Daniel Edison
@DanEdisonComedy
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One-liner comedian / writer of nonsense. I post original jokes. Jack of all trades, master of pun. Also on Instagram.
United Kingdom
Joined April 2012
John Travolta's getting on a bit now isn't he? He's got pills... they're multiplying.
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My girlfriend said we should take things slowly, so we tried it and got caught shoplifting.
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I'm currently reading 'The End of a Football Game' by Matt Chover.
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I have a joke about italics, but I've put it to one side.
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RT @DanEdisonComedy: "I'm going to cycle to a honey farm at night." "Wear a hi-vis." "Correct. That is where a hive is."
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RT @DanEdisonComedy: "My wife had a nervous breakdown after Steven Spielberg threw food colouring at her." "The director?" "It certainly…
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I think it's best to be a pacifist, and I'll fight anyone who disagrees.
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My uncle’s always got some dodgy scheme going on. Now he thinks he can make his car run on kebab meat. He's just about to take it for a spin.
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Q: How do you find out how fast Albert Einstein's brother can run a marathon? A: Time his relative.
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My personal trainer said I should buy a kettlebell. So I did, and now I hear a lovely 'ding!' sound when the water boils.
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RT @DanEdisonComedy: I've been accused of using subliminal messaging to sell my protein powder, which is completely false, buy the whey.
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My girlfriend doesn't have a swear jar, but she does have one for every time she says, "Jeez!" I know this because last night she complained that I couldn't find her "jeez pot."
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Choose your favorite music artists from the options below: 1) Direction 2) Pac 3) Degrees 4) Tops 5)
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Never ask a caricaturist how much they charge. They'll give you an exaggerated figure.
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RT @LeicsComedyFest: We're thrilled to announce the contestants battling it out at The 2025 UK Pun Championships! @comedybriefs
@DanEdiso…
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I tried to return a packet of biscuits... The cashier looked at it and said, "Seal's broke." I said, "I'm not surprised. He hasn't had a hit since 'Kiss from a Rose'."
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