DisasterShipBlonde, Cpt. Hornigold's Head of HR.
@DisasterShipB
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V, 38. She/her. An old-timey carnival ringmaster exhibiting Izzy Hands like a Fiji mermaid. The home of Foot Guy Hornigold. "She wins" - Con O'Neill. ☭
UK. Abandon hope.
Joined October 2022
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Pinned Tweet
Hello, Izzy enjoyers. I wrote a long Ed/Izzy origin fic: How Not To Drown. You might like it. You might not.
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I love how matter-of-fact it is, like he's not even taunting them, he's just warning them in advance that this is about to get weird.
"You know whatever this is, it's just gonna turn me on" says Izzy Hands, surprising literally no one
#ofmds2spoilers
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The way he looks at Lucius now has me rubbing my grubby little hands together with glee.
#OFMDs2spoilers
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The way they shot this so for about two seconds it looks like they might be feasting on Ed's corpse 😆
#OFMDs2spoiler
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Mum says it’s my turn to have a go on The Revenge
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He's so beautiful when he's suffering, which is all the time, he never clocks off
#OFMDs2spoilers
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Pirate hugs ranked and reviewed 🖤
Edward Teach
Will drop you the moment he notices something more interesting. Might go for the throat, we’ll see how it goes. Smells like Britney Spears and coconuts. You have hair in your mouth now. 8/10
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I know we’re all frightened about those behind the scenes pictures, but remember how we all thought the picture of Ed leaning on the wheel looking blissful was cute and wistful, and he turned out to actively be murdering the entire crew?
#ofmds2spoilers
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#OFMDs2spoilers
Super weird seeing Izzy call Stede the captain to his face without any tearful spanking scenes beforehand.
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How, drunk and limbless, does he still manage to do his dramatic bitch trick of silently appearing behind Stede to give him a little fright? That is commitment to craft.
#OFMDs2spoilers
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#OFMDs2spoilers
Like, that was a fascinating choice, to kill the newly disabled man with the visible suicide scar. I'm sure that's not going to have any repercussions in this incredibly intense fandom. ANYWAY—
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At this point, I'm rooting for Steddyhands purely because it'll be really, really funny.
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The fruity little "Well—!"
I'm glad we're getting louche, rakish Izzy back. The glimpses of him in S1 were some of my favourites.
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Everyone with a British mother or experience of the British state school system took real physical damage at Izzy's "PACK IT IN"
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"My love, the people are suffering. Bring me my big cardie, and the dog."
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🚨🚨🚨 I could be wrong, but I think he's wearing the unicorn leg necklace I cast for him in silver!
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HE’S SO TINY AND SO HAnDSOME AND HE HELD US AND YELLED “IZZIES!” AND I AM DEAD
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For just £2 a month, you can sponsor a wet kitten like Izzy. Help to provide a warm, safe environment for these neglected creatures, life enrichment toys, and essentials such as food and litter...
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TW: suicide, guns.
For those who missed it, here's Ed caressing Izzy's hand as he asks him to kill him. It's a fresh touch, Ed isn't letting go of the gun. I am actively taking damage looking at this.
#ofmds2spoilers
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I'm so delighted he's finally playing a massive cartoon pervert.
Gif source:
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STEDE IS WATCHING SHIRTLESS IZZY STEDDYHANDS REAL THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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I love you, Izzy Hands.
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Turns out the Our Flag font is free.
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I don't say this enough, but Fang is a treasure and every time I see him I smile.
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Thank you so much to
@_silversheep
for this! Confirmed, it is my hoof necklace! ❤️🖤
🚨🚨🚨 I could be wrong, but I think he's wearing the unicorn leg necklace I cast for him in silver!
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Hoping for a wanted poster listing Izzy's entire name - Israel Basilica Hezekiah Hands/Hynde - and for the crew to read it and be like "...blimey."
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Ed's joy/glee at Izzy's reappearance, like 1) You just SHOT me? 2) There's my little guy wot I love and 3) How did you get up the stairs?
#OFMDs2spoilers
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Loving the MCM pirate ship.
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You know when you and your friends are all ageing goths and then one of your goth friends bags a normal boyfriend, and it's baffling, but you all sort of accept the normal guy and find him kind of fascinating, like an exotic bird, but he's just Christopher from Accounts? Stizzy.
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"YOU ARE HARASSING A CRIPPLE" - me every time my connective tissue disorder inconveniences me even slightly.
#ofmds2spoilers
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Fang
A walking weighted blanket. Your autism responds to this man like a nervous horse chewing ketamine. Smells like your first love, if your first love did time. 10/10
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This is the funniest thing that's ever happened to me
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The way he deleted and reposted so no one could see he's listening to P!nk 😄 My dearest darling.
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Personally, I liked how the brawl ended with these two rutting like dogs in the alley behind the pub. I don't know what you lot are complaining about. Bold cinematic vision. 💯
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@ggryphonxx
@HipHopAnonymou9
Ed, sweating, pupils blown, talking at 300mph: We should start a podcast—!
Izzy: What am I to you?
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I made this about a year ago and I still mean it.
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Every Steddyhands fic where Stede says "Ah. There's my good boy."
The way Stede's face softens so much when he sees Izzy come out in drag really punched me in the gut with feelings
#ofmds2spoilers
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Who gave Izzy a whip!?
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Kiss? There was kiss??
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Con loved the necklace. He was really sweet about my gory leg story and he gave me a big hug that I folded myself in half for. Con put the necklace on and beamed. He said “She wins!” to my friend and then tucked it under his T-shirt. Where it now hangs. Nestled. Warm.
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Oluwande
Honestly, the gold standard. Sees your feelings and respects them, even the really stupid ones (all of them). Smells like orange cake and multi-level marketing. 10/10
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I am no better than a man
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I love how Izzy's makeup is a little bit Claude Cahun. Someone put him in the "I am in training, don't kiss me" shirt.
#OFMDs2spoilers
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STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING
IT'S IZZY HANDS
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First person to frame disability as punitive and prosthetics as negative things will experience me climbing up their toilet and biting their arse.
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Rob Zombie is what happens when Izzy leaves Ed for Calico Jack.
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The interesting thing about that "Stede is GNC" thing going around is that Stede is the pinnacle of 1717 masculinity. Those little heels were designed to emulate cavalry officers. It's like wearing camouflage to go out to the shops now. "Look at how ready for action I am".
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His dainty little ankles in his silly little fetish boots. Argh!
Gif source:
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Mary Bonnet
Like being held by the art teacher that encouraged you when you were twelve. Mary believes in you, would help you hide the bodies. Smells of freedom and Judith Butler. 9/10
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Con arrived at his autograph table, saw the pile of Chernobyl photos to be signed and yelled “Whose fucking idea was this?!”
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Stede Bonnet
Grimaces ‘subtly’ when he sees what you’re wearing. Hugs like a cardboard cutout with a grudge. Will say “there there” for no discernable reason. Smells like another Father’s Day with no cards. 3/10
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Still getting over “What would you have liked to see your characters doing in season three?” And Con just jabs his finger at Rhys and goes “Haunting the fuck out of him.”
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Prosthetics rule. I'm only alive because I have one. Everyone with a prosthetic should get free stuff at the chip shop and nice forehead kisses. We should also get to survive romantic comedies.
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I'm super happy for Con and so pleased he feels comfortable and if anyone has a problem with it, I will use medieval weaponry specifically banned by the pope.
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You’re a rock and roll suicide
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Hoping for a wanted poster listing Izzy's entire name - Israel Basilica Hezekiah Hands/Hynde - and for the crew to read it and be like "...blimey."
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Frenchie
Any excuse for a good cuddle. Smells of sunshine and a complex series of interlinking phobias. Will ask if you’re a cop first. 7/10
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What if Stede has to fight Ed, and then Stede does some little flourish and Ed goes "That's an Iz move" and then the rest mist descends because he realises they're in CAHOOTS?
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So there was a deleted scene where Roach offered Izzy soup and Iz refused, but you can't tell me Roach wouldn't be like "HERE COMES THE SLOOP, YOU MALNOURISHED LITTLE MAN" and then spoon-feed him by force.
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Thinking about how preparing bodies for burial was traditionally women's work, so Auntie would be in on the plot to fake Izzy's death. One tired first mate to another.
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Izzy Hands
Like being reluctantly embraced by an armour-plated gerbil. Will need to be caught first. Smells like a licourice ice lolly dropped in a puddle and run over by a mobility scooter. 4/10
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Ivan
The same feeling of euphoria you get when the guy at the chicken shop calls you ‘boss’. Beautiful eyes for a man who harvests gold teeth from corpses. Worth the risk. 8/10
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The moment in every single Steddyhands fic when Iz is bratty and Stede breaks out the paternal disappointment voice.
#ofmds2poilers
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Spanish Jackie
Oops, you’re a husband now. 7/10
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Are we still doing the Izzyverse?
This is Ned Low's Izzy.
I'm so delighted he's finally playing a massive cartoon pervert.
Gif source:
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Lucius
Tall, soft, and clean, but will call you a stupid bitch and mean it. Smells like secrets and pencil shavings. Alright, show’s over, he has places to be. 7/10
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Ned Lowe notices Izzy across the bar, alone at a table, burning his fingers on the candle. It's curious and cute, the way a fox in a trap is, gnawing off its own leg, but then Ned hears the high, tremulous note in Izzy's throat, soft enough that an untrained ear wouldn't catch it
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Iz, come here, I have something for you. Stop struggling.
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Jim Jimenez
Like trying to give a cat a pill. No affection please, we’re Catholic. Smells like the best hug you’ll never experience. Oh— they’ve gone. 1/10
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#ofmds2spoilers
Can't believe we're getting Izzy's dark night of the soul this week!
After last week's dark night of the soul.
All three episodes of it.
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This mini zine by
@mickmooks
of Izzy in sexy poses alongside deranged Tumblr hate comments is extremely good.
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Roach
Doesn’t put down the cleaver to hug you. Smells like a deli run from a van behind a bowling alley. Like hugging a beautiful insect that kills after mating. 6/10
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Black Pete
A hard slap on the back followed by a second one that misses and hits you on the tit. 0/10
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Stede climbs aboard the Revenge expecting to do some heavy apologising and he's greeted by dishevelled, glassy eyed Izzy, teeth lined in blood, hair all over the show. Greets Stede like a strung-out 50s housewife: "Welcome, join us, heard you... died? Anyway, drink?"
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And another thing—
We never got to even see the good old days with Ed and Izzy. We never got to see them fight side-by-side. No backstory. What a pitiful fucking waste.
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Wee John
Totally enveloping, glorious. Now would you mind just fetching him a coffee? Milk and two sugars, please, there’s a love. Do you smell burning? 8/10
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#OFMDs2spoilers
. You know what? Me and my fucked up leg are still indestructible little fuckers. We might not be wanted at the rainbow capitalism parade but we're still here.
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Ed using Izzy for knife-throwing practice, stop it, I can only get so erect
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Can't wait to see Izzy Hands again.
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"He wants to be better."
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Please. His bust. It's very chilly.
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