Announcing Mööber!. Our moose-powered rideshare is an eco-friendly, sustainable alternative to cars. We’re training Nova Scotia’s moose population to carry passengers along rural roads and Halifax streets. Had one too many wobbly pops? Missed the school bus? Call a Mööber!

Someone posted this on Facebook. Imitation would be flattery as long as they didn’t have spelling mistakes. Remember, there’s only one original Dim. -ND

1. This is a parody account. 2. “Not complying with lies” makes zero sense. 3. Assuming you mean traitor. I see you’ve heard the word before. Phonetically, you did your best to spell it. So bravo to you. Grade 5 will be tough but stick it out. -ND

Effective immediately (until we have significant rainfall), Nova Scotia is a No F*cking Zone. Friction equals risk. Nobody better take the chance of stuffing overcooked donair meat in a dry pita. #NSFornicationBan

Swing and a miss. -ND

I am nothing like Orville Redenbacher!

With increased risk of wildfires, we’ve opened up swimming commute stations so businessmen can travel safely back and forth between Halifax and Dartmouth. Impossible for anything to go on fire in Halifax harbour. Making it happen!

We’re pre-approving golf cart lanes in every town in the province.

Politicians don’t like bike lanes because they’re scared of being out-cycled by someone affected by some social program they cut. -ND.

Stay the blazes out of the woods!

Happy Natal Day!. Our holiday is in honour of a guy in Spryfield named Nate Allday who refused to stop drinking and barbecuing. “Swill all day, grill all day.” Words to live by. But he died at 26. #NatalDay #nspoli #Halifax.

This year, 40 provincial parks are getting upgrades like new washrooms, improved trails, better roads, and more accessible campsites. We're investing $1.6 million across 27 parks by stocking their lakes with live Nova Scotia lobster!

Announcing Halifax’s Shared Path Harmony Zones. We will have leash-optional dog parks to run parallel and overlapping with bike lanes to encourage coexistence with our four-legged citizens! More dogs faster!

And you should see the inside!

More US tariffs? Canada should shut off American access to PornHub. -ND.

I’ve been advised they’re nearly right at the cyclist’s knuckle level. So keep that in mind. Safety first.

Bollard forests are being planted in every bicycle lane in Halifax. Sure they could just rust in storage, but these bollards now act as synthetic forest canopies protecting the underlying asphalt. Environmentally friendly because it’s recycling. More bollards, faster!

We’re already getting complaints about the bumps. Look, you have no idea how much uranium exploration we had to do to get that amount of excess rocks on the cheap. Plus the paths naturally glow a little at night so it’s a win/win. So lighten up. Pun intended.

For all bike lanes in Halifax, we’re announcing a Heritage Cobblestone Revival!. All paved bike lanes and paths will be replaced with authentic cobblestone for aesthetic continuity with the 1800s. Investing in the needs of our cycling community, faster!

Farewell to Nova Scotia just doesn’t cut it anymore. Suggestions for a new song?.

I like that joke because it has a couple layers.