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CR0B@R-J0N3S Profile
CR0B@R-J0N3S

@CR0BaR_J0N3S

Followers
1,267
Following
3,629
Media
253
Statuses
884

London dwelling bear-like humanoid with the sex life of a lethargic panda... snarkey b'stard but feeling the #love and #happy . Occasionally #NSFW

London, England
Joined October 2021
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
2 years
I used to be a narcissist but now I'm fucking great!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
10 months
@SuellaBraverman The point he was making was: "we don't need to pick on vulnerable people and minorities to win votes" He was making that point as you were ironically talking about people at work getting disciplined for speaking out. Andrew Boff has been a Conservative longer than you have been
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
@WallStreetSilv @Adam_Moody4 Because that's what the world needs right now: fascists eliminating the freedom of choice for everyone.
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
@fesshole I remember a female colleague was dating a guy and she came into work one day looking really forlorn. I asked her what was up and she explained that he had stayed over for the first time and that: "his lunchbox was mainly balls!" I have never laughed so hard in my life.
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
9 months
@Haggis_UK I'll just leave this here...
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
@fesshole Its just a shame £5 is now worth 50p 🙃
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
@RishiSunak You're two immediate tory predecessors did exactly the opposite of these things. You can't claim credit for trying to undo the problems the Conservatives inflicted on us. And you forgot: 1. Heat my pool 2. Fly on a private jet (lots) 3. Dodge tax
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
@RishiSunak Am I the only person who thought the police should have probably been going after grooming gangs anyway? I mean it has always been illegal. Thank God you're here now to tell the police to fight crime... its not like you've been in the cabinet for 4 years.
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
10 months
@BladeoftheS @ThelmaMcNamara3 MPs should not be allowed to use encrypted WhatsApp messages for official government business... End Of... It's undemocratic. Can you imagine if Rishi Rich stood up in PMQs and just said: "Yeah, WhatsApp me, and I'll let you know." Big business does not allow WhatsApp for
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
9 months
@mrjamesob @StockpilingS 🎶🌲☃️ It's beginning to look a lot like Boris...🎵
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
@Adam_Moody4 @WallStreetSilv I wouldnt know anything about that, I'm not vegan and really couldn't give a shit how other people choose to live their lives if it doesn't impact me.
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
10 months
@Richiemuso @mimmsy_mimz Hilarious 😂 She may not have "got what she wants," but she got entirely what she deserved. You just know she was looking at an easy payday and a life of excess at the taxpayers' expense. Follow the flow diagram to "f*ck off" land the pair of you!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
So I'm definitely getting a Dad of the Year award this year... She needs a name 🤔
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
10 months
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
10 months
@qftnoise @SuellaBraverman "That I've ever heard..." What? In the Daily Mail? I have a daughter, and the last thing on my list of things to worry about for her today is what might happen if she encounters a trans person. I'd be more concerned if she were to encounter an angry, white gammon of a man.
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
10 months
Its like the morning after some horrible animal house party!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
11 months
Being boring is underrated. Last night, I showered, drank a mug of tea, felt my blinks taking longer, so I took myself to bed. 7 hours of boring, uninterrupted sleep and I honestly feel blessed. I'm telling you... boring is a blessing!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
11 months
After a long day in the City yesterday, I'm just chilling with the puppy today...
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
10 months
@bemusedcentrist @SuellaBraverman Oh... you want the government to do something? A bit like the nazi revision of paragraph 175 of.the German penal code on 1st September 1933? Perhaps you agree with the prominent nazi Wilhelm Frick who in 1927 said: "Men committing unnatural sexual acts... must be persecuted
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
At this point, I'm not sure if I bought a dog or a rug...
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
We are getting a lot done today...
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
11 months
As a father to a teenage daughter, I am deeply troubled by the pandemic of sexual violence being perpetrated against women everywhere. It is time to get a grip and change the law, and female lawyers should be at the forefront of those changes. Until that change occurs, I would
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
2 years
Sex? No thanks... I lose all my good hoodies that way.
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Bit gratuitous but she insisted I post it...
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
11 months
So I have just been taken out to a steak restaurant on Park Lane, just round the corner from Hyde Park. The main course was steak obviously, but when it came to starters, they just put all the starters in the middle of the table and you helped yourself to what you wanted. They
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
10 months
Morning... people to see, shoes to eat!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
11 months
@LucyMPowell I want to know 2 things: 1) Why does the speaker not compel Rish to answer the question he was asked, rather than answering the question he wishes he was asked. 2) Why does Rish tuck his tie into his shirt when visiting a hospital? Does he think he might be asked to perform
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
@MikeRos78289782 @WallStreetSilv @Adam_Moody4 Im sorry, how is being anti-fascism being a communist. And im not angry or "seething" just pointing out that the world has enough fascism. Go educate yourself and we'll talk.
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
She's been an absolute fricking nightmare today... but this face man! #puppydogeyes
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
11 months
@carolvorders You don't need to be an engineer to know that RAAC isn't a suitable construction material. It will turn out that this is one of God knows how many ticking time bombs the tories were hoping to bury until after the election. They would have loved this to go off on labour's watch.
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
11 months
Sometimes it's just nice to be somewhere quiet and just be...
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
8 months
I post so many pictures of the dog, I sometimes forget just what a sweet fella this boy can be. So, in the interests of balance...
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
10 months
@bemusedcentrist @SuellaBraverman And I couldn't care less for your ignorant opinion... and yet here we are. If your kids are being taught things and they got more Omega 3 than their old dad, then maybe there's hope for the next generation. In the meantime, try not to have too many nightmares. I'm sure Suella
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
10 months
Somebody tell me it's all in my head and that it's all gonna be ok. #anxiety
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Incoming food porn... Marinated chicken kebab in ciabatta with salad and homemade tzaziki, herby fries and olives.
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
I've given my daughter the day off school today. I emailed her teacher and said it's a mental health day. She's fed up of being the tallest and not the smallest and feels life would be better if she were smaller. It breaks my heart to see her battling herself at 12.
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Just me and the cat tonight. I wish I could relax like him, but I have to go into London tomorrow to deliver a talk to an audience of 5,000 people!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Finally asleep!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
11 months
Somebody's had a haircut!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
I did a new art...
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
9 months
Weekend walks with the puppy. This was more about getting out of my own head than anything else. Work has been hella stressful and I'm struggling to switch off!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
8 months
In a meeting... dogs snoring!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Is this starting to get out of hand...?
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
@ArkminderCo This advert is triggering for me because its exactly how my gran blew her vagina off...
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Went for a walk today, to get some perspective. I wanted to feel tiny and this place did the trick.
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
@fesshole This is such a British confession... "Talk to my partner about sex? Good God no... I'll just secretly make him fat!"
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
9 months
Red buses and rain...
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
2 years
Time to start the New Year's diet...
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Good evening from the Nellie-tron and her squeaky dinosaur!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Incoming food porn... Thai sweet chilli chicken stir fry with sriracha. And we are still in calorie deficit.
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
11 months
Happy birthday to me...
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
9 months
Muddy walks and paws...
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
2 years
I might not be about much. Im going through a period of great upheaval in every aspect of my life. I feel guilty because there are so many others less fortunate than me and I really have no place venting about any of this at all. Im probably just shouting into the wind.
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Bath time and apparently I have to get wetter than the dog!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
How does anyone say "no" to this?!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Incoming food porn... Spicy tomato and chicken linguine with wilted spinach and toasted sesame seeds.
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
9 months
Look at her little jumper... my heart ❤️
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
10 months
Currently sat at Heathrow awaiting my delayed flight to Poland. Going away on business for a few days. Any Poland travel tips gratefully received!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
My office today is like... a thousand years old!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Took Nellie for a walk this morning and her legs have fallen off apparently...
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Off to literally see a man about a dog!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Just me, my buddy and a squeaky lobster...
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Its dinnertime... have some food porn. Creamy tomato pasta bake with mushrooms and garlic ciabatta...
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
10 months
In Poland trying to work out how trains work. I really have no idea what I'm doing. I have what I think is a ticket and I am sat on what i believe to be a train... so who knows?
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
10 months
If only we had draconian, right-wing anti-immigration laws when Suella Braverman's parents came to the UK as economic migrants in the 1960s... then we might not have to suffer listening to this tripe that is very much a populist play for easy, bigoted votes. Quite what these US
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
11 months
Nap time anybody?
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
All fluffy and clean again! Nellie says: "Good morning... ah-wuff"
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Breakfast fit for a king...
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Me everytime my cat meows...
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
11 months
@RishiSunak Are you still here?!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Its official... ...why am I telling you, younalready knew!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Taking a break...
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Don't mind me, just looking for my sex drive! I swear that these days, I get more excited about days when my knees don't hurt or if I get to try a new cheese.
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Sunday feels...
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Is there anything more draining than trying to be there for someone who doesn't care if you're there or not?!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
There is a very excited boy in my house today as more "sculpture" was delivered - this time for the home office. Its like how Christmas 1983 should have been... and the excited boy is me.
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
We are done walking, apparently. And yes... she's wearing a bow.
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
My uncle died this morning. He was a quiet man who was diagnosed with a very treatable cancer, but because of covid and NHS backlogs, he did not start chemotherapy for 2 years. By then it was too late. He would often ask why the system was so happy to let him die.
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
This is my life now... #puppy
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
10 months
Sleepy doggo time...
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Nellie with Leonard the Lobster. A scruffy mess, but I love her all the more for it. Are you listening @AldiUK ?
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Me and Nellie... watching dogs on TV
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Back in England... a snippet of my trip down to the Alps.
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
10 months
I am back home. The drive home was absolutely terrifying, but I got here. Looking forward to starting the day surrounded by familiarity and also to being reunited with the doggo!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Just when you thought it was safe to put your sunglasses on...
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
2 years
@EdgarPoop1 @kitten_cobra I was only saying to my daughter today: "treasure every precious minute of this time that you have where you don't have to share you bed with someone else"
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
It's been quite a week. Dog is ever present, and my car has officially died. It's my daughter's 13th birthday tomorrow and - as I have done every year since she was born - I have just composed a poem in her card. I dont know if she'll read it or keep it, but it's what I do.
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
There's been a murder!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
11 months
When the dog matches the colour scheme of the interior design at your holiday cottage... #midcenturybeige
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
10 months
Saturday night... Looks like your DM's!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
@Adam_Moody4 @WallStreetSilv I was once approached by a guy on the beach who was carrying a dead seagull that was slicked in oil. He asked me if he could eat it, and I said "I wouldn't, but it's your call." Its the only time I've ever advised another human on their diet.
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
11 months
This is how our day is going. I might get in with her!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
In a quiet corner of a home office in a galaxy far far away...
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
2 years
At Heathrow... waiting on a plane... a much needed change of scenery awaits.
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
2 years
@AntWritesStuff Once you hit 40, it never stops. At least you get to sleep though... usually because you have tripped over your own balls and knocked yourself out whilst rushing to the toilet.
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
CR0B@R-J0N3S
1 year
Thought I'd seen the last of this. I have covid... again. This must be the 7th or 8th time in 3 years. It's not as bad as the 2020 original, but I still feel quite crappy!
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@CR0BaR_J0N3S
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10 months
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