Kate Sloan (she/her)
@Girly_Juice
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📝 Sex writer 🎙 Podcaster (@TheDildorks + Making Magic) 📚 Author of 101 KINKY THINGS EVEN YOU CAN DO ☁️ https://t.co/FzX1YKzw0D
Toronto
Joined April 2012
Goodbye! I’ve moved on to bluer skies 🥰. You can find me at the URL in my display name, or on my various websites. I’ll be making announcements of new work here, but all the juicy/personal/silly/day-to-day stuff has moved to 💙☁️ – see you there!
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"Can I kiss you?" is an incredibly hot sentence and anyone who thinks it's impossible to ask for consent in a sexy way can fuck right off into the sun.
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Polyamory isn't "having your cake and eating it too," it's managing to bake more than one cake at a time through sheer skill and finesse, and then checking in with all the cakes continuously to make sure they're all okay with being eaten as part of a multi-cake feast.
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The forever-increasing censorship of sexual content on just about every platform is extremely concerning for anyone who cares about sex workers’ safety and livelihood, freedom of speech, and the free Internet.
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A man in my Instagram DMs is asking me whether "a woman could get addicted to a dildo instead of a man" and tbh, dildos never ask me questions like this, so maybe.
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When men blame their heinous acts on their lack of sexual success with women, it is a BAD TAKE to argue that things could’ve/would’ve been better if they’d hired a sex worker. The issue isn’t the sex itself, it’s the entitlement and violence wrapped up in toxic masculinity.
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Instead of saying “Don’t let your chronic pain stop you from doing things,” how ‘bout let’s have some compassion for people whose chronic pain stops them from doing things.
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CN: anti-sex work discourse. There’s a thread on /r/AskWomen right now about whether you would be okay with your partner subscribing to an OnlyFans creator and I am SHOCKED by the number of women who claim to have a “no porn whatsoever” boundary in their relationships.
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It continues to boggle the mind that there are men (incl. several in my mentions right now) who'll DEFEND TO THE DEATH their "right" to be oblivious, insensitive, callous assholes when it comes to consent. ~Whatever shall we DoOoOoO~ if we have to ~CHECK IN~ & ~RESPECT PEOPLE~??.
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Fanfiction is a marginalized medium because of its association with women and queer folks. It deserves far more study, praise, and consideration than it receives. Its influence on millennials' sexuality is, I would argue, on par with porn.
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btw, you know "Can I [x]?" isn't the only way to get consent, right? You know there are many, many ways – both verbal and nonverbal – to check if someone wants you to do something, right? Read this and start your journey toward being a better human, bros.
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Femme-on-femme flirting is just saying variations of “I love your outfit!” back and forth forever until you die.
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5 quick tips for overcoming your shitty male socialization:.1. Stop interrupting. When you do, apologize. 2. Ask “Do you want advice on this?” instead of just giving it. 3. Get consent for all sex things!!! It’s not hard!!!.4. Listen. 5. Remember: women are people. Just like you.
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I hate the "Unplug! Live in the real world!" discourse because a) my money comes from the internet and b) many of my friends live in there 🙄.
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Poly myth: If you experience jealousy, you’re not really poly, or you’re bad at being poly. Poly reality: Jealousy happens. It’s how you handle it that matters.
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Not to mention, it is not sex workers’ responsibility to defuse the rage and entitlement of these men. Sex workers are not a dumping ground for male aggression. They are PEOPLE, with boundaries, worthy of respect.
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Consent can be revoked at any time and if you don’t think that’s true then you’re not ethically equipped to have sex.
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"Empathy in BDSM presents a wonderful paradox: as tops in role, we are often called upon to present ourselves as cold, cruel and unfeeling, when in fact we are getting our rocks off on an empathy so profound that it can approach the telepathic." -the New Topping Book.
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I’m bored of every “Monogamy is bad because ____” and “Polyamory is bad because ____” take. If your understanding of relationships doesn’t include the fact that people are all different and have different needs and approaches, then you don’t understand relationships.
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5 quick relationship tips.-“Please”.-“Thank you”.-“I appreciate you”.-“I’m sorry”.-“What do you need?”.
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If you want to learn how to please a clit, ask the person whose clit it is, not a person who thinks the clit is tiny and located in the vag.
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boring cis dudes:.hOw CaN mY dIcK cOmPeTe WiTh A sEx ToY tHo. me:.just use a sex toy on me, that’s fine. them:.BuT yOu ShOuLd Be SaTiSfIeD bY mY dIcK aLoOoOoNe. me:.
Then start figuring out how to make it more fun and useful!.
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My definition of non-hierarchical polyamory: it’s not that every relationship has to be identical and given equal time/effort; it’s that each person is treated with equal respect and kindness, and each relationship is allowed to organically become whatever we both want it to be.
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All discourse about sex toys “replacing men,” threatening relationships, etc. assumes that:.1. Men are only useful for sex.2. Sex toys can only be used alone, not with partners. To those who believe these points: my condolences on your shitty partner(s) and limited sex life 🙃.
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Unpopular opinion, maybe, but: depression & anxiety aren't justifications for being rude or mean. They might EXPLAIN those behaviors, in some cases, but they don't EXCUSE them. Fellow depressed 'n' anxious folks, we're not exempt from decency or from apologizing when we fuck up.
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Puritanical values inevitably lead to fascism, censorship, and the reduction (or elimination) of safety + security for marginalized groups. Our society’s fear and hatred of open sexual expression is harming sex workers, LGBTQ+ folks, and to some extent, just about everyone else.
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Steph explained to Terry why it was shitty to say everyone needs a mother & a father. Kudos to Terry for being willing to learn + apologize, but even bigger kudos to Stephanie “Bi Goddess” Beatriz for doing this work even tho she’s a queer WOC who probably does this work a LOT.
Had a great talk with @iamstephbeatz this morning on set that shed a lot of light on why the LBGTQ community were hurt by my comments. I want to apologize for anyone who was triggered or felt targeted. I was speaking out of my very personal experiences as a Black Father.
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This type of “boundary” is sometimes called “legislating away your feelings.”. If you’re deeply insecure, anxiously attached, codependent, etc., no amount of restrictive “rules” will make your relationship feel safe. Take steps to heal, instead of trying to control your partner.
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Things doms can say that are more helpful than they maybe even realize:.1. You did the right thing.2. It’s gonna be okay.3. I’m proud of you.4. You’re safe.5. Good job.
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There are people w/ small clits, yes, but also, I'm inclined to say that if someone's clit is grain-of-rice-sized, THEY MIGHT NOT BE AROUSED.
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@rdonovan1 @brosandprose Not every moment has to be a social moment, and women aren’t obligated to be sociable and open 24/7. We’re not a public resource, we’re people.
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Sex and pancakes are the only valid reasons to get up at 8 a.m. on a Saturday.
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Loudly “feminist” men have let me down time and time again. Quietly feminist men have built me up, supported me, and protected me, without feeling “owed” anything in return. They knew it was just the right thing to do. We notice these differences.
Shout out to all the men who don't feel the need to to wear a pin or sign a letter that publicly performs their respect for women, because they respect us with their actions and words everyday.
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• pregnant people.• reproductive health.• people with uteruses.• people who can get pregnant.• it ain’t fucking hard, y’all.
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An acquaintance's devastating email to a lowballing client:."Sure, I understand. It sounds like you're looking for someone entry-level who isn't yet charging professional rates. As you know from my résumé, that isn't me, so it sounds like we're not a fit at this time.".👏👏👏.
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wow raise your hand if you’ve never used the N word and it wasn’t even difficult because you’re not a fucking racist tool.
Ben Shapiro says Harvard's "don't use the n-word" admissions stance is "an insane, cruel standard no one can possibly meet.".
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Your partner’s masturbation habits – including the porn, erotica, or fantasies they may choose to employ therein – are up to them, unless they specifically consent to give you power over that area of their life (and if that’s the case, you need, at minimum, a safeword).
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"Cheating" is whatever you and your partner agree it is. Breaking that type of agreement is cheating even if your relationship's definition differs from what cultural norms say it should be. Talk about this shit, folks.
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My partner keeps reminding me of this when I’m depressed so I’ll say it here incase it’s helpful to any of you too:. “Deserving someone” is a fake concept. Love exists outside of “deserving.”. AND: you deserve love even when you’re sad or struggling.
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If you tell your partner that a completely normal behavior (like jerking off or watching porn) is “not allowed,” you are basically ensuring that they will continue to do that thing and will lie about it. Is that really the kind of relationship you want to build?.
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Me: “Can I have another finger in me?”.FWB: “Why, what’s wrong with this one?”.Me: “. No, I mean an ADDITIONAL finger”.
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(Setting aside the other issues with this passage: the clit isn't just the clitoral glans/tip, and IT'S NOT IN THE VAGINA).
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"Witches" were burned to death for powers they didn't even possess. HW is being rightfully persecuted for crimes his immense power enabled.
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Not to mention – porn performers are doing a job (often amazingly well) & they deserve to be paid for their work. They also usually aren’t trying to steal your partner or whatever. They’re trying to earn money so they can live their life. It’s absurd to view them as competition.
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I like anal sex with people of all genders but what can I say, I'm bi-assed.
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Ironically(?) it was polyamory that taught me I prefer quality over quantity in my romantic/sexual connections, since it becomes easier than ever to spot (& get turned off by) mistreatment or a lack of chemistry when you’re already CURRENTLY in a great, healthy, safe relationship.
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No millennial knows how to do all 5:.Cook.Drive.Do their taxes.Top someone.Sustain meaningful relationships.
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I’m trying not to subtweet these days but yeesh, surgically-created vulvas are real vulvas and deserve to be included in representations of the diversity of vulvas. Not to mention, getting this obsessive about strangers’ genitals is WEIRD! I promise it’s very easy to just… not!.
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Look, if outing and publicly shaming men who do gross, inappropriate things is the only way to get them to stop, I think it’s a totally fair move. Behave better if you don’t want your entire ass shown to the world.
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Someone on Reddit asked for advice on what to say if your sexual partner says “Come for me”/“Come inside me”/etc. and you’re not close to coming yet. Someone suggested “I will, but I’m not done with you yet” 🥵.
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I know graphic design is hard, but it's pretty misleading to publish this image if the rabbit ears aren't actually meant to be inserted into the urethra
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not-so-gentle reminder that not everyone who has a uterus is a woman and not every woman has a uterus. if your reproductive justice advocacy ignores this reality then you're limiting yourself and leaving out tons of people who matter and who've been left out for too long already.
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Respectfully: not everyone needs to post about all current issues at all times, and an absence of posts on a topic does not mean the absence of thoughts, feelings, and consideration on that topic.
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A reminder to submissives: telling your dom which parts of a scene you particularly liked can feel really vulnerable and scary, but you should do it if you can! It's an important part of aftercare for many tops, and also helps them learn you better, so it's a win-win.
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✨friendly D/s reminder that doms and tops are allowed to be tender, fallible, gentle, sensitive, and emotional✨.
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honestly kinda terrifying that some Gen Z’ers talk about “free use” like it’s a common, casual thing and not an emotionally risky kink that requires a ton of communication, pre-negotiation, & trust. calling it “consensual non-consent” gave it the gravity it deserves & I miss that.
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Neurotypical folks: any time you're about to give unsolicited advice to a mentally ill person, pause, take a deep breath, and don't.
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Suzy Izzard!! Yay! (was worried the headline contained a deadname but she actually says in the article that she’s fine going by both/either).
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I’m hardly the first person to say this but uhhh, when white dudes complain that movie remakes incorporating people of color are “pandering,” what do they think the entertainment industry has been doing for THEM their whole lives?.
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Once again, a debate is raging on the AskWomen subreddit about whether men should cold-approach random women in public as a dating strategy. I get that SOME women like this, but in my experience, the VAST majority (myself included) just wanna live our lives, thanks!!.
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Pap smears are never that difficult for me because I have hooked up with many a Tinder boy and am thus well used to being artlessly jabbed in the cervix.
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Ingredients of an apology:.1. Here's what I did wrong.2. Here's why it was bad/hurtful/unacceptable.3. Here's why I'm genuinely sorry I did it.4. Here's how I plan to to fix it.5. Here's how I plan to do better in the future. Amazing how many people are disastrously bad at this.
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There’s nothing feminist or empowering about coercing your partner, shaming them for normal behavior, or thinking you own their sexuality. There’s also nothing feminist or empowering about keeping your head in the sand about the ways you could heal your own insecurities instead.
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It’s actually astonishing how many people don’t seem to understand the simple truth that people will want to have more sex with you if you make sure the sex you have with them is good for them.
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Kink-negative 2nd-wavey folks sneering at M/F D/s dynamics: “A man ‘owning’ and controlling a woman, how original 🙄”. Me: “An uninvolved 3rd party trying to police a woman’s pleasure and agency, how original 🙄”.
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Shout-out to:.-submissives for whom submission is an escape from their type-A, high-drive lives.-submissives for whom submission is a space where they get to feel accomplished, when they might not in the rest of their lives.-submissives 💖.
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He got a vasectomy so she wouldn't have to get an IUD. She got an IUD so he wouldn't have to get a vasectomy. Coming this fall: "GIFT OF THE VAGI".
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The discourse around that “women who date men shouldn’t use the term ‘partner’” tweet contains waaaayyyy too many assumptions that all women who date men are straight and I’m very over y’all’s biphobia 👀🙄.
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Friendly reminder that someone tweeting a complaint isn’t the same thing as them asking for advice about that problem. Advice, much like dick pics, should only be given to Twitter strangers when solicited.
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Good cunnilinguists:."I love doing it"."I can't wait to learn what you like". Bad cunnilinguists:."I'M EXTREMELY GOOD AT IT".
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Phrases for men to practice:.-“You’re right.”.-“I shouldn’t have interrupted you. I apologize. Please continue.”.-“I’m sorry that happened to you.”.-“Would you like my advice about this, or is that not what you’re looking for?”.-“I believe you completely.”.
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“Cis” is not a derogatory term any more than “tall” or “brunette” are. It’s a factual descriptor. A useful one, too. Without it, many people resort to calling non-trans folks “normal,” “real,” or “biologically [fe]male,” etc. – cruel, harmful, inaccurate terminology.
@dangerouslilly In my opinion, there’s a danger in using the word cis, as it’s become a derogatory term. I think we should just let people be people without the need for a label. However, if someone identifies as a particular label (ex. Queer) more power to you. You do you boo 🖤.
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Great news: GQ let me write a guide to chastity cages!!. Thanks so much to @chastity_april, @JamesTMedak, @thecountessdia, @Sydney_Screams, @SageMonroeHeaux & @KINK3Ddesigns for contributing their wisdom!.
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Spit is not lube.Lube is not a shortcut.SEX IS NOT A RAAAAACE.
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P*yPal banned my spouse just because they're married to someone who writes about sex, and will not reinstate their account despite mine having been reinstated. Honestly, fuck this company. Fuck them to the ends of the earth. Fuck them forever and ever, amen.
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just watched a video where a D&D DM talked for a few minutes about the usefulness of the phrase "you can certainly try" when trying to goad players + remind them of what's possible. the degree to which DM skills are also dom skills is wild.
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My issues with it are:. 1. I’m busy. Don’t interrupt my day, please. 2. Some men get violent/scary if rebuffed. No thanks. 3. You literally don’t know anything about me except what I look like!. 4. If I wanted to meet people, I’d use an app or go to a mixer. But that’s me 🤷🏻♀️.
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My current relationship ticks so many of my boxes that it actually makes me angry about all the people who told me in the past that my standards were too high and I was too picky?? Like?? Don't tell me what I can and can't consider important??.
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For those asking, this was penned by self-described sex coach/"Sex God" Daniel Rose: Dude needs to learn some stuff.
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Can we stop shaming people for "attention-seeking," please? Wanting other people's attention is a standard feature of the human condition.
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If I’m enjoying watching people of various genders doing sexy things, am I living bicariously through them?.
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it’s almost the end of the year which means you are legally obligated to like this tweet if you think I’m pretty/cute ✌️ I don’t make the rules
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Going on a “sex strike” won’t accomplish anything, and sex isn’t a favor we do for men, it’s something many non-dudes enjoy and find de-stressing/bonding/important, so denying ourselves sex on a large scale is just widespread self-flagellation for something that isn’t our fault.
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I wish everyone in the world had learned this from MeToo, etc., but apparently not:. Laughing/smiling is a VERY COMMON reaction to acute discomfort – NOT a sign that someone wants you to continue whatever you're doing.
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I got Tinder again and my inbox is once again full of one-word greetings or brief statements about “the weekend” or whatever. Folks, if your first message doesn’t contain 1) a specific reference to the person’s profile and 2) a question, it’s not approaching the bare minimum.
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Can we stop always equating strap-ons w/ femdom plz. Fucking someone doesn't degrade them, and I can be a subby princess with a femme cock.
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Do not @ me with your pro-circumcision tirades, I have had this debate enough times for several lifetimes, you are not going to convince me that routine nonconsensual genital surgery on an infant is appropriate or okay 🤷🏻♀️.
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God bless retail and service workers, all the time but especially at this time of year. They are underpaid and undervalued for the incredible and strenuous work they do.
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Dating a long-term-relationship-experienced person when you’re used to short relationships is wild. Me: “Welp, I fucked up one small thing; guess we’re done here”.Him: “. No”.Me: “Welp, I showed you my humanity for a sec; guess you hate me now”.Him: “. No”.
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Reminderrrrr that sex-positivity has to include positivity towards asexual folks, aromantic folks, sex-repulsed folks, and celibate folks or it is worthless 💕.
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Your friend who you haven't talked to in a while probably doesn't hate you, they're probably just super busy and/or depressed, what with the late-capitalist fascist hellscape we're descending into and all.
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