Eddie (a live-tweeted comic)
@eddieededed
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118,513
Following
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Convenience Store Clerk 🏪 NPC Complaints Officer 🗣 Monday morning hater 😮💨 Winging it one shift at a time. –– 💬 @555comics 🎨 @LukyYuki 🖊 @Baron_Boxfort
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Joined February 2017
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Pinned Tweet
Wanna see my *story* from the start?
I don’t.
Why?
Cause it started with getting hit by a car…
p.s. you can find an index of all my latest episodic shifts there too!
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Young guy just bought condoms.
“They’re for my son.”
I think he was like, 16.
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Anime story idea:
A reverse isekai where a goddess of war and destruction finds herself reborn in the body of a feeble teen doing work experience at a day care center.
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Cutest little boy in the world is ten cents short of buying a candy bar.
I think my heart might implode.
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Strange woman in glasses: What washes blood out of handbags?
Me: Blood?
SWIG: I mean wine. Or red liquid. Not blood.
#1tweetmystery
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Any of you guys want to join my new club?
It’s called the Not Enough Sleep Club. Membership is free. Sign up in the thread.
We taking over. Probably. If we ever get enough sleep.
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I found a little girl hiding in the ice cream cabinet.
"Don't tell mom," she said.
#conflicted
#1tweetmystery
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A little girl came in dressed like a dinosaur. Her mom says she refuses to wear anything else. I think I found my new role model.
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My mom is probably the most annoying person in the world, but also sometimes I think nobody else loves me quite like she does.
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The ultimate battle: the last holiday cheesecake.
Who you got?
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Manager: I think my wife is leaving me.
Me:…
Manager: Beautiful day out.
Me: Yep.
*Manager stares off into distance, sheds single tear*
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First time here?
Get to know me, my neurotic manager, creepy Trev, the night shifty guy, and Amy (💙) in this moment sharing our Mondays at The Convenience Store.
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It's not a date!
...uh...
...unless you want it to be a date?
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Her: Do you like vampires?
Me:…
Her: Not into blood sucking, huh?
Me:…
Her: Is it the killing?
Me:…
Her: The turning into bats?
Me:…
Her: The no sunlight?
Me:…
Her:…
Me:…
Her: Would you date one tho?
Me: Maybe. Depends who it is.
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Anime Story Idea: A young man’s mom dies and leaves him a cook book. He angrily throws it in a box, feeling abandoned. Years later he finds it and as he works through each recipe he realizes they all connect to important memories he shared with his mom.
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I feel like the world could end right now and I’d be like, okay.
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And that's how I got my second black eye.
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They say true love strikes when you least expect it.
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That guy tried to rob the Convenience Store again...
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When your mom asks you what you want for you birthday and you tell her the truth.
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Anime story idea: A lonely woman and a lonely man continually meet at airports while traveling in search of their true loves, not realizing they just need to stop and notice each other.
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This cute little guy followed me into work today.
Like for head pats, retweet for tummy scratches, and he will receive.
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So… Who else is letting their parents down with literally every breath?
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That bad feeling, it’s just a feeling… right?
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Manager: You ever want to just sit in the rain so people can’t see you cry?
Me: …
Manager: Yeah no me neither haha this is fine.
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So I asked my elderly coworker why he never buys adult magazines and he said:
“Why play air guitar when I have a full collection of actual guitars waiting for me at home, you know?”
That’s equal parts surprisingly poetic and also… ew.
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Do you guys remember that anime that got stolen from me? The one that won a competition?
No?
Where have you been?
Anyway, one of my anime ideas was stolen, and it's streaming today. Imma check it out.
I'll share bits and pieces.
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My name is Eddie, and I’m about to leave for a meeting to see if I can make my anime story idea into an actual anime.
I’ve never done anything like this in my life.
I could really use a confidence boost right now.
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Bad case of the Mondays.
Worst of all, it's not even Monday.
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When you find the right person, you don't need words.
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Manager: WHY ARE YOU YOUNG PEOPLE SO OBSESSED WITH “GETTING TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER”? I DIDN’T KNOW MY EX-WIFE VERY WELL AND WE GOT ON JUST FINE.
Me: …until she divorced you and vanished.
Manager: YES UNTIL SHE… oh okay I see what you did there.
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Anime story idea: When a boy and a girl who catch the same bus realize they’re reading the same book, a small flower of a relationship begins to bloom.
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Everyone deserves a little happiness in their life.
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When your friend is a little too thirsty...
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Why does hell look just like my old job?
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Anime story idea: A man who works at a dream factory is meant to throw away all the dreams that go unfulfilled, but instead keeps all his favorites and finds cute ways to help their owners achieve them.
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Whenever I see ugly couples together holding hands on romantic dates I feel like there is still hope for the world yet.
Then I wonder how I am the only ugly person without a romantic partner.
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Any of you guys have any advice on how to start conversations?
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When your virtual social anxiety makes your actual social anxiety worse.
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SAD REAL LIFE STORIES, with my manager.
Manager: Young love is wonderful, isn’t it?
Me: How was it for you as a kid?
Manager: Me? I chased girls until they turned me down, then cried myself to sleep.
Me: Oh.
Manager: Yep, nothing much has changed...
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When you ask the lord of ultimate darkness for dating advice.
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When you meet an OP character in real life:
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What's the most important thing you can teach a kid about the real world without destroying all their hopes and dreams?
PLEASE HELP
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So uh... you ever had your dreams stolen?
No?
Just me?
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please STOP liking and RTing each time we hit target the girls make me dress up
For real, this getting dangerous, UNDER 500 likes + 250 RTs I beg you
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Worse than hell? Accidentally coming in on your day off.
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When your date falls asleep on your arm: a test of endurance in 4 panels.
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Maybe our stories are not the big ones, but I like to think we are all the heroes of our own stories. :)
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Anime story idea: When an elementary school student melds consciousness with his greatest fear, a stag beetle, he has to learn to understand and accept his phobia while fighting and befriending other mind-melded animal-human hybrids.
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When you ask friends for advice and they break your soul.
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The difference between cats and dogs:
Dogs: I WILL LOVE YOU UNTIL THE END OF TIME AND DO EVERYTHING YOU DEMAND BECAUSE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
Cats: you will love me until the end of time and do everything I demand because you love me so much.
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Manager: Famous people have girlfriends. Can you help me go viral?
Everyone else: ... Screw it, why not?
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Anime story ideas:
A supernatural teen mystery like Stranger Things except it stars kid versions of the Gods and and Goddesses of Greek mythology.
SPOILER ALERT: It's all Zeus' fault, because it's ALWAYS Zeus' fault.
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I guess there really is something for everyone...
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Life is like a series of waves in the ocean, and all of us just have to work out how best to swim in it.
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There is always hope for better days ahead.
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Hey yo open question when you play an RPG do you name the MC after yourself or make something up that fits the world?
Asking for a friend... with the same name as me.
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Group of teenagers came in looking to buy beer. They called me "my fine gentleman" and spoke with obviously fake English accents.
And yes, that is a monocle.
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Okay open question: What’s a good present to buy for someone who was recently dumped but also happens to be part of a long line of grim reapers?
SUGGESTIONS APPRECIATED.
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The real tragedy of the Slender Man is that it cannot eat snacks.
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Kumusta?! Joyce AKA 👸🏽OtakuŌjo👸🏽
hijacking my friend’s phone 4 a BIG announcement… ❗️❗️ I'm on Twitter! ❗️❗️
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When there's a new guy at work and he doesn't know the rules:
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If your life is an anime series, make it a good one.
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Greymon would beat Charizard in a fight.
Change my mind.
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Someone sent me this pic from after the game, while we waited for the bus.
It kind of reminds me of something, but I am not sure what.
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They have the GALL to laugh at me?
After we all agreed to go as DBZ characters for Halloween?!
😡😡😡
There will be a reckoning!
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I know this girl…
So I know this guy’s getting played.
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Does anyone else get stressed out by the amount of anime/games they need to catch up on?
I get home from work and I'm too tired to do anything.
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I'm grateful for the people I have in my life…
…even if they drive me nuts.
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This dude just botched a confession.
RIP my guy
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Okay, so here’s an open question: how honest should you be to your date about how much of a weeb/dork/doofus/otaku/gamer you are on the first date?
(Starter opinion in the thread!)
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Anime story idea:
When Death realized he's messed up the paperwork, he has to go to Earth and take back that life, but finds it has been reborn as a puppy. He decides to take the puppy on vacation, but can he do his final job as they become closer?
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Manager: Seeing people unhappy makes me think.
Me: ?
Manager: Maybe some of us will be lonely forever, and our best bet is to gather to share in our loneliness and heartbreak.
…
Me: That is maybe the loneliest thing I have ever heard in my life.
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A common start to the day:
08:00 — get up.
08:05 — regret getting up.
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I legit think today might be a good day to buy a lottery ticket…
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Manager: Okay! I got a match! What should I do?
Me: Message her! Say hello or something!
Manager: What… size… for… wedding… ring?
Me: Woah! Hold up there moving a little too fast there!
…
Manager: Let’s… move… in… together…
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Hey so what’s a good conversation starter for approaching a friend (but maybe one day lover and soulmate) who is in an angry, fiery, will-kill-you-for-saying-the-wrong-thing kind of mood?
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She's caught my scent.
I was trying to bait Joyce into the delivery van but now sh
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