Dr Amanda Moehring
@FlyBehaviour
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Behavior genetics, speciation, neuroscience. Prof @WesternU . Interested in social justice, painting, nature. Pro offspring wrangler. Canerican🇨🇦🇺🇸 she/her
Joined June 2013
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I was in a meeting where the Dean said, as they’ve said before, “we’re going to have to do more with less” and I replied “or maybe we just do less with less” and the room got really quiet. I think about that sometimes.
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4 yrs ago my husband died.
3.5 yrs ago his wife died.
1 year ago we met
And fell into deep, beautiful, joyful, incredible love.
Yesterday:
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I just got a paper accepted in Nature!
j/k I’ve been solo parenting 3 kids through a pandemic.
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What if - hear me out - kids are struggling because we are in a dystopian pandemic hellscape where the government won’t make school a safe place to be, but I’m not sure maybe it’s class on zoom.
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My bday is the day after my husband’s death, so I haven’t been up for celebrating the past couple of years. Today my 14yo wanted to salvage the day by making me a cake, while acknowledging the day’s crappiness. I bring you the DUMPSTER FIRE BIRTHDAY CAKE.
Best. Cake. Ever!!
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Getting ready to submit the final version of my file for promotion to Full Prof, and have spent an hour looking at this, unable to bring myself to write out what the impact has been. Perhaps this alone can just be enough.
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ACTUAL CONVO:
Guy: So what do you do?
Me: I work at the University
G: Oh, a secretary?
M: No, professor.
G: Oh! English?
M: No, genetics.
G: <shock> Oh!
M: So, did you assume those things because I'm a woman?
G: Oh, um, yeah, I guess I did.
M: Don't do that, ok?
G: <sheepish> Ok
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I thought I had work-life balance. Didn’t work weekends, was productive, an involved mom. But I was always exhausted. I was full-tilt at both work and home. I never sat down. Because moms calculate work-life balance as work-family. And that equation doesn’t include yourself.
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The worst (best?) job rejection letter I received said: "Thank you for your interest in the Associate Professor position. We received many excellent applications. Unfortunately, yours was not one of them."
Stay strong out there, folks.
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I don’t love online school for my kids. Tbh I hate it. But you know what I hate more? The thought of my kids getting Covid or giving it to someone else.
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There are words you shouldn’t call academic (or any) women. Words you might think are innocuous, but have a long history of being used to dismiss, devalue, or discredit women. You might not be aware that these words should be avoided. A 🧵
#academia
#AcademicTwitter
#WomenInSTEM
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If you wonder why US university tuition is so high now compared to 50 years ago, it’s largely because universities used to be heavily subsidized by tax dollars.
As with so many things, Boomers took the benefit, removed it for those that came after, then cry about ‘handouts’.
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My mask-wearing 13yo said another student asked her why she’s wearing a mask since the pandemic is over.
“So I looked it up at lunchtime mom, and did you know that there’s even more cases right now than this time last year?”
She. Looked. It . Up. ❤️
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@lstevison
Or the assumption that we have more left to give, when most are already past burned out.
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My life hack for decision fatigue. Index cards of meals we all like. Kids pick a couple out of the stack each week and put them on the fridge. BOOM. Meal planning done. Plus, they picked stuff they are in the mood for.
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I just submitted my file for Full Professor.
After the year of husband's death, solo parenting 3 kids, pandemic, and so many other things that went sideways...even if I'm not successful, just getting this submitted feels like a huge freaking win.
(ps: reviewers, please be kind)
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Is it ok to talk about how the pandemic fundamentally changed some of us? After 1.5 yrs of grief and pandemic, I have near-constant anxiety, with occasional panic attacks. I was not this person before. It's disorienting. And the 'return to normal' is making it worse, not better.
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For no reason at all I wanted to share that in Canada abortion is legal at all stages of pregnancy, regardless of the reason, and is publicly funded as a medical procedure.
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It’s such a crushing disappointment when you deeply admire someone’s work then find out they’re a terrible human being.
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Too many academic women have been told that if we are productive and good moms that we have achieved work-life balance. That our own exhaustion is not just unimportant, but to be expected. This is a lie, and we deserve better.
5/end
#Academia
#AcademicChatter
#AcademicTwitter
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I just completed and submitted a paper revision, and it was accepted. This is my first work back in the world of manuscripts since my husband died. And it feels like a huge freaking win. I needed this feeling.
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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the ‘hidden curriculum’ of
#academia
. The jargon, expectations, and insider info that can put students (esp
#FirstGen
) at a disadvantage. So
#AcademicTwitter
what did it seem like others knew and you didn’t when you came to University?
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Finding: Female-female mentoring relationships result in lower publication outcomes.
Author interpretation: Female-female mentoring relationships should be avoided.
My interpretation: The patriarchy needs to be dismantled.
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One year ago today, my husband died.
One year of grieving, solo parenting 3 kids, pandemic, isolation. ‘Hard’ does not do it justice. But I am here. I made it.
I made it, because so so many people propped, held, lifted, carried me. From the depths of my heart, I thank you.
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We should get rid of cover letters for manuscript submissions. They are unnecessary. Worse, they reward smooth talkers and over-sellers, and the letterhead increases institution favoritism, all of which can bias which papers get sent out to review.
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1. Is she ‘aggressive’ - yelling, shoving, in your face? If not, the word you probably want to use is ‘assertive’.
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Let's put this in perspective. The risk of blood clot from AZ vaccine is 1 in 100,000. The risk of blood clot from birth control pill is 1 in 1,000.
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.
@fordnation
says we don’t need mandates because we can just go get an antiviral pill if we get sick in this current Covid wave. Which you need a + PCR test to get. Which he closed as an option for 99% of people.
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In Academia, people aren’t always supported when they need it. I want to share what
@WesternU
did when my husband died right after the pandemic shutdown. It should be shared with other uni’s as a model for empathy and proactive care when someone is in crisis.
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#AcademicChatter
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5. Is she ‘shrill’ … there’s no reason to use this word, or any words, to comment on a woman’s voice. Just don’t.
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2. Is she ‘hysterical’ - displaying extreme emotion due to having a uterus? If not, the word you probably want to use is ‘upset’. Unless you’re using it to mean she’s incredibly funny, in which case you’re good.
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If ever you catch yourself in the rare position where one of these words might genuinely apply, but a less historically loaded word will do, always choose the latter. Language’s history, and its impact, matters.
/end
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7. Is she ‘emotional’ or ‘too sensitive’ - displaying unprofessional excessive feeling? Or is she just not repressing all feeling, or responding to something offensive, and the word you want is ‘human’.
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8. Is she ‘bossy’ - using her position to push people around well beyond the expected scope? If not, the word you might want to use is ‘leader’.
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I haven't seen my parents since summer 2019. Because of Covid and their anti-vaccine stance they will / can not travel over the border. They did not come when I buried my husband in 2020, or any of the days I have struggled since. I am having a hard time coming to terms with this
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I am now a Canadian citizen!
Not going to lie, got a little misty during the ceremony. Thank you 🇨🇦 for letting me immigrate here!
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3. Is she ‘difficult’ - impossible to please or satisfy? If not, the word you probably want to use is ‘challenging’ or ‘particular’ or ‘sets a high bar’.
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OR, women can decide what they do with their own bodies.
But if you care about children, why not suggest men be 'prevented' from using alcohol? Alcohol was involved in 55% of domestic violence incidents, which affects 1 in 15 children each year.
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As a solo parent, I need my kids in school.
As a solo parent, I need us to not get Covid.
I hate that the lack of gov't planning makes these in direct opposition for January.
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@JKFellow
The man in the photo and I both lost our spouses. Then he and I met each other. We are now engaged to each other.
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4. Is she ‘demanding’ - insisting on something in a way that is excessive or unreasonable? If not, the words you might want are ‘expressing needs’ or ‘has expectations’.
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6. Is she ‘uptight’ - anxious or angry in a tense and overly controlled way? …actually, if she is you might want to ask yourself why your interactions are causing this response? And consider using ‘intense’ or ‘focused’.
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In 2020 my husband died. My 7yo got PTSD. My friend’s 19yo daughter died. My lab had to shut down for 4mo. My car died. My computer died. My sink pipe burst. My corkscrew broke (wtf). I thought surely this is all.
Yesterday my cousin died. He was 44.
I need this year to end.
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In
#Academia
there are some common ‘good practice’ mentoring things. But we can do more – much more – than the basics, without it taking a ton of time. Here are some of the more unique mentoring things I do.
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The demands of early career and early parenthood lead to neglecting yourself, and it becomes a habit. You forget what it felt like to have yourself as a valid priority and not a guilty pleasure.
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And while I have your attention - this is also a *very* important related point:
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I sold my late husband’s truck and bought an eBike today from
@LdnOntBikeCafe
, which I am thrilled with. I am sure he would be both amused and mortified, and that makes me smile.
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Each umbrella is a single cell!
Indian scientist Felix Bast discovers a new species of algae off the coast of the Andaman archipelago. And it’s already threatened because of habitat destruction.
It belongs to the genus “Acetabularia” and so it is single-celled. Yup, each umbrella is one ginormous cell.
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I made space for myself – true space– because I had to in order to find myself again. And this became a silver lining from a tragedy that has so few. My own well-being is once again part of the equation. I will not forget the value of myself again.
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There really are two kinds of people. The “it was hard for me so it should be hard for everyone” and the “it was hard for me so let’s make it easier for the next person.”
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I got incredible news today. The 75th Anniversary edition of Evolution will include my work as one of “25 outstanding speciation papers written by women that will shape the future of speciation research”. I am floored (hello impostor syndrome) and so very thankful to be included.
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My 17yo just said she doesn’t want to go to school if it opens Monday. She’s all As, top of her class, and yet felt so strongly about it she calculated out how much school she can miss and still pass her classes.
Tell me again how we have to open school for kids’ mental health.
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The ‘best’ teaching evaluation comment I’ve ever heard, to a colleague: “If I had only one hour left to live, I’d spend it in your class. Because it feels like it will never end.”
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Just got the letter from the Dean supporting my promotion to Full Prof. One step closer! After this difficult year, it feels so good to have a win.
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But when I lost my husband at the start of the pandemic I couldn’t do work or family. I couldn’t function. And for the first time in 25 years, I just....stopped. And as I slowly regained myself over the months that followed I realized that I no longer felt exhausted.
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Did an anonymous survey of my lab. Favorite response:
Q: Do you think there is any favoritism in the lab?
A: No, which is a real bummer because I'm trying very hard and I definitely deserve it.
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Oh, and please drop any words to avoid that I’ve missed in the comments!
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My kids and I have been struggling since the loss of my spouse at the start of the pandemic. It's been up and down over the past year, but lately has been more difficult. Today I did something really hard for me: I asked for help.
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A few people have commented on it being concerning that I had to make this list. It's actually something to help applicants, allowing for adjusted (lowered) expectations of productivity. You are supposed to detail those impacts on productivity, but I just...can't seem to do it.
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PSA to male academics:
Many of your female colleagues, particularly those with children, are past burnout. Academia is hemorrhaging female talent.
I’m begging you to make space, lean less on administrators, volunteer for that painful committee, put in more effort as an advisor.
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The last time I went to my office was ~6 months ago. That week I grieved the shutdown of my research program, the lost opportunities for students. Then my husband died. That one week feels like yesterday, and a lifetime ago.
I went to my office again this week. It was surreal.
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Where's the society award for "survived 18 mo of parenting through a pandemic and didn't leave academia"?
Because that's the only award many of us are competitive for after 18mo of parenting through a pandemic.
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Do you ever think "Hey, I've done my research on Covid and this vaccine! I don't need to listen to the so-called 'experts'!
This quiz is for you.
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What is your favorite French word and why is it pamplemousse?
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Note that about 80% of people attend state schools, whose tuition cost is heavily impacted by a reduction in tax support.
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Today is my birthday. The last couple of days have been hard. Would you share a pic with me of someplace beautiful you have been?
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I get the arguments for not doing in-person conferences. I really do. But not having them has killed a significant piece of my joy and creativity in science. I've been in a slump without them. In-person conferences are critical for sparking new ideas and collaborations for me.
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I am simultaneously so proud of myself right now and cringing at how long this took. I just submitted revisions for a paper that were requested right before my husband died, 1.5 years ago.
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Why yes
I am assertive (aggressive)
In how I take (bossy)
A seat at the table (diversity hire)
And will not apologize (abrasive)
For being (emotional)
In this space (working mom)
As an equal (pushy).
I will not.
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I have, and will continue to be, critical of areas where my uni can improve. But
@WesternU
's level of compassion and support in a crisis was truly remarkable. Universities – strive to be the type of place that gets a faculty member to write you a love letter like this.
11/end
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Don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t go to for advice.
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Today is my late husband’s birthday. He is forever age 50. Having some feels about it.
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I had a paper from my postdoc data I finally submitted. It was so painful getting it done after so long. I then got the request for revisions right as Covid hit, then my husbands death. I finally got those revisions done. Today, this. It’s never too late, people.
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Solo parenting is really freaking hard. Solo parenting three kids, with everyone still grieving, during a pandemic, while working full time as an academic is just...it's hard.
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Since my husband died, it's been a hard slog as a working solo parent of 3 kids. Honestly, 'hard' doesn't come close. I've been struggling. A lot. But the love of my friends, the support, wow, that bring me to tears. I just felt the need to say that here. You all are amazing.
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My students wrote final papers on different aspects of reproduction. One student ended theirs with: "If there is one thing males of different species have in common it’s the audacity." I'm 💀
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A student wrote to say that, a while ago, my words of kindness and encouragement kept them from killing themselves. I didn’t know. They just seemed like they could use some supportive words. And I am so grateful that I wrote the words.
Always write the words of kindness.
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The relief I feel in this moment, that I don't have to just keep slogging and struggling, is profound. The relief of the response being compassion and understanding, is profound. Leaders: be that person for your people.
/end
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I've struggled a lot with anxiety ever since my husband died. Today I ran a bunch of errands. Store to store to store. It was hard, the anxiety was constant. But I did it. And I'm apparently at the point where it feels like a win just running errands. I'll take it.
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At no point in this headline did I know what the next word was going to be.
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“When you lose someone, you don’t lose them all at once, and their dying doesn’t stop with their death. You lose them a thousand times in a thousand ways. You say a thousand goodbyes. You hold a thousand funerals.”
-
@ProfSaraSeager
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Male in my department, after I received a Canada Research Chair position:
"Congrats. You know, I could have gotten one of those, but I'm not a woman."
He was apparently unaware of the historical and ongoing bias of them being given more often to men. So more kudos to me?
What is the best compliment you received that was actually intended as an insult?
For me, it was a senior scientist years ago at a post-seminar reception: “I was expecting to hear more cutting-edge work. The work you described was so...simple, anyone could do it.”
#Festivus
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Still unsure about the vaccine?
Every hospital in the country has a COVID unit, not a Vaccine Injury unit.
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These are the only people in this group I'd want as my doctor.
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Single parents buying gifts for yourselves so you have something under the tree: I see you.
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Here's a pic of what a 7 week old developing fetus and associated tissues really looks like and actual size. This is what would be removed in an abortion. This is what they think is worth more than a woman's autonomy and life.
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I keep hearing folks say “Academia is a marathon not a sprint.”
Except you are expected to go full speed from grad school to tenure. That’s 15 years. You are sprinting for the length of a marathon. We need to be honest about this.
#AcademicChatter
#academia
#AcademicTwitter
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It’s incredible watching someone whose hand I held during her abortion at 19, allowing her to finish university and choose the path she wanted, now argue that other women shouldn’t get to make that decision for themselves.
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I was able to see family in person for the first time since my husband died over a year ago. To get a hug. There aren’t words.
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This video is straight-up awesome!
Most people think of fruit flies as an annoyance in the kitchen. But Amanda Moehring, PhD (
@FlyBehaviour
) is using the insects to study the underlying genes and neurons affecting complex behaviours, such as aggression and sex drive.
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This fall I am teaching a class on 'Evolution and Reproduction'. I love teaching this class.
What is your favorite mind-blowing reproduction thing that I should include?
Separately - anyone working in this area interested in giving a guest lecture on YFT (your favorite topic)?
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Tomorrow is the anniversary of my husband's death; the following day is my birthday. I'm having a lot of feelings. I hate that the loss still hurts this much. I am grateful for the life that makes the loss of it still hurt this much.
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Tomorrow is the anniversary of my husband’s tragic death. The next day is my birthday. It’s a hard week. Every time I circle past this gravity well of grief, it pulls me in. Here’s to an optimistic trajectory out the other side.
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@christen_rexing
You found the words I was missing. Yes, it is revisiting trauma. I decided to stop trying to enter that space and submitted it as it is.
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