Firr
@Firr
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I invented the furry fandom. You're welcome.
he/him/his
Joined July 2008
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I'm currently unemployed.
A recruiter lined me up an interview.
...With the employer that just fired me.
I wish I was making that up
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My favorite Chinese takeout place is going out of business and when I mentioned that this place has the best hot and sour soup the cook recorded a voice memo on my phone with the recipe, including all the specific brand name stuff I needed.
My God.
This is better than sex.
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As I got to my car, I had one final moment with the old boss.
"I just have one question for you."
"What?"
I ripped off my mustache in one dramatic swipe.
"How did you know it was me?'
"Get out of here"
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They spent an hour of their time interviewing a reliable well qualified candidate, but ultimately realize that it wasn't going to work.
I got like 8 bucks in snacks.
Who really won here?
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So now the biggest question.
Do I wear a top hat and mustache?
Or do I wear my old uniform to show my commitment?
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I bought this computer about a year ago for 50 bucks just so I could have a cheap computer to play music and watch YouTube in the workshop.
I had to open it, and there was this mystery component just sitting there unconnected.
I think I just made my return on investment. Lol
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SO I HEARD YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A NEW PROGRAMMER
MAY I ASK WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR PREVIOUS EMP[LOYEE???
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He sat back down with the hiring manager. Hiring manager was furious I didn't mention I just got fired from this place.
I just said I couldn't recall! Things change so much in 2 weeks, you know.
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Look.
I'm stable right now doing freelancing. I got actual interviews lined up.
So I have no issue taking a bit of time out of my day to have some fun.
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Holy shit. He sat down. Super serious. "So are you here to really reinterview for this job?"
"I don't understand the re part, but I would like to know more about this role".
He left. This is quickly getting police interrogation levels of awkward.
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The secret ingredient, and he made me take a picture of the bottle, is this soy sauce specifically.
It cost me $1.49
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The fact that I'm still sitting in this office after over an hour is an absolute win, as far as I'm concerned.
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"so I'm not getting the job?" As I intentionally make all the wrong turns to leave.
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"you seem like an ideal candidate, but I'm not really technical enough to ask you some hard questions. Are you okay if I go grab one of our engineers?"
Oh my god of course I am!!
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The interview manager called earlier to confirm my appointment. I expressed how excited I was to chat with about this opportunity.
C:
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Here's the recipe as I transcribed it
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It's gonna be a minute, they're in a meeting until 2.
He brought more snacks!!
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My phone still connects to wi-fi, guess they haven't turned that off yet.
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"I think I've seen you around. Did you ever freelance here before?"
"I think so", I said. "I've freelanced a lot of places" not saying a single lie
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The gentleman at the front desk was unfazed by my glorious facial accoutrement. Waiting to get called back by the interview manager.
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He stepped out for a minute, asked if I needed anything. I mentioned I skipped lunch I was so nervous so he brought snacks!!
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The hiring manager is a guy that I haven't met before. He's asking the usual questions. The resume I passed doesn't have my old job listed by name, but it's a copy paste of the job listing.
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This poor hiring manager is so confused and not sure what's going on, he's defaulting to "grab something from the snack basket in the hallway"
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"welcome to company. Here's a vending machine pretzel and a share size bag of gummy bears
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Unfortunately, I'm in the wrong building for any of my direct co-workers to see. I'm in a weird almost windowless office so drive by contact seems slim. I hope he gives me a tour!
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I'm sure that engineering realized I'm here and are planning their attack strategy.
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Chat went well! He had to run though, so I'm back in the waiting area to go head over to the other building and meet the engineering team. It took a minute for me to collect all the snacks.
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They're bringing in a guy from shows. I've seen him in the break room one it twice but don't think I ever spoke outside of hellos.
Let's see if my disguise holds.
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One year I went to Defcon and left an old laptop out with "Do your worst" written on it.
I cam back to it a few hours later and it hadn't even been touched.
...Till I booted it up the next day and glitter spewed out of the fans on the back.
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Went back there to see if I could snag the cook's info and the place was already closed. (I got the recipe like a month ago, just made it last night.)
I hope they enjoy their retirement.
But new Peruvian... :9
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Oh you're a furry? Which kind, the West coast tech worker with an obscure fetish or the artist living in a shared house with a bunch of square Ikea shelving?
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I got a new graphics card and I'm upset cause the installation instructions are AMAZING
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Github went down and everyone that can fix it is at anthrocon.
Good luck everybody else!
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For the record, if Fox News reaches out to you for an interview, this is the only acceptable response.
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A bunch of years ago I got hired to dj for a tour sponsored by monster.
Since they didn't want you drinking from anything that wasn't their brand. And since drinking nothing but sugar is a bad idea they gave everyone water that look like monster.
I wish I kept a few cans.
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Coworker called me a faggot at 9am today.
Coworker no longer works here.
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Watching another random guy slipping and falling into an open vat of brightly colored ooze and stumbling out as twenty foot tall rubber dragon drone.
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At Defcon last year I left out a laptop, completely unsecured. No one touched it. I was kinda disappointed.
Today I opened up the case and found about half a pound of glitter in it.
I couldn't be more proud or angry
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Two years ago I made a VR chat map that was a complete knock off of the taskmaster house.
It got a dmca like in two weeks.
Fast forward to today and I just finished a contract helping build the map for the official licensed game.
Who says fanart doesn't get you anywhere lol
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Found out my old job recalled an employee from maternity leave after her child died at three weeks.
Absolute fucking ghouls.
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I totally get not wanting to talk about politics. Having a "no politics talk" rule is totally fine!
Side note: things that aren't politics:
-Trans people are people. Their pronouns aren't debatable.
-Police brutality is a problem
-Nazi furs need to fuck off
-Black lives matter
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This year's Fibonacci convention is supposed to be as big as the last two put together...
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Got to the office at new job this morning.
There was a plush skunk on my desk from the CEO who visited on Friday and my coworker asked "how was the furry con?"
Guess someone found my Twitter.
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Listening to an Epic brony dubstep album. It's a freemium title in honor of Movember. Now I just gotta get some noms before MW3 comes out.
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LAWYER CALLED.
LAWSUIT AGAINST FORMER LANDLORD FILED.
YOU'RE GOING DOWN BOB.
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They say an average person eats 8 spiders a year in their sleep. You want to be normal don't you? Then eat the spiders.
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Well.
I just had the most embarrassing experience of my life.
It all started when I had to use the toilet.
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OH BOY
OH MAN
MICROSOFT IS CALLING ME
MY COMPUTER HAS A VIRUS!!!!!
THEY WANNA TEAMVIEWER IN TO SHOW ME WHAT'S WRONG
Good thing I have -just- the VM pre built for this :D :D :D :D
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Here's my hot take:
Wearing tac gear at a furry con makes you a bad person.
I do not care if your character wears it or if you think it's cool. At this point you know exactly what it means to other attendees and wearing it shows at the very least a lack of care.
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I came home to a giant box on my door.
This was inside.
What the fuck
What the fuck
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That hard drive tweet exposed me to some of the worst people on this platform.
I had to deal with my personal information being doxxed, someone calling the police on me, and 48 hours of harassment over a completely baseless idea a hard drive I had had illegal content.
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Work: "since it's pride month, we'll be hosting a lunch and learn about inclusivity with free catered food. If you're working from home, we'll be providing doordash'ed meals"
The meal they provided:
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Did you enjoy the last con you went to?
Thank a staffer.
Can't find a con staffer? Thank a babyfur. It's basically the same thing.
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The Sheraton that is hosting
@FurryFiesta
didn't pay the $5 a month bill for their brightsign cloud license so now the projector that was shooting a logo on their floor is asking them to go pay their bill. Lol
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HEY GUYS so I work nights! Which means I'm sleeping most of the day. So don't do this!
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A gigantic whopping "FUCK YOU" to whoever put this on my car when it was parked at the airport.
You're legitimately a piece of shit and you don't even know how to put on stickers correctly.
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