dylan gelula
@DylanGelula
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rhodes scholar studying how surgeons can use robotics for political evil
Joined August 2013
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Doing the same with my license plate ♥️
New Yorkers may begin to see our officers with black mourning bands across their shields—and across their hearts. We wear these in quiet commemoration of our 27 brothers and sisters we’ve lost to
#COVID
.
Another way we honor our vow to
#NeverForget
.
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I love how when you break your toe they just tape it to the next toe.That’s like what a child would come up with
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ahhh fuck we have to put a vegetarian option on the menu.... idk what the fuck to give them....um.... ok they probably want to eat one gigantic mushroom with a knife and fork
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the concept of a doctor is so funny... theres one guy whose job it is to know everything and none of us can afford what it costs to ask him questions
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Kinda bullshit that peacocks get to be the one animal not in a cage at the zoo. Like when was the moment they proved themselves
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If you’re going through a breakup you’re literally allowed to act so crazy …you can be like “I am digging a tunnel. It will go from Pasadena to the White House” and your friends will be like “good ❤️ I’m here ❤️”
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"i've actually been cooking a lot during quarantine :)" me too they made restaurants illegal
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no one on twitter has anything new to say. whereas today the girl on the machine next to me at pilates told me she is "addicted to breakfast"
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the Michelin Star is what you get if the Michelin man comes to your restaurant and you defeat him
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if the plane can’t go to the gate, that has nothing to do with me. We landed. I can get out and walk
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The person in front of me ordered an iced mocha with no coffee… that’s chocolate milk. They’re back there making you chocolate milk
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His hair is orange so his stage name is Carrot Top. the only part of the carrot that is green,
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the idea of a notary is insane.... just some pervert who wants to be around while you sign things
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There’s no way she needed 101 Dalmatians to make a coat. It would take like 25 max
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"i wish trader joes was on instacart!" -me living out my little pretend life as my phone sells my medical history to Chevron
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madame tussaud didnt have a single real friend to tell her what she was doing was weird
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Letterboxd is adding film showtimes to allow users to see where the movies they are reading about are playing near them.
(Source: )
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It’s so stressful to be alive in America rn to the point where recently at a restaurant I was like “is this Crazy Train by Ozzy Osborne?” and my friend said “there is no music playing at all”
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sorry if bernie doesn’t make the dire reality of being working class in America CUTE ENOUGH you fucking morons
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youre telling me life is just about moving around during the day and then lying motionless at night? like some kind of backwards night at the museum?
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why does harry potter need glasses. there’s no spell to fix his eyes? I don’t care btw
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jessica played my grandmother on one of my 1st jobs in 2014. i got to meet one of the sharpest funniest hardest working actors ill ever know right out of the gate. once she turned to me and said "dont let them fuck with you". im still not positive what she meant but she was right
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no haunted house can scare me since i got an IUD put in on halloween 2 years ago and the nurse was wearing a witch costume
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happy mothers day!
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at some point during Planet Earth david attenborough should assure you that you won’t be this high forever
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i wish i loved anything as much as my upstairs neighbors love moving furniture around. i could conquer the world if i had half the passion they do for dropping bowling balls
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i can only orgasm if a dude says “EA sports. It’s in the game” to me. and it has to be a good impression of the voice.
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If I had gotten enough protein as a child I would be doing something similar to what AOC is up to
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princess diana was 19 when she married charles... when i was 19 i was dating a gay guy who would hook up with me at parties so his friends would know about it and then say "so are you gonna get a cab or something" at 8pm. i can't imagine like, that but queen elizabeth is involved
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I would be so pissed if my zoo tweeted this about me
Fritz weighs 588 pounds today! He's gaining about 10 pounds per week! 👏 Keep growing, Fritz!
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i wanted to QT the lady that said women dont speak until 20 minutes into Oppenheimer so i could point out that, as a woman, i was speaking 5 minutes in because i wanted to know if that was kenneth branagh
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so humiliating that if you want to write something you have to give the characters names
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and loving every second!
A year from now when I post a pic in my government-issued hazmat suit, I will caption it “hot girl summer” as a funny throwback
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Can you imagine if Godzilla came to Montreal. theyd be like “non!!!! mon dieu!”
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between the two of us you are clearly the one who should pass it on
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Jesus dating a woman with the same name as his mom is so crazy…No wonder the Romans were like alright this guy’s gotta go
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What do you mean “AN historic”? Here’s a list of vowels. Let me know where you see H. But other than this you’ve been crushing it dude.
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what is happening
You wanted to know if it's 🆗 to have sex on the first date. So I've enlisted love expert, media personality, and author
@AskDrRuth
to answer!
Reminder to watch with sound on 🔊
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in my experience, men hate when women want to talk about how phillip seymour hoffman used his entire body when he performed, and whether or not that makes him a dancer. it drives them crazy
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screenwriters truly believe that the main character of a movie can be a screenwriter
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Refusing to look at my car’s backup camera as I park. “It’s not cinema,” I hiss. I’m getting angry now,
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sorry i called you a "clout-chasing bitch" in the group chat. i'm a lawyer who lies all the time, and i missed my son's birthday party. so my son made his birthday wish that, for an entire 24 hours, i be unable to tell a lie
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thought of a funny observation.... i wish hundreds of strangers would tell me every single exception to it...
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wearing a sports bra under normal clothes, or, "the poor man's breast reduction"
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I hate getting yelled at and every decision in my life is made around trying to keep that from happening. And then if other things happen for me that’s a bonus
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people put a sheet over a birdcage to tell the bird "its dark. go to sleep."-- is this not what God does to us, come night? throws His towel over our cage? to make it dark? to quiet us?
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you seem upset. do you want me to pause the jib jab of Bush and Kerry
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if i could go back in time and say anything to my 13 year old self, i would bully her. she needed to get bullied. to her i would say "hey why dont you go fuckin listen to both versions of Such Great Heights some more"
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any women experience PCOS? Putting Chips On Sandwiches?
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The fish youre eating? There was also a turtle. And that turtle was a woman
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would love to see some tweets about the hbo show succession
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i saw a guy crash a motorcycle outside this place. someone screamed "get him water" so i ran inside and explained that he needed water. they were like "why would he need that?" then gave me some. when i handed it to him he said "i dont want this". anyway i hope it works out
Historic Williamsburg diner Kellogg’s is in danger of closing for good, despite the return of indoor dining today
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the new yorker has the resources to caption their own cartoons. but they make us compete (?) to do free labor (?)
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just to be clear. i am never looking to discuss anything on twitter. this is me, center stage, making a great point, to anonymous applause
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once when i was walking my foster dog i saw this little girl across the street looking at him so i said "do you want to meet him?" and she said "is he soft?" and i said "yes" and she said "....then no." which you have to respect
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sometimes bc my name is dylan people assume im a guy and for little fleeting moments, like getting an email from the tire repair guy whos like "yea bro should be good" etc i get to feel how amazing being a dude and having the respect of another dude feels.. theres nothing like it
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does anyone have a good rec for a trauma therapist in NYC area? i found out someone i work with cheated on his wife
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roger ebert loved movies so much. i hope no one ever told him that they arent real, that none of that ever happened. i hope he always believed❤️
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if you’re reading this and you’re the girl on Chopped who just said you opened a restaurant when you were 16... I just want to say that no you didn’t
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I literally just saw the last “bernie would mansplain game of thrones to me” tweet you can medically see before you have an aneurysm
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A guy just coughed on the subway and his scary little son said so calmly “that’s the virus. That’s the virus doing that”
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what the fuck. thats not a nickname. thats not what a nickname is
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trends show up in NYC 2 months before the rest of the country. Quote me on this now: big trees, multi-colored string lights, and wreaths to be huge in 2023.
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women are always throwing themselves at kermit. you cant exactly say miss piggy's jealousy is without basis
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they should have blooper reels for other industries. all different kinds of people fucking up at work
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Do not disturb me if I have earbuds in. That means I’m listening to two comedians in their 50s talk about “Lorne”
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If you don’t empty this FUCKING safe right now… I swear to god I will reimagine this Shakespeare play from the point of view of its female character
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googling “what to do hangover” like im going to learn of some big new advancement in the field
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seeing my idea come to life, in such capable hands, has been the honor of my career
Decoy sea turtle eggs equipped with GPS help track down smugglers
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When I was a little girl, my mom said to me “Dylan, if someone is behaving poorly, you get out your phone, and you film their face in order to ruin their entire life.” And I never forgot that.
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after a long instagram investigation into whether or not people i dont know broke up with each other, ive concluded that probably
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i had no idea godzilla was female but now that i do im like... good for her
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my dream as an actress is to get to play the girl who has sex with a really well written character
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your romantic comedy about two people who get stuck in quarantine sucks!! fuck you!!!!
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After the special thanks in credits there should be a list of people they’re pissed at
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when i spoke to my mom on the phone yesterday she said among other things that "the plane flies itself" and the pilot being there is "theater"
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my tweets sucking ass isnt because im not funny. theres an issue with the supply chain
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replying “oh thats really sweet but I have a boyfriend” to my doctor when he asks if I’m sexually active
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you have to understand that celebrities are seeing entire generations of families bombed and its making them imagine someone saying theoretically there could be a threat of that in silverlake
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