Grant
@Grant_Colgate
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Following
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Statuses
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#LoveBullyรักให้ร้ายตอนจบ
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ENGLOT Club Friday FinalEP
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Supreme Court
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#ドンキマジ超感謝祭
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पूर्ण गुरु
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True Guru Sant Rampal Ji
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Megan
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Jill
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SCOTUS
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Chevron
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글래스톤베리
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UP POOM RECONCILE
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#ガルクラ
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ルックバック
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phil
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vernon
• 44929 Tweets
ガールズバンドクライ
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#ساعه_استجابه
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キングダム
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審神者証
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$BUNNY
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Odanz
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Grimes
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Grants Pass
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Jeezy
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Gabigol
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Carney
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Pinned Tweet
If there has ever been a better picture taken than this egg ghost that’s scared of its own yellow egg boobs, I’m yet to see it.
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I’m such a child. All the neighbours see which bin I put out on bin day as I’m the first up and about so I took the brown bin out, waited while they all took their brown bins out and went to work then I sneaked ours back in and put the proper green bin out. Psychological warfare.
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North and South are going to fight. North will win especially if it’s winter, we’re tougher. You can even fetch your Dads, we aren’t arsed.
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Can you imagine being told to stay in if you’re over 50 as you’re classed as vulnerable yet you’re deemed fit enough to work until you’re nearly 70 in order to receive your pension.
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Didn’t have my glasses on so I couldn’t read the smaller writing, I just thought, wow, what a cool name.
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You southern folk regarding dinner/supper/ lunch whatever. We had Dinner Ladies at school not Lunch Ladies. Now let that be the end of it. While I’m on one, supper isn’t a meal it’s two of those biscuits with cows on them and a glass of milk and you only get that if you’re good.
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@Thenorthernlad7
@MikeyCycling
It doesn’t matter whos right or wrong, if the cyclist wants to joust with a car they are going to have a short career. The car should give way but the cyclist should see what’s coming. And I’m a cyclist.
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The chances of me sending my lad to school on June 1st are less than zero. Fine me what you want, send me to jail, he ain’t going. The same people who put a ‘protective ring’ round Care Homes are telling me schools are safe. Suck my plums.
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Trying to recruit and a guy has just contacted me but he wants to be paid cash in hand as he doesn’t want to pay the CSA for his kids. Mate, your character is flawed, don’t ring me again. 🤷🏻♂️
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A couple of friends have lost their son this weekend and donated his organs, which in turn has saved/prolonged 8 other individuals lives, one being a very young child. Can’t praise them highly enough. Quality.
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@ryanmichler
Put 4lbs on.
Spent about £1.80
Trained the dog to smell my balls when I shout ‘cock’
Moved my morning ablution time from 8.20am to approx 12.30pm but it takes me two goes to clear out.
Got about 8 new followers and 2 of those are real people.
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My Mam died 9 years ago today, I took her her to the the coast just before she died in my convertible and she made me come home with the roof down but she’d lost her hair so she had to hold her wig on. She was daft me Mam, proper funny.
@BeverleyDaigle
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I piss about on here and all my comments are tongue in cheek but I’m on my way to a meeting with the lads to tell them they have no worries financially, we employers need to remember who made us the money we have/earn and remember that we are a team. Look after each other 👊
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Just been reading about triple cooked chips like it’s something new, my Mam invented them in 1978. Cooked once for my Dads dinner, warmed up again when he was late home from the club and warmed up again when they’d finished arguing.
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Just found out that my feet are Greek. Nothing makes sense anymore.
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Just found out that a women I occasionally converse with on here is actually a middle aged bald man 😂😂😂😂😂 Twitter is awesome, the weirder the better.
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@Charbrevolution
You’ve taken your mask off on a plane love, it’s not exactly jumping in front of a race horse is it.
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Although this may be an unpopular opinion (it’s still right though) chocolate at room temperature is inedible. It must come from the fridge, if not the freezer. Them’s the rules.
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When they say tier 3 would be catastrophic for London it just makes you thankful that tier 3 isn’t that serious up here in Leeds, Wakefield and Manchester etc. Must get worse as it goes down the M1.
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Two years ago today since I came home to find a duck buried up to its neck in my garden. I dug it out and took to the village pond where it still lives with its girlfriend. I don’t understand it either but it happened.
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Anybody else hold their breath for ages when they walk past people.
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Isn’t shock a weird thing? I’ve never had it but the young girl who smashed her car into mine was in a right state, shaking, crying. She’s ok now, took her some flowers to cheer her up. Poor bugger.
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I hope the HS2 goes ahead, we could do with some of you Londoners up here, if you’ll pay a tenner for cornflakes in Shoreditch you’ll pay fifty quid for a Yorkshire pudding in Leeds. We’ll all be able to buy second caravans in Filey within six months.
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Just read that Rebekah Vardy and Coleen Rooney have got blank cheques for their legal teams in their upcoming court battles. Just give the money to charity and stop being fannies of have a fight on pay per view and send that to charity.
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First Day At Work Afternoon Update - Both lads set to smash the current ‘Least Time Spent Awake In A Working Day’ World Record. Solid effort 😂😂😂
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Quite admire that young girl banging on about climate change, when was her age I was putting fag ash in Merrydown cider because Tommy Clenton told us it got you pissed quicker.
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6/6 so they took her trolley off her and booted her out. Now she’s barred. The moral of the story is if you ever fancy nipping out for a pork pie, don’t. Get Weetabix.
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I had to touch a stranger today for the first time in three and a bit weeks. A lady fell off her bike on a canal towpath into some nettles so I went to pick her up, we both agreed on a social distance ceasefire to enable extraction. Poor old girl.
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How good is this??? A tattooist in America specialises in corrective work. This fella lost the ends of fingers in an accident. Awesome.
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Please Kier Starmer, ring in sick for PMQs and let Angela Rayner loose on Liz Truss 🤞
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When your lad has been playing his Xbox until 3am and getting up at dinner time for 6 months and you have to get him up and make him have his breakfast and get a shower at 7am it makes for a really nice and pleasant atmosphere. Everyone seems so ‘happy’. 😩
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Taking my lad for an op. You can cut me in half and I wouldn’t be arsed but not my lad 😞
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We’d strike at night by stealth, we’d smell your cauldrons of couscous and Jo Malone candles while we are fuelled on roadkill and acorns.
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How did you all get your names? I was named after a Government handout.
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I like Katie Price, she’s a grafter who’s had a real go at getting on. She deserves way better than she gets.
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Heard someone on the news saying they can’t cancel this 4 day Christmas thing as the food is already in the freezer? Do they know how freezers work? We’ve still got stuff in our freezer from the Silver Jubilee that we didn’t cook as my Dad was late home from the club.
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If anybody’s selling any boxing gloves please let me know, not arsed about boxing I just want to make it harder to pick up stuff from the fridge.
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People queuing outside Primark puzzle me. If you’ve managed with the clothes you’ve got for the last three months, why would you rush out today for a pair of eight quid leggings???
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Woken up to DM from a stranger saying I’m crass as I bought a coat in a sale with my money, on my profile, she says she can’t pay her bills. So I popped on her profile. Weekends away, swanky meals out, wine bars and five star holidays booked in September 🧐 Not judging.
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Reminds me of when I slipped on the conditioner on holiday in Tenerife and brought the shower curtain down.
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My mate a couple of doors down has just told me his dogs died. We took his dog up all the hills with us, the lad has climbed them all. Gave him a big hug and he just wept. They are like kids aren’t they 😢
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Just been to the shop for some milk. None in. I go on a semi intellectual rant about the vagaries of Brexit, Covid, the lack of HGV drivers and the retreat of foreign workers. The young lass listened to my diatribe and then politely informed me that the fridge was broken.
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Dreading the end of lockdown not because I’m scared of the virus it’s because I really like lockdown, it suits me down to the ground. Don’t need clothes, don’t need to drink cocktails, don’t need to go to the cinema to watch pathetic films like The Irishman. Me and my fig rolls.
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The face of a chap about to drive to Scunthorpe for a holiday. If you look closely you can see the enthusiasm seeping out of me.
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These dog walkers are looking over my fence like they’ve never seen a naked man sat on his patio drinking tea listening to Depeche Mode on his earphones at 7.20am before. Weirdos.
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We’ll be a cohesive unit too as we talk to each other. You southerners will just run about like headless chickens, on your own. You’ll just get picked off and we’ll eat you and make lampshades out of your skin.
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Just found out that there are 48 million Kangaroos in Australia and the population of Uruguay is 3,457,380 so if the Kangaroos invaded Uruguay each Uruguayan would have to fight 14 kangaroos. Let that sink in while you have your dinner.
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Cut my hair like an OAP to make sure I stay in. Eyebrows in two days.
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I’m being harassed by
@GLB_88
for saying we carved Turnips for Halloween not Pumpkins. I didn’t see a pumpkin until I was in my 30’s, anyone else use Turnips???
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Pressing 1471 on the microwave to see who used it last, is the level of boredom I’ve reached.
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Watching The Beekeeper. Jason Statham takes a risk and changes genre. He plays a quiet retired guy who falls foul of the bad guys. Unbeknown to the bad guys he’s ex special forces. You may think that this sounds like every other film he’s made but it’s not. He’s got bees.
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Woken up on the settee with an aching back and our Chesters balls in my face. Our Chester is my dog obviously, not a cousin or anything. He’s a Shih Tzu so we named him after a shit zoo, true story. I wanted to call him Flamingo Land.
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It’s difficult to comprehend how men can act the way they do when you’ve been brought up to be respectful to women but here we are again. Listen to the women, teach your sons and call out your pals.
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Flicking through a box of After Eight mints like a massive DJ.
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I appreciate that I’m in a minority of one but I can’t abide anything to do with or the concept of Love Island. The very worse of television.
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Can anybody see this? I deactivated and it’s says I’ve wiped everyone off 🤷🏻♂️
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There must be 100 cars waiting for a Big Mac. Kill me now, what kind of idiot queues up for a Big Mac. In an unrelated question, how long does it take 99 cars to go through a drive through?
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Bit swollen, bit numb, but there you go. Nice and natural, not too white, not too perfect. Just what I ordered.
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Can you remember the original Big Brother when you’d turn the telly on at 4am and watch Craig and Nasty Nick asleep for a bit. Superb.
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I’ve just been paid in eggs for helping someone out and it’s made me feel like I live in a muddy, medieval village with ducks running about under the watchful eye of a surly squire who’s hard, yet fair. Or something.
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Where are we all going when this malarkey is over. I fancy Mexico. Or Iceland. Or Cornwall. Probably end up in Dubai which is basically the Trafford Centre with the radiators turned up full knacker.
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When I was a kid my Dad told me that I was rolling about with no clothes on as a baby, on the rug in front of the fire and the Rent Man came in, pointed at me and said “how much do you want for the bulldog pup”. I used to hide behind the sideboard. Stayed with me for years.
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Don’t want to unduly worry you but there was a plague in 1720, Cholera outbreak in 1820 and The Spanish Flu in 1920. All probably coincidental.
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Well that went wrong. Pulls up at the Farm Shop and a woman opens her car door against mine. Whoa love you’ll scratch it! “Fuck Off you dickhead I didn’t touch it” But you did. “I’ll show you what hitting a car doors like” and she did, three more times while I stood and 1/2
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Sad to hear about the passing of Dave Myers, he spent a week with us on a big job, lovely bloke and he even did a feature on us in his programme. Real shame.
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Just found out that one of the lads on next weeks trip is a full on flat earthier conspiracy theorists who gets irrationally angry when challenged, am I going to have fun with this lad. 😂
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We’ll have Sean Beans head fashioned from coal held aloft whilst we shout “BASTARD” every 100 yards. 👊👊👊👊👊
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My Scot mates may not agree but I’d have Nicola Sturgeon all day long rather than our shower of shite.
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That’s either a lovely sunrise or there’s a burning Cortina behind the old pit houses.
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Seen a few posts about only 388 without underlying health conditions under 60 dying of Covid. It’s perfectly acceptable now to die if you have asthma, diabetes, gout, split ends, dandruff. People are fucking vile.
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It’s nearly time for the awkward mindless chat with the barber. He calls me ‘dude’ and stuff. He also regularly states that he’s ‘buzzin’. He also stops cutting hair to enable the aforementioned ‘bantz’. He also calls gel and that mousse stuff ‘product’. Kill me now.
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Are they really asking us to make appointments for A&E??? I’d like to book in a broken arm and a Nutribullet stuck up my arse a week on Friday please.
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Had an immediate family member in hospital for the last 6 weeks with Covid, had two end of life visits and fingers crossed they are down to a couple of litres of oxygen and home this week. Ups and downs all the way. A very, very strange virus. Don’t catch it if you can help it.
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January and February are going to be awesome in this country, everyone locked down apart from pensioners, off their tits on vaccine flying up down on their scooters to the bingo till all hours, laughing their heads off at the youngsters.
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Just dropped on a thread about the Nightingale Hospitals and some cranks saying everything is a scam and they’ve been dismantled. Mate, I literally had lads working on the roof on the Manchester one last week. No, it’s been dismantled. Oh ok 🤷🏻♂️
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The French aren’t messing about, if you’re not jabbed by August no pubs/restaurants/buses, nothing unless you have a test each time at 50 euros a pop. Healthcare professionals who aren’t jabbed won’t receive a salary. Macron says we stayed in last time, now you’re staying in 😳
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Prom lads. Nipping Vodka in the van before they drink Ribena with the teachers.
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I can’t weigh people up who get hung about immigration and people moving around. We are all born on bits of mud and rock separated by big puddles. I don’t get why people are so hung up on ‘their’ bit of mud.
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Please tell me that I haven’t just read that MP’s can claim an extra ten grand on expenses for working from home during this crisis. I despise them. All of them.
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I’m at my wits end with this place, you put a clearly sarcastic post on and ‘people’ jump on it. Get a life you thick twats I’m done with it.
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Woke up to a message from Sylvia in Ghana looking for love and a serious relationship. Let me have a cuppa first Sylvia before we take things any further love.
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I’ll be extraordinarily sad to leave this place in three days, for the first time in my life I’ve felt completely relaxed. Won’t be long before I’m back ❤️
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If I don’t get the chance I’d like to wish you all Happy Xmas personally, not that copy and pasted shite.
Happy Xmas 2018, you’re the best gymnastics group ever.
Helen x
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@aubrey_huff
I would suggest that the child of the single mother has had a lucky escape at not having you as the stepfather and hopefully will have a better role model to learn from.
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Probably my last post on the whole dental tourism escapade. Loved it, loved every single second of it. If you want to and you can, do it. Book it today, it’s absolutely brilliant from start to finish. Go on your own too, remember who you are.
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My worse nightmare. I’m sat with ‘bill splitters’. I only had one potatoe, I only had two sausages. Wtf.
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We don’t look after the Gurkhas, we don’t look after the Afghans that helped us and we don’t look after our own soldiers. Not 100% convinced who the enemy is here.
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Come on Jezza just call him a stupid lying wankpot and trash the joint.
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I’m not much of a Royalist but you can’t not like Prince William can you. He seems like a good chap.
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