FDU
@FakeDanUggla
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North Carolina, USA
Joined August 2011
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Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
I’m about to tweet something so reckless and annoying in hopes of getting complete strangers to spend minutes of their day yelling at me. Please disregard.
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The MLB draft is so weird. Every pick they’re like “this kid is a hitter, he’s got power like Bonds, he’s like Griffey and Trout combined, he reminds me of a prime Albert Pujols, he’s a steal at this pick” and then you never hear about the dude ever again the rest of your life.
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I hate this. The Giants will be unstoppable with a woman running things. I used to eat ice cream at 3AM before I put a woman in charge of my life. These dudes gonna be using coasters and batting .350 all season long.
The San Francisco Giants have formally interviewed assistant coach Alyssa Nakken for their manager position, per
@extrabaggs
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Braves have lost on every other TV in the house so I got a new one just for tonight
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Braves have lost on every other TV in the house so I got a new one just for tonight
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Ronald Acuña Jr. caught the final out to clinch the division just a few feet away from where his season ended last year.
Poetic justice.
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Anonymous Mets player on Austin Riley:
“He walked in our locker room & walked right by me. And I’m like, what the hell is he coming in our locker room for?
And he walked by me & he tapped Tylor Megill on the leg, and said, ‘Lace em up, it’s gonna be a long f–-king game.”
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Braves really went and beat the Dodgers in the playoffs and hurt their feelings so bad that they started dating all of our exes to get back at us
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I feel like we dated Josh Donaldson when he was broke and unemployed and living in a van and we supported him emotionally and financially until he was back on his feet and then one day after all that growth he decided he’s better than us and hooks up with some floozy in Minnesota
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how is it possible that this team can make you forget that we have a whole ass Ronald Acuña Jr in the shop getting repairs for the next World Series run
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I forced a bot to watch 1,000 hours of Braves games and then asked it to write its own Braves game.
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Mike Trout got one year less than Bryce Harper but will make $100,000,000 more than Bryce Harper and my petty ass is at my 9-5 job waiting for gas station donuts to go on sale at noon while laughing at Bryce Harper for only making $330,000,000 instead of making Mike Trout money
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Every Christmas, I ask Santa for the Braves to finally win the World Series next year.
This Christmas, I didn’t have to ask for that. I already got it.
So I asked for back-to-back World Series wins instead. All gas no brakes, baby.
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I’m not superstitious but after watching Dansby Swanson burn some sage back in April and then proceed to acquire two rings in one year I have become a little stitious
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Phillies: we just got 13 years of Bryce Harper for $330M!
Angels: we just got 12 years of Mike Trout for $430M!
Braves:
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Sports historians won’t have a clue where to start when discussing the 2022 Mets. So many iconic moments to choose from. They are effortlessly the funniest franchise in baseball. I love them.
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NBA: we are suspended indefinitely
NCAA:
#cancelled
MLB: we are suspended indefinitely
NHL: we are suspended indefinitely
NASCAR: VROOM VROOM MOTHERFUCKERS. BOOGITY BOOGITY BOOGITY.
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the Braves make me want to punch things as well so I completely understand what Huascar Ynoa is going through
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Josh Donaldson threw that catcher like he was a weak ground ball down the third baseline 😂
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I started this dumb account back in August of 2011. It’s been ten years of shenanigans, heartbreak, and everything in between. Thanks to this silly baseball team, I’ve made lifelong friends, I’ve met and married the love of my life, and now? Now I’ve witnessed a World Series win.
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Tonight feels like one of those season-defining nights. I don’t know if I’ll ever forget the image of Brian Snitker & his boys charging across the first base line like they were taking the beaches of Normandy. It was some Saving Private Acuña shit. I love this team so damn much.
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This team is insanely powerful.
Ozzie: sneaky power
Josh: Viking power
Freddie: lefty power
Acuña: pheñom power
Markakis: veteran power
Dansby: sexy power
Camargo: switch power
Flowers: flower power
Charlie: clutch power
Ender: Twitter power
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Congrats to Bryce Harper on becoming a father.
Also, congrats to the Braves on becoming grandfathers.
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I wonder if Ronald Acuña’s back problems are from years of carrying the entire team while Freddie received all the credit
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apparently the chop isn’t racist as long as you do it sarcastically on national tv
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GOOD MORNING ALL YOU BEAUTIFUL BRAVES FANS.
WHAT DAY IS IT? IT’S OCTOBER 3RD.
AND YOUR ATLANTA BRAVES OF COBB COUNTY ARE PLAYING BASEBALL.
THE PAST IS THE PAST. INFIELD FLY BE DAMNED. IT’S A NEW DAY.
NO LONGER ARE WE CURSED.
BECAUSE TONIGHT...
WE BECOME THE CURSE.
#ChopOn
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As a result of MLB moving the All Star Game out of Atlanta, I will be boycotting the Atlanta Braves. I will not watch a single Atlanta Braves game for the rest of the day. This is a peaceful protest.
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MIKE SOROKA: NOT TOO BAD, EH?
JOSH DONALDSON. THAT’S IT. THAT’S THE TWEET.
DANSBY SWANSON IS NOW MY BOYFRIEND. HE DOESN’T KNOW IT YET BUT WE ARE NOW IN A RELATIONSHIP.
ADAM DUVALL DESERVES A STATUE AT SUNTRUST. RIGHT NOW.
LET’S KICK THAT MOTHERFUCKING DOOR.
BRAVES IN FOUR.
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ACUÑA GOT HIS HUSTLE BACK.
CAN’T SPELL MICHAEL FOLTYNEWICZ WITHOUT A-C-E.
MAX FRIED’S CURVEBALL AIN’T THE ONLY THING HE GOT THAT DROPS 12 INCHES.
ADAM DUVALL: BENCH GOD.
BRAVES IN FOUR, BABY. BRAVES IN FOUR.
#ChopOn
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Brian Snitker: “last year we knocked on that door, this year we’re gonna kick that motherfucker in”
Braves in NLDS Game 5:
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Me, 2012: “9-0 Kris Medlen against the Cards? We got this!”
Me, 2013: “I mean, we have Kimbrel, no chance we lose this one.”
Me, 2018: “LA is tough, but we can win this!”
Me, 2019: “it’s not like they’re gonna score 10 in the first inning”
Me, 2020: I AIN’T SAYIN A DAMN THING
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Baseball isn’t back until the sound of an excited Chip Caray causes me to run back to the TV from the kitchen, bumping my elbow on the doorframe in my hurried stupor, and cursing his name upon realizing the other team easily made the catch while rubbing my bruised elbow.
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imagine spending an entire day at work organizing and cleaning your workspace
you sort all of your files
you clear out your inbox
you clean every inch of your desk
and then later that night the janitor shows up and shits on your keyboard
welcome to Mike Soroka’s life
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this man sat through a 3 hour traffic jam on the 5 and then a 2 hour traffic jam on the 110 just to watch his $260,000,000 team lose to a bunch of biscuit n gravy eatin pearl necklace wearin trade deadline acquisitions
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Adam Duvall is what Charlie Culberson fans think Charlie Culberson is.
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Brian Snitker just pulled his starter in the middle of a shutout. Wow.
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maybe if Jose Ureña had that velocity and accuracy every time he threw, he and the Marlins wouldn’t be so trash 💁🏻♀️
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can’t spell BITCH FUCK THE PHILLIES WE IN FIRST AND WE AINT EVER LOOKIN BACK MOTHERFUCKERS without B M A C
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Will Smith
Will Smit
Will Smi
Will Sm
Will S
Will
Wil
Wi
W
We
Wel
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Redneck word of the day: Minter
He ain’t minter be a starter but I’ll be damned if he ain’t pitchin’ like one!
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crazy how Dodger blue and toilet bowl cleaner are almost identical
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Last month the Braves were leading, solidly, in the NLCS, and in almost all instances the Dodgers were favored. Then, inning by inning, the lead started to magically disappear as surprise runs were scored. VERY STRANGE, and the “podcasters” got it completely & historically wrong!
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imagine being the Dodgers and spending $400,000,000 on payroll in two seasons and selling the farm to acquire two-month rental players only to lose the World Series in back to back fashion HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Dansby is proof that sexuality is fluid and/or I am extremely gay
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if you went back in time to July and told me that on August 26th, 2019 Francisco Cervelli would triple and Billy Hamilton would pinch run for him and then Adeiny Hechavarría would deliver the game-tying RBI I would have dropped everything and took your stroke having ass to the ER
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My favorite part of Chipper Jones' career is the fact that - because he absolutely demolished the New York Mets on a soul-crushingly regular basis - he named his son Shea after the stadium where he repeatedly destroyed the already-diminished hopes and dreams of Mets fans. Legend.
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Me: “I can’t come into work today, I’m waiting to hear what the doctor has to say.”
Boss: “I’m sorry to hear that, what’s going on?”
Me: “some bum ass Phillies pitcher hit Freddie with a pitch last night in the same spot he got hit last year and I’m just hoping he survives.”
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THE BRAVES ARE IN:
⚪️ last place
⚪️ second place
🔘 FIRST PLACE
AND THEY JUST:
⚪️ lost
⚪️ split the series
🔘 MOTHERFUCKIN SWEPT THE METS
AND NOW THEY:
⚪️ need a nap
⚪️ will maybe watch Jersey Shore tonight
🔘 ARE COMIN FOR THAT WORLD SERIES TROPHY BITCHES
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Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
Man, you just hate to see it:
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The Braves won, so The Chop is offensive again.
“I think it’s a misrepresentation of the Cherokee people or Native Americans in general,” the Cardinals pitcher said of "The Chop."
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Aaron Judge looks like Andrelton Simmons ate a magic mushroom from Super Mario.
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that was so weird, does the Dodgers first baseman cry like that before every game or
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It is at this time that I regretfully announce the end of my Atlanta Braves fandom. I cannot continue spending time, money, and emotional well-being on this team. I wish them and their fans the best of luck and I will return tomorrow at 1:20PM to rejoin the fan base. Thank you.
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Man, what a fun year. I’m sad it’s over, but our boys will be back. And so will my dumb ass. Every February. Ready to laugh and cry and get pissed off and fall in love with this team all over again. Clockwork. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
#ChopOn
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THE WINNERS
AND NEW
BEST TEAM IN BASEBALL SINCE MAY 24TH
AND
UNDISPUTED PAPER CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD
THE
ATLANTA
BRAVES
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GOOD MORNING ALL YOU BEAUTIFUL WORLD CHAMPION BRAVES FANS.
TO THE LIFERS,
THE DIEHARDS,
THE CASUAL FANS,
THE TBS GENERATION,
THE BAMA FANS WHO ALWAYS GET BRAVES STUFF AS GIFTS.
TO ALL THOSE WHO BELIEVED,
AND TO ALL THOSE WHO DIDN’T
WE DID THE DAMN THING.
GO BRAVES. FOREVER.
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Weatherman said Atlanta can expect 2-4 inches. I didn't know Bryce Harper was coming to town.
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Yeah, sure, Freddie hit the go-ahead homer, our pitching staff was incredible, Joc and his pearls were amazing, but I don’t think Austin Riley gets enough credit for having just the absolute thickest donk I’ve ever seen on a man. Dude is smuggling watermelons back there. Gahdamn.
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In the last 26 hours, the Braves have won 3 whole ass baseball games.
In that same time period, the Nationals have lost on a walk off grand slam and a walk off solo homer.
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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QUIKRETE is an appropriate sponsor for the Braves because last time I used it, it worked great all summer and then the cracks started to show in September and October.
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if you hated Washington Nationals Bryce Harper
you’re gonna fuckin despise Philadelphia Phillies Bryce Harper
Free agent outfielder Bryce Harper is finalizing an agreement on a deal with the Philadelphia Phillies, league sources tell ESPN.
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ESPN: “wow the Yankees and Cubs are so good you guys they have SO many All-Star finalists it’s INSANE!”
ESPN, reluctantly: “oh, and the Braves have a few finalists too, nbd tho”
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this is karma for taking the All-Star Game from Atlanta, this is what they get
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I don’t remember tweeting this but anyway good morning to THE first place Atlanta Braves of Cobb County
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Friendly reminder that Marcell Ozuna’s DV charges were withdrawn and he passed three field sobriety tests before being arrested for DUI
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yeah 40-40 is cool but celebrating with two 40s after winning the World Series is way cooler
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I’ve watched them lose games for the sake of maintaining financial flexibility so fuck it gimme a loss for some retaliation ANY day of the week
If you’re a Braves fan and OK with them potentially losing this game for the sake of retaliation, your baseball priorities are out of whack.
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Saw someone ask why he switched from a black glove to a red glove. He didn’t. It’s the same glove, but it has been soaked with the blood of all those who have wronged him. It will only become redder henceforth.
He’s back.
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Stephen Strasburg died doing what he loved: cramping up and getting absolutely rocked in Atlanta.
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Crazy how Braves Twitter can be broken down into seven key groups:
1. Proud alcoholics.
2. Hopeless dating app users.
3. Plant moms & wannabe witches.
4. Arrogant dumbasses.
5. 27 year olds who think they’re still in college.
6. 47 year olds who think they’re still 27.
7. Dads.
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Ryan Helsley: the chop is sooo offensive
Also Ryan Helsley: *enters in the 8th inning and puts a K-K-K on the scoreboard*
who’s the racist one now Ryan?
“I think it’s a misrepresentation of the Cherokee people or Native Americans in general,” the Cardinals pitcher said of "The Chop."
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