invisible turkey wraps
@Erick_Akins
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*instagram goes down*
Meanwhile on twitter:
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Dads when they sense the ac has been tampered with
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Me: “yoo I started watc-“
The homie after months of recommending that particular show:
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When you tweet “back on my bullshit” but you were never off it
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Just found out Grindr isn’t an app for upcoming hustlas
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Bobby Shmurda watchin Meek Mill gettin freed
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Porn titles be extra disrespectful when it’s black people involved “ghetto thot street rat sucks off unskilled,unemployed prolly went to jail bbc”
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The salesman: “That niggér sure showed us”
Shaq spent $1.3m at a car dealership because they asked him if he can even afford them
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White people before they tell a joke about black people
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Imagine dying and on the very next day chik-fil-a comes out with a $4 for 4 deal
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Me taking back all my forehead kisses when I notice the angle of her passenger seat is 5° more obtuse
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I don’t care if they have cousins, uncles, aunties or nephews Lakers in 5
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If this was 2008 he would of already dropped a mixtape called ‘Action Brunson’ with this very pic
Jalen Brunson is listed as questionable for tomorrow’s game vs. Memphis Grizzlies per
@ScoopB
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Women: “all men ever do in their groupchat is condone rape culture and talk about cheating.”
Men’s gc:
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Niggas when three 6 mafia won that Oscar in 2006
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The nigger navy pulling up to ww3 39 days late
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Rick Ross: “you ok? You haven’t touch the crab or the oysters.”
His daughter: “I’m fine. I just heard shellfish is bad for the baby”
Rick Ross:
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How I’m finna be if my barber starts charging $50
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asking the TL “who did this?” knowing damn well you the one who did it
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I also just realized in my bio I put “I’m young, hungry and tired of being at the bottom.”
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Me going back home after her friends force me to go 4 rounds
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When your parents in a good mood but you know that teacher finna call any minute
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Me when I find the triflin ass bitches who be licking ice cream and putting it back
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Nigga vacuumed a 20 x 20 room for some coochie... that’s actually a pretty good deal.
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Lebron at jr. smith after reading the 2018 finals script for game 1
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“Got blunt, got weed?”
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This nigga finessed Americans to purposely listen to a British nigga rap...21 savage issa real-life villian.
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“What do you think ig models are doing rn?”
Me:
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Broke niggas when they realize they didn’t plug their phone in the right angle
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Disney counting their subscription revenue from femcels after adding “and I ooop” and validating their insecurities
😭 the writers are writing! This new season of The Proud Family is soooo GOOD!
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MLK made us march, but he never made March Madness.
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@Kena_QueenDiva
@suburban_lmd
@LAvantGuardian
@YaUpperBody
@djohn90
Y’all are laughing now, but y’all won’t be when this happens.
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Pianos sound way better
Unpopular opinion: organ edition
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When you make her jog a mile after her shower so her coochie can regain that natural zest
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“If moaning during sex is gay what sound do you make? Huh?!?”
Me:
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white people love talking shit about colin kaepernick, but no one disrespected the national anthem harder than this nigga 😂
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Me and my future grandkids 300 episodes deep into Naruto
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@Vhoyde
“But we’ll get called hoes” no one is saying to spread your cheeks immediately after he gets your number just make it seem possible, especially if you’re attracted to that person. Those who play hard to get don’t get got.
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@YonceKordeiCara
@Super_Tinyy
@daddyDYCE
@andreslop24
@LilChuSSB
@Mikeyrockss_
I’m a borderline Porn addict and even I didn’t get it
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My dumbass watching anime subtitles thinking I’m actually learning Japanese
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@Queen7Pryor
@vidsthatgohard
If you are truly passionate about something you will never get tired of it
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Her: “what do you look for in a woman?”
My brain:
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Girls be tucking their stomach in their jeans like it’s a glock
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rick ross and meek mill when the baby daddy comes over for dinner
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Twitter niggas when they see “twitter for android”
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A$AP rocky watching chance the rapper and big sean put out trash music instead of him
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Women who film themselves in the gym after seeing this
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Me watching y’all get a sandwich, nuggets, fries and a drink for the low while my ancestors introduce me to Jesus.
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Someone said California’s tectonic plates built like these
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Me to the snorlax blocking route 11
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Mom: “Oh, not tonight honey you had lemons every night this week.”
Daughter: “But I love lemons”
Today as I was walking home after my run I saw a large lemon rolling down the hill. It kept rolling for about a quarter mile. And now you can see it, too.
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Night King & Thanos in hell, bonding over their hatred for Starks
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White frats Jamaican men
boys
🤝
Throwing their entire bodies like projectiles at the function
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Just found out my parents had other relationships before they were married
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When you show her a pic on ur phone and she starts swiping
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When she sends you a snap of her bootyhole winking and you forget to hit replay
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If I see any porn or thirst traps on my TL I’m unfollowing niggas. I know y’all see my Twitter name I clearly got goals to accomplish.
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