Feral Heather (she/her)
@FeralHeather
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Mediocre writer. Excellent underseller. Researching: 19th century 📖literature & 🌲land policy |🔥fire | 🌿invasives | ✊🏼disability | ✍🏼poetry, fiction, & CNF
Patwin (Suisunes) Lands
Joined April 2021
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“COVID is over. Take off your mask sweetie so I can see that beautiful smile”
Her eyes sparkled as she pulled down her mask. Where her mouth should have been gaped a swirling black abyss, tentacles writhing, clasping the man’s neck, dragging him into the ether of eternity.
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Understand the stakes of this: Montana is full of Neo-Nazis, a veritable nest of rightwing extremism. True bravery to take this stand. Solidarity with you Montana students & faculty ✊🏼
from a former Montanan
🚨 the university of montana has joined the international student movement for a free palestine
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Twitter: can you help me find this woman? She was my “Big Sister” (from Big Brothers Big Sisters) in early 2000s in Marin County, CA. She saved my life when I was an at-risk youth enduring extreme trauma and abuse.
I want to tell her thank you.
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Something that haunts me: years ago my mom, an alcoholic, went to rehab to get clean. My grandparents who grew up soaked in alcohol culture —prolific partiers/socialites their entire lives —went sober in solidarity.
Except it turns out they didn’t…🧵 (an essay on access)
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It’s getting real goofy having to beg for access at conferences.
Me: “I am disabled and at high risk of severe COVID outcomes. What safety measures are in place to make this event equitable & inclusive?”
Organizers: “uhhhh...”
It’s been almost 3 years. Figure it out.
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So when I see people who won’t wear a mask to protect me, or make any efforts at access, I feel really sad for them. They must never have seen modeled what real care can look like. Not a sacrifice, but an adaptation. Growing to fit the contours of the people you care about.
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My doctor had me wearing N95s during the 2017-2019 wildfires because smoke can kill me due to my asthma. In fact, majority people wore masks in 2017-2019 wildfires to the point it became a symbol of resilience— N95s as wedding attire were a thing
Is there really anyone who doesn’t remember seeing ppl masking pre-covid? I often would see 😷 at my local outlet mall. Also when traveling-always saw a few ppl masked on ✈️, in Drs office waiting rm. I think ppl have politicized masks so much they have scrubbed their memories
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I won’t step into the DoorDash discourse pit
except to say that for 400+ years, many able-bodied white men haven’t had to cook themselves meals because someone else did/does that labor UNPAID.
Consider who is going after disabled women right now for using meal delivery & why.
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Unfortunately I have trauma-related memory loss and I cannot remember her name. But largely thanks to her I made it through. I’ve since volunteered myself as a “Big Sister” to an at-risk youth & also tutored at-risk youth at a rehab facility to help others the way she helped me.
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At UC Davis: we have a serial killer running amok who has killed 3 people in close proximity to campus in less than a week, students are terrified & demanding online options, & we just received an email from campus administration that in-person instruction will go on anyway
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Disorienting to complete my mandatory 2024 training for my workplace on COVID-19 & OSHA. The training says COVID is airborne! & to wear respirators to prevent illness! & to isolate if you test positive & alert the workplace and all your contacts!
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Because when you love someone, you want to be with them. You want to understand and care for them. The what/how of the activity —what you wear or drink, how fast you talk — is less important than the who. Truly being together means a good faith effort to meet everyone’s needs.
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Because of some good advice on this thread: I left my contact info with BBBS so she can choose to contact me (or not if she doesn’t want to!). I am hoping she sees this post so she can contact me directly. No need publicly name her. Thank you all for your kind words & help!
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If she needed help, there would be more thuds at a faster pace. If emergency was happening — like when I had an asthma attack! —she would rapid fire a lot of thuds in a row. This meant “hurry the fuck up!!!” Their love language was very loud! 😂
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COVID is a labor issue. A workplace safety issue. A disability discrimination issue. For the bazillionth time: unions need to take up COVID protections. Yesterday.
Study: Labor, Retail and Service Workers Experienced 68% of Deaths in First Year of COVID-19 Pandemic
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And I think about this in relation to “disability accommodations,” or “accessibility needs,” or what I argue are just needs. My mom said she couldn’t be around drinking or alcohol. This was a sobriety access need. So my grandparents re-organized their entire lives around that.
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I am still very sick. But last night being sick was a blessing, because I woke up at 2am drenched in sweat, heart palpitations, and as I was awake I heard singing chorus frogs, 2 great horned owls & 1 barn owl, & this strange banging sound. Outside my window were masked invaders
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Never saw my grandparents drink. Not once. Because my mom was often in rehab or jail or treatment, & my dad worked absurd hours to keep us afloat, I spent much of my childhood with my grandparents. It baffles me how they kept their drinking & secret stash so discrete!
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@tkinias
Some horrible criminals have figured out you can get around most of their pay walls by printing the article and viewing the print preview, or from a computer viewing the source code for the web page. For sure don’t do this unethical behavior.
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My witty grandpa was often excluded from conversation because people were not patient enough to repeat themselves louder (he had a hearing aid, ASL was never an option). When he & my dad were together, they could slow down. Be understood.
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I also think of how my dad w/ ALS couldn’t talk, & my deaf grandpa couldn’t hear. They joked they had the “perfect friendship.” But they truly did! My dad wrote to communicate, very slowly due to the muscle atrophy. Few nondisabled folks patient enough to “listen.”
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The location: wheelchair accessible for my dad. No alcohol to protect my mom’s sobriety. Everyone hushing when my dad wrote on his pad. My grandpa reading it aloud, with dramatic affect, making everyone laugh because he understood best my dad’s sharp humor.
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Now I understand all of this as disability access. It wasn’t hard. It flowed naturally, for the most part. It was just part of love. My family was dysfunctional in many other ways but this was an example of their love that stuck with me.
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And my deaf grandpa & hearing grandma developed their own system of communication: broom thuds. E.g. when dinner was ready she would thud 3x on the kitchen floor with a broom handle (2nd floor) so my grandpa (working downstairs) would feel the vibrations & go up to eat.
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Guess what we found? A massive hidden trove of alcohol behind a secret wall panel. Enough to run a speakeasy out of their suburban garage.
And they kept that secret from my mom for like 50 years. She even lived with them during much of that time! None of us knew! 🤯
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Together comes from the Old English “tōgædere”: to gather. To gather is to shed individualism for the collective. To think as many rather than one; to include the needs of everyone in the group. When I think of “together,” I think of my few happy memories of family gatherings.
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Everyone in my family is a loud talker. My husband has to warn me all the time to lower my volume, “use your inside voice,” because I talk VERY LOUDLY. And the reason for this is because my grandpa always asked me to talk louder. I adapted to his needs. Proud of my voice!
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My dad is long dead. But I think all the time how much harder it would have been for him in this world. It seems meaner now. Like people see anyone that slows them down or asks them to adjust, even slightly, as disposable. Wearing a mask is so easy!
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A former extrovert like my grandpa, now I’m mostly alone b/c people deny me access. It hurts. I spend more time with the dead than the living. But ghosts are good company. They teach me to be in the world in a way that’s different. To move in love. “Access is love” —
@SFdirewolf
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Update: WE FOUND HER!!!!! Thank you for all your help! Wow, the internet can be a mean place but it can also be an amazing place. She reached out. We are now friends on social media. Will update y’all if she consents & is willing to share. Thank you again everyone 😭❤️
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In ER, even though I really didn’t want to go (Dr. told me to) & they won’t let me wait outside despite being high-risk for severe COVID. Nurse with mask under nose, coughing patient. This is why a lot of high risk disabled folks staying home despite needing care. (1/?)
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My grandpa was roommates with Hugh Hefner in college. Yeah, that Hugh Hefner. Yeah, when he started Playboy magazine. In the 50s & 60s, my grandpa and his business associates/friends rolled with the likes of Hefner & The Rat Pack.
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In their day partying was key to business success. My charming grandpa worked his way up from poor Swedish immigrant to CEO of a major insurance company. Alcohol culture lubricated his success. Here they are at the grand opening of his friend Hefner’s Playboy Club in 1960.
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My great grandparents on both the Polish/Russian & Swedish sides (1st gen immigrants) were allegedly infamous bootleggers in Chicago. That��s the environment my grandparents grew up in.
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After they died, & long after my mom got sober (from alcohol, not drugs, but that’s another story), I was the responsible, sober granddaughter in the shitshow of my family drama. So I had to go through their stuff to prepare for the estate sale.
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Someone I love dearly also has a severe allergy to a commonly prescribed medication & the amount of times I have personally witnessed doctors try to give them this medication anyway is terrifying. Hint: nearly every hospital visit. The only thing stopping them is often me!!! (1/3
every. single. time. that i have to go to the hospital for my asthma, i tell them i'm allergic to albuterol and every time they're like "we'll just give it to you anyway + something for the allergy" but my allergic reaction to albuterol is anaphylaxis soooo...
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Guess which high risk disabled person has a high fever after being forced to be around maskless people this past week, despite making it this entire time without getting COVID?
If shit goes sour, please know my ghost will haunt the shit out of ableists. Politicize me! (1/
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While access flowed naturally in my family, not so in the wider world. Like when a carefully planned picnic at the park was ruined because some asshole parked on the white stripes next to the ADA space & so my dad couldn’t lower the ramp to get his wheelchair out.
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Within the past 2 weeks, several of my HCW friends told me they are on COVID infection # 8-10 (!!!).
What are we doing here?
How is this sustainable?
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Luckily most people learned quickly. My dad had the patience of a saint and took the time to educate people about his needs, about the ADA, about the way people’s behavior could affect others positively or negatively. He modeled for me what it means to be an advocate.
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Spending my morning crying because I regularly worked 60-80 hours per week since Nov. & my union won’t give me strike pay & the UC is taking back pay so basically I worked the last three months for free while both massively lucrative systems profited from my labor.
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Part of addressing r*pe culture is acknowledging the ways it weaves throughout our lives. And maybe one day I will tell that story. But today is not that day & an access need for me & my PTSD is blocking trolls who attack me in bad faith. Constructive critique welcomed, though
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I’ve had students fall asleep in class. When asked about it, it’s almost always a good reason: they are unhoused, have to work night shift, caregive a family member that requires intense nighttime support, got new meds, etc.
It is evil to punish someone for falling asleep.
BREAKING: Detroit judge who ordered teen into jail clothes, handcuffs during field trip is sidelined
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@histoftech
N95s. To my knowledge, never have had COVID or other URI since 2020 (test regularly). Significantly cut down # & severity of smoke and allergen induced asthma attacks. Because I am gentle with them, 1 lasts me about a week (unless I get real sweaty or weather is bad). ~$2-4/week
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RE: the current mask debate: the lone maskers in otherwise dangerous unmasked crowds can be ambassadors. By that I mean: a lot of people think “no one else is masking so I won’t” because that’s what they see in certain spaces. Survivorship bias. (1/
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I am adding this context because some people are coming in hot and aggressive that I mentioned Hefner, even after acknowledging this crucial history. Sorry, even feel good stories sometimes include people who do bad things.
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further info: CW: SA
Hefner was a r*pist. My inclusion of him in this story is not an endorsement but to shorthand the kind of party culture my grandpa was a part of. As a SH/A survivor, the longer Playboy thread is a *different* story I am not ready to tell.
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Update: I am in contact with Big Brothers Big Sisters. They are looking into it! They say it can take a few weeks. Someone also recognized this person (credible lead) & has reached out to person we think is Big Sister, so, fingers crossed, this is them! Will let you know.
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This is consistent with how they treat disabled students & workers in the continuing COVID-19 pandemic: in-person at all costs. Isn’t our job to protect students? Shouldn’t that be our
#1
priority? Why are exams being treated as more important than student lives?
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Raccoons! The same two from a few weeks ago, eating spilled dog food. Along with their possum pal. Watched them chowing down for a while & it made me so happy, witnessing this thriving little backyard ecosystem.
Mystery solved…possum & raccoon!
Video descriptions: 1. Possum walks across the yard 2. Two raccoons drink water, cupping it in their cute little hands
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As a disabled person, I would much rather risk a nondisabled person “abusing” a tool that should be freely available for everyone than deny a disabled person the access they need out of a weird urge to police imagined future “cheaters.” Secondly… (1/
@Yale
I'm just so tired of "accessibility". If someone requests the accessible shuttle, it should be granted - no questions asked. TBH it's not better than the regular shuttle. Just ableds thinking ppl will abuse it, but as usual it just makes it
#inaccessible
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How do we get people to stop doing eugenics to us then, Hank? Tell us how to say the thing in a way it will be heard.
I’ve seen hundreds of people — including me — say “please mask so I can exist in the world” in so many words… that hasn’t worked. Proper channels: ignored.
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@SFdirewolf
Another correction: they kept it a secret from my mom for like *30 years. I miscalculated time 😫 my apologies for this and for getting confused about origins of “Access is love” movement
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@unionguy216
Sadly most of my peers in at-risk yourh facilities are now either addicts, incarcerated, or dead. A lot of my success is thanks to privilege, and one of those privileges was having mentors like my Big Sister. Thank you for sharing your dad with kids who needed him ❤️
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My conference proposal was accepted but the venue was not COVID-safe & not set up to include disabled people. I emailed organizers resources from
@DisabledAcadem
&
@PeoplesCDC
& they agreed to provide me virtual disability accommodations & render future conferences hybrid 🎉
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@hillbilliewitch
Oh my goodness! I never took off that hat. The kids at school give me the nickname “The Hat”!
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Y’all I am having some sudden scary symptoms. Not sure what is going on. Going to doctor appt in a few hours, the soonest they could get me in while avoiding ER. In case I lose consciousness: just want you to know how much I have appreciated you all. It’s been (🧵)
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Correction: third victim in critical condition but not dead. Regardless, 3 stabbings.
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Accessibility shouldn’t be slipshod performativity after someone asks. It should be built into the event — and advertised as such. It baffles me that folks are complaining no one participating in their events but doing absolutely nothing to protect attendees.
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husband just got cussed out at the gas station for wearing an N95. They screamed at him that he is “ruining his life” 🤷🏻♀️
Thanks to us masking, we got to spend the day with my elderly, severely immunocompromised family members with cancer. So actually we love life, thank you 💜
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Then they try to argue us into giving it. No! This patient has almost died several times from this medication. Anaphylaxis! Talk about hyper vigilance. The medical system tries to kill them every time they seek care. No wonder they avoid doctors even in emergencies! (3/3)
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Disappointed — but not surprised —that a conference whose organizers told me directly they would be hybrid going forward for accessibility purposes… isn’t.
Please take diversity statements off your org websites if you’re going to intentionally exclude disabled people.
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Yesterday, before this most recent attack, ASUCD’s Academic Affairs Commission (AAC) demanded hybrid and/or remote options (among other flexibilities) for students, at least until the killer is caught.
Why can’t we listen to students for once?
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Twitter dendrologists, mycologists, &/or oak pathologists, I need your help:
what the heck did I stumble upon in the oak woodlands yesterday?
Fallen oak. San Ramon/Dublin area. Looks like fungus is Stereum ostrea? But what causes this pattern? Exposed xylem & phloem? Mycelia?
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I want to feel better. But, until then, it comforts me to hear other beings, healthy and free, thriving out there. I’m just one thread in this vast fabric of nature. One day my nutrients will redistribute, & my atoms will live on in the swirl of being— hopefully nourishing others
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Like half the people in the blood lab this morning were wearing masks, with a good portion wearing respirators. This is a huge uptick since the last few times I’ve gone (I go regularly). Encouraging to see!
Any ideas about why?
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Kaiser workers: this is a really bad look. It is not solidarity with your colleagues who deserve a safe work environment. It is not solidarity with patients, many of whom are union workers. If the entire point of your strike is allegedly patient safety, then protect patients.
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Me, a childless woman who was once a free lunch kid, to government free lunch programs
i don't have kids and i'm never going to have kids but i'm extremely happy to feed them with my tax money
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A group of rightwing Zionist scholars from the Weizmann institute, led by a scholar named Oded Rechavi, orchestrated a coordinated effort to oust Michael Eisen as eLife editor & bullied him off Twitter. Why? Because he dared to criticize the genocidal actions of Israel. (1/5)
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It is listed in their chart. It is one of the first things we tell the doctors when this person seeks medical care. And yet…? We have to double check what medication they administer us: “is X in this?” Nurse: “Yeah, why?” 🤯 “because the patient is allergic???” (2/3)
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I hope every disabled/immunocompromised child’s family sues the school district when their kids are inevitably hospitalized, killed, or end up with long COVID.
The position-holders running this school district are abhorrent.
In a turnaround from 2020’s strict stay-at-home COVID protocols, students can now go to class even if they test positive, Oakland school district officials said.
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Just had the best (hybrid) conference experience ever. Crying now because I didn’t think I would ever get to attend a conference again after so many inexplicably moved to “maskless in-person only.” Thank you to all who work to include disabled scholars. Your efforts matter.
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@DifrancescoAlex
@lesbrains
They are also super nutritious and edible for people! I made fried dandelion flowers, dandelion tea, grind up roots and dry them out for a delicious diuretic coffee-like tea, ear leaves in salads or wilted with spinach, chard. Yum!
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I’ll respond to your bad faith question in good faith: I want him to say “Out of an abundance of caution, given what we know of the risks of long COVID, I will be taking a hiatus from work.” Then sharing links to resources for everyday Americans to access COVID prevention & care.
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Just want to say:
I love the disability justice—Pro-Palestine—COVID-safe(r) community. People with consistent praxis are precious.
You all give me life and purpose.
Thank you for existing!
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I love the sound of acorns falling on the roof of our shed. The skittering little claws of squirrels on the walls. Coyotes yipping and howling in the distance. Turkeys and skunk nosing through fallen oak leaf piles.
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I’ve seen folks in the ER, when they see us come in, go to the neglected free mask box and grab one to put on. A lot of people are followers, not leaders. They will change up if they see something modeled, reassurance they aren’t the only ones. (3/
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Many entering ER maskless despite the fact that the masks are in the entry room before coming into ER. Many wearing under their noses. How hard is it to put a freaking mask on the right way? Why are people so clueless & selfish? Medically vulnerable people need care too (4
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😳…
wear an N95 wear an N95 wear an N95 wear an N95 wear an N95 wear an N95 wear an N95 wear an N95 wear an N95 wear an N95 wear an N95 wear an…
UC Davis has at least one contagious case of tuberculosis on campus (in addition to raging COVID surge)
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Anyway seems like maybe Cal-OSHA guidance could be a defense against the bullshit mask bans, at least through 2025.
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For those that missed it there was just an hours-long caucus with 200+ disabled UAW2865 workers begging our bargaining team not to sell us out on the Access Needs article & stay strong against UC’s bad faith bargaining & ableism
#UCAccessNow
#FairUCNow
(1/
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Employees have the right to request a respirator at no cost and without fear of retaliation
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Let’s take action now to protect unhoused community members:
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But even just one mask in a crowd sews doubt, if not cognitive dissonance. My husband and I, on multiple occasions, have walked into an otherwise maskless space. People immediately ask us “is something going around?” “Is COVID back?” Or “are masks required here again?” (2/
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@jlsmilges
Thank you for doing that! I wish I had someone like you around in my first years teaching— could have saved me & students a ton of heartache until I finally learned better. Too much of this persists because no one speaks up & everyone feels pressure to maintain ableist status quo
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All of these scholarly orgs are like “networking can make or a break an academic career! Now that the pandemic is over, we are hosting these networking events for grad students!” Zero online options, no masks. Pandemic isn’t over. Disabled students yeeted from ivory tower.
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just found out that jury duty in San Francisco still requires universal masking. Meanwhile Solano County is refusing to honor my ADA request for masking at jury duty. Their rationale? That it is a “fundamental alteration” of the program.
Nope. If SF is doing it, Solano can too
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My half-baked hypothesis is that the visibility of mask-wearing in the college encampments on the news all over the place is doing heavy PR for aligning disability justice with broader concerns of justice and CARE. Maybe a politicization *towards care*?
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By virtue of simply existing in spaces in a mask it changes the dynamic, even if it seems subtle. Folks can no longer assuage themselves with the thought “I can get away with being risky because vulnerable people don’t come here.” (4/
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Surprised — delighted — that this fever-fueled rambling reverberates with you all. May you, too, be blessed by visits from more-than-human natures. May flowers blossom wherever you step. May butterflies flurry around you. May delight overwhelm our collective suffering.
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Hoping I make it out of this current crisis so I can continue to repay the thousand kindnesses from friends & strangers. To tell more stories. Either way, may you all be forever blessed. May birdsong brighten your darkest days. May flowers bloom along your path.
love,
Heather
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Update: I’m told “spree killer” more apt label than “serial killer.” UC Davis enabling online classes after 6pm… but it is as naive to assume killings won’t happen during the day as it was when they claimed they arrested the suspect before stabbing
#3
happened.
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I am so tired of asking my union (UAW2865) to hold meetings with the bare minimum of accessibility. Literally every meeting. For the last year. Can’t even be bothered to enable captions. But we are supposed to trust them to enforce disability protections in our contract LOL ok 👍🏼
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If folks really feel DoorDash is not the way, I sure hope they are donating to services like Meals on Wheels
The waiting lists are long, & even when you make it in (like my dad did due to his ALS) it isn’t enough to be the sole source of nutrition
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They put me in a room (appears to be some kind of storage room, I’m with a treadmill & a bunch of random medical equipment) but probably safer here than out there (can definitely hear air filter here). Nurses really nice so there is that. Grateful for human kindness. (5
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Sad to report that in a 10-9 vote UAW 2865 sacrificed disabled workers for… 0 concessions from UC. They killed the article behind closed doors. Zero accountability or respect for disabled workers.
#FairUCNow
#VoteNo2865Contract
#AbleistsResignNow
#Renuncia2865
#UCAccessNow
For those that missed it there was just an hours-long caucus with 200+ disabled UAW2865 workers begging our bargaining team not to sell us out on the Access Needs article & stay strong against UC’s bad faith bargaining & ableism
#UCAccessNow
#FairUCNow
(1/
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@arghavan_salles
Literally every wedding invite I’ve declined due to lack of COVID precautions, the host(s) or attendees let me know a few weeks later, smiling and laughing, that there was an outbreak that resulted from the wedding
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