Dan L
@GinDanUK
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Cavapoo daddy to Ozzie. Often found calling people babe who def aren’t babes. Don’t take anything I say too seriously except when it concerns gin. he/him 🏳️🌈
Joined May 2011
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Just realised I’ve given the Russian builder a set of keys to the house but the WRONG ones. Not because they’re the wrong keys, but because of the key ring
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Celebrating the election outcome in Mýkonos… I’ll be wasted later, don’t worry.
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@sharrond62
@BBCWomansHour
@BBCNews
@BBCr4today
@GMB
@GBNEWS
@TalkTV
Hopefully the BBC will select more inclusive commentators than you, then, for their swimming coverage in the future. As you say, no abusers…
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Don’t get Covid, huns. I’ve had a few hours back at work today and I now feel like I could sleep for a week. I’m a fit and healthy, gym 5 times a week guy… and it’s hit me HARD.
Sadly, the gov are perfectly happy with increasing, out of control infection rates. It’ll hurt.
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I’m back, Twitter!!! Got banned for calling Gillian McKeith a rancid old c-word. Oops!
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Eamonn clearly showing here that he knew something wasn’t right all along… but didn’t have the decency to do anything about it. If you’re going to drag someone else, be sure to reflect on your own actions (or lack there of), too.
Schofield has finally been caught out ... But he's not the only guilty party. 4 high members of Itv management knew what sort of man he was ...and NEVER once took action to prevent him controlling or taking advantage of his position over young people.
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So in Brighton, it was NO
#dogsatpollingstations
?! I’m OUTRAGED!!! My poor boy left outside in the cold whilst I put a ❌ in any box but the Conservative’s candidate for Police and Crime Commissioner
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Coming down to Brighton for
@PrideBrighton
? Be a hun and pop your rubbish in a bin or take it with you. I hate seeing this lovely city covered in lazy people’s litter.
#BrightonPride
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Mum: I’m doing Mexican today so I’ve bought some tequila so we can make margaritas!
The tequila she bought:
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Heartbreaking to see images of shops being boarded up in Brighton. Just a few days ago we were celebrating love and diversity at Pride. Today we are preparing for an influx of far right activists fuelled by hatred. They are NOT welcome here.
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It must be so exhausting being as nasty and bitter (and probably jealous) as some of the folk that have replied to my post yesterday. Get a life, people. Love always wins over hate.
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Ozzie has been capturing hearts on his walks today... still in a carry bag as he’s not yet fully vaxxed - 4 days to go!
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This chap that
@GaryLineker
is talking to is 104. ONE HUNDRED AND FOUR... and he’s more alert and coherent than I am!
#garylineker
#mygrandadswar
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I got bloody banned from Twitter for 12 hours for calling this government and Tony Abbott c**ts. Nothing I’ve read in that 12 hours has made me think I was wrong.
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Just looked at my work email and someone has messaged me “I hope this email finds you well”.
Yes hun, I’m very well: I’ve had 15 glasses of champagne and been sat in the sun perving at boys all day in Cannes.
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The neighbours (not the loud orgasm man) - who recently wrote a passive aggressive letter complaining about our noise on a Friday evening - left their washing out overnight… and it’s only gone and rained! Brought a little bit of extra joy to my Thursday morning.
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Well done
@CherylHoleQueen
! Got the
@BBCNews
’s attention as queen of
#GeneralElection2019
#GE2019
!!!
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Last day of this... back to Blighty tonight. Cyprus has been bloody boiling but a much needed escape from everything happening at home. I know many won’t agree with going abroad but I looked at the data and chose my destination cautiously. A week in the sun has worked wonders.
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At the gym and the liquid chalk just exploded ALL over my hair, face and chest. It looks like I’ve been a bukakke victim! I’m here for the next hour, too, dodging disapproving looks.
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@sharrond62
Approximately 0.5% (according to the 2001 UK census) of those people were born into the wrong body. Trans people exist, Sharron. Why can’t you seem to accept that?! 🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️
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Well the neighbour has just orgasmed. What a way to put you off your morning coffee.
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HUNDREDS of pounds spent on dog toys and his fave thing is this £2 wooden door stop!!! 🙄
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I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if you’re going to wear grey joggers to the gym, make sure there’s a decent VPL. Otherwise, wear black or navy, it’d save me time looking for it.
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@LilyLilyMaynard
Her mother is the her enemy. The poor child, having to suffer not just the trauma of growing up trans but having an abysmal mother who is not just unsupportive but is now spreading propaganda about the role of schools in safeguarding and supporting trans children.
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Hi babes
@BorisJohnson
, I’ve had a few drinks (and when I say a few, I mean two bottles of wine, half a bottle of gin and several beers) - should I get in my car and drive to Barnard Castle to see if I’m fit to drive?!
#cumgate
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Hi
@premierinn
- my friend was staying in your Thorpe Bay property last night, got trashed and locked himself out of his room naked. Any chance you have the footage of him stumbling into reception in his birthday suit?!
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Happy
@ManchesterPride
- here’s my annual reminder… I’ll never forget my mum’s voicemail: “Daniel, be careful who you ring when you’re drunk. Your Nan got a voicemail at 4am with you screaming “where the fuck are you, you slag?!”” - oops. She’s been ZNan in my phone ever since.
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@daniellismore
@Divinadecampo
@V_and_A
@stonewalluk
@PeterTatchell
100% transphobia and it’s disgraceful.
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Minding my own business having a coffee in the garden and the neighbour has just shot his load. Twelve minutes early today, I can usually set my watch by his grunts.
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Tonight we protested & listened. I heard trans people tell how they’re scared to leave Brighton, the impact that the EHRC advice is having on them, the daily abuse they’re subjected to and the critical roles of community and allyship. 🏳️⚧️
#TransRightsAreHumanRights
@TPrideBrighton
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Cuddles with Ozzie is the perfect antidote to being called misogynistic, stupid, “one of them with pronouns”, a paedophile and other grotesque slurs all day. 💕 🐶 🐾
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Is my puppy a pervert?!
- watches me in the shower
- watches me go to the loo
- plays with my worn briefs if I leave them on the floor
- steals my clean briefs off the line and takes them into bed
- is OBSESSED with socks and feet
- favourite toy is a beaver
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My little boy is growing up… looking gorgeous after his first groom. He also got his lipstick out (for the first time!!!) when he saw my mum this evening 🤦🏼♂️💄😳
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Just heard the new neighbour exclaim “for fuck sake” at his window as Ozzie was barking at some cats who were antagonising him in the garden.
I think we’re going to get on. Especially if he likes the tune of Padam Padam on full volume at 4am.
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Well Liverpool, you’ve been AMAZING. What a glorious city and perfect hosting of Eurovision. United in Music we were, with fabulous friends - old and new. I’ve spent the GDP of 18th placed Moldova and now have a long and painful journey home, but I’m still buzzing!
#Eurovision
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Happy Manchester Pride weekend! Here is your annual reminder to be careful who you call after a few sherries: definitely don’t leave your nan a voicemail screaming “where the fuck are you, you slag” at 4am if your actually trying to call another friend with a name beginning N.
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Hiya
@JeffBrazier
, I’ve been a bit bored in lockdown so I’ve entered the People’s Postcode Lottery! I know I’m not the usual demographic, but hey ho. Any chance when I get my winning cheque you could deliver it for me? Maybe in little red shorts if that’s not too much to ask? X
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Someone’s in a very playful mood this evening… when all I want to do is veg out!
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Just had a knock on the door from Labour:
- “Have you voted?”
- “Yes”
- “For Labour?”
- “No, Greens”
- “Oh dear that’s a shame”
- “Perhaps you shouldn’t have a party leader who u-turns on trans rights and tuition fees then”
- “oh yes, no one seems to like Keir, oh dear”
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@MikeJ_C
@Starrygem4
What a bitterly disappointing role model Diane is for her grandkids. Imagine having an overt, publicly vocal racist for a grandmother.
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Every time I see a news piece about the Coronation pop up on my phone I keep thinking it’s Coronation Street. I can’t help but think that a day celebrating Mavis, Ivy, Bet, Raquel, Liz, Tracey, Gail, Audrey, Rita, Blanche, Eileen, Vera and Deirdre would be much more patriotic.
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Absolutely balling my eyes out watching Sister Act 2. Perhaps opening the second bottle of red wasn’t such a good idea!
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@CarolineLucas
How can we have a vote of no confidence in the official opposition?! They’re the ones obstructing progress now. Time for Corbyn to go. If you can’t be ahead in the polls after the shambles so far, you’re never going to be.
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Cocktails with the mothership… she can put them away (I know who I take after).
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Spent more time talking about my Ozzie with friends today than they did any one of their (human) kids. Bloody love this boy 🥰
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Hungover tf it I don’t care because a) I’m still raging at those stupid little homophobes last night and b) I’ve a pub lunch booked with friends in a few hours which will blow all the cobwebs away (and probably make some new ones)!
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*JUDGED* at the checkout this morning.
“Ooooh, you having a BBQ, that’s a lot of wine?”
Er, no dear, that’s to get me through the week.
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Ozzie’s got his Good Friday best on for his first visitors to the house (garden). 🥰
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A restaurant that allows children on the terrace outside, but not dogs. It’s a no from me until they sort their priorities. And I would have spent a small fortune!!!
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Look at Cherie Blair in her sparkly pink dress!!! She looks like she’s about to offer everyone a shot of tequila rose to get this party started!!!
#Coronation
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It’s Eurovision month!!! Here’s our UK entry,
@maemuller_
as some of my favourite Muller products to mark the occasion…
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Hi
@SouthernRailUK
- I got the message about line closures. I don’t have kids and nor would I want to take holiday during a school holiday period. As I have to travel to work, do I need a ticket? If journeys are 60 mins longer, that’s the threshold for a refund under Delay Repay.
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Just had a two hour massage and now cracked open the champagne. This is how Fridays should be done.
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When I said to my dad I needed to bring Ozzie on Sunday and he found out the pub we’d booked didn’t take dogs, his response was to ask me if I could leave Ozzie in the car.
Fewmin. If anything should be left in cars at pubs it’s children, NOT dogs. Lunch is cancelled.
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Oh. That’s my neighbour shooting his load. He’s usually a 10am kinda guy... this is unusual.
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You might already know I have a neighbour who climaxes ridiculously loudly about 10am each day. Well I heard him this morning, but so did Ozzie which sent him into a fit of barking. If we heard his cumshot, he def heard the dog’s barks in response 😂
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@TPrideBrighton
Absolutely amazing. So sad to have missed it this year. Have a fabulous day 🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️
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No chance of a Sunday lie in round here. The sound of the neighbour climaxing at 9:41 sends Ozzie off into a frenzy in the garden.
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@sharrond62
Let’s hope
@Nike
donate it to trans sports teams (after a boil wash). 🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️
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I’m ever so pleased the antivaxxers on the family WhatsApp group have been SILENCED after my Nan had her first jab yesterday. I’m tempted to post about being able to track her whereabouts now and the overwhelming urge she has to buy Microsoft products... but I’ll bite my tongue.
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I hear-by call for the immediate cull of all seagulls in Brighton after just this minute being splattered - all over me, my Kylie rosé, the patio furniture and the dog… and it pushed it out with such force that when it hit me, I screamed! What an embarrassment and waste of wine.
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Ozzie woke once in the night at about 12:30am and then slept through to 7am. He was sooo excitable this morning and we’ve spent the last 2 hours playing. He did not enjoy me showering though and cried all the way through. Now he’s fast asleep at my feet as the work week starts 🥰
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Hi Dan Wooton fans… just checking if any of you want to donate to my gin fund? I think it’s a much more worthwhile cause. DM me babes and I’ll pop you my CashApp link. Xx
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Seriously, Ozzie, THREE pairs of pants in your bed this morning?!
Is my puppy a pervert?!
- watches me in the shower
- watches me go to the loo
- plays with my worn briefs if I leave them on the floor
- steals my clean briefs off the line and takes them into bed
- is OBSESSED with socks and feet
- favourite toy is a beaver
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Thanks to
@MikeParrActor
for the selfie... soz to crash your night but thanx for the pic! What a handsome man in the flesh as well as on TV!!! 😘
@ryanjc1980
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Ozzie had his first trip to the groomer today... he’s now in a bit of a sulk.
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I’ve worked out that Lauren from Married at First Sight Australia reminds me of a cross between Claire from Steps and Nicki Chapman. Can’t believe she’s been ditched by the former virgin.
#MarriedatfirstsightAustralia
#mafsa
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He’s been a super sleepy bunny today (apart from attacking the post when it arrived). 🐾❤️
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It’s all kicking off on the family WhatsApp, 2 anti vaxxers verses the rest of us!
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My neighbour (the one who orgasms loudly at 10am each day… with his windows open) has said “FUCKIN BITCH” about 20 times while I’ve been drinking my iced coffee in the garden. I think he’s referring to
@BorisJohnson
- as he’s just thrown “not even self isolating” in with it.
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Flippin John Redwood encouraging people to stay in the UK after Brexit. Take back control, don’t leave, don’t let anyone in.
No no no babe, I’m a homosexual and if I don’t have at least five overseas holidays in the sun a year, I’ll perish.
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Hiya
@MariahCarey
, did you know it’s lifelong lamb and MC superfan
@ryanjc1980
’s 40th birthday today? You may think you don’t know her, but this is him meeting you in a t-shirt of him meeting you at the NYC Christmas show. He’s a dahhling! 🐑 🐑 🐑
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🚨 boys in the park with their tops off in FEBRUARY 🚨
- if this is what Covid has done to us, I’m in favour!
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Pray for me, huns. Delta’s got me. And I don’t mean Delta Goodrem!!! Though I have been playing Born to Try all morning.
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Babe
@BorisJohnson
- where the fuck are you? If we can’t trust you to do the country the courtesy of turning up on time, how can we trust you to run the country?! Oh... we can’t!
#BorisJohnson
#Lockdown2
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Smashed leg day but my word it was like a sauna in the gym today. As in heat, not boys in towels and glory holes. Walking back up the hill looking like a beetroot! 🥵
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