Keifer
@DannyVegito
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28 | host of @SelectPodStart | he/him | fix your hearts or die
Joined November 2011
the closest you can come to feeling like a Roman Emperor is having an entire stadium call your opp a pedophile at your command.
KENDRICK RAN NOT LIKE US BACK IMMEDIATELY AND LET THE CROWD SING THE LYRICS FOR HIM DOG. HE BARELY RAPPED!!!. THIS IS THE MOST INSANE VICTORY LAP IVE EVER SEEN IN MY FUCKING LIFE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭.
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Grimes and Elon Musk are the Kardashians for people who watch Rick & Morty.
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they did the Matrix on a cow.
A farmer in Turkey has fitted his cows with virtual reality goggles to make them think they are outside in summer pastures. Izzet Kocak found out the pleasant scenes make the cows happier and produce more milk.Future is metaverse!
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The 2nd Amendment was written at the same convention where they decided slaves were only 3/5ths of a person so maybe it's worth reexamining.
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you’re laughing. 10 people were killed in tomato town and you’re laughing
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they aren’t protecting and they’re definitely not serving.
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do you guys prefer your ibuprofen hot dog or hamburger style?
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I love my job. Me and my bros get to hang out in a cozy research base in Antarctica. How can this place get any better? Oh fuck yeah a dog just showed up.
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this feels like a biblical evil. this would be the kind of thing that makes you momentarily understand why people in ancient times thought mixing fabrics would damn you to hell. it’s not morally wrong to do this but it feels wrong and it doesn’t make sense and it scares me.
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highly recommend owning a cat because it makes dealing with every negative emotion a little bit easier. it’s difficult to feel the full weight of crushing reality when a little freak is doing olympic laps around your home after taking a loud shit.
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probably for the apartheid convention.
SPOTTED: Elon Musk is in the Capitol. He just walked into the House. He wouldn’t say why he’s here.
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If someone said something that specific to me when I was 12 I’d believe them.
Timothée Chalamet: "If you would've told me when I was 12 years old watching the Johnny Depp version of Willy Wonka that I'd get to be here in Tokyo promoting this movie as Willy Wonka, standing next to Hugh Grant, I would've told you you were lying."
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Me clicking "Prefer not to say" when job applications ask me about my sexual orientation
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No one else did it like Satoshi Kon
Whats the best four film run a director ever had?.
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RIP Akira Toriyama. you were so good at drawing fits man. the best to ever do it
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Aang’s arc is that he’s the reluctant hero who wants to be a kid and all these “detours” underlined how omnipresent the Fire Nation’s colonialism has become in the 100 years he was frozen. these were necessary episodes that built urgency and momentum and paid off later on.
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man I’m starting to feel legitimately bad for Randall Park because he’s had a tv series, wrote and starred in his own movie, is a regular in the MCU, and is a better actor than Krasinski but everyone’s still like “haha Asian Jim”.
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One of my favorite things about Hideo Kojima is how he is not a smoker and yet he is constantly innovating new ways for smoking to look cool.
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norman osborn: thank you for curing me of my goblin brain, peter. now I can go back to what I was doing before. making billions building weapons for the united states military.
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my parents have been divorced for 20 years and whenever I asked them if they had any good times together, both replied with “seeing Oh Brother Where Art Thou in theaters” which is a testament to how good that movie is and how bad their marriage was.
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“filler episodes” was a term mainly used in anime circles to describe episodes with material that wasn’t in the manga and now it’s used broadly to describe any moment in a series where the main plot isn’t progressing. It’s becoming a tiresome way of viewing entertainment.
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yeah Top Gun is propaganda. I’m taking a propa ganda at Jennifer Connelly.
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Imagine being so privileged that someone's racism is seen as a minor character flaw rather than an absolute deal breaker to run a country.
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the core concept behind Dragon Ball Z is the coolest thing that ever happened. you’re following this magic monkey kid for years and after almost 200 chapters he suddenly learns that he is an alien and the twist fundamentally changes the series so much it needs a new name.
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seriously don’t know how the “VOTE” people aren’t completely embarrassed right now. everything you threatened us with is happening. you won the election and lost everything else.
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Morning shower people: how does it feel to sleep in your filth every night? What is it like knowing the grime of everything you’ve done this week is fermenting in your sheets? Do you ever feel clean?.
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Ugh. I had to look it up to be sure but it’s true. Google “40% police” so you can see for yourself.
‘MY POLICEMAN’ debuts with 40% on Rotten Tomatoes from 25 reviews. Read our review:
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it took a few months for it to pay off but this is the funniest thing amy schumer ever said
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Jerry plotline: this girl I’ve been seeing is beautiful, but she chews with her mouth open. Kramer plotline:.
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first base: retweeting their tweet.second base: dms .third base: making a playlist.home run: one of you gets busier in life and responds less frequently and the other person finds someone else to get attention from.grand slam: viewing each other’s insta stories until you die.
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Breaking: Former teen mayor of Partridge, Minnesota seen campaigning for Hillary Clinton.
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movies used to be about putting Nicholas Hoult in an absurd amount of makeup to play a little freak
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Elon Musk may be a libertarian but he’s begging for 8 dollars with the intensity of a lifelong democratic senator.
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critique of Bernie from the left is like “he should’ve been more aggressive & unfortunately many of his policies are still within a capitalist framework” & critique of Bernie from liberals is like “he crossed his legs which in 17th century France suggested hatred towards someone”.
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THE LESBIAN REFUSES TO BE THE KING’S JESTER EVEN THOUGH HE HAS ALLOWED HER TO LIVE? HOW UNGRATEFUL! PERHAPS THE KING IS TOO MERCIFUL!.
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pretty funny that the creator of Family Guy had to release a public statement to remind people that Peter Griffin is an idiot.
Since this has been trending, here’s a fun fact: “It insists upon itself” was a criticism my college film history professor used to explain why he didn’t think “The Sound of Music” was a great film. First-rate teacher, but I never quite followed that one.
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Lennon song: Show me the source of the leak, that drips and turns honest men weak. McCartney song: Terry the plumber is an honest man, he’ll fix your pipes as fast as he can [tempo change] it’s PIIIIIPE TIIIIIME [key signature change, tempo change] helovespipeshelovespipes.
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Rian Johnson: the force is all around us, it doesn’t belong to any single person or ideology. the force is a part of everyone and a powerful force user can come from anywhere .JJ Abrams: the force is stored in the balls.
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I have ADHD and I think you might have a gas leak in your home.
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this innocuous post got a bunch of nazis so angry that they harassed me, reported my tweets, and got me suspended for a couple of months
What’s the maddest anyone’s ever been at you on Twitter and have you been the main character?.
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My boss when I generate revenue with my labor
Olive Keogh: Quiet quitters are hard to handle because they continue to complete their assigned workload to the same (often high) standard, giving their managers an uneasy feeling but nothing specific to complain about.
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Zionist Man Receives Two-State Solution From Now Ex-Wife.
🚨 BREAKING: Senator John Fetterman's wife Gisele deletes all pictures with him on social media. According to reports she is currently single.
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We’re not beating the Iran vs. SpongeBob allegations.
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me every time gunfire or an explosion was used as lighting in The Batman
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JJ Abrams: we’ll be taking audience questions *points at me* yes, you?.Me: hi. in the dameron comics it’s established that poe’s parents were rebel war heroes but in TROS you decided to make the latino character into a former drug dealer so I guess my question is what the fuck?.
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Once in a while a french dude will make a movie about queer people that people at Cannes will call “a life-changing work” or whatever and then it’s released to general audiences and we all find out it’s some South Park shit.
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[John Wick at a GameStop].John Wick: I’m looking for a copy of Battletoads .Employee: I’m sorry, we don’t sell that here .John Wick: [smacks a coin onto the counter] you sure?.Employee: [smiling wryly] Mega Drive or NES version, Mr. Wick?.
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this tumblr post is better than anything JK Rowling ever wrote
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It’s like she’s trying to emulate the sound of boygenius without getting what works about their music. reminds me of her father and what he did to [shock collar activates and I start writhing in agony on the floor].
Even this is better than chopxoxo
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It sucks you have to filter your political analysis through pop culture because you aren’t good at analyzing that either. Yoda had to exile himself because his actions led to the rise of the Empire and the genocide of Jedi. You’re stupid in two languages.
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if you came out as trans to most Dragon Ball characters, they’d say something like “Transformation is a technique that only the strongest warriors can achieve. You must be getting stronger every day.” and then they’d give you a thumbs up.
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reminder that this isn’t remotely affiliated with the white house in anyway and it’s just some weirdo pretending to be the president’s dog.
🐾🎄1/2 I am just a 3 months old puppy and newly pawppointed #DOTUS, but I pawssure you all that my parents did not “abandon” Major. Oh my paw! They would never do that. They pawdore Major. Dad @POTUS & mom @FLOTUS = the kindest ♥️s. Woauf Uf! - #Commander
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I understand why some people feel as if Glazer didn’t say enough, but the fact he was the only one on stage who said anything about Gaza, and that he said this while his movie is still showing here and in Israel, takes tremendous courage. He’s refusing to let his work be co-opted.
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don’t think the Chaya Raichik video will change much because her audience is exclusively morons but it is a perfect example of how the vast majority of bigots completely buckle under the weight of being asked a few variations of “what do you mean?”.
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I cried earlier today and all three of my cats laid with me to comfort me. Now they’re all ganging up on me and knocking things over because they want early dinner. We can communicate our love for each other but I can’t make them understand that dinner is always at 8.
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on one hand Rosemary Harris was the heart of the Raimi trilogy and delivered a grounded, emotional performance in a heightened universe but on the other hand Marisa Tomei bark bark bark bark bark awooga.
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showing up to set 8 hours late every day when the set is a screen is so embarrassing.
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I know season 4 of Arrested Development wasn’t very good but this is still one of my favorite jokes ever
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[Hulk video game, 2032]. Hulk: HULK INVESTIGATE CRIME SCENE. tutorial pop-in: Hulk has Gamma Vision that allows him to see Crime Particles that aren’t visible to the naked eye. tap R3 to activate Gamma Vision and scan for Crime Particles. HULK: HULK FIND TRAIL. HULK FOLLOW.
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Nicole Kidman has done so much to normalize going to the movies alone.
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Reverend Mother: this Feyd Rautha…can we fix him?. Lady Fenrig: No, Reverend Mother. Reverend Mother: did you let him hit it anyway?. Lady Fenrig: Yes, Reverend Mother.
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for reasons I cannot articulate, I think it’s very funny that Edgar Allen Poe lived in places like Richmond and Baltimore his entire life. like yeah that makes sense. I get why he was like that now.
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This shot is brilliant and should be shown in any film study class
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me, an empath, after watching Wile E Coyote hurt himself after trying to run into the painted tunnel
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Almost every X-Men movie has a story beat that's so uniquely bizarre that it can drive you into madness. why does the mutation suppressing serum in Days of Future Past allow Xavier to walk? he was paralyzed by a bullet! his disability has nothing to do with his mutation!.
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therapist: early 2010s tumblr isn’t real it can’t hurt you.early 2010s tumblr:
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oh, the Ant-Man trailer is out? I’m so burnt out on Marvel and their glorified cameo fest-OH SHIT
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Lin Manuel Miranda: maybe babies won't be forcibly birthed by matey's gravy with scabies and rabies if this country north of Haiti elected some leading ladies! lemme pass it to milady while I play ukelele!. Amanda Palmer: here is every slur I know in alphabetical order.
lin manuel miranda & amanda palmer broadway musical about roe v wade.
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[pitching the works of Nathan Fielder to a friend] okay so first imagine Borat but instead he has autism.
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the comments are driving me crazy. his partner is being realistic about what he can achieve by himself (buying and wrapping 25 books you think your partner would want is SO MUCH) and offering solutions, meanwhile this guy is recording their conversations and being manipulative.
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the plan? develop an app that would be used to track the results of the iowa caucus that crashes so they can’t announce a winner
Three different sources say a firm called "Shadow" developed the Iowa Dem caucus app. They haven't responded to comment, neither has Iowa Dem Party. The firm was paid by both Nevada & Iowa Democratic Party, disclosures show. Also by Mayor Pete's campaign.
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Getting some action through a popcorn bucket has been a staple of the movie-going experience for decades. The plan? Boost concession sales by offering a self-pleasure bucket so people who see movies alone can have fun too
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people who think Nathan Fielder is too manipulative or cruel to other people clearly don’t understand that there is no one Nathan is more cruel to than himself
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I hope Alan Moore was proud of himself when he wrote “I already did it 35 minutes ago” because it’s one of the hardest things anyone’s ever written.
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they’re euthanizing him
Dunkin’ has announced that the coffee chain is “retiring” its Dunkaccino beverages after 23 years on the menu
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I don’t care if I have micro plastics in my body. You know what else is in there? Love. Joy. Kindness. They will take care of the micro plastics.
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⚠️THIS CELEBRITY HAS BEEN MARKED SAFE FROM REBECCA FERGUSON⚠️.
Emily Blunt DENIES being unnamed co-star who shouted at Rebecca Ferguson: Girl On The Train star's spokesman says pair 'are friends with nothing but love between them' as mystery deepens
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They’re going to invent new ways of being homosexual.
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If you LIBERALS think Santa is a WOMAN then explain why he only shows up in our lives once a year gives us gifts thinking it’s the same as showing affection? sounds like a man to me.
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you can’t make me pretend those movies were good
Will not be involved in rehabilitating The Hobbit movies but you can all have fun.
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We live in a culture that promotes constant consumption where people are totally clueless about how the things they consume are made. Barbie discourse is a byproduct of that.
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