Calvin_
@Calvin_mlw
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Thinker| Speaker| Under Construction| Fighter| Defiant| Outside the Lines| Financial Markets| Business
Zambia
Joined March 2014
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Pinned Tweet
Genuinely grateful for a roof over my head and a meal everyday.
🙌🏾🙌🏾
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I was 19 years old when I told my then girlfriend I was hungry past 11pm and she texted back with;
"oh babe, why don't you warm something in the microwave?"
I knew right then that I was dating beyond my brand 'cause the Mbaula had already gone out and there were no lefties 🤦🏾♂️
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My primary school friend just got back from Russia.
We've suffered náma "the problem with us Africans is that..." 🙄
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I’m buying my first car this year!
I’ll come back to this tweet.
In the name of Jesus!! 🙌🏾🙌🏾
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Getting married and raising kids is really not something you should be doing with a stupid person.
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You look happy chief,
you you’re full, you’ve eaten, hungry lion and other stuff, is that fair? No
Fatherrr 😭😭
Discussed with H.E
@EmmanuelMacron
matters of mutual interest affecting our countries & peoples. Expressed gratitude to
#France
for supporting
#Zambia
via development & tech assistance as we work towards achieving our shared priorities. 🇿🇲🇫🇷
#EconomicDiplomacy
#CMO
#COP28UAE
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White people: I believed in you and you still betrayed my trust.
Zambians: awe imbwa ndine.
😂😂
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My brother in-law didn't get to wake up today, leaving behind two brilliant kids and a beacon of hardwork of a wife.
death makes you reflect, you know, introspect and appreciate even, its during moments like these when we are thankful for what truly matters 😔 MHSRIP
bless.
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K500 worth of groceries needed a car to get home 10 years ago.
today one kid can carry the three plastic bags easily.
Zambians are getting stronger 😔
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Zambia should be number 1 if we are being honest.
Do you agree with the POSITION of your COUNTRY?
💁♂️💁♂️
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Sharp chief 🤣🤣🤣🤣
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I repeat;
Natasha did NOT steal your husband!
Your husband WASN'T stolen!
Your husband CHOSE to leave you for another woman.
"but Natasha was throwing herself at him"
honey so did Ruth but she ain't his type 🙄🤦🏾♂️🙄
he CHOSE!!!!
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Kuchoka mu ndeke straight mu bus ya Chelstone Avondale 😂😂
We were on the first inaugural flight for
@FlySafair
from South Africa to Zimbabwe 🇿🇼...what a stunning welcome🙏 🤗
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One day,
that Bowman Lusambo dude will turn around and insult Edgar Lungu.
Bookmark this tweet, I know that type.
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"so I once raped a chick"?!??
Who raised that boy mwelesa shuwa? 🤦🏾♂️
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Siberian husky ati Chomba? 😅😅
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If it's this challenge mwandi some of us,
as long as God loves us 😔😔
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WHO appointed him?
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The funny thing is HH is only doing what’s supposed to be done by any new COMPETENT leader and we’re excited,
The bar was set in the toilet guys, we suffered!! 🤦🏾♂️
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Niggas getting money from one woman to pay for Lobola for another one...😲
Lusaka is wild!! 😂
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You know who Barack Obama run against in the 2008 election? John McCain.
You know who John McCain personally selected to pay tribute at his memorial service?
You guessed it; Barack Obama!
...and then there's you, a difference in opinion and you wish someone dead. SMH
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My neighbour pama flati once told our landlady ati "ngati simuziba kunkala na bantu mukachokepo pano".
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Finally understand what they mean when they say "men have the audacity" because,
August Alsina? 😂
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When your girl posts ka Barbie kachi gololo with scruffy hair but you've been out of town.
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Yo,
Facebook amasampo posts are wild, ati "am looking for that ka dog that stays in the house, a ka fraf"😅
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Niggas out there still believing their height is the problem? SMH
Young man, get money!
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Twinning 🤗
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Abel Chungu nominated for the Ngoma Award "most outstanding comedian".
who's in charge ai? I just wanna talk.
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY to ME but first,
we’ve got bigger fish to fry!!!
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we are the chosen generation.
You people good at answering questions, how do you answer "What are we?"
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"Ballon D'awwww" 😂😂
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If you guys have any shred of love for Zambia,
this hashtag will definitely blow!
I'll organize t-shirts you can only wear under something else 🙊😂
#LunguTakapite
#Takapite
#Takapite2021
Traffic Police officer punished for allegedly saying "Lungu takapite" -
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Yo,
a house gecko just fell on me, mahh, gangster where? tough ohn wehyah?? 😂
I scrum 😂😂😂😂
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I spent the better part of my day today at UTH and I’m convinced that the appalling mortality rates are due to corruption than anything else
Fyonse ku lyamo?
From blood tests to simply having your name called out to see a doctor?
What chance do the financially challenged have?
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Today, my immediate little brother got married!
Huge congratulations to the new couple in town on their nuptials.
Join me in wishing them nothing but God’s grace, wisdom and success.
Indeed, in his own time, the Lord will make it happen!
❤️👊🏾
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I'd probably look like this if we didn't have load-shedding issues in this country 😔
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I cannot believe coming home with a live chicken clucking loudly was once a flex,
growing up poor also 🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️
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Citizens: The economy is tottering on brinks of collapse.
PF Gov't: HH doesn't have nice shoes.
Citizens: we demand accountability of all public funds.
PF Gov't: Okay, but HH stole a farm 100 years ago.
Nawakwi: Forget FDD, let's talk about HH for 2 hours.
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Pulled a ka “there’s food at home” on myself today.
Adulting is a scam!
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Seer 1 is live guys.
Musical background first few seconds;
Joeboy
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President Edgar Lungu won't even give the nation a proper address concerning the killings and attacks.
But tell him that gay men are sleeping together uku mudala, ehhh Sky News!!
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Not a single Zambian rapper can wash K-Star kuma punchline.
Mwana mayadi temunobe. 🙌🏾
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Uncles don't say "your girlfriend is beautiful",
they say;
"mwaiche taumfwa iwe! so wamufumishe kwisa uyu?"
scored!! 💪🏾😅
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The Zambian banknotes street slang;
K100 - Zalé
K50 - Rubber
K20 - TwoZero
K10 - Blue
K5 - Susu
K1 - Sawa (now deemed "coin")
Be street smart, thick pockets are precious.
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Dear Entrepreneurs,
Our president just addressed us with a full understanding of financial dynamics,
WE PICKED THE RIGHT MAN!!!!!!!!
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Screw the kids, I’m getting these for me 😅😂😅
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mwayasha mbaula?
How do you say good morning in your language...?
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I swear Bembas have the most beautiful compliments for God.
these guys spend their first 3minutes plus of prayer chaf-ing the good Lord, amazin'
🙌🏾🙌🏾
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The Higher Education Loans and Scholarships Board has approved one of my lil sisters' application and denied the other. They are twins.
...and both won't stop crying.
some things can't be fixed 😔
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When I was 15, I cheated on my first girlfriend, then I apologized.
she then sent me a letter that was all too well written.
I'd learn two years later that they were actually Jordin Spark's Battlefield lyrics.
I felt so played 🤦🏾♂️
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Dear
@Airtel_Zambia
Our friends with MTN are getting 200mb Valentine's free data,
us there's no?
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Mbululuka ka mungeli!!! 🎶🎶
President Hakainde Hichilema set to address global climate action at COP28 in Dubai -
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The problem with using public transport in Lusaka after 6pm is that there's always a drunk someboday 🙄
making noise over everyone else, or maybe it's just Lilanda Matero? 🤔
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Nobody has ever thanked me for following them back hey,
am I not important? 😭
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Lukewarm christians are hilarious, they'd be driving back home after Sunday service, deep in the heart of worship songs on their stereo.
Until they almost run over a kid chasing after a stray ball and burst out;
"Osani Chimwise mwana wa imbwa iwe, pachimenso bati" 😂😂
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What happened to just hitting someone with a bottle?
These rich kid nightclubs?
Keyaful!
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If you think people won't thrive when you leave their lives you'll be shocked!
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I’ve just experienced the most Ubuntu thing in a while;
A wheelbarrow transporter (popularly called igo igo in Zambia) had an accident and lost most of his tomato consignment in the ordeal,
The motorist that almost hit him was the first to contribute towards his re-up…
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Zamtel is that nigga on the corner with the cheapest unreliable stuff from Everybody Hates Chris.
Zamtel has 1gb bundles costing K4 and some ngwees.
Valid for 1 day
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You had 9 months to think about it only to name someone Mavuto?
Awe naimwe 🙄
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POLICE BRUTALITY should be addressed seriously in Zambia.
Have you ever been Arrested?
#Zambia
#PoliceThePolice
#Misconduct
#YellowCard
A thread.
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Sex in the shower can't be that easy.
I don't trust movies 🤦🏾♂️🤦🏾♂️
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Before you insult people for their ignorance,
how about you try and educate them first?
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me 24hrs after I get married:
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When the Zambian BBA housemate that was picked alongside Macky 2 said she didn't know who he was.
Zambians were mad upset 😂😂
By far the highest gesture of patriotism I've seen in our beautiful country 😂
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"Mulilo nshi Ulepitamo?"
would make a great Zed version of "O jewa ke eng" 🤔
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You guys date people who call sausage ati Sonya? nangula Soswa?
iye!
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Told her I was Angry in a text, she told me to eat something 🙄
Nah mandem what’s been the pettiest thing that’s turned you off a girl?
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HH is not only trying to appeal to young voters on-line.
he's onto the Islam community too.
follow his Arabic handle 👌🏾
اعتمدنا اليوم تغيير نظام التأشيرات السياحية في الدولة .. لتكون مدة تأشيرة السياحة خمسة أعوام متعددة الاستخدام .. لكافة الجنسيات .. نستقبل اكثر من ٢١ مليون سائح سنويا وهدفنا ترسيخ الدولة كوجهة سياحية عالمية رئيسية ..
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You telling ati these Camrys I see around here are from 1991?
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People getting touched that someone turned down a job is pretty funny because chakubaba bwanji?
😂😂
Ni career yako?
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You can't DM everyone you get along with on the TL.
What is wrong with you? 🤦🏾♂️
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