ConsultingHumor
@ConsultingHumor
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Pinned Tweet
the deloitte team on a warehouse site visit for a supply chain erp implementation
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23-year old college grad after a year at deloitte
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“here at Deloitte we leverage advanced data analytics and project management tools to deliver value to clients”
the tool:
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never underestimate the power of cc’ing someone’s boss
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“i have a few ideas on how you can do your job more efficiently” -chad, 2 years of experience
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when the Deloitte team is driving to the client site for the first time
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pov: analysts in the office trying to figure out how a vlookup works
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deloitte analyst after 3 months on a travel project
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deloitte when they see clients using 1985 erp systems
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when you show up at the office happy hour but the three people you know don’t come
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My favorite part of consulting is joking about quitting every day then working at the same company for the next 5-10 years
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Nothing gets the blood pumping like spacing out for the past 30 minutes on a call and suddenly hearing your name
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now 23-year-olds make beautiful powerpoint slides
A 23-year-old did this with nothing more than a hammer and chisel.
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154K
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Deloitte recruiter: it's a pleasure to speak with you
Dont say it
Dont say it
Dont say it
Dont say it
Dont say it
Me: deloitted to speak with you as well
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when your manager puts all the slides you made in the appendix
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Consulting can get pretty depressing but then an elderly lady at your client calls you an excel wizard and for a brief moment you realize your life has meaning
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mckinsey consultant trying to fix a fortune 500 company
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first year at the big four vs fifth year at the big four
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“here at McKinsey we use cutting edge data visualization tools to help clients translate their data into actionable insights to drive value creation initiatives”
the cutting edge tool:
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“he told me he prefers google slides over powerpoint”
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consultants: “consulting is a lot more than just buzzwords”
also consultants:
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executive summaries be like: “the thing your team has been recommending for the past 6 months is a good idea. you should do it. thx”
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My favorite part of consulting is not getting access to the client's systems for the first 6 weeks of a project
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the easiest way to make a powerpoint deck:
1) become a partner
2) tell a 22 year old kid to make you a powerpoint deck
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every tech consultant wants to do strategy consulting
every strategy consultant wants to work at mckinsey, bcg, or bain
every mckinsey / bcg / bain consultant wants to leave consulting
this is the circle of life!!
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800
if AI were to replace consultants, clients would have to be good at describing what they need from consultants.
yeah, i think we’re good
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mckinsey analyst: hurt me, baby
girlfriend: i’ve never actually heard of mckinsey
mckinsey analyst: too far
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consulting firms be like:
hire 5 people
work them like 10 people
pay them like 7 people
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pov: 22 year old McKinsey analyst about to tell you to increase revenue and cut costs
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when the gen z analyst takes an uber with two senior managing directors to the client site
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you survive 100% of the corporate happy hours you don’t attend
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when your dashboard looks pretty but the data behind it sucks
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My favorite part about consulting is joking with your coworkers about quitting every day then staying at the firm for the next 8 years
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One of the most sacred duties of senior consultants is passing on their knowledge of expense loopholes to the younger generation
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high school / college: “don’t plagiarize or copy anyone else’s work”
big four consulting: “here’s last year’s deck, just change the date and send to the client”
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685
4 p’s of consulting:
powerpoint
powerpoint
powerpoint
pain
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two mckinsey consultants on their way to share strong opinions about a topic they are completely uninformed about
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“more icons! more charts! less words! punchier title! add sources!”
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Her: i like bad boys
Me: i use excel without autosave on
Her: i said bad, not stupid
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when your client sends you all their data in pdfs
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pov: consultant jumping on a zoom call to get berated by a client
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I asked ChatGPT to write a joke about consulting and it just spit out “KPMG”
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The single most important advice I have for young professionals is that being well-liked and producing decent work products is better than being unlikeable and producing great work
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“you’re fresh out of undergrad, you’re not qualified to advise people on how to run their businesses”
23-year-old consultants:
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614
consultants when their client asks how to implement the strategies they came up with
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622
high school / college: please submit a 10 page 10,000 word essay
corporate america: if i don't get the main point in 5 seconds i’ll stop reading
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one of the biggest mistakes you can make as a consultant is assuming your client has common sense
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“do you regret joining a big four consulting firm?”
me:
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if i win the lottery, i won't tell anyone but there will be signs
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boss: this is the 3rd day you’ve said a curse word in a meeting this week. do you know what that means?
me: yeah, it’s wednesday
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when the year end bonus hits in the middle of the worst project of your life
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when you’re the senior consultant on the understaffed project
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older ladies at clients calling me an 'excel wizard' feels like the professional equivalent of my mom telling me what a handsome boy i am
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the secret to work life balance is to not be ambitious
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Crazy how companies can make multi-million dollar decisions based some hand wavey math and BS assumptions made by a team with an average age of 23
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the secret to good work life balance is to become rich
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“consulting provides you with an unbelievably exciting and compelling career path”
the path:
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deloitte summer interns when they get their corporate amex cards
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My favorite thing about consulting is how clients will complain about how useless consultants are, then turn around and send a scanned PDF printout of an excel sheet in response to a data request from a month ago
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My intern after I endorse him for PowerPoint on LinkedIn
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how mba students feel getting a deloitte offer in this economy
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POV: It's 1AM. Your team is working in the hotel lobby. You spot another team working across the room. You try to identify which firm they work for based on their laptops. The sexual tension intensifies.
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22 year old big four analysts explaining how to increase revenues and decrease profits to a 30 year industry veteran
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In the 80s, McKinsey told AT&T that smart phones wouldn’t be a big market | 🧵 👇
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the universal sign for “i’m looking to leave consulting”
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clients: “we are implementing AI across our entire business”
also clients:
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this terminal even has a room for consultants begging to roll off of their projects
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