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@CosmicDreamer6
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37,293
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40,149
Book slinger, Coffee lover, The Office obsessor.
Joined March 2019
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Pinned Tweet
Joe Exotic found 5 guys to marry him and I can't even get someone to tolerate me for longer than 3 days.
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There’s a mom out there that needs her guts rearranged in the most filthiest of ways.
It’s me. I’m the mom.
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Tell a guy you’ve got a 22-year-old daughter and they stop talking to you. I’m almost a grandma too. Might as well not even approach me. 🤷🏻♀️
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I don't care what anyone says. Men in their 50's are delicious.
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I want someone I can hang out with, eat tacos, and laugh at stupid movies together while we touch each other inappropriately.
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I wish I had the guts to tell the guy I have a crush on that I want his p in my v.
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Those gals with 2 heads and 1 body got married and I can’t even get a text back.
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If you’re under 30 don’t bother. I need someone that knows what they’re doing.
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I won't date a man younger than 35. Like a fine wine, they're better with age.
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I wish I had the guts to ask the guy I have a crush on to come over and take off his pants.
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I'm 42 years old, and I haven't been laid in over 3 years. If you're even going to attempt to step up to the plate, you better come ready to work.
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I'm a 43-year-old woman. I'm horny before my eyes even open in the morning.
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You know what's sexy? Someone genuinely loving you for everything you are, flaws and all.
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We finally made it to April. I wonder how many months it'll take to get to May?
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I’m your average 46-year-old mom who gets excited over new vacuums and enjoys a little smut.
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Does anyone want to run away to a cabin in the woods with me and fuck off for the rest of our lives?
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Cute, funny, and you have a beard? Shut up and put your P in my V.
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If you've got a dick that hangs to your knees, I'm not interested. I want to have an orgasm, not get my cervix in a UFC fight.
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I'm bored. I need an internet boyfriend to love and share nudes & orgasms with.
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Bend me over these books and tell me I’m your favorite book nerd.
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Run away to a cabin in the woods with me and unplug from the world, or nah?
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42 months dick free. Can someone put me out of my misery already?
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My ex is having a baby this month with someone else and is naming it a name we picked out when we were together. This shit is going to hurt like hell.
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Sure, dildos and vibrators are useful. But, they still can't slap your ass, pull your hair, and call you a whore.
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Welcome to Twitter. Someone’s neglected spouse will be assigned to you shortly.
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Pour Some Sugar on Me playing on the radio will activate the inner stripper in a 45-year-old mom within the first 5 seconds.
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I miss having a bf. I just absolutely hate dating. It's stressful and annoying. It's easier to go without one. 🤷♀️
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If you’re grossed out by a 46-year-old grandmother, block me.
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After 3+ years of being alone, I'll probably fuck the next man I'm with to death. Good luck.
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If you need a clingy little nerd in your life, then I might be for you.
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Look, I’m a pretty lame tweeter most of the time. I typically tweet about the food I want to eat with an occasional filthy slut tweet thrown in because I’m 45, and I miss sex. Understand what you’re getting into here.
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I dedicated my first two orgasms of the day to you. You're welcome.
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Have you ever wanted to DM someone to ask them something but think you're a lame ass for doing so?
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Hey, the shy and awkward gals like to get filthy, too, ya know.
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I don't know what it is about a dadbod with a salt and pepper beard, but that shit drives me wild.
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If you ignore his balls during a blow job, you don't deserve to suck his dick.
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I want to tell the guy I have a crush on that I'd like to gag on his dick for Christmas.
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Ok, who misplaced their grandpa? Please come collect him in lost and found.
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I'm not interested in huge painful dicks. My pussy isn't trying to be a hero.
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Missionary. Because, I want you to look me in the eyes when you cum inside me.
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Trying to date sucks. Trying to date in your 40's really sucks. And trying to date when you're an introvert is nearly impossible. Welcome to my life.
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Sometimes I ask stupid questions. So here's another one because I'm fucking curious. Kissing during sex, Yes or No?
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Call me crazy, but I think a dad bod in a pair of grey sweatpants, with a salt and pepper beard, is hot as fuck.
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I talk a lot about sex for someone who hasn't had any in 3.5 years.
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I'm thinking telling the guy I have a crush on that I want to swallow his cum might be a little bit too forward, right?
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She's in her mid-40s, she's demanding, and a bit of a handful. But she'll do that thing you like and be the best at it.
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I don’t like reading books electronically. I crave the way the book smells and how the pages feel on my fingertips.
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My soulmate is probably showing his fat cock to strangers on the internet today.
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Getting dicked down in the mornings should be a requirement after 40.
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Be the reason she slides her hand into her panties in the morning.
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I need to know if you're a creamy or crunchie peanut butter lover?
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I'm almost 45 with a mom bod and self-esteem issues, of course I put out on the first date.
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What base is it when you like them, but they don't like you?
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