Crazy Management Consultants
@CrazyMgmtCons
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Founder/ Global Managing Partner of CMC & Company | Main page
New York, NY
Joined June 2019
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How to Halloween as a consultant (Part II)
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Did BCG recommend this?
McKinsey plans to cut 2,000 jobs in one of its biggest layoffs - Bloomberg News
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Who led the digital transformation of your company?
◻️ McKinsey
◻️ CEO
◻️ CTO
◻️ agile squads
☑️ COVID-19
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Breaking: McK moves from the Great Resignation to the Great Layoff
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As your consultant, I recommend you increase revenues and reduce costs.
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Consultant participating in a technical discussion with client's IT team be like
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KPMG dudes on dating apps when nobody cares they work in "Big 4 consulting"
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818
Analyst: laptop + 5 screens
Associate: laptop + 2 screens
Engagement Manager: laptop
Partner: iPad
Senior Partner: phone only
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Definitions of EOD
Senior Partner: 3pm
Client: 5pm
Partner: 6pm
Analyst: 3am
Project Manager: 5am
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To sound like a consultant, use the following words in every sentence
- insight
- impact
- inspiring
- transformation
- agile
- synergies
- value creation
- 80/20
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Me, in my 20s, trying to tell my client, 50, how to do their job better
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728
Meeting before a meeting: Pre-meeting
Meeting after a meeting: Debrief
Meeting to discuss things: Problemsolving
Meeting with senior people: SteerCo
Meeting between two people: 1:1
Meeting in a small group: huddle
Meeting briefly: stand-up
Meeting in the morning: check-in
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"I work at BCG, you know, the firm that invented the 2x2 matrix? I fly across the country every week to give strategic advice to Fortune 500 CEOs. Want to check out my ppt shortcut skills sometime?"
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When a consultant returns from a 5-star hotel to their own empty apartment
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Ex-consultants looking back at their consulting days
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Consultants: this analysis is based on robust data sources
The data sources:
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Rishi looks like the HBS 2+2 McKinsey consultant who made Partner at age 30
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Me: This request is out of scope
Senior Partner:
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Me after moving boxes and editing footnotes on 4 slides all day
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520
Partners taking credit vs me who did all the work
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513
Consultant on their first project vs. 2 months later
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Consultant red flags 🚩🚩🚩
- uses Excel with a mouse
- uses VLOOKUP
- uses Google Sheets/ Google Slides
- travels with a check-in bag
- starts emails with "Hope this email finds you well!"
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Big 4 layoff: "layoff"
Accenture layoff: "workforce rationalization"
BCG/ Bain layoff: "operating model optimization"
McK layoff: "Exit in Excellence"
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"Logging off early today"
- consultants at 11pm
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How many different ways can a consultant name a meeting?
Problemsolving
Prep session
Debrief
Stand up
Sync up
Huddle
Touch point
1:1
SteerCo
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Roses are red
Violets are blue
Even Microsoft Excel
Is not responding to you
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419
Yeah sex is great but have you ever had a client send you perfect data in exactly the format you need?
No, because that has never happened to anyone
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Tell me you're a consultant without telling me you're a consultant
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Every deep friendship in consulting is trauma bonding
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Gonna tell my kids this is OpenAI's ChatGPT
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Who sent out meeting invites before consultants showed up?
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Summer associate vs. Full-time associate
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Sex is great but have you ever had a last minute meeting cancellation when you're hungover af
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"Did he just use Calibri on a slide?!"
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Client's ppt template vs. Consultant's ppt template
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I'm taking a break from mental health to explore a career in management consulting
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One day you're young, happy and free and the next you're in a zoom call hearing yourself say "let's take a step back and address the holistic picture" while aligning boxes on powerpoint
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Senior Partner: The next steps are clear right?
Me:
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No consultant has all 5
1. more than 6 hours of sleep
2. a healthy relationship
3. a functioning body
4. job satisfaction
5. ability to have a conversation without mentioning their firm/ where they went to MBA
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All I want for Christmas is a "looks good, no further comments" email
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"What are your holiday plans?"
Consultants:
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When your "quick call" is running over for 4 hours and counting
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Consulting firm bonuses this year be like
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Just because I wrote "pls let me know if you have any questions" in my email doesn't mean you should
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Consultants: Do you want me to attend meetings or finish my SteerCo deck cos I can't do both
Consulting firms: Do both but also work on proposals, coach new analysts, spend hours giving each other feedback, get to know clients outside of work, and fill in your timesheet
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When your 8am call gets cancelled, the client reschedules the steerco, your PTO gets approved, and the Partner replies "no further comments thx"
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Consultant's strategy deck vs. client's execution
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"Proposal" and "engagement" mean totally different things to consultants vs. to normal people
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MBB: insecure overachievers
Big 4: confident underachievers
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Need McK problemsolving to crack this one
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Most used work apps
Analyst/ Associate: Excel, Powerpoint
Project Manager: Powerpoint (20+ windows open simultaneously)
Partner: Outlook
Senior Partner: Text message
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The first 5 mins of every zoom call be like
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Management consulting is just
- formatting and reformatting slides
- checking and rechecking numbers
- scheduling and rescheduling calls
- sending and resending emails
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"His dating profile says management consultant but he works in IT at KPMG. Can you believe it?"
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Me after creating the cover and agenda slide for my deck
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"Are you available for staffing?"
"I noticed you haven't been on a project for a while"
"Do you have some capacity this week?"
"Did you have a chance to fill in the staff engagement survey?"
"Don't forget to submit your timesheet and sign up for the e-learning course"
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Intern: See attached vF of the model that I spent the weekend fixing
The model:
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Thanks Mark
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