Frank Cerabino
@FranklyFlorida
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Palm Beach Post columnist who tweets humorous one-liners on the news from Florida and elsewhere.
South Florida
Joined August 2008
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The scene at my backyard swimming pool this 40-degree South Florida morning: A frozen iguana.
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So let me get this straight, "party of the future" wants to go back to gold standard, keep mining coal, and fight more in MidEast
#GOPDebate
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Harry's Banana Farm in Lake Worth puts the Publix/Adam Putnam financial arrangement in the proper context.
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Kentucky's Noah's Ark attraction sues over flood damage.
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Ted Cruz naming a VP running mate today is like the Miami Marlins announcing their World Series starting pitcher.
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The frozen iguana petrified next to my South Florida swimming pool yesterday, reanimated himself in the afternoon sun. Here he is walking it off ... After another cold night, though, he's probably a green popsicle again this morning.
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@realDonaldTrump
1. You gripe about "horrible law" that's not law -- just the way your admin handles families at border.
2. Your grandparents came by chain migration.
3. MS-13, visa lottery, wall = nothing to do with your cruel family-separation policy.
4. It's "their" not "there."
5. Quit lying.
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Lou DeStout at Lake Worth's historical watering hole, Harry's Banana Farm, gives tempting option to charities bailing from Mar-a-Lago.
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I've won some awards in the journalism world, but making the sign at Harry's Banana Farm feels somewhere between the FSNE and a Green Eyeshade.
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If Trump picks Gingrich as VP, it would be first 6-marriage ticket. That's taking "family values" and turning it into "family value-pack."
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Gov. Rick Scott's Navy ball cap is an embarrassing campaign prop.
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There's a kangaroo missing in Jupiter, Florida. In a symmetrical world, there should be a new Silver Alert in Australia.
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Ikea founder dies. Crew busy assembling coffin from diagram, feeling uneasy about those little wooden dowels that don't seem to go anywhere.
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Important investigative story from The Palm Beach Post that shows how Gov. Rick Scott denied voting-rights restorations to higher percentage of blacks than previous governors. And how he tried to keep this injustice from being exposed. Shameful.
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Attention D.C. Pols: Getting govt health care advice from Fla Gov. Rick Scott's like making Jeffrey Dahmer your menu consultant.
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Harry's Banana Farm in Lake Worth takes aim at Sen. Marco Rubio -- who took $3.3 million from the NRA last election cycle and can't get beyond "thoughts and prayers" solutions.
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Lou Destout, the Bard of Dixie Highway, strikes again. Different messages for northbound and southbound traffic past Harry's Banana Farm in Lake Worth. Now, that's some top-notch community service.
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Strong advice from Jimmy Fallon during MSD High School graduation ceremony: "Don't ever get off your parents' wireless plan. Ride that train as long as possible."
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Hearing from the DeSantis base after writing a column () about him getting a private militia in Florida. I think the following comment may have been borrowed from its original German.
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Republican Steve Schmidt on Trump's rambling foreign policy answers: "He was like an old man in the park feeding squirrels."
#debate
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Gotta love Harry’s Banana Farm. Lou DeStoud is the Bard of Dixie Highway.
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For all you Trump-lovin' Christians out there, rationalize this one ...
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She's not my type.
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True story: Trump admin asks Guggenheim for Van Gogh painting for Trump White House; museum denies and counters with offer to lend Trump a functioning gold toilet bowl.
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Now waiting for Trump to announce he meant to say he "wouldn't" date Ivanka if he were not her father.
#TrumpCorrection
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Kavanaugh's incredulous explanations about his youthful use of the words "boof", "devil's triangle", "Beach Week Ralph Club" and the "FFFFFFFourth of July" are less damning about the teenage Kavanaugh than they are about the adult judge willing to lie to Congress for a better job
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Well-researched story about the turn away from science and environmental regulation under Florida under Gov. Rick Scott that lead to the toxic algae blooms in Lake Okeechobee.
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Let's just get to the real question and give Trump a map and ask him to name the countries there.
#debate
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PB County Schools superintendent blows his horn for the arts.
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LouDestout, the Bard of Dixie Highway in Lake Worth, strikes again.
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Retired Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens tells me Kavanaugh not fit temperamentally to be elevated to the U.S. Supreme Court.
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Hope Hicks, if you'd like a credible explanation for quitting the White House, an explanation all would believe: "I wanted to spend less time with the Trump family."
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Great piece of anonymous hate mail today. It touched all the bases: vague death threat, non-specific incoherent anger, with the cherry of an "In God We Trust" on the outside of the envelope.
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In more than a year of trampling the Constitution, ripping up carefully negotiated treaties, race baiting, failing to educate himself, and larding his cabinet with self-dealers, Trump's lone self-criticism is that he didn't pick an AttyGen who would cover him above all else.
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Trump having sex with a porn star means he’s also not very good at being a germaphobe.
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If we can't give Donald Trump a military parade, can we at least give him one of those N.Korea general uniforms, with rows of medals that look like an elevator panel.
And maybe we can add a "Purple Ankle Medal" to it for those bone spurs that kept him out of Vietnam.
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Lou Destout, the bard of North Dixie Highway, strikes again.
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So is Shamu.
#YouDon
'tKnowAllTheBigWords
Trump: Hurricane Florence will be "tremendously big and tremendously wet"
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I knew Milt. He said the Miami News' hurricane plan was to hand him a roll of quarters and point him to where the wind was blowing.
My favorite
#Florida
storm shot: Legendary Miami News reporter Milt Sosin phoning in his 1st-hand report about a hurricane in 1964
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This is what kneeling on the sidelines of NFL games is about, not the military or the song. It's about a social injustice that has gone on too long, and people with a public platform (NFL players) who address it in an effective way ought to be commended, not condemned.
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Washington D.C. these days, starting with Trump's swampy, self-dealing cabinet, does make Las Vegas look wholesome by comparison -- as Lou Destout, the Bard of Dixie Highway in Lake Worth, points out.
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Refreshing to have a whole debate without talk of border walls, more military spending, and personal messages from Jesus.
#DemDebate
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No regrets say the unwitting Palm Beach County residents who got paid and played by Russians to perform major roles in an August 2016 pro-Trump, anti-Hillary rally in West Palm Beach.
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This just in: Due to Prez Trump's recent remarks with Vlad Putin, there is no longer any available space under the bus.
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Trump won't pledge to accept the verdict of the election. I believe that's the headline for tonight.
#debate
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Invertebrates indigenous to Florida:
1. the Florida Flatcoil Snail
2. the Blue Button Jellyfish
3. Marco Rubio
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This would be a good day for your homeowner's association to book an event at Mar-a-Lago at a bargain price.
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I'll be playing the accordion and saxophone Friday from 5 to 8 p.m. at the Paris-In-Town Cafe, at 11460 U.S. Highway 1 in North Palm Beach.
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It's time for public service announcements for Floridians about leaving guns on nightstands during orgies.
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Telling Trump he won't be on TV is just the sort of thing that could break this logjam.
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Lou DeStout "The Bard of Dixie Highway" at Harry's Banana Farm in Lake Worth strikes again.
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A newspaper is the lifeblood of a community. There's nothing else like it.
🌅 THE PALM BEACH NEWS GUILD IS WALKING OUT 🌅
For almost 3 years, we have been bargaining for a fair contract so we can preserve our role as a resource in our community, a voice for the voiceless and a watchdog that holds the powerful accountable.
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New NRA head Oliver North, the former pitchman for Call of Duty, Black Ops II video game, says guns aren't the problem, it's that kids are "steeped in a culture of violence." We are racing toward a post-irony world.
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This happens in the richest country on Earth.
Insurance groups are recommending GoFundMe as official policy - where customers can die if they can’t raise the goal in time - but sure, single payer healthcare is unreasonable.
h/t
@DanRiffle
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Chris Christie says Melania's speech OK, 'cause 93% not plagiarized. That's good news for burglars who only steal 7% of your jewelry.
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Trump says Prez Andrew Jackson, who died in 1845, was against the Civil War. Happy Monday, Sean Spicer.
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Pizza Press, a newspaper-themed pizza joint, to open in Florida. Will it rely on unnamed sauces?
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This would be instructive viewing for any white person who ridicules the notion of "white privilege." What happened to this guy and so many like him is a function of his skin color. It should make everybody sick.
‘You have a dangerous object in your hand’ … ’I’m picking up trash’ — This officer pulled his gun on a student who was cleaning up trash outside his dorm
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Top 3 guesses why
#BocaRaton
trending:
1. Boob job explosion injures dozens
2. Famous person's grandma speaks
3. Russian hack of tapas bar
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Palm Beach County dog-rescue charity gets political over Nike's Colin Kaepernick ad -- missing the point, and a truth about color prejudice it ought to know.
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Clowns like this guy have a hallowed voice in the imaginary universe that Fox News nurtures. At some point, Republicans who want a place at the adults table (Marco Rubio are you there?) are going to have to call out talk like this for the dangerous nonsense it is. Waiting ...
What's happening in France will look like childs play if the deep state tries to undo the 2016 election by MANUFACTURING a way to remove
@realDonaldTrump
before 2020.
They are underestimating the resolve of Trump's supporters. Like in France, people will only put up with so much.
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Just standing there next to the other $50,000 donors DeSantis doesn't know?
Ukrainian businessman Lev Parnas, one of two Giuliani associates arrested last week and charged for scheming to funnel foreign money into various US elections, is seen (on the left) in this Nov 6 2018 video I took at Governor Ron DeSantis' election victory party in Orlando.
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Lou Destout, the bard of North Dixie Highway, has struck again.
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I'm back at Paris-in-Town this Friday night, 5:30 p.m. to 8 p.m. (Southest corner of PGA Blvd. and U.S. 1). Real cozy atmosphere, Great American Songbook tunes on the sax, French squeezebox too. Lite French fare and wine. What's not to like?
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Best reply to a commentator who suggested that the suspected explosives sent to Obama, Clinton, Soros, CNN, Holder, and Brennan may have been part of a left-wing plot to gain sympathy.
@frankgaffney
You are a bad person. Log off, gather all your electronics together, throw them in the ocean, and spend your life quietly atoning. Meditate on where you went wrong. Perhaps volunteer at a local soup kitchen.
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Loud military fighter jet flying low over Boca. This is really going to ruin the vibe for those in yoga classes. Namastrafe.
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OK, Marco. I guess it's time to live up to those words you said in 2012. When will you be asking for William Barr's resignation? Today or tomorrow?
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Trump is packing his cabinet with unqualified, malleable, and shamelessly groveling toadies. Here's Exhibit A.
Acting AG Whitaker kisses up to Trump for staying in DC over holidays: "Sir, Mr President, I will start by highlighting the fact you stayed in DC over the holidays, giving up Christmas w/your family, New Year's w/your family... you have demonstrated your dedication to delivering"
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Now Putin's trying to put The Onion out of business.
Russia appoints actor Steven Seagal as "special representative" for humanitarian relations
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And to think, it seemed like only yesterday when DeSantis was viewed by many as a refreshing change from his predecessor, Gov. Voldemort.
After we urged
@GovRonDeSantis
to put social distancing measures in place at his press briefings, the administration responded by excluding
@TB_Times
@MiamiHerald
joint Tallahassee bureau from today's press briefing.
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Hope Hicks resigns from White House. White Lies Matter.
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Trump attacks cleanliness of Huckabee-denying Red Hen restaurant. But here's how that restaurant compares to Trump's Mar-a-Lago.
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I wonder if this is what Prez Trump was talking about when he said that Kim Jong Un is funny, smart and beloved by his people.
The Sun: Kim Jong Un had a top army officer publicly executed and riddled with 90 bullets for giving his troops extra rations of food and fuel.
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Donald Trump is struggling mightily to control his personality disorder tonight.
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Pup non-fiction: Gov. Scott summons "The Wolfe" again.
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I'm no headline writer, but "Perdue chickens out of debate" seems like low-hanging fruit for Georgia headline writers.
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Today is Christmas for headline writers as Mr. Pecker takes center stage in the Trump sex scandal.
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Today, Giuliani must feel like he did the day Sammy "the Bull" Gravano flipped on John Gotti. Except that now, instead of being the govt. lawyer, Rudy's representing Gotti.
#Manafort
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Take that, Virginia!
Oh,
#Florida
! Pregnant mom poses for maternity photo while breastfeeding an
#alligator
. Also in photo: A shotgun, a case of Bud Light and the state flag.
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When Billy Donovan quits coaching UF basketball team to coach OK City Thunder, Florida will lose highest paid public employee.
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Metaphor alert: Sink hole opens up outside Prez Trump's Mar-a-Lago in Palm Beach.
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Here you go, all you people complaining about undocumented immigrants taking your jobs. Try this one for 20 minutes.
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Queen Elizabeth's gift to President Trump is a book ... That's a sick burn.
JUST IN: Queen Elizabeth gifts Trump Winston Churchill's copy of rare book
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March Flash Sale: Support local journalism by joining The Palm Beach Post today for only $50 for an entire year. Special introductory offer for new subscribers only. Sale ends 3/18.
If you only read my four columns per week, this breaks down to about 25 cents per column ...
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America first? Trump's own products are foreign-made; he unnecessarily hires foreign help at Mar-a-Lago and has a foreign-first wife policy.
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The spineless Marco Rubio continues to flirt with spine replacement surgery. But every time he begins the process, he changes his mind, and decides it's best for his long-term political survival to be a mealy-mouthed bystander, rather than a clear-voiced leader.
America should always be a nation that offers asylum to those fleeing oppression or tyranny
But asylum isn’t a right, it’s generosity
It’s wrong for those seeking generosity to complain it’s taking too long & indefensible for any of them to protest by throwing rocks & bottles
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Prez Trump now saying Mexican wall may only need to be 700 miles (there's 654 already in place). What's the word for this? A nothing-taco?
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Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben are retiring. I'm starting to think of them as a couple now, perhaps about to live together in a golf-course community in Florida, basking in their well-earned syrup and rice royalties, and learning to play pickle ball.
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Disgraceful.
The Governor of Florida is denying access to the Miami Herald to his press conference. Spread the word far and wide
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