Dave Merritt
@GoldenSeals
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1,787
Following
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songwriter / game show host / invented reggae
Ottawa
Joined October 2009
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Pinned Tweet
I DID NOT KNOW THIS: All members of Straw Temple Pilots and Wood Temple Pilots were killed by a wolf.
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I don’t see enough love for this beautiful bastard. He’s 82. Someone get him on the phone & thank him. Tell him he’s great, that he made our lives better.
- Rainbow Connection
- Close to You
- We’ve Only Just Begun
- Rainy Days and Mondays
- Evergreen
- Love Boat lyrics
- etc.
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Guess where the oldest continually-running general store in North America is? WRONG! It’s in Pakenham, ON, where it’s been since the 1840s. Their sticky buns are internationally-renowned, but today I went for the only true butter tart there is. Raisin haters will be blocked.
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Damn.
The B-52's on SNL, January 26, 1980. Incredible.
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Why is it called a bookmark and not a pagemark? I know where the book is.
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Top 5 Worst Video Games:
5. Honky Kong
4. Grand Theft Autotune
3. Mimecraft
2. Super Mario Batali
1. Fartnite
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@kellyoxford
The only thing I’m interested in flattening right now is the curve, motherfuckers. REMOVE!
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TOP 5 WORST MEDIEVAL ROCK SONGS:
5. I’m in Love With My Cart
4. Born on the Bayeux Tapestry
3. When I’m Thirty-Four
2. TIE: Cuts Like a Broadaxe/We Will Stone You
1. Smells Like Byzantine Spirit
#Top5Worst
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My doctor said my blood sugar is quite high, and I said that’s odd, because my sex magik is quite low.
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TOP 5 WORST FILM GUMS:
5. Big Red Dawn
4. Dubble Indemnity Bubble
3. Freedent Willy
2. Mementos
1. The Spearmint of St. Louis
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TOP 5 WORST BANDS FROM THE MIDDLE EAST:
5. The Dubai Brothers
4. 4 Lebanon Blondes
3. Yemen Without Hats
2. ABBA Dhabi
1. Tehran Tehran
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@LoopEmma
@politico
@AlexThomp
@TinaSfon
This is me just backing out of the driveway to get groceries.
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Best band in America, 40+ years running. Still not in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, which means that institution is pretty much garbage. And has there been a better side project than Latin Playboys? Doubt it.
@LosLobosBand
Dream in Blue via
@YouTube
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Top 5 Worst Musical Gas Stations:
5. Let It BP
4. Pulling Mussels From the Shell
3. American Pioneer
2. TIE: Chalk Circle K/Esso Lonely
1. Life on Ultramars?
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Is there a more underrated and under-appreciated band than Los Lobos? A more overlooked genius album than this album? If all you know is La Bamba, I feel bad for you, son/daughter/you.
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No 75-year-old should be able to sing like Nick Lowe can. Pitch-perfect, ridiculous control, tone smoother than the best Barolo you've ever tasted. Didn't think he could top last year's set in Iceland, but he did it. My hero. Truth: some of the best songs ever written are his.
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@ThatEricAlper
I had no idea that Whitney Houston’s version of the Star-Spangled Banner was actually a cover of a Jimi Hendrix song.
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I DID NOT KNOW THIS: Apparently, the people who built the pyramids didn’t get paid unless they each found ten other people to also build pyramids.
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Invented the Meat Likers pizza last night. Almost identical to the Meat Lovers, but with a little less meat.
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TOP 5 WORST WAR FILMS:
5. Bridge on the Jamiroquai
4. The Thin Red Line Dance
3. AutoPlatune
2. Patton (Oswalt)
1. Torah! Torah! Tori Spelling!
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Top 5 Worst Punk Sitcoms:
5. Blackish Flag
4. Everybody Loves Ramones
3. Green Acres Day
2. Head of the Clash
1. Hüsker Dügie Howser, M.D.
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@Stanford
The neighbour was told that every time he pushed the button, Paul would get a fatal shock.
It was a Milgrom Experiment.
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Top 5 Worst Paul Simon Sitcoms:
5. Will & Graceland
4. How I Met Your Mother and Child Reunion
3. You Can Call Me Alice
2. Late in the Evening Shade
1. I Am a 30 Rock
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Once again a comedian serves up the sweetest truth and social commentary. Please watch to the end for the full outrage.
“Seriously I can just come out and say it? Call him a liar?” asks
@JonathanPieNews
, a fictional broadcast reporter created and performed by comedian Tom Walker, in a satirical video about Britain’s Prime Minister.
“God bless America.”
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TOP 5 WORST CANADIAN WINES:
5. Brunello Gerussi
4. Merlowest of the Merlot
3. Vino Vanelli
2. Baco-Turner Overdrive
1. Grenache the Slash
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TOP 5 WORST COMIC STRIP MUSICIANS:
5. Marmaduke Ellington
4. Sammy Hägar the Horrible
3. Dilbert O'Sullivan
2. TIE: Life in Helen Reddy / Sly and the Family Circus
1. A.C./B.C.
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Top 5 Worst Fast Food Musicians:
5. Starbuck Owens
4. Taco Bell and Sebastian
3. Terence Trent Arby's
2. Reverend Tim Horton's Heat
1. Big Fleetwood Mac
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@JasonIsbell
Please be advised that I will be using "can't do it with your hands and you can't do it with your money" for something in the near future. Not sure what yet. Maybe at the family reunion. But thanks a million.
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Top 5 Worst Quebec Bands:
5. Jethro Hull
4. Chicoutimi Mom and Morgenthaler
3. Rimouski, Martin & Wood
2. The Drummondvillage People
1. Sherbrookes & Dunn
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I DID NOT KNOW THIS: Steve Mnuchin once worked at Goldman Sachs as a mnortgage broker.
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@timandfriends
@HabfanI
@AlphonsoDavies
It can't be overstated--John Herdman is a soccer genius. This team has incredible talent, but they also have the best coach possible.
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Tonight, I’m thinking of
@hockeyesque
& his ace book about Gordon. I think it was Jimmy Webb who called “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" the greatest true ballad ever written. It haunted me as a kid. Playing that song with Rheostatics on the shores of Superior…what a dream.
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RIGHT NOW: It's too hot to do anything
3 MONTHS FROM NOW: It's too cold to do anything
3 YEARS FROM NOW: I'm too old to do anything
3 HOURS FROM NOW: I'm too drunk to do anything
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I think Oasis played The Mirage once, but it’s hard to know for certain.
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TOP 5 WORST GRAMMAR ROCK SONGS:
5. Comma Chameleon
4. Up the Conjunction
3. Synonym Girl
2. TIE: Metaphor Strong Winds/London Colon
1. Both Sides Noun
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Top 5 Worst Canadian Superheroes:
5. Supermanitoba
4. Dr. Strange Advance
3. Black Widow & the Rodeo Kings
2. TIE: Thor-old/The Red Green Lantern
1. Hulk Barn
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Rob Reiner’s first 7 films as director:
1. This Is Spinal Tap (‘84)
2. The Sure Thing (‘85)
3. Stand By Me (‘86)
4. The Princess Bride (‘87)
5. When Harry Met Sally (‘89)
6. Misery (‘90)
7. A Few Good Men (‘92)
In 9 years, all of them at least really good, 4 all-timers. Man…
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TOP 5 WORST FONT ROCK SONGS:
5. Time After Times New Roman
4. I Shot the Serif
3. Highway to Helvetica
2. Ahead By Old Century
1. Goudy Vibrations
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It's intolerable to have a fucking moron as a provincial leader for one minute, let alone two terms. Way to go, neighbours. You suck. He sucks. You suck. Ontario sucks. I'm embarrassed. Don't talk to me. Don't look at me. I will work my ass off to help those you fuckers won't.
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Top 5 Worst Musician Comedies:
5. Bob Marley & Me
4. Rush-more
3. When Harry Nilsson Met Ssally
2. The Wedding Present Crashers
1. TIE: Annie Hall & Oates/I Love You, Manfred Mann
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TOP 5 WORST CHILDREN’S BOOKS:
5. Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret Thatcher
4. Goodnight, Warren Moon
3. Curious George Wallace
2. TIE: The Mark Gruffalo / Guess How Much I Love U2?
1. Marjorie Taylor Greene’s Eggs on Hannity
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TOP 5 WORST JAZZ AILMENTS:
5. Herpes Hancock
4. Jockitch Pastorius
3. Thelonious Mumps
2: TIE: Elephantiasis Gerald / Low Sperm Count Basie
1. Gene Croup
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I’ve said many times on here that the Born Fighters doc is the best chronicle of what it’s like to make a rock record, & now that I think about it, I’m right. Goddammit, this is how you do it. 27-year-old Nick Lowe. Dave’s 33. Crazy-good harmonies, at the same time. First take?
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I just paid 60 bucks for this Beatles White Album T-shirt, and I feel pretty good about it.
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Top 5 Worst Bruce Springsteen Food Songs:
5. The Liver
4. The Toast of Tom Joad
3. Corn in the U.S.A.
2. TIE: Steak Trooper/Streets of Philadelphia Cream Cheese
1. I'm On Fibre
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TOP 5 WORST RELIGIOUS MUSICIANS:
5. JC and the Sunshine Band
4. Mormon Greenbaum
3. Bon Jehovi’s Witnesses
2. TIE: Lutheran Vandross / Fleetwood Maccabee
1. Hüsker Deüteronomy
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TOP 5 WORST ROBERT DE NIRO BANDS:
5. Kings of Corleone
4. Smashing Pupkins
3. LaMotta the Hoople
2. TIE: The Bickles / The Irishman Rovers
1. Fokken
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I just saw XTC's "Dear God" on a list of "One-Hit Wonders From the 80s" and now my office is filled with broken furniture.
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I think “cutlery” should apply solely to knives. Forks and spoons should be “pokelery” and “scooplery” respectively.
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TOP 5 WORST PREQUELS:
5. Can’t Connect This French Stuff
4. Conceived on the 4th of October
3. Still a Lot of Mohicans
2. Just a Work Visa, Kane
1. There’s Wind, But Everything is Still Here
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Top 5 Worst Musical Rivers :
5. Yangtze Hotel Foxtrot
4. Steely Danube
3. Seine Clown Posse
2. Zambezi-E
1. Ganges of Four
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TOP 5 WORST SCIENCE BANDS:
5. Atom & the Ants
4. E=MC Hammer
3. Bunsen Burner Overdrive
2, Microscope + The Mechanics
1. Split Enzymes
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TOP 5 WORST FUNNY COUNTRIES:
5. Chuckleslovakia
4. Bulgaria Shandling
3. Curly, Larry and Mozambique
2. TIE: Niger Tufnel / Rwanda Sykes
1. Welcome Back, Qatar
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TOP 5 WORST BAND/BRAND SYNERGIES:
5. Taco Belle & Sebastian
4. The Boy George Foreman Grill™
3. Tom Petty & the Hartz Collars (kills both ticks and Flea)
2. TIE: Simply Red Lobster/Echo & the Energizer Bunnymen
1. Elvis Costco
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Everyone knows that Paul McCartney is one of the wealthiest musicians on the planet, but not many people are aware that much of his wealth comes not from music but from just one year of forgoing drive-thru coffee.
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Top 5 Worst Geography Songs:
5. Crimea River
4. TIE: Tundra My Thumb/Himalaya Down Sally
3. Do They Know It's Isthmus?
2. I Like Big Buttes
1. Marry Me, Archipelago
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Goddammit
As legendary musician Gordon Lightfoot was laid to rest this weekend, one loyal friend wouldn't leave his side...
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Last night, Nick Lowe played one of the best solo sets I’ve ever seen. At 74. Voice was perfection. Worth the trip to Iceland. To hear him & EC sing that number you know they both recorded? Wow. Did I tell Nick I named my beer cooler the Jesus of Coolers in his honour? Yes I did.
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Top 5 Worst Gluten Songs:
5. Eight Days of Wheat
4. I’m in Love With My Carbs
3. Little Bread Corvette
2. Give Pizza Chance
1. Donut Make My Brown Eyes Blue
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This is goddamned unbelievable. "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" is a first take, the first time the band had played the song all the way through.
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Top 5 Worst Currencies:
5. John Krugerrand Mellencamp
4. Dollar Parton
3. Jeff Pesos
2. Swiss Franc's Red Hot™
1. Yennifer Aniston
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TOP 5 WORST STATE SONGS:
5. Iowa Tiger
4. You’re So Maine
3. Why Don’t We Do It In The Rhode Island?
2. TIE: I Vermont You to Vermont Me / Connecticuts Like a Knife
1. Idaho Lotta Love
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TOP 5 WORST STATE SONGS:
5. Washington the Detectives
4. Every Day is a Winding Rhode Island
3. You Can Call Me Alabama
2. Kansas You Hear Me Knocking
1. You’re So Maine
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I think the Florida town with the best cabbage rolls, coffee and accordion players is probably Polka Raton.
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@wyntonmarsalis
I’m so sorry. Was just listening to his gorgeous playing on Harry’s version of “Stardust,” treating the greatest song ever written with the respect and empathy of a beautiful soul. Love to your whole family.
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Everything that’s ever happened on the Internet has been garbage until now.
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TOP 5 WORST FISH BANDS:
5. Salmon Dave
4. The Spencer Davis Grouper
3. Bonchovy
2. TIE: Skinny Guppy / Golden Herring
1. Collective Sole
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TOP 5 WORST BEERS:
5. IPA Lot
4. Morning After Pilsner
3. Mar-a-Lager
2. Amber Alert
1. Ail
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TOP 5 WORST MATH ROCK BANDS:
5. ABBAcus
4. Bell Curve and Sebastian
3. Humble Pi
2. TIE: Logarithm and Messina / Death Cab For Acute Angles
1. Venn Halen
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TOP 5 WORST RELIGIOUS MUSICIANS:
5. Mormon Greenbaum
4. Episcopal McCartney
3. Quran Quran
2. Buddha Guy
1. God Rundgren
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My beautiful old man died in his sleep 35 yrs ago 2day. First cig at age 7; worked up to 3 packs/day. Left lung removed 2 wks before he died, heart attack he couldn't feel 2 days before. I was heading home to see him that day. Last words were "I was just having the best dreams."
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Tonight in fucked up music economics, I have a last-minute, front row gallery seat for the Chicago Symphony Orchestra—100 of the best musicians on the planet—in one of the greatest venues ever built (by Burnham, a top 5 architect for me) for $38. What did you pay to see Metric?
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TOP 5 WORST CHRISTMAS MUSICIANS/BANDS V. 8
5. SLEIGHER
4. Santana Claus
3. Baby, It’s Coldplay Outside
2. TIE: Silent Night Ranger/Andy Partridge in a Pere Ubu
1. Rainedeer Maida Milking
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Top 5 Worst Retirement Home Bands:
5. The Strokes
4. Older Than Ezra
3. The Dentures (surf)
2. TIE: The Stray Cataracts/Incontinent Crows
1. Weird Alzheimer’s Yankovic
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