Haider Abbasi
@HaiderKAbbasi
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18,247
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513
Statuses
12,739
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Very cool graduating with a master’s degree last week.
Even cooler graduating with my wife who was top of the class.
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This is not the World Cup, this is the Asif Ali Apology Tour.
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Bilawal said “I would like to congratulate the PM-select” and Imran Khan starts banging the table 😂 Completely missed the “select” jibe.
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Congratulations to all. The National Assembly has passed the Death of Democracy Act 2020.
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The match was over when that guy sledged Asif. Naseem doesn’t tolerate that shit, bro
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Good news. My father has recovered from coronavirus.
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Good morning. I just left my bed but because it was very cold I took a u-turn and went back to bed. I have shown tremendous leadership very early in the day and deserve praise for being true to myself.
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Ajay Devgn is like me when I was 7 years old. So I’m going to reply like my 7-year-old self:
East or West, Pakistan is the best.
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Here is a list of
@SKhaqanAbbasi
’s crimes:
1. Worked day and night to get rid of gas and electrical load shedding in Pakistan.
2. Paid more income tax than PTI’s cabinet and Jehangir Tareen combined.
3. Didn’t run away to Dubai like Pervez Musharraf.
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Just took the “tallest” picture in the history of the National Assembly.
@AhmadNarowal
takes the trophy.
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While sitting in my house made of Fauji cement and provided electricity by Fauji Power, I am eating my Fauji Cornflakes in my Nurpur milk, which i paid for through my account in Askari Bank, I’m shocked and appalled by these people dragging the Pak army into everything.
DG ISPR Asif Ghafoor says It is unfortunate to drag Army in every matter. Protesters and government should sit and resolve it together.
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I want to be this level of besharam in my life.
بجلی کی لوڈشیڈنگ شروع اور دیہی علاقوں میں ڈیزل کی کمی کی اطلاعات۔ امپورٹڈ حکومت سے معاملات بلکل سنبھل نہیں رہے۔
اوپر سے IMF سے وعدہ کر دیا امپورٹڈ سرکار نے کہ پٹرول ،ڈیزل اور بجلی کی قیمت میں بڑا اضافہ کریں گے۔ اس سے معیشت کو شدید جھٹکا لگے گا اور شرح ترقی پہ منفی اثر پڑے گا۔
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This is awful news for the 5 people in Pakistan who were going to watch Total Dhamaal.
In light of the current situation the team of Total Dhamaal has decided to not release the film in Pakistan.
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Shaukat Tarin red line timeline:
1997: Nawaz Sharif is our red line
2002: Musharraf is our red line
2008: Zardari is our red line
2022: IK is our red line
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A decision on vote recounting was to take place at 9am. The judge arrived late. Military personnel prevented lawyers from entering the court. The judge is now there and deliberating on whether the recount should take place. I was sent this video.
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This thread is called “ye ghalat bande ke saath badmashi kur rahe hain.”
We start with this clip.
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We had two choices today, do politics or crystal meth.
We chose meth.
کانپیں ٹانگ رہی ہیں
PTI MPAs protested in sindh assembly today
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My wife after I eat all the cookies:
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We all know that Sabir Shakir is the most stupid man on TV, but this is beyond stupid.
Mariam is my sister-in-law.
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I’m really glad that the Rs. 55/km helicopter is being used to transport celebrities to Kashmir now.
On our way to Kashmir on Prime Minister Imran Khan’s call. Will be joining him at his big jalsa today in solidarity with our brothers and sisters of Kashmir
#KashmirSolidarityJalsa
#IStandWithKashmir
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I’d love to see him go and do this in an army general’s house. They also have swimming pools, squash courts and rabbits in their houses btw.
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When you arrive late for iftari and find out Haider ate all the pakoras.
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Literally every IK speech:
1. I am against krrupt
2. We are pioneers of smart lockdown
3. Mein
4. Madinah kee Riyasat
5. Inaccurate history lecture
6. Mein
7. I am against mafias
8. Mein
9. No one knows western culture better than me
10. Madinah kee Riyasat
11. Mein
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The previous Prime Minister was literally flying F-16s and attack helicopters, but Imran Khan walks and its Hollywood tabdeeli.
And here is the Prime Minister of Pakistan Imran Khan
I always wanted to see a Hollywoodish picture of a Pakistani PM!
Who else but Imran Khan even at the age of 65 could be seen walking/running in the morning flanked by his security detail...
I love this tabdeeli 😁💃
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Thank you all for the concern and prayers. My father is doing well apart from a mild fever.
He will be on a few of the 8pm shows if he can figure out how to use Skype.
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The Turkish actress who we are trying to bring back to Islam is the same one who took down Priyanka Chopra a few months ago. MashAllah sister.
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According to reports from Murree (NA-57), the recounting process was stopped by “unknown persons”. They tried to forcibly take away the ballot boxes, but PML-N supporters gathered outside the court to protest. Several military personnel have arrived as seen in this video.
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This guy is a national embarrassment. Clearly willing to do anything for some cheap publicity.
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ChatGPT passes the CSS. ChatGPT is now Assistant Commissioner ChatGPT. AC ChatGPT is now seen wandering around in a suit with a photographer closing down milk shops. AC ChatGPT has a fight with DC sb. ChatGPT is transferred to establishment division.
ChatGPT passes MBA as well as USMLE.
Can it pass CSS? I bet not.
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PAF spokesman confirms that Wing Commander Nauman Akram, OC 9 Squadron, has embraced shahadat in the crash today.
He was considered the best pilot in the PAF and had recently flown Gen. Bajwa in an F-16.
Inna lillahi wa inna ilahi rajiun.
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These trolls are so embarrassing when they have to come out and talk in real life 😭
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Today marks the 21st anniversary of Sheikh Rashid fleeing the country in fear as Pakistan was about to conduct a nuclear test.
Aap sub ko Youm-e-Sheeda-Farrar mubarak.
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I disagree. I think we should adopt a one-party system, make Imran Khan Supreme Leader and become the People’s Republic of Pakistan. It’s the only way forward Hamza bhai.
I am beginning to feel tht PAKISTAN needs Presidential system to get rid of the powerful MNA/MPA influence, abolition of large Provinces & Administrative Divisions made into smaller Provinces with powerful/empowered directly elected local body Governments.
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Fawad sb has sent himself to the washroom permanently.
لوٹے اب اسمبلی کیلئے بیکار ہو گئے صرف واش روم میں رکھے جائینگے #امپورٹڈ_حکومت_نامنظور
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Ifti Chacha is unplayable. He has 5 variations:
1. The one that drifts in straight
2. The one that looks like it’s going to spin but goes straight.
3. The straighter one
4. Arm ball
5. The mystery straighter one
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Man went flying in shalwar kameez 😂😂
Former Prime Minister Shahid Khaqan Abbassi taking it to the skies after historic win in Lahore.
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The latest is that several of our suppporters will stay overnight in Murree outside the court. Recounting will begin at 8am tomorrow morning.
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However, his greatest accomplishment was having a son named Haider who would grow up and join Twitter and one day interact with you and tell you that you are a completely worthless fool anonymously trolling people on the internet who will amount to nothing.
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There has been a continuous propaganda campaign against the LNG contract and terminals by 2-3 TV anchors and so-called energy experts who are completely clueless on the matter.
In this thread I will I debunk their nonsense.
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Yes sir. You would know best. No one has used the Indian card more than you.
Gharida Ji, Unfortunately "Indian Card" is dead in Pakistani politics! This lemon has been squeezed by all of us so many times that now not a drop is left! Let's think creatively to find another bogeyman! I have an idea: Imran is being supported by"Martians", Trump & Kenya!
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Sir, in the last 10 years you have been part of 4 different political parties.
If these guys are besharam, what does that make you?
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Unbelievable that this is from the BBC. That briefcase contains a bulletproof shield, not nuclear launch codes.
"Officer carrying briefcase that holds Pakistan's nuclear codes."
Wait, what? 😳
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I’ve just read an article that there are only 150-200 Himalayan Brown Bears left in Pakistan. This makes me very sad. I had friend in high school who we used to call Bhaloo and even he left Pakistan and went abroad.
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I am extremely thankful to Nelson Khandela for going to jail for 3 days all those years ago. Khandela’s Short Walk to Freedom has inspired millions of us.
Remember, he could have been living a comfortable life, but we went to jail for 3 days for all of us.
For the record, 23 yrs ago we were the first Party to advocate an independent Judiciary and Rule of Law. In 2007, PTI was in the forefront of the Movement for Independence of the Judiciary & I was jailed for it.
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Yesterday
@SKhaqanAbbasi
watched one of those “thug life” videos of himself someone made.
He didn’t get it.
“Why am I wearing a gold chain and smoking?”
😂😂
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To put into context Arshad Nadeem’a achievement: only 23 people in the history of the sport have thrown a javelin over 90 meters.
Arshad’s thrown is 22nd on the list.
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True. Sometimes I go downstairs and they are there.
Islamabad is so small that you can casually just bump into Miftah and Shahid Khaqan in the same day
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Imran Khan tells people they must pay income tax. It’s the responsibility of all citizens. Big taxpayers are VIPs.
Meanwhile, from the top 10 taxpayers of 2018 6 people are on the ECL and 5 have NAB cases against them.
1 of them
@SKhaqanAbbasi
is in NAB jail.
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Please retweet for awareness.
1 RT = 1 Laanat on
@ImranKhanPTI
Let me make clear that our movement for Haqeeqi Azadi will continue alongside our flood relief work.
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Shah Mehmood Qureshi says he was in Zulfikar Ali Bhutto’s PPP, but he was actually in PML-N in 1986...
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Shah Mehmood Qureshi a few weeks ago: “I will not travel first class, I will only travel business class.”
Shah Mehmood Qureshi now: “By business class I meant the PM’s private jet. Ask Fawad, he’ll tell you the cost/km.”
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Fauji Foundation has appointed a civilian as MD/CEO.
Civilian supremacy has finally been achieved 😂
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My brother graduated from Oxford yesterday.
Well done, Nader. This video though 😂😂
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Wajbro the biggest clown in Pakistani journalism.
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The government should award Arshad Nadeem the Sitara-i-Imtiaz on August 14. It would be a well deserved recognition of one of the greatest achievements by a Pakistani athlete.
@CMShehbaz
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Esra Bilgic is now the brand ambassador for a housing society, a telco and a clothing brand in Pakistan. The holy trifecta is complete.
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Remembering my grandfather Khaqan Abbasi shaheed today on his death anniversary. He was a remarkable man who left behind an incredible legacy.
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Since Mehr Bokhari and PTI trolls are spreading false propaganda about 6 Maybachs that were ordered by PM House let me just clarify that the PM does not order these cars. In fact, SKA hated the Maybachs so much he refused to use them while PM.
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Eva Zu Beck had 17k followers on Instagram in Aug 2018. Then Chairman NAB “took notice” of her for wearing a Pak flag in a video for PIA.
Today she has 263k Instagram followers.
This is the only useful thing Chairman NAB has done in his life.
Pakistan can become the
#1
Travel Destination in the World says Eva zu Beck while exploring
#BeautifulPakistan
🇵🇰.
Video credits:
@evabiankaz
Link to full video:
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My friend
@FJavedAbbasi
has pledged Rs. 10 per Insaafian hate tweet against me towards PM Flood Relief fund.
Alhamdulillah Rs. 10,000 accumulated so far.
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This is not a headline you want to see on 16 December...
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Kohli pressured the umpire into giving a no ball. This is some high level bullshit.
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Why did Hogwarts Lahore campus invite Lord Voldemort to speak?
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Babar and M Rizwan’s batting has destroyed our t20 side. These 2 are responsible for most of our problems.
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IftiMania: a condition resulting in abnormally elevated, extreme changes in your emotions and energy level caused by watching Iftikhar Ahmad bat.
@IftiAhmed221
#IftiMania
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Imported Worries Namanzoor
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Reminder that getting 0 seats is a million times better than sitting on seats that don’t belong to you.
دو نشستیں یہ جماعت نکال نہیں سکے گی تو وڈی انقلابی جماعت بنائی ھے۔
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Actually, Pakistan will never have a proper space program because NAB would take notice of billions of losses cost to national exchequer and file a reference against some scientists.
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He figured out Skype.
Thank you all for the concern and prayers. My father is doing well apart from a mild fever.
He will be on a few of the 8pm shows if he can figure out how to use Skype.
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My favorite moment of PTI’s 2 years was when Imran Khan went around announcing that we have discovered the largest oil and gas reserves in Pakistan’s history and the educated support base of PTI on social media were acting like IK had dug the well himself.
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To expose how far these guys are willing to stretch the truth, here
@MalickViews
says the 2 LNG terminals earn Rs. 330 billion per year.
The total contract for 15 years for both terminals is not even worth Rs. 330 billion.
Lies caught on video in your own show.
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Later he defied a military dictator and refused to cooperate with him.
He was then a professor at a university.
He then founded an airline.
He then became an MNA again.
Then he became petroleum minister and revolutionised Pakistan’s energy landscape.
He then became PM.
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A very unfortunate fact is that
@ImranKhanPTI
has no knowledge of energy. This was clear when he said in one of his speeches that people in KP dig wells and instead of water they start getting gas.
As a result he believes everything guys like Nadeem Babar tell him.
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And when your grandchildren ask you why Haider did this to you, tell them that dada was a fool.
Kthanksbye.
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Narendra Modi has decided to withdraw Indian troops from occupied Kashmir after seeing the giant photo of Ali Amin Gandapur on constitution avenue.
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Alhamdulillah, just bought 1000 boxes of Cocomo. InshAllah Ismail Industries will be bigger than Hershey’s in a few years.
Just went grocery shopping. Saw cocomo on a lower shelf, I put a few packets of plain chips in front. Man who ruined our economy and business doesn't deserve to have his own business thrive 😤
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On this Imran Khan helicopter issue:
1. PTI trolls attacked the person who initially reported it and accused him of lying.
2. Now they have come up with an elaborate story of how flying from PM House to Bani Gala every day is actually cheaper than going by car.
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I am with my hypocrite PM on this. Since this is the same argument we were making a year ago. It only took our hypocrite PM a year to realize that. The greatest u-turn of them all.
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Usman Dar is the same guy who has a fake MBA degree from Schiller International University.
So of course in Naya Pakistan he was made Special Assistant on Youth Affairs to teach our youth how to get fake degrees.
کاغذی شیر احتساب کے شکنجے میں آ کر ڈھیر ہو چکے۔
شاہد خاقان عباسی کہا کرتے تھے ہمت ہے تو گرفتار کریں پروڈکشن آرڈرز کیلئے اسپیکر سے نہیں کہوں گا، اور آج کہہ رہے ہیں اسپیکر تھانیدار ہے پروڈکشن آرڈر ممبرانِ پارلیمنٹ کا حق ہے جو مجھے نہیں دیا جا رہا۔
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“Spoke with Afghan President.”
“Spoke with Pakistan army chief.”
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I genuinely hope Faisal Vawda’s own gun misfires and blows a hole in his bum.
شاہد خاقان عباسی جلد گرفتار ہو جائیں گے، ’کیپیٹل ٹاک‘ میں فیصل واؤڈا کی گفتگو
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