andy s
@CIAGoFundMe
Followers
27,990
Following
439
Media
7,081
Statuses
50,371
The XFL is a professional American football league. Consisting of eight teams divided equally between an East and West division, seasons run during the winter a
Joined May 2014
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
#NevaPlay
• 529397 Tweets
SAROCHA X MODERN GURU
• 452359 Tweets
Tzuyu
• 370974 Tweets
Chiefs
• 366678 Tweets
namjoon
• 293632 Tweets
Ravens
• 260687 Tweets
Lamar
• 117474 Tweets
Adalet
• 91262 Tweets
Chester
• 70675 Tweets
#ZeeNunew1stFMinJapan
• 69931 Tweets
サブスク解禁
• 38644 Tweets
小泉進次郎
• 36415 Tweets
Hayırlı Cumalar
• 35239 Tweets
FANZA
• 32149 Tweets
小泉さん
• 22358 Tweets
MUSINSA BEAUTY WITH KARINA
• 20710 Tweets
TransisiSEJUK PRABOWOJKW
• 20082 Tweets
モモンガ
• 19339 Tweets
KitaKOMPAK KitaMENANG
• 19218 Tweets
ちいかわ寿司
• 17666 Tweets
アストロボット
• 17576 Tweets
資さんうどん
• 16085 Tweets
知的レベル
• 15875 Tweets
すかいらーく
• 15374 Tweets
KPLC
• 15187 Tweets
進次郎さん
• 12639 Tweets
資さん買収
• 12605 Tweets
Engin Polat
• 12372 Tweets
ベイマックス
• 11864 Tweets
PRETTY GIRL ERA MILKLOVE
• 11594 Tweets
screaming “what about the Supreme Court” at someone who can’t afford their cancer treatment
290
3K
30K
Attention: Men are CANCELLED
*looking around frantically for signs that the online girls are proud of me*
75
3K
27K
Joe Biden is my dad. Kamala harris is mom. The drone operator in nevada vaporizing a village in Yemen is my second cousin
24
2K
26K
drinking 13 beers and texting a girl I haven’t talked to in 6 years “happy new yewrs fuck 2020 lol”
39
853
23K
friend and his wife got into a fight about not having enough money to go on vacation and during the fight a $700 graphics card was delivered to their house lmao
82
545
21K
my grubhub driver refused to spoon feed me, a disabled adult (self diagnosed ADHD). Why I was right to call the police
153
1K
21K
Tom cruise (trying to teach me how to eat pussy): you don’t have time to think down there. If you think you’re dead
30
1K
20K
You’re coming from a place of immense privilege when you say things like “bernie or bust.” There are children in cages at the border.
Pete Buttigieg, in collaboration with Amazon, has vowed to get those cages equipped with Alexa as soon as he gets into office
43
1K
16K
voting yes on a 700 billion defense budget but wearing a dashiki
24
2K
15K
hello 911 yeah my white girlfriend is in the kitchen cooking the food of a colonized culture again
48
716
15K
woman who solely watches 10 second tik tok clips of teenagers: ladies if he watches South Park in 2021 that’s a major red flag
37
786
15K
2008: listen high school sucks for a lot of people but in a decade you'll be making good money, probably have a wife
2018: you're in an online feud with DaCumGuzzler69
24
2K
12K
[new season of queer eye]
charles koch: ever since my brother died, I think I might be drinking too much children’s blood
jonathan van ness: honestly, work
10
864
12K
your cool dsa professor: *tweeting “Leonardo DiCaprio is such a massive creep”*
his 22 year old gf: where are we going to dinner tonight babe
8
755
11K
well, we did it guys!!!! We got that 7th grader expelled from his jr high after making a racist joke on tik tok he had overheard his dad say
70
664
10K
hey thats cool that you’re watching the latest HBO tv show I actually will watch it 20 years after it comes out and pretend all the main characters are socialist for some reason
20
382
11K
18 year old who spends 5 hours a day playing video games: Ted Kaczynski was right
86
661
9K
everyday when I wake up my first thought is how am I going to erase the lived experience of bisexual white women with boyfriends today
34
384
9K
Twitter girl: I have to admit that id reluctantly fuck the Michelin man
Her friend: cmon
Twitter girl: sorry
Horny guy: sorry to interrupt you two queens but imo good choice. He is most likely quite soft and is indeed a curvy god & y’all know it’s big boy season round here
31
646
9K
This lady just made her Twitter and followed the CIA & must've been prompted to follow me and she has no idea how to unfollow me lmao
45
2K
9K
in 2011 the funniest thing you could say on the internet was “I’ll allow it” now I have to make jokes comparing anarcho-syndicalism to libertarian socialism when I have no idea what those two things are
31
585
8K
bernie sanders: billionaires should not exist
grown man w/ steven universe avi: sir, need I remind you of the heroic actions of Tony Stark in avengers
19
924
7K
Kevin spacey holiday video where he asks if we’ve enjoyed “the little surprise he whipped up darn near a year ago in the Wuhan province”
13
439
7K
Mike gravel institute, 9:34 AM: we are sad to announce the passing of Mike. We will miss him everyday
Mike gravel institute, 9:45 AM: @ Benshapiro that’s not what your wife said to us last night dude lmao
43
242
7K
Martin Scorsese, as a fellow filmmaker I have the utmost respect for you. But when you said those baby einstein learning videos were literally made for babies I was deeply hurt. Obviously, everyone is entitled to their own opinions but
7
577
7K
college friend: so yeah, just got this promotion and Claire & I signed a lease together starting next month
Me: if I go a couple of days without posting on twitter, some sad lonely men will say "welcome back king"
17
458
7K
Tinder guy: wyd tonight?
Girl on tinder for screenshots: crushing the patriarchy with my lesbian gf how does that make you feel maggot?
Tinder guy: uh
*girl posts screenshot w caption "LMAOOO men are cancelled"*
24
927
6K
hey - when the hot chick posted that picture of her in the bikini w/ the caption “what’s on your mind” and instead of getting horny you said a niche historical fact that was really funny
24
452
7K
It’s so funny that US presidents spent years continuing an unwinnable war in afghanistan because they were worried about backlash when the real backlash was 3 weeks long and almost instantly replaced by people yelling about a trans athlete setting a record or something
31
399
6K
going to the joker movie by myself but buying two tickets so the ticket taker doesn’t call the police
12
434
6K
it’s so fucked up celebrities are running for office now. some people have actually spent their entire lives learning how to take bribes from defense contractors
10
473
6K
(Leaving the bathroom with 45 of my uncles hydrocodone pills in my pocket) can we get a lets go Brandon chant going before we open presents
18
434
6K
george: Emily is great...that’s it jerry from now on I’m only dating socialists look at this info she left
kramer (looking at pamphlet): I’ve been saying this stuff for years
jerry : George, this says “national socialism”
george: national...international what’s the difference
20
599
6K
haven’t talked to my dad in years but knew he was sick. Googled his name and found out he died 3 weeks ago and no one told me lmao what a world
82
25
6K
asking girls their favorite civil war general has been very unsuccessful maybe I should be asking them their favorite napoleonic wars general
201
379
6K
answering my uncle too quickly when he asks the name of the at&t girl
9
162
6K
24th birthday - spent alone
25th birthday - spent alone
26th birthday - spent alone
27th birthday - spent alone
28th birthday - this quarantine is really threatening to fuck up my birthday, huh
13
214
5K
43 year old woman with an 800, 000 dollar house: now isn’t the time to give up ❤️
6
308
5K
laughing thinking about a German woman in 1944 saying “I do not have enough wine for this”
10
275
5K
before you post a meme like “friendship ended with electoralism now armed revolution is my best friend” you have to show me you can do 20 push ups
49
402
5K
in an age where a woman can immediately tweet “that dick game was trash though” it is far safer to never be intimate
16
315
5K
Trump: Melania and I, we’re poly now. Beautiful lifestyle...wonderful lifestyle. My son Barron, he got the PS4 set up in my room I’m playing some incredible games while Melania is dating some of the best men I’ve ever seen. Truly top notch men
17
393
5K
EXT. GOTHAM CITY - NIGHT
The JOKER pulls up in his new Tesla. He pulls out his phone and begins to browse reddit. His grin grows until he is laughing maniacally.
JOKER (laughing): I am pickle rick
11
655
5K
[terrified of speaking to girls] late capitalism has made romance impossible
15
556
5K
suicide note that just says Homer started a podcast and Lisa met Alexandria ocasio Cortez
19
160
5K
ugh we gotta eat the rich. and by eat the rich let’s say anyone making over 349,000 dollars a year. that’s just an arbitrary number not related to my dad’s annual 348,000 income fyi
21
255
4K
Heartbroken Beavis urges followers to “get the vaccine” after lifelong friend Butthead dies of COVID-19
22
325
4K
when you cut the entire transportation budget
For National Walk/Bike to School Day, I went with McKinley students on a "walking school bus."
http://t.co/RR3Sf9xZ7L
15
15
44
12
209
4K
men, this is how women will treat you when you attempt to interact with them. We need to stop talking with them altogether until we can figure out what the fuck is going on
72
241
4K
[showing up to my first DSA meeting]
ME: deadass fam who we dragging online today 😂😂😂
SWEET ELDERLY LADY RUNNING THE MEETING: we were going to hand out "Medicare for all" flyers
8
324
4K
so you’ve decided to tweet about how bad slurs are without deleting your old tweets
option 1: “2015 was a long fucking time ago”
option 2: “ive grown so much thanks to my fellow comrades”
option 3 (not recommended): although I’ve never mentioned it, I’m non-binary which means
21
220
3K
we’ve got a big “be gay do crime” mural planned for downtown San Francisco but first we gotta forcibly remove the homeless
14
297
4K
open relationship girlfriend doesnt want to get other guys sick so I have to wear my mask in our apartment again
12
108
4K
[1st democratic primary debate]
annoying 17 year old: you’re going to go out there and say “death to centrists” and then hold up this meme of Gritty operating a guillotine
mike gravel (on a dangerous dosage of prescription drugs): okay
20
311
3K
need a girlfriend who wears overalls and looks at me like she’s about four days away from breaking up with me at all times
18
237
4K
It is funny to pretend that the ussr didn’t also use nazi scientists
58
143
3K
chrissy teigen: John was just named sexiest man alive and I’m over here with diarrhea LOL
BUZZFEED: chrissy teigen proves once again that just because shes a multimillionaire she’s still that relatable af everywoman
5
205
4K
remembering when this guy did a couple of planks and thought he was dying. rip
11
145
3K
Alyssa Milano: how many wines is the right number to drink everyday of impeachment
Hillary clinton’s Twitter intern: you can never have too much wine
ResistanceGuyJames: OMFGGGGGGGGG
10
185
3K
Mayor Pete Attends Black Church Service
Suggested level: 25
WARNING: your level is dangerously low to attempt this mission. Consider gaining more experience with side quests first
3
154
3K
dude you’re not a blackpilled eco-nationalist zoomer you’re 15 and spend the entire lunch period too anxious to leave the bathroom
12
262
3K
The Gravel Institute: Ben Shapiro is a little binch
The Gravel Institute: Henry Kissinger go to The Hague contest 2019
The Gravel Institute: all of us want to wish Mike a speedy recovery
The Gravel Institute: big Chungus said trans rights
13
131
3K
late twenties guy: my pornography addiction has ruined my life, not the 9 hours of video games I play everyday
30
175
3K
ages 16-23: to fix my depression all I need to do is get laid
ages 23-27: to fix my depression all I need to do is find a gf
ages 27-??: to fix my depression all I need to do is to find the perfect JOI girlfriend urges you to cum video
17
214
3K
*dialing 911* hey uh ACAB obviously but someone on the internet just called me a little gremlin man and I was wondering if you could arrest them
2
174
3K
me: eat the rich. guillotine. class warfare now. There is no such thing as unskilled labor. Sex work is work.
tinder girl: haha u like the office ?
84
194
3K
KRAMER: Jerry, she had no pussy!
JERRY: No pussy? Get outta here
KRAMER: None, Jerry! Zip! [frantic hand motions] Nada!
[ENTER GEORGE]
GEORGE: I just saw a girl walking around outside with no pussy
KRAMER: giddyup
8
495
3K
Meanwhile on Earth 2, President Hillary Clinton “understands the protesters anger” but states “this cannot justify the destruction of property.”
13
339
3K
