DENVER’S FUCKING WEATHER
@DENVERSWEATHER
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The foulest weather report this side of shittucky. Chaotic Good. Blocked by 9News & Boulder's NWS (♡) cuz I'm dirty. #COwx #wxtwitter #deathmetal ☠☠☠☠☠☠
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DENVER, I'VE HAD TEN YEARS WITH YOU. INDULGE ME WHILE I RELIVE MY PERSONAL FAVORITE TWEETS
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DENVER, IN THE NEXT 48 HOURS WE'LL EXPERIENCE SOME CLASSIC COLORADO BULLSHIT, LET'S BREAK IT DOWN.
TODAY: MID 50°s.
TUESDAY: 60 FREAKING DEGREES. SHORTS WEATHER.
WEDNESDAY MORNING:
@DENVERSNOW
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1K
I KNOW IT'S BEEN SAID BEFORE BUT GODDAMMIT SOMEBODY BETTER BE WORKING ON GETTING KYLE CLARK IN THE MODERATORS SEAT ON A NATIONAL DEBATE.
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1K
DENVER, THIS IS WHAT HEAVEN LOOKS LIKE. A STRAIGHT-A-PLUS PERFECT WEEK. THE WEATHER GODS ARE GLOWING, ONE OF YOU OUT THERE MUST BE DOING SOMETHING THAT PLEASES THEM. WHOEVER YOU ARE, KEEP IT UP.
SUN: 70° STORMS
MON: 67° STORMS
TUE: 74°
WED: 74° STORMS
THU: 72° STORMS
FRI: 70°
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DENVER WE ARE ALL IN FOR IT BECAUSE OLD MISS WINTER IS ROLLING UP AND SHE'S MOTHERFUCKING PISSED. ENJOY FRIDAY'S WEATHER, THIS IS THE WARMEST IT WILL BE UNTIL WEDNESDAY.
YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 36°/-8°, P.M. SNOW
SAT: 6°/-7° FUCK THIS
SUN: 9°/-3° FUCK THIS TOO
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DENVER, THIS IS AS CLOSE TO PERFECTION WE'RE GOING TO FUKKIN GET AS DEEP INTO FALL AS WE ARE. THE WEATHER GODS ARE SMILING DOWN ON US, IN BETWEEN MONSTER RIPS OFF THEIR CELESTIAL BONGS.
YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 67°
SAT: 68°
SUN: 75°
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"GUNS AREN'T THE PROBLEM" well they sure make whatever problem it is way fucking worse huh
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LOVE THE GUN-RIGHTS FOLLOWERS TELLING ME TO "STAY IN MY LANE" BRO MY LANE IS WHEREVER THE FUCK I WANT IT TO BE IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT THAT'S A YOU PROBLEM.
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WOW CAN'T WAIT TO FEEL THE LUSH PLEASANT WARMTH OF 40 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT ON MY SKIN
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why can't we have a record-breaking streak of 72° days in july
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DENVER, YOUR WEATHER THIS WEEK FEATURES WHAT I LIKE TO CALL "CLASSIC COLORADO BULLSHIT." SEE IF YOU CAN SPOT IT:
SUN: 44°
MON: 54°
TUE: 64° 🌴FUCK 🌴
WED: 67° 🌴 YES 🌴
THU: 36° FUCKIN SNOW
FRI: 43°
SAT: 45°
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COULD SOMEONE GET A PHOTO OF BLUCIFER'S EYES SHINING THROUGH THE WILDFIRE SMOKE WITH THE ROCKIES IN THE BACKGROUND AND A LIGHTNING BOLT DESCENDING FROM THE GATHERING DARKNESS? I COULD REALLY GO FOR THAT EXACT PHOTO, THX
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🚨BREAKING NEWS🚨 THERE ARE MEASURABLE MOTHERFUCKING CHANCES OF MEASURABLE FUKKIN SNOW COMING TO DENVER ON SATURDAY AND ALSO SUNDAY BREAK OUT THE HOT CHOC AND THE WHISKEY, PUT ON THAT SEXY SWEATER YOUVE BEEN SAVING, WINTER IS NIGH.
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DENVER, YOUR IMMEDIATE FUTURE:
1. LOWS IN THE TEENS TONIGHT
2. MORE FUKKIN SNOW FRIDAY
3. THAT SNOW WILL NOW NEVER MELT BECAUSE IT'S SO FUKKIN COLD FOR THE NEXT BAJILLION DAYS
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oh nice it's 53° outside what a pleasant temperature for late December think I'll take a light jacket and a leisurely walk nope don't mind if I do
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THE NEXT RAINSTORM CANNOT GET HERE FAST ENOUGH. I AM SO FUKKIN SORRY FOR EVERYTHING BAD I EVER SAID ABOUT OUR BEAUTIFUL, REPLENISHING, DELIGHTFUL PRECIPITATION. RAIN PLEASE COME BACK.
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DENVER, YOUR FUKKIN WEEKEND IS LOOKING *CHOICE* (UNLESS YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE, THEN IT LOOKS *CONCERNING*)
FRI: 52° POOL PARTY DAY TWO
SAT: 50° WE DESERVE THIS
SUN: 47° SO NICE
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DENVER, IT'S A WHOLE LONG WEEK OF "WE NEED THE MOISTURE" WEATHER. I HOPE YOU'RE FUKKIN HAPPY. YOUR WEATHER:
SUN: 92°
MON: 91° EVENING STORMS
TUE: 87° EVENING STORMS
WED: 84° EVENING STORMS
THU: 84° EVENING STORMS
FRI: 82° YOU GET ONE GUESS
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DENVER, THIS WEEK WE PULLED FUKKIN ACES, I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE OF U TOPPED OFF WHICH WEATHER GOD BUT THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU, THANKS TO YOU ALL THESE TEMPERATURES ARE EXCEEDINGLY... NICE.
YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
SUN: 65°
MON: 66°
TUE: 69°
WED: 69°
THU: 69°
FRI: 66°
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DENVER, THERE'S A LIGHT AT THE END OF THIS SWEATY SHIT-TUNNEL AND THURSDAY IS THAT LIGHT. BRING ON THE CLOUDS AND BRING ON THE THUNDER.
YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
SUN: 100°
MON: 95°
TUE: 94°
WED: 93° THUNDERSTORMS
THU: 74° AWESOME THUNDERSTORMS
FRI: 77° DELIGHTFUL THUNDERSTORMS
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DENVER THE WEATHER WILL BE FREAKING MAJESTIC FOR NEXT 72 HOURS, CULMINATING IN OUR FIRST MOTHERFUCKING 80-DEGREE DAY SUNDAY. BASK IN THE BEAUTY Y'ALL.
YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 76°
SAT: 76°
SUN: 81°
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DENVER, I KNOW, IT'S BEEN FOREVER SINCE YOU FELT THE SUN'S CRUEL CARESS. BUT I BRING NEWS: WITH MONDAY COMES THE SUN, THE HEAT, THE PAIN... SUMMER'S BACK, CHUCKLEFUCKS.
YOUR WEATHER:
SUN: 84°
MON: 91° WHAT IS THIS FUCKERY
TUE: 87°
WED: 80° STORMS
THU: 75° STORMS
FRI: 82°
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DENVER, IT GIVES ME NO JOY TO SHARE THIS:
MONDAY'S FORECAST BRINGS YOU A HIGH OF 8°, LOW OF 5° AND NOTHING BUT PAIN IN BETWEEN.
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DENVER, ONE OF YOU MUST HAVE PISSED OFF THE WEATHER GODS AND ONE OF THOSE WEATHER GODS MUST HAVE TAKEN A DUMP ON ZEUS' LAWN BECAUSE IT'S NOTHING BUT THUNDERSTORMS FROM HERE ON OUT.
SUN: 63° 🌩️🌩️
MON: 70° 🌩️🌩️
TUE: 73° 🌩️🌩️
WED: 72° 🌩️🌩️
THU: 71° 🌩️🌩️
FRI: 73° 🌩️🌩️
SAT: 74° 🌩️🌩️
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FOR I HAVE GAZED UPON THIS WEEKEND’S FORECAST, AND LO, THE UNRELENTING HORRORS OF SUCH A SIGHT HAVE SHAKEN MY VERY SOUL, get out, GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN, THERE IS NOTHING THIS WAY BUT SCORCHING TENDRILS OF FLAMING DEATH.
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DENVER, PRAISE THE ALMIGHTY FOR THEY HAVE BESTOWED UPON US A PERFECT WEEK OF SPRING. YOUR FUCKING GORGEOUS WEATHER:
SUN: 69° THIS
MON: 72° IS
TUE: 71° ALL
WED: 76° TOO
THU: 72° PERFECT
FRI: 73° FOR
SAT: 71° WORDS
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A MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR ALL THE FRONT RANGE GARDENS THAT WERE BLASTED TO SMITHEREENS YESTERDAY R.I.P. YOU LIL' TOMATO STARTS U WERE TOO BEAUTIFUL FOR THIS WORLD
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SOME GOOD NEWS: THIS WEEK'S WEDNESDAY SNOW HAS BEEN CANCELED. WE ARE ALSO LOOKING AT 60° HIGHS OVER THE WEEKEND. BLESS US ALL, WE ARE BLESSED.
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DENVER, THIS IS SOME GRADE-A, POOL-PARTY-IN-FEBRUARY-WITH-THE-WEATHER-GODS-IN-ATTENDANCE SHIT. I'LL BRING THE CIGARS SOMEBODY BRING THE WEED I'M FEELIN' SPLIFFY.
YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
SUN: 59°
MON: 60°
TUE: 62°
WED: 61°
THU: 59°
FRI: 55°
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DENVER, YOUR FUCKING WEATHER... THIS IS GETTING FUCKING WEIRD.
SUN: 67° STORMS
MON: 66° STORMS
TUE: 64° STORMS
WED: 78° STORMS
THU: 76° STORMS
FRI: 78°
SAT: 82° STORMS
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i mean it's winter what the fuck did you think was going to happen
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just looked at the 7-day forecast and spit out all my beer BREAK OUT THE SWIMSUITS CALL YOUR BUDDY WHO ROLLS THE BEST SPLIFFS IT'S GONNA BE 80 MOTHERFUCKIN DEGREES NEXT WEEK YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
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DENVER, I KNOW WE HAVE HAD SOME MOTHERFUCKING STELLAR FALL WEEKS UP IN HERE, BUT THIS WEEK LOOKS GODDAMN CELESTIAL. LIKE DIAMOND. DIVINE.
YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
SUN: 65°
MON: 73°
TUE: 82°
WED: 74°
THU: 79°
FRI: 81°
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DENVER, YOU THINK IT'S COLD NOW? HERE'S AN EMOJI REPRESENTATION OF WHAT THE TEMPERATURE WILL DO OVER THE NEXT 36 HOURS:📉💀🪦
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DENVER, WE ARE IN THE THICK OF THE WEIRDEST WINTER WITH
@DENVERSNOW
ON THE WEEKENDS AND BEAUTIFUL WEATHER ON THE WEEKDAYS LIKE SOME FUCKED UP CUSTODY BATTLE BETWEEN THE WEATHER GODS THAT WE'RE STUCK IN.
YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 44°, NIGHT SNOW
SAT: 34°, DAY SNOW
SUN: 41°
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DENVER SOME OF YOU MAY THINK "THIS WEATHER IS SUPER FUCKED" WHILE US WISE ONES KNOW "THIS IS APRIL IN COLORADO, BITCHEZZZZ" ... I KNOW IT SUX, JUST LOOK AT IT AS THE PRICE U PAY TO LIVE HERE.
YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 42°, EVENING
@DENVERSNOW
SAT: 41°, SHITTY
SUN: 68°, GLORIOUS
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💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃
💃 IT'S 70 FUCKING DEGREES 💃
💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃
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I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S -4° AND THIS IS THE WARMEST MOTHERFUCKING WEATHER WE'RE GOING TO HAVE ALL GODDAMNED DAY HOLY SHIT SOMEBODY MAKE IT STOP.
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SHIT I DON'T LIKE TO SEE BEFORE 9 A.M.:
• BOSSES
• LITTLE KIDS
• TEMPERATURES ABOVE 80°
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DENVER, YOUR WEEK FUCKING ROCKS. MULTIPLE SIXTY DEGREE DAYS IN DECEMBER? BREAK OUT THE SHORTS IT'S MOTHERFUCKING POOL PARTY TIME.
YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
SUN: 46°
MON: 58°
TUE: 61°
WED: 66°
THU: 64°
FRI: 48°
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DENVER, TODAY, FOR A SHINING INSTANT, TEMPERATURES WILL CLIMB ABOVE FREEZING, AND IT WILL FEEL FUCKING AMAZING.
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If Valentine's Blucifer could talk, he would tell you that love is complex and difficult, love can be joyful but not without the labor that love requires, that he would love to be free from his constraints, would love to roam the countryside, destroying all who dare to cross him.
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FUCK THIS FUCKING HEAT DEEPLY IN ITS SKULLHOLES THE SUN CAN FUCK OFF THE SKY CAN FUCK OFF THE FAT CATS AT
@NWSBOULDER
CAN FUCK OFF JUST LEAVE ME TO MY SWEATY STIFLING MISERY.
YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 102°
SAT: 102°
SUN: 102°
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if blucifer could talk he'd tell u how much he fucking hates the snow and cold, how capitalism is a scam, how he vows he will kill again, how in another world he'd be shooting lasers from those magnificent eyes of his...
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DENVER, TODAY I HAVE BEEN ON THIS SITE FOR 10 YEARS, THANKS TO THE
@9NEWSWEATHER
TWEET EMBLAZONED ON MY PROFILE. THANKS FOR JOINING ME ON THIS CURSED RIDE. YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
SUN 69° yes
MON 77° YES
TUE 83° YESSSS
WED 84° FUCK YES
THU 76° FUCKING FUCK YES
FRI 58°
SAT 49° SNOW
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DENVER NEVER FORGET THAT SPRING HERE WILL FUCK YOU OVER THE MINUTE YOU LET DOWN YOUR GUARD. JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU'RE IN THE CLEAR whammo SNOWSTORM.
YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 62°
SAT: 67°
SUN: 54° BUT WITH FREAKING THUNDERSNOW AT NIGHT
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💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃
🕺🕺 FUK YEA IT'S 45° 🕺🕺
💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃💃
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DENVER, THIS LONG WEEKEND IS A 10 OUT OF 10, A GODDAMNED DIAMOND, THE WEATHER GODS ARE SATED AND SMILING. I'VE NEVER SEEN A WEEKEND SO BLISTERINGLY PERFECT HOLY SHIT IM CRYING.
YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 71° A LIL CLOUDY
SAT: 75° A FEW CLOUDS
SUN: 74° MOSTLY SUNNY
MON: 78° SUNNY
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TAKE ME NOW, BASEBALL SIZED HAIL, FOR I HAVE LIVED ALL I DESIRE TO LIVE ON THIS EARTH
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I'M SUPER PROUD OF MY NEW HEADER IMAGE AND ALSO WILLING TO ACCEPT YOUR CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM SO HAVE AT IT, YA FUCKS
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DENVER OUR RUN OF GLORIOUS DECEMBER WEEKENDS CONTINUES. LET US REVEL IN THE PLEASURABLE DAYTIME TEMPERATURES AND IGNORE ANY ACCOMPANYING SENSE OF DREAD, JUST PUSH THAT SHIT DOWN.
YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
FRI: 50°
SAT: 58°
SUN: 55°
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DENVER, HERE COMES YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND 🌞🌞🌞💀💀💀
FRI: 54° AND WINDY
SAT: 65° AND BEAUTIFUL
SUN: 68° AND EVEN MORE GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL I CAN'T TAKE IT IT'S JUST I MEAN IT'S JUST TOO MUCH ALL THIS BEAUTY ALL AROUND ME OH UGH SDKFJA90A4MFV DED
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DENVER, YOUR FUKKIN WEEKEND IS HOT, BUT NOT ARIZONA HOT, PLUS, YOU LIVE IN COLORADO — NOT ARIZONA — SO CONSIDER YOURSELF ✨FUCKING BLESSED✨.
FRI: 83°
SAT: 84°
SUN: 91° AND SUNNY
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I WANT A FUKKIN STORM THAT MAKES ME FEAR DEATH
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DENVER, YOUR WEEKEND ISN'T SPECIAL. YOU, HOWEVER, ARE A DELIGHT AND DESERVE TO BE CHERISHED, CELEBRATED AND TREASURED. NEVER STOP BEING YOU, YOU GODDAMN DIAMOND, YOU GORGEOUS GLIMMERING STAR.
YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
FRI: 42°
SAT: 43°
SUN: 48°
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DENVER REJOICE, FOR FRIDAY BRINGS AN END TO OUR TORMENT.
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DENVER, THIS IS THE JULY WEEKEND FORETOLD OF IN PROPHECIES: YEA, AFTER A BLISTERING HEAT, SHALL COME THE CHOSEN DAY, IT WILL BE A SUNDAY IN JULY AND TEMPERATURES SHALL NOT EXCEED 75 DEGREES.
FRI: 89°
SAT: 85°
SUN: 75° AND GODDAMNED FUCKING GORGEOUS
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NUGGETS WIN NUGGETS WIN NUGGETS FUCKING WINNNNNN
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DENVER, IN THIS FUCKING WEEKEND YOU WILL GET TO EXPERIENCE 80 DEGREE TEMPERATURES. REMEMBER THOSE? IT'S ALMOST UNCOMFORTABLY HOT, AND HOW WE USED TO SPEND MUCH OF OUR SUMMERS.
FRI: 59° STORMS
SAT: 67° STORMS
SUN: 84° HOLY SHIT NO STORMS TODAY
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DENVER YOU CAN IGNORE MONDAY'S SHITTINESS BECAUSE THURSDAY AND FRIDAY BRING 70 DEGREE TEMPERATURES BACK TO THE FRONT RANGE FUCK YES COLORADO, FUCK YES.
YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
SUN: 66°
MON: 48° SHOWERS
TUE: 58°
WED: 67°
THU: 72° HOLY FUCK
FRI: 72° IT'S HAPPENING
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Here we are, again.
#LewistonMaine
"GUNS AREN'T THE PROBLEM" well they sure make whatever problem it is way fucking worse huh
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DON'T LOOK NOW BUT WE ARE FORECAST TO HIT 60 DEGREES NEXT WEEK HOLY FUCKING WOWFUCKS I AM HERE FOR THAT WHAT NOW JANUARY WHAT NOW
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BREAKING NEWS IT IS 70 DEGREES FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TWENTY TWENTY THRE BREAK OUT THE SHORTS IT IS POOL PARTY TIME, REPEAT IT IS 🏊🏖️🌴🥳 TIME. TELL YOUR BOSS YOU'RE TAKING A LONG LUNCH, GRAB YOUR FRIENDS WE'RE FUKKIN DOIN THIS, FIRST ONE WITH A HOTEL KEY TO A ROOFTOP POOL WINS
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DENVER, YOUR NEXT 72 HOURS GET PRETTY FUKKIN GRIM BY THE END OF IT.
FRIDAY: HIGH 42° / LOW 22°
SATURDAY: 29° DAY, 12° AT NIGHT
SUNDAY: HIGH OF 16 FUCKING DEGREES, SNOW
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ATTN MOTHERFUCKS IT'S A GLORIOUS 53 DEGREES OUT THE POOL PARTY AT MY PLACE IS ON REPEAT THE POOL PARTY IS ON
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DENVER, IT’S FUCKING WEIRD TO SAY THIS AT THIS POINT IN OCTOBER BUT TODAY WILL LIKELY BE THE LAST 80 DEGREE DAY OF THE YEAR. THAT SAID, IT MAKES FOR ANOTHER GLORIOUS FUKKIN WEEKEND, FALL SPLENDOR IS LITERALLY SHITTING OUT MY ASS.
YOUR WEATHER:
FRIDAY: 84°
SAT: 78°
SUN: 78°
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DENVER IT IS NOW OFFICIALLY FALL, WHICH MEANS SWEATER WEATHER, HOT SPICE LATTECCINOS, AND THAT WE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH SHIT LIKE THIS FUKKIN FORECAST:
SUN: 78°
MON: 82°
TUE: 85°
WED: 86°
THU: 86°
FRI: 85°
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THIS MAY BE THE LAST NICE DAY WE GET Y'ALL, I KNOW IT'S A WORK DAY BUT TAKE A LONG LUNCH OUTSIDE OR SOMETHING JUST ENJOY THIS WEATHER BEFORE IT ALL GOES TO SHIT
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DENVER, IT'S GONNA BE FUCKING FREEZING IN THE MORNING FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE, BUT THE DAYS, THE DAYS ARE ALRIGHT.
YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 55°
SAT: 60°
SUN: 64°
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DENVER, IT'S COLDER THAN SHIT, COLDER THAN FUCK, COLDER THAN SHITFUCKS, COLDER THAN SHITTING FUCKSHITS. YOUR FUKKIN WEATHER:
SUN 12° FUK THIS
MON 12° FUK THIS TOO
TUE 34° COLD BUT NOT AS BAD
WED 39° HO HUM
THU 42° MIGHT AS WELL BE SPRING
FRI 46° FUK YES
SAT 44° 💖
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DENVER, FOR YET ANOTHER WEEK WE ARE FORECAST TO HAVE SNOW ON A WEDNESDAY. WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH IS. SOMEBODY TELL ME. I'M SERIOUS.
SUN 56° 🌴🌴
MON 51°
TUE 46°
WED 40° WITH P.M. ❄️❄️
THU 40°
FRI 49°
SAT 46°
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DENVER, YOUR WEEKEND LOOKS LIKE SOMETHING STRAIGHT OUT OF FREAKING JANUARY'S PLAYBOOK. WTF OCTOBER, YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE COOL.
YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
FRI: 53°
SAT: 33°
@DENVERSNOW
SUN: 27° THAT GUY SHOULD BE DONE WITH US BY NOON
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does anyone know if
@DenverPolice
ever found the box of human heads that got stolen out of that truck last year? was just thinking about that, thx
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I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO WRITE THIS ON THE VERGE OF OCTOBER, BUT...
🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵
🥵🥵 IT HOT 🥵🥵
🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵
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DENVER, THIS IS THE COLORADO SPRING WE KNOW AND PUT UP WITH. YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
SUN: 67°, GORGEOUS
MON: 64°, PRETTY NICE
TUE: 34°, ❄️❄️❄️❄️
WED: 42°, MEH
THU: 51°, MORE MEH
FRI: 64°, ALL IS FORGIVEN
SAT: 65°, NOW WE'RE TALKING
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DENVER, YOUR FUKKIN WEATHER LOOKS MORE LIKE MARCH THAN FEBRUARY BUT WE ROUNDED UP ALL THE PEOPLE COMPLAINING ABOUT THAT AND SHOT THEM SO... NO COMPLAINTS.
SUN 47°
MON 41°
TUE 45°
WED 47°
THU 37°
FRI 42°
SAT 54° 🌴POOL PARTY🌴
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DENVER I HAVE SEEN THE FUTURE AND THE FUTURE'S FUCKING SOGGY. GET READY FOR THE MOISTEST OF WEEKS, THE DAMPEST OF DAYS, THE DRENCHIEST OF DOWNPOURS.
SUN 78°
MON 81°
TUE 82°
WED 78° THUNDERSTORMS
THU 73° THUNDERSTORMS
FRI 68° HEAVY THUNDERSTORMS
SAT 69° MUCH THUNDER, MANY STORMS
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HERE'S A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT FROM YOUR FRIEND DENVER'S FUCKING WEATHER: THERE'S A FLOOD WATCH HAPPENING FOR A GOOD CHUNK OF THE STATE AND THERE ARE FEW SHITTIER WAYS TO DIE THAN DROWNING SO BE CAREFUL OUT THERE OKAY? BETTER TO BE SAFE AND WET THAN FOOLHARDY AND DEAD.
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DENVER, SUMMER IS IN FULL EFFECT: MONDAY WE COULD HIT ONE-HUNDRED MOTHERFUCKING DEGREES, AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS: IT'S TIME TO KILL THE SUN.
YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
SUN: 91° NOPE
MON: 99° NOPE NOPE NOPE
TUE: 95° MORE NOPE
WED: 88° EH
THU: 82° STORMS
FRI: 81° I'LL TAKE IT
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And yet again.
#ChiefsParade
"GUNS AREN'T THE PROBLEM" well they sure make whatever problem it is way fucking worse huh
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TOO BAD THERE ISN'T A PARTICULAR CLIMATE EMERGENCY THAT WOULD SOMEHOW MAKE PEOPLE ON THE EAST COAST NOT TWEET ABOUT THEMSELVES SO DAMN MUCH
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DENVER, YOUR WEEK IS FUCKING DIAMOND EXCEPT FOR TUESDAY. TUESDAY CAN GO SUCK A LOG. I FART IN TUESDAY'S GENERAL DIRECTION.
YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
SUN: 64° BEAUTIFUL
MON: 63° BEAUTIFUL
TUE: 44° NOT BEAUTIFUL (SNOW)
WED: 49° ALMOST BEAUTIFUL
THU: 60° BEAUTIFUL
FRI: 63° BEAUTIFUL
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331
DENVER CHEER THE FUCK UP IT WILL BE IN THE MID-SIXTIES BY SUNDAY.
YOUR FUCKING WEEKEND:
FRI: 35°, ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT
SAT: 54°, MOSTLY OKAY
SUN: 63°, TOTALLY LEGIT
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23
328
HELLO AND WELCOME NEW FOLLOWERS, I'M FUCKING PUMPED THAT YOU'RE HERE, GET READY TO CELEBRATE THE JOYS OF FALL, THE PERILS OF WINTER AND SPRINGTIME'S FREAKY DELIGHT. YOU LIVE IN COLORADO. YOU'RE FUKKIN SPENDING TIME ON GOOD OL' WEIRD-ASS TWITTER. CAN I GET A HELL YEAH?
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10
323
A gentle note: When you blame gun violence on race, you're saying more about who you are than the actual problem.
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8
327
Didn't realize how many white supremacists I had following me until they started celebrating Hitler in my mentions.
#blocked
#fuckingyikes
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3
325
DENVER, THE WEATHER GODS CONTINUE TO GRACE US WITH THEIR BOUNTY UNTIL WEDNESDAY WHEN IT ALL TURNS TO SHIT. ENJOY THE DREAM WHILE IT LASTS.
YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
SUN: 75° GOD DAMN GORGEOUS
MON: 72° HELL YEAH
TUE: 74° DREAMY
WED: 50°, EVENING SNOW?
THU: 48°
FRI: 55°
10
22
323
DENVER, REMEMBER THE SUN? IT'S COMING BACK. I MISSED THE SUN. WELCOME BACK SUN, YOU BIG FUKKIN OAF.
YOUR WEATHER:
SUN: 62° BETTER THAN BEFORE
MON: 75° DIVINE
TUE: 64°
WED: 76° GLORIOUS
THU: 73° EVENING STORMS
FRI: 69° EVENING STORMS
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21
324
Word is we're getting weather today... word can fucking fuck the fuck off.
9
22
319
DENVER, TIME TO TURN UP THE AIR CONDITIONING CUZ THE 90 DEGREE TEMPERATURES ARE BARRELING IN LIKE A HUNGRY MOOSE ON METH.
YOUR FUCKING WEATHER:
SUN: 83°
MON: 90°
TUE: 94°
WED: 90°
THU: 90°
FRI: 83°
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