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Barefoot Cuntessa

@DasKapithole

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117
Following
76
Media
298
Statuses
3,536
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
2 years
God gives his hottest angel the longest nipple hairs
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
5 months
@casseroleboy I already made this joke sorry
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
5 years
I’ve transcend quarantine horny and now I just want to be quarantined in love and building a vegetable garden 🥺
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
3 years
Am I autistic? I can’t be autistic. Would an autistic person develop such an obsession with napoleon dynamite at age 11 that they adopted the titular character’s speech patterns and mannerisms for months until their parents forced them to stop? I don’t think so.
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
1 year
the duality of my dms (guess which one is from someone I’ve actually slept w)
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
6 months
really into looking stupid as fuck when I run errands lately
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
3 years
New porch kitty is…. STUNNING?
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
1 year
Can’t post dinner content on ig without soft launching my ex
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 months
hey we saw you from across the bar and just wanted to say we fucking hate your vibes @blairewitchboy
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
2 years
Here comes a feeling you thought you’d forgotten (wanting to stay up all night playing stardew on adderall)
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
5 months
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 years
My Mother’s Day breakfast in bed is hibiscus passionfruit mimosas and adderall while alone in my 490 sq ft apartment bc the idea of gestation makes me ill and keeping myself alive is hard enough
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
3 years
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: dumplings are the true unifying trait of humanity
@MichalStein2
michal stein
3 years
We did dumplings around the world
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
2 years
She’s a 10 but she’s still making “she’s a 10” jokes and she’s wearing bootleg paddington merch
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
6 years
Haven't tweeted about cum in 14 days
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 years
Someone here ordered a HOT BITCH?
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
6 years
Thinking about where I was a whole year ago and, like, people fucking suck and the things we put ourselves through for validation sucks and learning to reject comfortable but unhealthy situations fucking sucks but it happened and I’m better for it.
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 years
I miss karaoke sunday and margarita monday and token tuesday and farmers market wednesday and $2 wells Thursday and basically every day of casual service industry alcoholism
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
2 years
i blacked out and then took pictures on my floor um ok girl slay?
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
7 months
opened up this app to tweet “pushing the limits on how much Caesar salad a human can eat” and this is one of the first things I see
@razorgxrl
cyberspace cowgirl
7 months
had a vegetable today
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
6 years
I don’t have daddy issues, my dad has daughter issues.
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
3 years
me now vs after my cbd vape arrives in the mail
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
2 years
this is how I’m going to feel flying internationally by myself for the first time at the tender age of 28
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
2 years
Literally the hottest girl in Wyoming
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
2 months
best part of Orlando is baby sister’s apt has good lighting
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 months
TouchTunes finally added guess by charli and @angelcandyshop is making me money right off the bat. Happy Father’s Money Day 🫶
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
8 years
I drink so much vodka and cranberry because urinary tract health is v important to me.
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
1 year
ppl shit on dating kitchen guys until they see one of these bad boys at my house (I have not bought cling wrap in three years)
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 months
someone come in before I pull out a g*n
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
11 months
the pilot on this flight is like 25 with a mullet and Chelsea boots. This may be my last tweet
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
1 year
got a 90 on the final that I took drunk. my actions will never consequences!!
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
8 years
*likes and comments on everything on facebook after one drink*
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
6 years
*anxious af* *drinks energy drink and espresso about it*
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
5 years
Wearing docs is my entire personality
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
3 years
Who gave us the RIGHT
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 years
Is this whole 70’s trailer-Playboy-Harley-shag mullet-Americana revivalism trend the millennial version of gen x’s rockabilly phase?
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
5 years
Something I think about every day is the one time a stranger on the internet told me that I look like Janice Griffith (I don’t) but the thought that Hasan Piker could potentially find me attractive really keeps me going in life.
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 months
imagine her completely naked running straight into a table in front of everyone…… now what if I told you it actually happened
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
5 months
I posted a pic in my scrubs and…. I’ve never had men flood my dms like this. Like, men who don’t ever reply to my stories. Long time listeners first time callers.
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
6 months
I know this is a bot but she’s so real
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 years
It’s 2020 and I’m out here looking like a second rate 2013 @skyferreira
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 years
I’ve had nothing but coffee and adderall and I got a job today so don’t try to tell me I’m not doing everything right.
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 years
Well, I came on here to send a 3am horny tweet about Dustin Hoffman but apparently it’s my 10 year Twitter anniversary so I should maybe say something a bit more meaningful
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 months
got my grippy socks on so I’m ready to scrap
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
2 years
What did I do in a past life to deserve these lips
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 months
in the top straight up jorking it and by “it” haha well let’s just say my peanits sauce
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 months
single handedly paying Adam Sandler’s mortgage with how often I come home from the bar and watch his movies
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 years
Y’all don’t deserve me
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
1 year
I blacked out and took pics w this plastic mercedes star ………..
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
28 days
Steve Martin is a hard would
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
2 months
I have not been able to capture my full beauty on camera tn and it’s driving me crazy like it’s just not translating it’s intangible
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
2 months
he just proposed……… we go get cosmos @blairewitchboy
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 months
everything is………. romantic
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
3 years
I forgot I built an hibachi grill in the animal crossing expansion and called it Boston Market and I laugh every time I walk in
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
5 years
I thought this was the sweetest thing I could get until I picked it up and found a BOTTLE OF VODKA
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 years
Don’t talk to 𝓂𝑒 or m̸̨͓̔̑͝y̷̡̲͐ ̸̩͒͝s̶̯͚̀̀̕ǫ̵̬̑̾ǹ̷͔̄̈́
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 years
Dude in first episode of 90 fiancé: I like foreign women because they have traditional values Dude in fourth episode: why does she keep telling me to “be a man”
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
5 months
officially back to showing Hole™️ on wednesday 💸🌸🎀🥴
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
3 years
went to CVS with my mom and the little old man behind the register pretended to have a heart attack and called me a cutie when he saw me
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 years
I made $185 in tips tn and it wasn’t even actually busy. I love being hot.
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 months
they gotta stop putting drugs that make you sentimental and horny in the watermelon slushies at The Top 🤨
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 years
ARE YALL SEEIN THIS SHIT WITH GEORGIA RIGHT NOW
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
7 months
ppl in nyc will be like “sublet my apartment 2/29-2/30!”
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
3 years
Bella Hadid paid so much money to look like me smh get well soon babe xx
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 years
After trying to gently tell my mom to go to therapy today, I—the person who can’t commit to therapy—cried in the shower but couldn’t produce tears so now I just have a headache
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
1 year
if Jamie Lee Curtis has no fans we’re dead @blairewitchboy
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 years
I don’t want to go to work I hate making cocktails like just order a fucking rum and coke PLEASE
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 years
Last night I was drunk and did an impression of Kate Bush singing Prince and it was really good
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
1 year
what do you think would happen to gwyneth paltrow if she ate biscuits and gravy
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
25 days
can someone photoshop the Baldurs gate 3 logo to say baddies gate 3
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 years
Stop letting people become realtors because it consumes their entire identity
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
5 months
it’s called a day-to-night look
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 months
In grade school I didn’t have friends because I was weird and ugly but now I have so many friends because I’m weird and hot :)
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
2 years
I didn’t even do any sightseeing on vacay, I just took pictures in my hinge dates’ cute flats
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 years
I’m not saying I want my downstairs neighbor to die........... I’m just saying it would be a lot more quiet if they did
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 years
My fav part of a relationship is when they said “I l🤢ve you” for the first time while they’re drunk and then I spend the rest of forever being too shy to ask if they still mean it sober
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
5 years
No one: My boobs the last few weeks: ( 👺 ) ( 👺 )
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
3 years
I love having a half dead bf because I can sing “I think I pooped my pants but I’m too scared to check” and he just smiles and dances along
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
2 years
I hung out with my 17 y/o sister and her friends and they told me that I remind them of “a cool substitute teacher” LMAO
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
5 months
it’s that time of year again
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
3 years
How do I drop hints to my bf that I want to see phantom of the opera on Broadway for my birthday in six months
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
3 years
I wake up at 9am on days I have to work at 9pm but now that it’s my day off I can’t fall asleep. Here is my mini brie.
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
2 months
this bartender working rn makes me wanna put my whole bare pussy on the bar
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 months
crazy how nosferatu’s cast is just a list of people I would make out with
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 years
"We're like, whatever. It's casual." *plans Asheville vacation together*
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
2 years
You can girlboss me, you can gatekeep me, but you will not gaslight me
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 years
The fucking nerve
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 years
This bone structure, this lighting *little chef kiss*
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
4 years
this is the second night I’ve been mysteriously nauseous wtf (and don’t try to say I’m pregnant bc it’s not possible)
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
5 months
I want what the schistosoma have
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
6 months
stfu about Taylor swift it’s MY BIRTHDAY not hers!!!!
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
2 years
I Love a Mama’s Boy is the most insane reality show I’ve seen
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
2 months
I’m like Matilda but instead of telekinesis I have a gun
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@DasKapithole
Barefoot Cuntessa
7 years
My bf gets grumpy at me for telling him not to sleep in his fucking dirty spandex bike bib LIKE IM SORRY I don't want your dick to fall off
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