The Pun-isher 💀
@CTTrekkie
Followers
1,383
Following
965
Media
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Statuses
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You probably came here to check my bio after I made a terrible pun. He/Him, Trekkie, Red Sox fan, animal lover, people tolerate-r, Canadiaphile, Cat Paralegal.
Deep Space Nine
Joined June 2018
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Tip for women: if you’re ever lost in the woods without food or water, just start trying to build a fire. Every man within ten square miles will appear immediately to tell you you’re doing it wrong and then you can hit one with a tree branch and steal his snacks and vehicle.
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@dan_dd
@jodieegrace
@HeyselIce
@coochisaurus
For four cents I don’t care if they’re shredded hospital mattresses
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@meghanttucker
For like five seconds I completely forgot you were married before and I read the first sentence and was ready to FIGHT
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#BrieLarson
is trending for gross sexist objectification reasons so let’s make it trend instead because she’s awesome, a great actress, and made MRAs and incels online lose their goddamn minds this year.
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@_TallieRose
@teonawrites
“Listen Up, Bisexuals” would be a great name for an X-Files podcast
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Ann Coulter is trending so it’s time to break out this old chestnut that I’ve tweeted in various forms at least three or four times.
Everyone should stop announcing that they agree with Ann Coulter. She’s only calling Trump an idiot because his incompetence is preventing him from implementing all of the racist, inhumane, and disgusting changes he and people like him want. We’re not on the same side as Coulter,
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@feminemi1y
It’s the reason I pay even *more* attention. I’m a 33-year old cishet white son of a police officer. Nothing that happens is likely to adversely affect me. It makes it even more important for me to give a fucking shit about others.
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@sheologian
@howroute
That’s mean and uncalled for and I am absolutely disgusted that I didn’t think of it first.
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Everyone should stop announcing that they agree with Ann Coulter. She’s only calling Trump an idiot because his incompetence is preventing him from implementing all of the racist, inhumane, and disgusting changes he and people like him want. We’re not on the same side as Coulter,
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@Mark_Neitzel23
@FeminemiIy
Rapists and pedophiles and sexual predators are waiting impatiently outside of bathrooms, tapping their feet with arms crossed and a surly expression, unable to pass the sign without being a woman
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@jarjarkinksa
@anita1956
Seriously I’ve watched my cousin try unsuccessfully for five full minutes to get her daughter to wave at my mom on a video call. This is incredible
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Asking for LeVar Burton and getting Joe Buck instead is like asking for a cookie and getting...Joe Buck instead.
NEWS: Joe Buck will be a guest host on "Jeopardy!" trying out for the permanent job, The Post has learned.
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Spock: Im sorry for the loss of your brother
McCoy: Yeah Jim, we’re here for you.
Kirk: Thanks Spock. You know, I’ll never forget that elaborate musical number with the rapping Klingons he sang on the bridge with us
Spock: Yeah
McCoy: Yeah
Kirk:
Spock:
McCoy: Wait what
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Let’s get some facts straight:
Dan Crenshaw is a piece of shit who uses his military record as a shield against criticism for his racism and ignorance and that makes him more reprehensible than he would be anyways
Let’s get some facts straight:
Allowing taxpayer funded political campaigns has nothing to do with “voting rights.”
Asking people to prove who they say they are with an ID is not “voter suppression.”
Making elections more secure and transparent is not “Jim Crow on steroids.”
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@ghostofadreamer
@balmthreat
I like to imagine the timing was just a coincidence and your dad regularly yells “LESBIANS” across the house for no reason.
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@BlaisePensee
They’re not our women, they’re women, and they don’t need protection, they need men to change.
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@silly_emily3
Use them to make an escape rope for the next time you have to be in the same room with him.
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@ChelseaClinton
Anyone not familiar with the concept of “taking the high road” would do well to peruse Chelsea Clinton’s Twitter feed
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@emrazz
They’re not harassing or assaulting us, men. If you spend time listening to, folllowing, and engaging with women who advocate, you’ll realize just how many men like that there truly are. Maybe then instead of being surprised or bemused, you’ll get angry enough to do something.
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@hum_dunkin
With the final one being Bin Laden’s POV where it turns out he tripped on a lamp cord and fell onto a pointy sculpture
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@iamwillproject
@ScottHech
@DeanLeh
When the only positive thing you can say about this situation is "they aren't starving the children", it's difficult to think of it as a good starting point.
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@Imani_Barbarin
@shaboom
“You should respect me, I’m using a small portion of my obscene stolen wealth to rebuild your house.”
“But…you were the one who burned it down.”
“Let’s not get into semantics now, there are people who need help!”
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@MizShannonS
Do you have any idea how bad of a person you have to be to go on Relationship Talk Reddit and have everyone taking the *mans* side in a story?!
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Today is my birthday and I hate it, please send pictures of your cute pets. I need kitties and doggos!
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Maybe if a single “Men’s rights” issue or argument was ever presented without denigrating or blaming or trivializing feminism, we’d take it seriously. But I guess that would be hard given that MRA sits on a solid foundation of misogyny and ignorance.
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@info_husband
I lost a job for the same reason, using the phone of an intoxicated 17-year old to call her parents to pick her up from a party. My 30-year old boss who was getting ready to leave with her called me a “little bitch” and fired me the next day.
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We’re in this for far different reasons. Saying “oh my god I can’t believe I agree with her” cheapens our belief in the evil that the Trump administration perpetuates and gives her the veneer of legitimacy. Fuck Trump, but fuck Coulter too.
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@ASlavitt
UPDATE: Several other groups have signed on to the brief, including The International Association of Puppy Mills, Making Babies Cry, Inc., The National Organization for Parking in Two Spaces With One Car, and Comcast.
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@Feminemi1y
Yes, and I’m certain I’ve probably known a handful of women who have and just never spoke of it for fear of judgement
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@abbygov
My dearest doctor, it has been many fortnights since your last correspondence, and I fear perhaps the outbreak of consumption has claimed you as it has so many...
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@brookiesaint
@emrazz
I follow
@emrazz
and every day someone replies to her with something that makes me say “no one could possibly say anything more stupid or misogynistic than this.” And within 24 hours every time, someone tops it.
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Walking through the grocery store and the night crew is beginning to stock shelves. One guy dropped a box of Spaghetti-Os and all the cans fell out and rolled everywhere. Finally after more than three decades I was in the right place at the right time to say UHOH SPAGHETTIOS
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@MrRaceBannon
There are so many legitimate reasons to despise Melania. This is not one of them. Shaming women for being comfortable or proud of their own bodies, for enjoying sex and self-empowerment, for simply being attractive and not downplaying it, is what we are supposed to be fighting.
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@Chicagojewlz
@AllisonRFloyd
@everywhereist
@hollis_jane
If I get attacked by an axe murderer I’m only running if it’s not too humid out, otherwise I will calmly accept my fate
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@ellle_em
Bohemian Rhapsody. It truly transcends any generational music differences. Everyone knows it.
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@ElaineEguthrie1
@battletested5
If his nose actually grew every time he lied, we wouldn’t need a space force, we could just walk on it straight to the surface of Mars, like a log lying over a creek.
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I watched a coworker pour artificial sweetener on a pepperoni and jalapeño pizza today because he likes “sweet and spicy” and I don’t think it’s an overreaction to say that I don’t feel comfortable working with him anymore.
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@emrazz
You mean...focus on the systemic problems inherent in the sexualization of women to the exclusion of their thoughts, feelings, and actions? That’s madness! You’d waste all the time set aside for disingenuous outrage designed to avoid changing!
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@Elaine_Said
@DrJenGunter
I’m sorry, this is a Finnish tradition? How did we not adopt this? Dammit America you let us down *again*.
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@eastareapapist
@emrazz
I truly enjoy, appreciate, and learn from emrazzs’ account and I would so, so love it if a single tweet from her could reach at least 50 replies before a man shows up to proudly shit all over like a puppy left home alone for the first time. You are exhausting
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@emrazz
Teaching men to be responsible instead of demanding that women sacrifice their comfort and mental health for hyper-vigilance?! What wild ideas you have sometimes.
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Today is my birthday, a day I hate. So as I did last year I am asking everyone for pictures of your pets to scroll through. Cats, dogs, rats, rabbits, don’t care. Just need cute. 🥺
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@EDubs707
@SarahKSilverman
I see you are in the initial stages of denial. That’s his couch. 😁
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@HollyStallcup
“Turning to international news, cat-related maimings are up eight thousand percent across the world”
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@TheWapplehouse
@angel_0f_deathx
You keep saying that but I think you’re really milking it at this point
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@emrazz
Gymnasts and weightlifters have nothing on me when it comes to contortions and feats of strength to avoid extra trips to the car. I couldn’t bench press a bag of popcorn but I can carry two weeks of groceries on my person if it means I don’t have to go out to the driveway again.
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@meghanttucker
Yeah I realized pretty quick that that was extremely unlikely on Jeff’s part 😂
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Every time someone uses a variation of “lives with their parents” as a sick burn on an incel I die a little more inside. I live with mine. Financially and mentally it’s my only option at the moment and probably will be for years. Can we move on from “mom’s basement” as a thing?
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@tinderdistrict
@Keally22
Delivering pizza, a woman threatened to call the police because her husband tipped me too much while drunk, and my boss made me drive back to give her the money back
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@AllisonRFloyd
@Chicagojewlz
@everywhereist
@hollis_jane
I can’t really think of a better way to encourage running
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@emrazz
Watching these guys try desperately to hurt emrazz’s feelings is a lot like watching those guys who kept trying to cross the Arctic in the 19th century. You know no one ever makes it and you know the cold is going to slice you up, why the fuck do you keep trying?
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I’ve read “men are trash/garbage” literally thousands of times in 2 years on Twitter and not once have I felt the need to defend myself or rebut the statement. What I have felt is the constant drive to better myself and call out other men.
Feminists say men are trash because men have historically oppressed women in tons of ways. The men who aren’t actually trash will know this doesn’t apply to them and move on with their lives.
I really hope whichever dude you were hoping to get validation from gave it to you.
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@drmistercody
I only joined Twitter in hopes of an eventual feud between Boy George and Cody Johnston; I’m really hoping this is the beginning because I’m running out of fresh material to keep this account active.
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@EwdatsGROSS
They don’t have an-ohhh you already knew that. See this is why I follow you, you’re so tricky
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I’ve been on Twitter for a couple of years. I’ve gotten into arguments about feminism, abortion, LGBTQ rights, religion, politics, vaccinations, racism, and nearly any controversial topic you care to name. I’ve insulted Trumpers and other ignorant bigots nonstop. I’ve called them
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I know we’ve said before that cloning grizzlies is a bad idea, but it bears repeating
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Okay hear me out: Muppet M*A*S*H, and Winchester is the only one who isn’t a Muppet
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I’m a little behind the times, but I just found out
@girldrawsghosts
and
@alpha_cnt
are going to be starting a trans women’s shelter. There are so many people on Twitter who spend so much time supporting and defending and demanding change but who never get up and even try
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@rain4estwhitaka
@Joyce_Karam
I agree. A preexisting condition combined with intoxicants. Open and shut case.
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A 20-year old who works here asked me how old I was turning next month and I said “35” and she said “oh wow you’re close to my mom’s age, she’s 39” so I made her scrape out the ice cream freezer
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@thePLAINESTjane
If Jamie Foxx showed up to my wedding and there wasn’t enough room I’d tell my own mom “sorry, we don’t need you here for the rest of the night, see you at Christmas!”
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@IBJIYONGI
@ladya
Amazing how they changed their name because of the racist undertones and still managed to fuck up the life of a black artist while doing it
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@exarmyofficer1
@Ezrigen
Deliberately ignoring and therefore invalidating the very existence of a trans woman by her own mother is far more hurtful and abhorrent than no contact at all. Please don’t tell trans people who struggle with the ignorance of their family how to feel
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There’s just…nothing behind those eyes. Nothing.
from the director of Get Out and Us comes his most audacious horror yet...
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@sashasaachi
@OscarSegura909
@showmetheyamz
@abbygov
Much like hygiene, dating, and choosing battles wisely, I suspect grammar and punctuation are not his strong points.
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@iamwillproject
@ScottHech
@DeanLeh
Sorry, I didn't realize how easily my comment could be taken as a criticism of yours. I understood what you meant, I was commenting on the fact that something this disgusting is happening at all.
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@Grummz
Based on your phrasing of the question, I’m going to suggest that you don’t ask out anyone, at all, and further suggest that you refrain from speaking aloud in the presence of other human beings from now until the end of time.
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