experienced a small miracle today.
My engagement ring has been missing since lockdown 2020. I’d cried buckets over this loss. Convinced it was sucked up in the vacuum and emptied into the garbage.
I found it this morning and I can’t stop looking at it.
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My boys always tell me their friends say I make the best lunches. I pack them stuff they’re going to eat and enjoy, to make the school day a little more bearable.
I know it looks like a lot of food, but they told me a lot of their friends don’t get lunch, so I pack for sharing.
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Ok stop scrolling please.
From the foster moms group, with love.
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Being a grown up is mostly just going around switching off lights and appliances that other people left on while bitching about the price of electricity these days.
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Thank you, Twitter. Frankie’s adoption application has been approved.
She has a home. 🖤
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Who is Minister of Loadshedding in your house? You know, the person responsible for charging lights, changing batteries, etc.
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I wanted to revisit this tweet and say that we made the right decision. 2021 was hard, but he did it. He came home with a report that he can be proud of and got his black belt this year. High school, here we come.
So my husband and I have decided that our eldest will be repeating Grade 7 next year. Why? Because he’s not ready for high school after the shit show that was quarantine home school. It’s not fair to push him to high school when he didn’t get a proper chance at anything this yr.
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This is how we eat in summer when mom is too tired to cook dinner.
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How the fuck is pritt stick R55 for a 43g tube? And I must buy 8 of them for one child?
Convinced they eat glue at school.
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I hate it when people text me “Hi Tamaryn” and then wait for me to respond before telling me what they want.
JUST TALK. If you’re waiting for me to respond before you get your request in, I’m just going to make you wait.
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Pls can someone just be proud of me. I really am trying so fkn hard.
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One of the foster moms put up a Christmas tree for her smol kets. Look at this joy.
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I feel like there’s a 3 hour crying session and then a 5 day nap inside me and I need to get it out.
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What happens when you’re change-resistant but also completely impulsive? You land up at a barber at 9am on a Thursday morning, because a meeting was cancelled, asking to cut off 20cm+ of your long hair that you’ve worn that way for more than 10 years.
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It annoys me to no end when grown ass people say “when I was a kid, things like auditory processing disorders didn’t exist.”
Yes they fkn did. We just didn’t know what to call it or how to address it in a non-traumatic way.
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It’s a WIP, but I’m so proud of my husband. There is nothing the man cannot do. He’s spent all his free time researching, designing + installing a hybrid backup power system for our home. Next step is the solar panels.
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Scrolled past this real quick and thought it was a hotplate.
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Not everyone from Gauteng is currently in KZN or mpumalanga, FYI. Some of us fkn stayed home. Not enough of us, but some of us.
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It’s disgusting that “get up early and exercise” actually works.
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My husband drove my car two weeks ago and I’ll be re-adjusting my seat for the next four months in vain pursuit of the perfect position.
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Really pleased to tell you, Twitter, that Jackpot & Lucky will be adopted together. Just waiting on the home check and last formalities.
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These guys stare at me from about 5am until I get out of bed and feed them.
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It’s actually disgusting how exercise really does make you feel better. Who fkn knew man.
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I’ve been exercising for two years now. As someone who avoided all exercise for 35 years, I thought it was time to do a little thread.
Here we go. 🧵
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This man’s whole poes.
We're taking our Rd back this Sunday from Devil Alliance, get your brushes ready with your black paint, at 1 o'clock on Greenpoint Somerset Rd...
We will paint the road black...
We will save our children's future from these freak colors.
Cape Town come and join us
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Next question.
No offence, but do people actually legit like and enjoy gin?
Be honest.
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Raising a glass before 9:30 am to say goodbye to my Ouma who is being cremated right now in KZN.
No funeral. No wake. No family. Because covid. Because pandemic.
It’s pomegranate juice and white wine. Practically a smoothie. Ouma, you are missed.
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Pleased to tell you, Twitter, that Voodoo’s adoption has been approved.
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