CBC Pitchbot (Satire)
@CBCPitchbot
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Status-quo propaganda for the average upper-middle class white Canadian. Satirical. Parody account. Not the CBC. International: @ReutersPitchbot
they
Joined September 2021
BREAKING: Ontario loses the 2022 provincial election.
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BREAKING: Country committing genocide against Indigenous population stands with country committing genocide against Indigenous population
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LATEST: Ontario successfully reduces confirmed COVID cases by decreasing testing.
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BREAKING: Jair Bolsonaro added to Victims of Communism memorial.
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BREAKING: Barrie Police have raided a Hamas headquarters.
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wow! here we are!
Opinion | Just because you volunteer for the Waffen-SS doesn't mean you're a “Nazi”.
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Analysis | Are Palestinians justified in resisting occupation and Apartheid? We asked 300 of the most barbaric racists you've ever met in your entire life.
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PPC party headquarters converted into a Spirit Halloween
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BREAKING: Fascist Milhouse wins Conservative leadership race
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Canadians accidentally gain sympathy for Palestinians for 5 minutes after mistaking videos from Gaza for new footage from Ukraine.
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BREAKING: Police nationwide successfully do nothing.
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Why are young people struggling to purchase homes? We asked a Toronto landlord who owns 30,000 properties to find out.
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BREAKING: Twitter revokes suspension of CBC Pitchbot after reaching an agreement with Canadian Authorities.
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Analysis | Israel is releasing 150 women and children as part of a ceasefire deal. But why is Israel holding children hostage? And how many more children being held? We're not asking and neither should you.
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Analysis | Why do Canadian mining companies own most of the mines on the African continent? We haven't asked anyone and we're certainly not asking now
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FINANCIAL LITERACY: Skipping meals to save money and still can't pay rent? Try dying, economists say.
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RCMP union says it will back up any officer who refuses vaccination, as the organization is proud of its long history spreading disease.
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incredible
What happened at Elbit in Merrimack yesterday was an act of vandalism – not free speech. At a time of rising antisemitism in America, this must be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. I’m grateful to law enforcement for keeping Elbit employees safe.
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Editor's Note: We'd like to personally thank Elliot Page for getting Jordan Peterson suspended from this site by simply being himself. Thank you for your service sir! 🫡.
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BREAKING: Columbia Professor Shai Davidai added to Victims of Communism Memorial.
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Ontario NDP condemn Sarah Jama for saying the same stuff they're now saying but just a few weeks too early.
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Ottawa Police say they are keeping the public safe by joining the protests.
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Opinion | NATO isn't perfect. Yes, NATO bombed Libya destroying the wealthiest country on the African continent (including a targeted strike against Libya's irrigation system, destroying water access for 70% of the population living in the desert),.
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BREAKING: The worst person you know has literally died
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BREAKING: Everyone loses in Ontario's municipal elections.
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Ottawa RCMP says no need for deployment against Truckers for Freedom demonstration, as the protestors don't appear to be Indigenous.
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Today's headlines:. – In Cuba, a progressive family code for LGBT and women's rights passed in a totalitarian referendum . – In Italy a moderate fascist will become the Prime Minister in what is seen by many as a major step forward for women's representation in the EU.
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Josh Horgan says BC cannot fight climate change any faster as the government is currently preoccupied arresting Wet'suwet'en elders on their own land.
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BREAKING: Edmonton Police release evidence of weapons found at University of Alberta pro-Palestine encampment
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Opinion | You can't even chant “Death to Arabs” on the streets of Europe anymore with all the cancel culture going on.
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Canada Post strike could lead to better conditions for all workers, business leaders warn.
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DEVELOPING: Margaret Atwood throws her hat in the ring to become Canada's J.K. Rowling.
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“Palestinians are doing anti-Italian discrimination” is a twist even we could never see coming.
Disgusting antisemitic protestors swarmed, threatened and assaulted members of the Italian-Canadian community at an official event last night at the AGO in downtown Toronto.
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I spoke with Prime Minister Netanyahu today. I reiterated Canada's support for genocide, in accordance with international law.
I spoke with Prime Minister @Netanyahu today. I reiterated Canada’s support for Israel and its right to defend itself, in accordance with international law. We also spoke about the need for Hamas to immediately and unconditionally release those being held hostage.
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BREAKING: “Millions, perhaps billions” of crimes committed since Olivia Chow elected mayor, Toronto Police say.
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BREAKING: Renegade newcomer joins Conservative leadership race
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BREAKING: Erin O'Toole resigns as Conservative leader, regrets not being racist enough.
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Conservatives appoint moderate white supremacist as new interim leader
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REPORTS: Doug Ford driving around Etobicoke today to personally tell Ontario workers that they are not now or ever getting paid sick days.
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So what'd we miss? Anything wild happen like Elon Musk comparing Justin Trudeau to Hitler?.
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BREAKING: Canada rejects “Apartheid” label for Israel, saying if Israel is an Apartheid State then so is Canada.
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Opinion | We can't keep evacuating communities due to new forest fires. Businesses must stay open.
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Saskatchewan to begin unvaccinating residents starting Monday.
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We removed all COVID restrictions, including indoor masking. So why are cases rising?.
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PM Trudeau condemns Toronto protestors for walking past Mount Sinai hospital on University Avenue, urges city to update road designations with “Palestinians Allowed” and “Palestinians Prohibited”.
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call for a ceasefire now you genocide supporting coward.
In response to the humanitarian crisis impacting Palestinian civilians in Gaza, and to make sure trusted organizations can deliver life-saving services to innocent people, we’re matching donations made to the @HumCoalition. Find out how you can help:
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Analysis | How have school closures impacted families? We asked five white families doing virtual school from their cottages to find out.
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Almost 90% of truck drivers are vaccinated. We talked to those that aren't.
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Canada says China should emit less greenhouse gasses when producing goods for Canadian consumption.
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come on
"You've got to focus on the most important thing. Russia's energy sector. You’ve got to drive a stake through its heart." Former U.S. national security advisor John Bolton says U.S. sanctions should hit Russian oil and gas, before Putin finds "workarounds."
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Ottawa Police hoping to repair their image after Trucker Convoy debacle by arresting students protesting school dress code crackdown.
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It's really scary that these protestors stormed Mount Sinai hospital, flooded the operating rooms and harassed every Jewish person they found. None of this even remotely actually happened, but it's really scary nonetheless.
I’ve been torn up by the accounts of protestors infiltrating Mount Sinai Hospital, intimidating Jewish patients and doctors, and threatening our already weakened healthcare system. These antisemitic actions are intentional attempts at destabilizing the safety and security of.
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Hundreds of millions rally in support of Israel in Ottawa
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Multiple teachers across Canada have been suspended for pro-Palestinian social media activity, with school boards reminding faculty that Canada's schools have a long and proud history of standing with genocide.
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SURVEY: How do Canadians feel about wearing masks indoors during the recent spike in child hospitalizations? We asked two doctors and 1200 Freedom Convoy attendees to find out.
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BREAKING: Ontario loses provincial election debate.
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Are welfare programs fueling homelessness? We literally asked landlords to find out.
New social assistance program is fuelling homelessness in Saskatoon, say advocates and landlords
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Do police lie? We sat down with the head of the police union to take a closer look.
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IN-DEPTH: Is Pierre Poilievre a fascist? . Fascism is a far-right ultranationalist political phenomenon which seeks to resolve all social contradictions caused by the existing social order with repression and violence.
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Journalists that disseminated genocidal propaganda were convicted at the Nuremberg Trials. Since Israel is facing genocide charges, which Canadian journalists should be tried for the genocide in Gaza?.
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BREAKING: World's oldest colonizer in intensive care.
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Analysis | Why Ukrainians have the right to resist by any means necessary but Palestinians don't . by The Canadian Foreign Ministry.
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Settler-colony, aged 155, mourns colonizer, aged 96.
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BREAKING NEWS: Israel lied.
BREAKING: Canada to resume funding to UNRWA
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Holocaust collaborators are welcome in Canada but feds draw the line at being Palestinian.
Ottawa plans 'multi-stage' vetting process for visa applicants from Gaza amid security fears
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One more reinfection bro. We'll have herd immunity soon just please one more reinfection. It'll be mild and then we'll all be immune bro I swear just one more reinfection bro. Just one more bro I swear it'll all be good just one more bro I swear just one more reinfection bro.
Scientists say that for most healthy adults, COVID-19 reinfections should get easier to deal with as the immune system gains repeat training on how to handle the pathogen.
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RCMP says it still has not found any individual cases of systemic racism within the organization, as the whole RCMP was built for that purpose.
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What's the current situation in Canada's hospital waiting rooms? We asked three airline CEOs to find out.
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It's a sad day for Canada. Not for any reason in particular, it's just a bit of an embarrassing country.
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“Everybody's probably going to get COVID at this point,” says government responsible for stopping the virus.
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We've destroyed the public healthcare system with widespread underfunding, understaffing, overworked staff and a complete abandonment on preventative care. So why isn't public healthcare working?.
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FINANCIAL LITERACY: Are you a landlord struggling to pay off your mortgage without raising rents? Try selling your investment property and getting a job.
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Canada says that having lived under apartheid, South Africans are too biased to take Israel to international court.
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Toronto Police vow to arrest any hospital worker who threatens peaceful white supremacists tomorrow.
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Canada calls for calm between Israel and Lebanon, but also says Israel has the right to defend itself from Lebanese hospitals.
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Canada condemns Israeli strike on aid convoy that killed one Canadian citizen, saying arms sales to Israel were for killing Palestinians not Canadians.
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Is Brazil undergoing a coup attempt? We asked five CEOs of Canadian mining corporations to find out.
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REPORT: McGill President in tears after Quebec court rejects request to assault students.
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BREAKING: World's most esteemed colonizer, Queen Elizabeth II, has died at the age of 96.
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we agree. Sarah Jama obviously has no place in your racist cowards caucus.
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NDP successfully alienates entire base in attempt to court Andrew Coyne's vote.
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Dramatic increase in Canadian media transphobia has alarmed everyone.
Dramatic increase in children and youth seeking gender treatments has some experts alarmed
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Opinion | Will eugenics give us herd immunity? No. But what if it did?.
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🇨🇦 strongly condemns the extremist settler violence against Palestinians in the West Bank. That's why we voted against a UN motion condemning exactly that one week ago.
🇨🇦 strongly condemns the extremist settler violence against Palestinians in the West Bank and is gravely concerned by reports of Palestinian communities being forcibly removed from their lands. This violence negatively impacts efforts to achieve a negotiated two-state solution.
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Here at CBC, we make sure to cover all political perspectives and give everyone a voice. From the centre-right to the far-right, we make sure every white opinion has a chance to be heard.
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Local Canadian-born IDF soldier says she's feeling unsafe after witnessing a Muslim man sitting quietly by himself on the bus.
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REPORT: PM Trudeau in good spirits after finally finding a hospital bombing he can condemn.
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Canada says Israel has the right to defend itself from its invasion of Lebanon.
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PM Trudeau says he disagrees with the ICJ's conclusions on Israel, saying Canada doesn't support indigenous people going to court.
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IN-DEPTH: What is a no-fly zone?. A no-fly zone is the restriction of air space enforced by military means. It is established by achieving air superiority over an area, using fighter jets and anti-air systems to destroy all unauthorized aircraft in the designated area.
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Following increased student activism, IDF soldiers say they no longer feel safe recruiting at McGill university.
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BREAKING: Queen Elizabeth is in her final moments, Henry Kissinger already absorbing her life force
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what is wrong with you.
Ukraine crisis puts East Coast LNG back on the map — via @financialpost. #Ukrainecrisis.
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What do Indigenous communities think about Canada's Trucker Convoy? We asked seven white anti-vaxxers in Calgary to find out.
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Justin Trudeau takes break from training neo-Nazis in Ukraine to discuss the anti-Semitism of giving Palestinians human rights.
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Canada is deeply concerned by reports of an Israeli genocide on the Palestinian people supplied with Canadian weapons, but not enough to do literally anything about it.
We are deeply concerned by reports of an Israeli military operation in Rafah. It would have devastating impact, putting the lives of Palestinians and foreign nationals,including 🇨🇦s, seeking refuge in grave danger and making the vital delivery of humanitarian aid dangerous. 1/2.
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BREAKING: Palestinians reject signing off on their own ethnic-cleansing.
Palestinians reject offer to delay their Jerusalem eviction
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