Literally The Joker IRL
@FanSince09
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Following
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Philly sports has made me become the joker if he became an even worse joker.
South Jersey ✈️ Hollywood
Joined December 2010
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呪術廻戦
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FEMA
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Eagles
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Chiefs
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#GHDBT4
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Courtois
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Elsa
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Kris Kristofferson
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Browns
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Ancelotti
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PRENDAN EL CIRIO
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Herbert
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Flacco
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Maite
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Koke
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#朝ドラおむすび
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The Purge
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Nacho
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Rashee Rice
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Cardinals
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#RaiseHail
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Cholo
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Talleres
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Pinned Tweet
*Joker voice* Wanna know how sports gave me these mental scars?
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Fetterman is the first democrat in a long time to run on “fuck this guy” right off the bat instead of “my opponent is a good guy I disagree with” and Dems need to embrace there wholeheartedly
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we legit had a war to show how much we do not do this
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this dude drops slurs and then straight up says “if my unit sees this I’m dead” so it would suck if this blows up more and his unit finds out
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Gouverneur Morris, who wrote the final draft of the constitution, died because he put a whale bone up his dick. I think it's OK to edit the document.
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Kamala may win PA by double digits
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@hoopgoth
of all the weird ex stories I’ve seen recently, this one certainly…… takes the cake.
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Ghengis Khan’s real name is Temüjin Borjigin. Let’s make sure his employer knows what he did.
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What is the best British film of the 21st century?
We asked 60 film critics from across the country to make their selections and we've done the maths. Find out which film came out on top 👉
#BestBritishFilmOfThe21stCentury
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Every centrist politician issuing statements in the next 24 hours
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How Millennials are killing participation trophies.
BREAKING: Protesters tear down Confederate statue in Durham, North Carolina, where it stood for nearly 100 years
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Dude walked out of a cornfield just to call you a bitch
Imagine getting heckled by this guy
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I’m stepping over her to hand in my 500 mail in ballots from from dead people and pets
This was the most amazing thing that I have ever seen.
This woman BROKE HER HIP in the parking lot on Saturday while trying to vote for her Candidate Donald J. Trump in the South Carolina Republican Party primary elections. How do I know? I was there.
We immediately ran to her
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Very suspicious because the last 40 minutes are when Oppenheimer exposes and stops a sex trafficking ring
Here’s the moment our 70MM IMAX showing of OPPENHEIMER abruptly shut off with 40 min left to go.
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not only was everyone very mad and weird about this but they basically also tried to claim that this was the fattest woman anyone had ever seen
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Kennedys love not paying attention to the road with women in the car
Rep. Joe Kennedy III: "Really excited about the numbers and how they're coming in."
#MassachusettsPrimary
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What a redemption story for a team that was caught cheating, was completely unapologetic about it and suffered zero consequences whatsoever.
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Apologies to Rob Liefeld, I guess that is what a person looks like.
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He went county to county and said “look you may not agree with my politics but this guy is a huge piece of shit”
and it worked perfectly
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Dawkins woulda been too formal
The rally in Philadelphia had a "business casual" dress code and someone showed up in a Brian Westbrook jersey.
That rules.
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Mixing everclear and the panera charged lemonade to create 16 Loko
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I raw dogged a work zoom meeting today. No multitasking, no looking at twitter, no texting my coworkers “we’re dead and this is hell,” no applying to 10 other jobs.
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“The NFL is woke and anti-american” - someone sitting through 2 national anthems and a millitary acknowledgement followed by a flyover
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Jalen Reagor walked up to me, handed me an envelope of cash and said “colts money line” and I’m not even a bookie I was just wearing a tracksuit
@nfl
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People watching Handmaids Tale and being like “I bet the gas in Gilead is under $3”
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Doctor friend of mine wrote this on FB. I don’t have anything to add, just read it.
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@BBW_BFF
always haunted by the time I went to a wedding between two improv people who said “yes and” to each other instead of “I do.” I think about this every day.
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PLEASE FEED BARRON TWICE A DAY. ENJOY!
The White House confirms President Trump left a note for President-elect Biden.
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I dunno why Tár can’t be in the next fast and furious movie. Just have them go to her Long Island childhood home and she’s like “Well well well, Dominic Torreto” and it turns out she’s been holding a supercar for him in her garage
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this is 100% true. He had a urinary blockage and through the best idea would be to shove a whale bone up there to clear it out. The founding fathers were dopes - change that document as much as humanly possible.
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Blackthorne: You tell him that the Flyers are an absolute disgrace to the game of Hockey!! Yes Yes, I know they had no goalie but losing 8 in a row doomed them. Torts isn’t the guy and they need to clean house!
Mariko: The Ajin is displeased about sports.
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Ben Simmons doing a commercial where he gets the vaccine and says “This is one shot I WOULD take” boosts the overall vaccine numbers by at least 5% immediately
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Rep. Omar: It’s all about the benjamins
Republicans: This is vile anti-semitism.
Trump: *to a room full of jews* You people only care about money.
Republicans: There is no stronger ally of the Jews than this man.
Trump, speaking to the Israeli American Council: "You're not nice people at all, but you have to vote for me. You have no choice. You're not going to vote for Pocahontas, I can tell you that. You're not going to vote for the wealth tax!"
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@TallPaul612
It’s less than 1% of all stores in the IS that are being looted. What’s next, we’re gonna mobilize the National Guard to stop car accidents and heart attacks?
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“It’s not an actual factory and it’s not just cheesecake but you’ll love it”
Travis Kelce planning ‘special’ celebration, ‘romantic dinner’ for Taylor Swift’s birthday: report
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Whenever you see the premable of the constitution remember that the man who wrote it then went home and put a whalebone up his dickhole
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He’s legit the same color as Yogurt from Spaceballs
Trump claims he saw someone shoplifting a refrigerator just the other day
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the point is that when we conceed to the "wisdom of the founding fathers" we're conceeding to the wisdom of guys who gave themselves whalebone catheters. We know more now
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A bunch of kids yelling “Build the wall” at Native American Elders really hammers home that he wall isn’t about economics or mexico or even illegal immigration, it’s about white supremacy
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this is why I an going to win a senate seat with the campaign promise to suplex Ted Cruz on the floor of the senate
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@msdanifernandez
@nypost
Christians embracing “If you break the law it’s Ok if you die” is certainly a weird evolution
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@patdrg
@PartKat
@capetownbrown
I paid for the room, unless the ghost was gonna put it on its card I wasn’t moving
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I cannot believe these 100% real replies I’ve received to a job listing. Nobody wants to work anymore!
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Tom Brady could be sitting in an air conditioned studio getting paid 300 mil to say shit like “This is where your playmakers need to make plays” and still have his marriage intact but instead he’s doing this for some reason
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also I need to clarify that Morris was one of the better founding fathers. He was a vocal abolitionist who spoke out against the south's power, wanted to suceed bc he felt the war of 1812 was an attempy by slave statesto expand their territory.
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Shaq used to be vicious with Embiid, there was one game maybe 2 years ago where I remember Joel had like 30-20 and Shaq was like "Not good enough, you need to dominate every game" and Joel said "Got it" and now he's the player he is today.
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A bunch nerds are gonna be using math and stats to show how the Astros will win and ignoring the fact that once again a weird underdog Philadelphia team has been possessed by the city itself and legit nothing else matters
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@_chaykowsky
@Shkreli__
we got here bc of years of “president trump sir how dare you please be reasonable” but when Biden said “man shut up” we won
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We’re getting close to “he had marijuana in the house” time
BREAKING: Investigator: Dallas police officer said she gave "verbal commands" that neighbor ignored before she fatally shot him.
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Philadelphia is one of the easiest cities to pander to and I'm always surprised that guys like Ben and Carson can't figure it out - Bryce Harper figured it out in 2 seconds
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Kelce joins Dawkins as a jersey you can always just default to for the next 10 years.
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Braves: we won over 100 games so statistically speaking-
Phillies: -lol dingers and vibes
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@TallPaul612
Why don’t the stores that don’t have good alarm systems just stay closed if they’re so worried about looting? Other stores will be fine.
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for this to be a legitimate 4th entry in a Rocky franchise he needs to resolve a major geopolitical struggle via boxing
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Phillies fans on Friday: If we get a split coming back to CBP we’re in good shape.
Phillies fans tonight after they get a split coming back to CBP: This is the worst possible outcome, please fire a thermonuclear warhead directly at us and put us out of our misery.
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Eagles winning the superbowl because each team they face keeps getting covid would just be incredible
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@douzmanian
most painful part of house shopping jn LA is comjng across what should be beautiful mid-century modern houses that some flipper just absolutely destroyed with generic white and marble bullshit
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It's Dennis Rodman just say it's Dennis Rodman.
BREAKING: APNewsBreak: Senior US diplomat has engaged in back-channel diplomacy with NKorea for several months; contacts ongoing.
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This happened in my community - she murdered two children and has consistently used her standing and money to spin sob stories like this about how she’s also a victim while her lawyers slow walk the proceedings and continue to torture the parents who lost their sons.
Rebecca Grossman’s perfect life became a perfect nightmare. “Everything changed in a split second—overnight,” she tells Los Angeles during a half-hour Zoom call from her lawyer’s office in October.
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My FB today featured my cousins in Israel were posting “we’re fine but there won’t be peace until we oust our fascist government and end this unsustainable occupation” followed by my jewish american relatives being like “fuck you, you’re anti-semites!”
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please listen to country music recorded before september 11, 2001 please
On the "hick-libs." 🧵
Several years ago I was shocked when I heard that a Texas country singer whose music I really enjoyed was a Beto O'Rourke-supporter (Ryan Bingham). For the life of me, I couldn't understand how someone associated with rural West Texas could be on the left.
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Kamala can win boomers over with this. They hold yelling at someone on the phone at a higher importance than being racist
BREAKING: Banks, credit card companies, and more will be required to let customers talk to a human by pressing a single button under a new Biden administration proposed rule.
The
@CFPB
rule is part of a campaign to crack down on customer service “doom loops.”
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“Aw neau I’m turnin innada woof man!” - The Wolf Man if he was from Philly
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Remember a few months ago when cops killed a guy and we were told the solution to the problem was to vote? So we all voted and the guy they told us to vote for won but the cops keep killing people. So what do we do now?
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Wow this is way worse than being told your marriage is invalid or having your spouse deported. Thoughts and prayers.
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@natefernald
Oh hey nice to meet you I'm the guy who build off of your initial work by making sure commercials are approximately 500 decibles higher than anything in the show itself
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Malcolm Jenkins has won 2 super bowls in 9 years.
The troops have been in Afghanistan for 17 years and haven’t won anything.
No, but my grandfathers have plenty of army and navy medals, which I think are a hell of a lot more honorable than a freakin Super Bowl ring. Until Malcolm Jenkins has some of those or a Medal of Honor, you can shove your stupid Super Bowl ring up your ass. Un-American degenerate
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Don Draper: Pancakes are warm and safe. They conjure up emotions of childhood breakfast at home around the table, back when we were new. But we’re not longer safe. This is not that childhood house. It’s a new house. An International House of
*Changes slides*
Burgers.
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Harden got Ben Simmons off of the Sixers and got Tyrese Maxey to take stepback threes. Put his number in the rafters
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As a white kid the first time you have indian food is like bring sucked through a portal. Your brain gets completely rewired, it’s like magic.
This incredibly sincere white guy trying Indian food for the very first time and having his mind blown is so wholesome
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@marxandlennon
confederacy: We must remember our brave losers by showing them on horseback ready to lose
union: titties
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Excited for Harden to sign a 3 year 3 million dollar/year contract with Sixers and then announce a totally unrelated 60m exclusive deal with Fanatics.
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Remember when Howard Dean was unfit to hold public office bc he made a wierd noise?
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Remember ACAB includes children dressing up as cops. No candy for them.
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NFL News:
#Colts
are expected to trade or release QB Carson Wentz before his $15M base salary becomes guaranteed on March 19th, per
@mortreport
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garauntee you that guy owns at least 3 shirts with 1776 on them too
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you don’t have to RT this anymore the guy has been IDed, we’re good. thanks everyone
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just heard the Kate Scott call of Joel’s shot. If you don’t like her you are wrong.
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The same people who believe that the majority of blue-collar americans have extensive stock portfolios are in shock that 10 people can scrooge up $200 for a U-Haul and some bedsheets
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I like Castellanos because I feel like he’d pull a gun on the entire bullpen after the 3rd straight 13-12 loss
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Now that the season is over, if you insult Joel Embiid you are insulting a man who is serving his country in the Olympic games. He’s basically a troop.
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@JaclynLeeTV
@PhillyPolice
@6abc
You don't know the stress of cake dectorating, these decorators probaby were having a bad day. Next time you need a cake decorated call a social worker to do it!!!
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Some digital manager who probably grew up in the midwest and doesn’t know anything about NL East baseball was like “have Blooper make fun of the Phanatic it’ll be good natured fun” and now they’ve seen things that will haunt them forever
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My parents and I were wearing our Keenum jerseys and leaving a movie theater and when we took a shortcut through an alley a classless Eagles fan gunned them both down. Now I dress up like a bat and assault criminals. Their gruesome but not fatal injuries are the Eagles fault.
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The FBI is a corrupt deep state organization run by the democrats except when it’s investigating Brett Kavanaugh, then they run the most thorough investigation they can and should not be questioned.
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