Hef
@Hef0
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برشلونة
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Trump is Hitler
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@jimearl666
@cjwerleman
Complaining about an Irish comedian visiting Israel is the definition of misplaced aggression. If this was Tillerson, sure.
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@jimearl666
@cjwerleman
Sigh. I'm pro-Palestine, bruh. But Conan has nothing to do with this argument. This is the hill you're choosing to die on?
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@jimearl666
@cjwerleman
You realize that it's possible to visit a place and not support it's politics? Conan isn't a far-right fascist.
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I am stoned. For every one like I will call one ex girlfriend. There are upwards of 17 numbers to dial people.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt
It’s the equivalent of knowing how much cold medicine you can buy at CVS without drawing attention. We know why you know.
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Listen, I don’t identify with a lot of serial killers but when Buffalo Bill screamed, “don’t you hurt my dog!” I was on his team.
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I’m genuinely trying to be a better person. As such I’ve only watched the video of Tommy Tuberville falling down ten times.
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@elizaskinner
@BobbyBigWheel
Also would have accepted, “I went to a wine and painting event.”
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My son is dating a girl that looks exactly like his mother. I dont think he notices. And I sure as shit won’t say anything unless he pisses me off. Then I’ll crush him.
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@protectedpick
During the 2001 World Series all 4 valley sports teams won on the same day. I remember because it was the first time it had ever happened ever.
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You know how when you make a joke about a celebrity like say, Andy Garcia, and you’re mostly joking but you still hope his family doesn’t see it because to them he’s a real person? Long story short, I want every Kissinger relative to know how happy I am that he’s dead.
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The funniest part of people smugly saying “Let’s go Brandon!” is that I actually say Fuck Joe Biden all the time and I actually voted for him.
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George: I lost Lucky Strike, Jerry!
Jerry: You lost Lucky Strike?
George: Yeah but I solved it Jerry!
Jerry: You solved it!
George: I wrote a letter Jerry!
Jerry: A letter?
George: An angry letter!
Every George Costanza plot still works if you just have Don Draper doing it and vice versa.
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I rarely call my shot but I guarantee this is the funniest fucking thing you will see today.
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Why would we need to publish that guy’s manifesto when we could just watch two hours of Tucker/Hannity instead?
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Cowboys get smoked. Lakers lose last night. Rough weekend for Yankees fans.
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‘‘Twas the night before Christmas and Hef was quite stoned. He sat by the fire as his dogs gnawed on bones.
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Answer for your crimes
@KenJennings
I FOUND IT. It was Ken Jennings not Trebek. The category was "words from arabic" and this was the clue and the answer was ghoul and no one got it and then Ken Jennings apologetically goes "it's an artist's interpretation"
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My 13 year old son is learning about government in school and he just asked why taxes don’t pay for healthcare and I told him it’s because rich corporations don’t care whether we live or die and he thought I was joking. I had to assure him I was not.
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My 13 year old son told me he wanted to ask a girl out but she’s a 9 and he’s only a 6. He told me you can’t date 3 points higher than you. I told that story to my girlfriend and she laughed. She said, “Why can’t he? You are.”
Anyway…that’s the sickest burn of the day.
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Microaggression of the day tip! Go on Facebook and comment “I love your costume!” on pictures of people wearing their regular clothes. Bonus points if they look like shit in the picture.
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This is a variation on a racist joke that’s been around forever. No one is shy about saying the quiet part loud anymore.
Had a friend send me this message. "Good news, not a single pair of work boots have been stolen during all this rioting and looting"...
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Chris Simms looks like he's explaining why Charlottesville was an Antifa false flag op.
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God I love dogs. Even stupid Russian ones.
A dog in Russia grabbed the reporter's microphone and ran away during a live broadcast
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Not surprised that Trump got Corona since it disproportionately affects poor people.
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With Deadspin gone I feel like now is the perfect time to resurrect everyone’s second favorite sports blog: MLJ. All Flacco content all the time.
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I can summarize: the super rich will lose money while driving down rent prices with increased supply thereby making life better for 1000s of people and worse for like 6 guys.
A New York property developer explains why converting offices to apartments is so complex.
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This episode of Whitney is brought to you by the 1st episode of season 2 of Community since it's the exact same fucking premise.
#community
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My dad’s brother died today. I really really loved him. But my favorite moment ever is when my dad was in hospice, the day he died, he maybe said ten words. But my uncle was nervous and talking nonstop. So on his deathbed my dad said “David, will you please stop talking.”
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Tell me your dad was an apartheid profiteer without telling me your dad was an apartheid profiteer.
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When you become a dad you kinda hope that you get a scene like this in your home eventually.
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Can we stop with the “silent majority” bullshit? Those fuckers are never silent and they sure as shit ain’t no majority.
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This dumb dick at the dog park is wearing a hat with the Mercedes Benz logo on it and his dog is named Mercedes and I think I should be allowed to punch him.
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Holy shit. I just found my 16 yo sons Twitter account and I’m thrilled to say that not only is it not racist, it’s even sorta funny. It’s not even angsty teenage bullshit either.
I’m such a great father.
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I know sexism isn’t something we want to talk about but Elizabeth Warren is clearly the best candidate so I’m so fucking confused tonight.
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Take the day off Andy Garcia!
Pat Robertson dies at 93; founded Christian Broadcasting Network, Christian Coalition
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I just had a call with someone named Noah but he spells it Nouh and I fucking hate him.
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He was already corrupt, dipshit.
What is the best movie you've ever seen that is about how power corrupts people?
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You know how watching people crash and burn is usually it’s own reward? Not this time. I still wanna drag his ass outside and whip the ever living shit out of him.
Steven Crowder verbally abused his pregnant wife. And after all this and so much more he can't figure out why she filed for divorce.
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In one of my favorite ironies of the week my son had to pay a fine for stealing a library book called “The Book Thief.”
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@InternetHippo
“Don’t explain the actual reason. Don’t explain the actual reason. Don’t explain the actual reason…”
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The idea that bloggers criticizing a politician should register with the government is insane. it is an embarrassment that it is a Republican state legislator in Florida who introduced a bill to that effect. He should withdraw it immediately.
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This whole thing is impressive but it’s the head nod at the beginning that is absolutely perfect.
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As a longtime Arizona resident I want to say to the rest of the country, “You’re welcome.”
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