House of the Dranko
@DiRealSolly
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Pinned Tweet
3 years ago I DM my Twitter crush telling her I'm gonna take her out on a date. Yesterday I asked her to marry me.
She said no both times and blocked me
Anyways here's a picture of a random couple I found on Pinterest
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Whoever reading this I hope you get $650,000 out of nowhere
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3 years ago I shoot my shot to one of my followers on here and guess who's getting married in February 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁.
She and her man
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Moms replying WhatsApp message
Mum
typing...
Mum
typing...
Mum
typing...
Mum
typing...
Mum
typing...
Mum: Ok
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Regular people: "stop that"
Jamaicans: "Hi Hi hello"
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If hurricanes had Jamaican nicknames I would be terrified as fuck. Can you imagine you turn on the TV and u hear say hurricane Biggs a forward
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So from highschool till now u still cya find out a who did a shout you name
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Could be us but you didn't shave so now I'm a gunman hiding in the bushes
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Caribbean people have the most manners and no manners all at the same time
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My mom graduate from law school. From she a likkle girl she say she always wanted to be a lawyer and now seet deh
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If you reading this I pray an extra $400,000 drop Inna you bank account before December 15
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Might as well u go Pon the farm and nyam the cow while it a sleep
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One day ya go wake up and see money Inna u bank account, U belly flat and the love of u life a fry plantain fi breakfast fi u. Things ago get better
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Pinterest is so calming. It's the media without the social. I love it
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Unspoken rules for sex
1. Cut ur nails
2. Always pee after sex
3. Wash u rassclat genitals
5 if ur a guy, alert u woman when u ago cum
6. Clit..look for it, when u find it...know how to rub it
7. Don't ask who's pussy is this..it's not urs
8. If u received oral return it
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How Jamaicans train for when they have to rush for airport 6 hours before the flight
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How many of you grew up reading the Children's Own?
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Normalize getting a HIV test. Do not get offended if your partner asked you to get tested
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"Soon reach"
The most complex Jamaican measurement of time
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Boss: "think u can come in Pon Saturday. Me know u enjoy u weekends but me kinda need some help"
Me:"Yeh man, but me ago reach late cause u know how the road Dem stay"
Boss: "so like wah time ya reach"
Me:"Monday"
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Member the episode when SpongeBob did get stuck a portmore?
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Congratulations to all those who survived the 2021 pregnancy pandemic wave
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A drop u drop it?
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Women: "me head a hurt me and me nuh know why"
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Regular ppl : Klaus
Rebecca: Nick
Elijah : Neeeeeeeeeeklaus
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Jobs people look down upon:
Plumber
Garbage man
Electrician
Barber
Jobs people look up to:
Social media influencer
YouTuber
Model
Jobs society depends on:
Plumber
Garbage man
Electrician
Barber
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RIP to the opportunities we missed because we didn't have any "links".
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Jamaica is the kinda place where u gotta look both ways when crossing a one-way street
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So glad I'm not obsessed with porn like half the ppl on Twitter.
U nah see me a go Pon sites like:
Pornhub
Youporn
Xvideos
Brazzers
Xhamsters
YouJizz
XXXbunker
PornHD
Spankwire
XNXX
TastyBlacks
PornDreamer
Promdreamer
FakeTaxi
MyXVids
Wetplace
PornRabbit
Bangbus
Bangbros
H2porn
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Jesus, if my Bank Account could just touch the hem of your garment
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Cooking together is not romantic. Come out a me way
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The one guy that can solve all of Jamaica's problems
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"yuh mom is so nice"
First of all she cuss me after u gone
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I saw you on the jutc bus. You took the 21 to Spanish town but you don't live Spanish town. I know this because you're always at the portmore bus stop. Why are you going to Spanish town? Is it to meet me? But I'm right here, no it must be to meet a nigga my guess, to fuck
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Unu have drone but still a use big book a front desk fi Lodge complaints
VIDEO: With the use of our drone team, the Police on Wednesday, July 15, intercepted a vehicle with two men and seized a Taurus 9mm pistol with 11 rounds near to a security force checkpoint in Clarendon.
#KeepingYouSafe
#AForce4Good
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Jamaica: We deserve reparations and compensation
Britain: "See one lizard ya, like dammmm. Come off a we case now"
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Me Nuh want walk a road and smaddy hold me up a knife point and say "
Weh u say??? Kingdom or London???"
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Imagine logging on Twitter and seeing your associate Director a throw arms with madman a road
Do you know how upset you have to be to be throwing hands with a madman in the middle of the street during a thunderstorm inna yuh work clothes?? That was his last STRAW 😂😭
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Never in my wildest dream did I think I could accomplish all these by 28:
All my loans paid off
A 2020 BMW
My first Home
Married with my first child on the way
Living comfortably and not paycheck to paycheck
And I was right. Haven't gotten any of them. Anyways I'm off lunch
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Every hairdresser and nail tech REAL RICH this week
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Heading back home cause Kartel got denied
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"cya wait fi grow up and leave me mada yard when me a 18. Buy me car when me a 20 and get me owna place and married by 25"
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U bathe Ina the same water weh Moses part cause u skin cleeeean like a miracle
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"Bill Gates was a drop out"
yeah but he dropped out of Harvard not 5th form cxc extra classes
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Doctor dem ago start collect unu foot like Stanley cups
But look at it now....
I fried the chicken patty and the eggs... and added plantains
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Having fun on twitter while ignoring ppl WhatsApp messages
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There's no war in Spanish town
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Scroll down:
⠀Keep scrolling
Stop make ppl tek u Fi eeediat
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A scroll Pon Twitter Pon the bus and me come cross a video of a woman skin out a play with her pussy so me scroll up fast hoping no one didn't see and me jus hear a voice back a me say scroll back dung me never see dat properly
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Ladies the next man Fi bruk u heart jus pepper spray him. Two a unu haffi cry
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Things Jamaican people can't believe:
How the time so cold
How the sun so hot
How the year soon done
How the month nuh done yet
How Christmas soon come
The price of cheese patty
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"me will link u if anything" - A Jamaican who definitely not be linking you
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Planning on opening a gym where we knock on ppl door and tell unu Fi come a gym and get u gym body 💪 and stop nyam dung kfc everyday. Gonna call it Jehovah's Fitness
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Anyone else failed Popcaan and carry Dem feelings instead of the gun Dem?
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Girls : ow! why u pinch me? Me skin sensitive enuh.
Girls during sex: Choke out me bloodclaat a your pussy dis. Beat it up like u vex say me giiit weh.
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I also recalled one day my ex and I were having sex and she had an asthma attack and I deadass thought it was my cocky damaging her. Her hands grabbed on my shirt and I was like " oh u like it rough" she looked me in the eye and said inhaler , told her I didn't know that position
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Rest of the world: I thought to myself
Jamaicans: one mind tell mi seh
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Can't wait to be rich enough to unlock this version of Jamaica
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Stop normalizing cheating. You actually have ppl out here that won't cheat on you. Find them
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Hey sorry to interrupt your scrolling but if you just pause and follow this video for about a minute and give ur mind a break
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Dawg imagine if the Caribbean like come together and make like one big global community where we can travel to and from any island with ease, use one currency, share resources for import and export, and negotiate with first world countries as one
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Stop scroll Fi a minute nuh plz
Ya go be okay. You're strong and me proud a u. Go take a breather and wash u face. Get supm Fi drink or eat. Tek u medications if u need to. You're amazing for making it this far in life.
Ok keep scrolling
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Sure u nuh want remove the flag haffa u name so Iran know exactly which leader ya talk
Iran should just kill our leader in return, instead of getting revenge on all of America 🤔🤔
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Resume: weather protection lead officer
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When u check your payslip for January and you see bolt name as a tax deductible
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So my ex gf turn soldier and stationed at one of the ZOSO checkpoints. Dem stop the bus I'm in doing random search and she spot me...long story short me deh Pon me way a go station go get processed. Guys never cheat on a girl who u nuh Kno ago turn soldier
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Why Jamaicans love greet with "weh ya deal wid" and walk weh before me can tell u exactly weh me did a deal wid
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Capitalize the G in God
Capitalize the G in God
Capitalize the G in God
Capitalize the G in God
Capitalize the G in God
Capitalize the G in God
Capitalize the G in God
Capitalize the G in God
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If a girl really like u then she gonna possess some mother like tendacies towards you.
"You eat?"
"You sick? U Tek medicine? Use ginger and honey"
"U reach home? "
She jus wants the very best for u and I think any guy weh have a woman like this Fi cherish Dem
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Nuhbody nuh faker than u mother when she have guest over
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Why can't Jamaicans just give you an accurate time?
"What time is it?"
"Afta 5"
"10 pass"
"Roun' 5 a clock ya now"
"Call it 6 a clock"
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Fun and joke aside if Jamaica was to get hit with a natural disaster and we need aid from out Caribbean neighbors me nuh think nuhbody ago help we
Trinidad: "Aren't you the entire Caribbean, you don't need us"
Haiti:"boom shakalala"
Barbados:"Why does you ask Rihanna instead"
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Imagine ya look a one bedroom fi rent and dem paint over the roach dem
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Country ppl: *see birds circling the sky* look like it ago rain bout 5 minutes time
Me:
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Security guard weh work in a bank have the best customer service in Jamaica
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At least fi we generation a waste time Pon Twitter and the internet instead of having 10 pickney out a boredom
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Me trying to convince
My Jamaican grandmother
That bush tea isn't the
Remedy or cure
For everything. My grandma:
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U probably should have ordered it in black
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Every man need Fi learn how Fi cook and Tek care a demself. Full time unu stop burden the woman dem
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Judas: we still a do the ting Friday?
Jesus: which ting day?
Judas: di last supper man
Jesus: Ya talk bout? Last wah?
Judas: typo. Me mean the likkle supper with we chargie dem
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I need a relationship as strong as the tables that Jamaicans play domino pon
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A customs u buy dem ya from
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Brejin girlfriend say she would a gimme 1000$ if me tell her which part him deh. Hear me a say nuh, idk anything bout nuh white 2010 Mazda park up infront a di house with the red gate at 14 dominica drive, Caribbean Estates
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