Busted_Auction
@BustedAuction
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Special Situation PE | Trying Not to Get Fired So I Don’t Have to Work in Corp Dev | UPDATE: Not Fired, Working in Corp Dev
Joined May 2021
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Pinned Tweet
Consulting is just banking for ppl that can’t do math
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Reviewing resumes. Idc about you SAT / ACT. I need a hudl link to their high school highlights. I need someone that can play ball, straight up. No nerds
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Bro. Consulting is a diff animal. Wife’s team is playing time of your life (Green Day song) bc it’s the last day on a project. There all just sitting in silence watching the music vid in their virtual meeting
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Are we really supposed to just stair at screens until we die? I can’t do it man
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Some dipshit IB VP is trying to flex on my analyst with QoE stuff. VP is very bad
My analyst is a CPA that worked in transaction services. I take great pleasure in watching my analyst make this guy look like a knuckle dragging mouth breather
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Bro. Idgaf about your zyns. I was an analyst before protected weekends. We dipped long cut. Only thing receding faster than my gums was my hairline (transplant survivor)
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Men will literally workout, eat healthy, get 6+ hrs of sleep, drink in moderation, and build healthy relationships instead of going to therapy
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I think the best part ab doing four years in IB and ab the same amount of time at complete PE sweat shops is I’ve lost the ability to feel stress. When everything is a fire, nothing is a fire. Effectively the guy from office space at this point
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Finance is hard. I’m not grinding like I was, but the physical and mental toll is circular and compounds
Try not to get to down if u get scolded. That’s life. Take it and move on. As long as you’re working your ass off, thats rlly all you can do
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There’s a couple two doors down from us. Similar life stage. MBA, consultant, no kids, dog. Super pumped. Invited us over for drinks. But my wife said “they’re the kind of couple that hangs out together at the house in jeans” and thats equal parts hilarious and savage
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I miss my analyst class homies. Crazy how a bunch of random ppl from all over the country with different backgrounds can become such close friends on a short timeline.
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I forced myself into finance bc I knew it was lucrative and I’m first gen college grad with no guidance. I have a high pain tolerance and mental toughness, so stuck it out. Not sure it was right for me
Will guide my son to do what he loves, and figure out how to make $ doing it
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Equinox is just Hollister / A&F pulled forward 10-15yrs. Objectively overpriced / shitty product with hot ppl working
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I miss being 24 sitting in my cube friday at 2pm, staring down the barrel of 20hrs work before Monday, and just shouting “party at my place tn” across the bullpen. A couple hrs later it always materialized. Always had solid ratio, perks of working in a consumer group
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I was reminiscing on my random walk down wall st this morning
Remembered a pe interview I had when I was still in IB
The principal was a smug asshole, asked me what my dad did
Told him “he’s a construction worker, what’s your dad do?”
Needless to say, I did not get an offer
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I thought this was Pete Davidson
Brittney Griner says she’s happy to be released in footage from plane:
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There’s two reasons to grab cash from an ATM. Buy drugs, or pay someone under the table. That’s it at this point
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Ppl do a deal and post on LinkedIn like they just cured cancer. Congrats on completing diligence and paying more than a bunch of other smart ppl were willing to pay. Touch grass
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2.5 yrs ago
Wife then: okay, you can interview PE outside of where we live
Gets several super day offers, including w a fund from her hometown that id turned down before
Wife then: let’s just stay here
Wife now: I want to move back to my hometown
Bruhhh
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My fav part about finance is I just don’t trust anyone ever
Someone just told me their kid took their first steps and I asked for back-up (pictures)
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Corp dev is boring bc in IB / PE everyone has more of an edge to them. I’ve always been a pretty wild dude, and even tho I’m not howling at the moon anymore it’s still a part of me. I just don’t connect with mild mannered ppl the way I do with ppl that have been thru some shit
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HR ppl have to be the most annoying ppl in any M&A process
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Tbh I have no idea how I’ve made +10yrs in finance, I can barely even count
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To say that I’m “half assing it” today would be an insult to half assing it
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Replying “thanks, I’ll take a look” when I, in fact, will not be taking a look
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I was interviewing for a VP role. They pivoted to Sr. Associate, and I discontinued the process
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I shit you not, I know a VP on the buyside that doesn’t know what ctrl + [ does. Also did a multi-year pe associate stint. Truly unbelievable
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Career focus in my 20s: prestige, grind, building the rez
Career focus in my 30s: intersection of comp and work life balance
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Just drove by lacrosse practice at one of the private schools by my house. Saw some kid just running while everyone was practicing. Bro been there
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When someone says “let us do the math” it’s like stfu bro. We’re literally doing addition, subtraction, multiplication, division. Caveman stuff. MATH is calc, physics, whatever
We’re just a bunch of fourth graders pounding on keyboards. Let’s just be real here
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A few minutes til Christmas
My recommendation is just work your ass off while you’re young, it’ll set yourself up for when you need to chill, and find a guy / gal you cant live without. And once you find em, let them know asap and don’t get comfortable
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I feel like M&A is one of the most obnoxious professions. Just insane detail on such obscure shit. And the vernacular we through back and forth to each other would nvr fly in other professions from what I can gather as a normie outsider
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Abolish / dismantle corporate happy hours. Always lame af
Banking happy hours were fun, but calling those happy hours was like calling the 2020 protests “mostly peaceful”
Banking happy hours were a master class in pushing societal limits of acceptable absurdity
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My wife had a funny idea… open a bar in Manhattan (w/e the 22-25yr olds hang) called “The Data Room”
Free billion dollar idea
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I unfollowed some girl from HS bc she sucks, and my best friend was like “I force myself to follow those ppl so I don’t forget” like damn bro that’s cold
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I have a buddy that just “made his wife a house wife.” She’s in her 20s, has a kid… and I find the social posts to be excruciatingly cringe. Nobody should tap out of the workforce that early imo. Watching Netflix at 11:30am on Tuesday and posting it to social can’t be fulfilling
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Double spacing after periods is a straight up boomer move. Can’t stand that shit
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Mannnnnn, I love corp dev Fridays. A little buzzed. Working on my truck. Grilling lunch for my wife and the nanny
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I feel like a lot of my followers are junior folks, so I’ll say this. I’ve been at a couple IB, got promoted. A2a. A couple pe funds. And b school. Find the team you want to be with, prove yourself no matter what, and fulfillment and $ will come. Stay humble too
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Working late is badge of honor until you’re like 23. If you think it’s sick after that you’re just a fuggin loser
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Ceo just told me “you got it brother”
God I love blue collar LMM companies
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What’s the worst phrase in finance you’ve heard and why is it “hey can we chat”??
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I’ll never forget when I saw an MBA associate stuck his d*ck in another analysts ear at 2am to “see what the f*ck he was thinking”
He’s in jail now… the analyst
The associate is actually a pretty successful MD
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My wife (consultant) was telling me her analysts are struggling, but they had 2yrs of remote college and started career remotely. I was surprised consultants don’t have a training program like IB. I had 10weeks of training. Do consultants do anything like this?
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I’m in my 30s, so I’m not saying a behemoth of wisdom and sage advice….
But what I will say to my homies that are in their 20s, stay in shape and get hair replacement if you need it. Your 30s self will thank you
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@unusual_whales
Do you mean rejection rate / acceptance rate? Or did you mean application rate? Bc I don’t follow if rejection rate is higher than application rate
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Bro. Can I plz get one set of financials / docs that ties. Just once. That’s all I’m asking
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Who else is working on Good Friday? Shit pisses me off
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Maybe I’m showing my age here, but the new trend of tennis shoes with dress shoe leather is horrendous. Wear loafers like a grownup. Stylish, comfortable, classic, and timeless
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My wife and I ran into one of our friends. Told my wife “she looks good, I wonder if she’s been working out.” My wife goes “text her and tell her that, it would make her feel good” and I had to explain texting our friend “you look good, have you been working out” is a bit creepy
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Are IB analysts still trying to get to the buyside like in times past? Been on both sides. The grass looks greener on the sell side rn. 💵 💵
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“I hate building models”
- anon PE associate, building a model (2021)
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I put a 25lbs plate where the 10lbs go today, and seconds later trainer said “I guess ppl can’t read”
Couple things:
1. Physical training is def known to attract the best and brightest minds
2. The guy wasn’t even jacked. That’s like a PE associate that can’t build an lbo
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Drakes new album makes me wish I was 24 so I could blast this at my apt during the pregame with the squad
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Wedding week. Single digit body fat. This is what we train for
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Modeling on a laptop in a hotel room and waking up tomorrow before 6am
Fuckkkk yeahhh dudeeeee sickkkkkk
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What’s more cringe, board observer on LinkedIn or $10k watch on at the gym??
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In undergrad I wanted to be a lawyer bc I just wanted to make $ and didn’t know what IB / PE was
… so glad I didn’t do that
… but also not particularly glad I did this either
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About to be on fun-employment until after MDW. Have my Bach party and weekend trip w my fam on the books. Excited to know they won’t get blown up. Might go campin with my pup for a few days
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**first day back post-wedding**
Wife’s coworkers (consulting): oh my gosh, your wedding was so beautiful. We can push this call, show me pictures. Tell me about the honey moon!!
My coworkers: lmk if you have any adds to the DD request list once you read the book…
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My wife told me she’s the cfo of our relationship. I told her she’s the controller. She said “what’s that?”
… consultants man
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I feel like society thinks that if you’re an “investment banker” you’ve got your shit together, and, at minimum, are at least incredibly intelligent
Both of which are patently false
Not saying those ppl don’t exist, but a bunch are maladjusted dipshits
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I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t miss PE. But one thing that I don’t miss is emails saying “time is of the essence”
Give yourself a good look in the mirror if you’re the one sending those
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Jfc I had an mba classmate mark themself safe from google layoffs on LinkedIn. Nobody cares
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Okay squad. I’m about 45 days out from the due date, about to be a dad. Any tips below about anything parenting related are more than appreciated. Plz and TY
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I don’t tweet as much bc I don’t have any dark finance moments anymore
I’m listening to old Kanye and about to cut the grass after catching dinner with my cousin in-law
God bless y’all
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Boss is mad I’m out Thurs/Fri. but I didn’t get a raise YoY (apparently that’s a firm wide thing), got 50% of target cash bonus, and 40% of stock comp. You’re going to have to pay me to get me to give vacation, or even work past 5pm. Review was good (3/5 1st year no matter what)
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I’m a happy guy. Probably 8/10 funny and personable (conservatively), but this job fills me with so much rage, and I don’t like it… not one bit
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Every time I have to do a background check I’m like “did I accidentally rob a bank in 2015?”
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I finally have a competent junior, and I will say, I do much more enjoy sending comments on the model than building it
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When I was like 21 my life goal was to have my obit in the economist.
Now, it’s just get more than 5 hours of sleep a night and be successful enough that I can include my dog on the team page of my firm’s website
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One of the biggest “oh shit” moments in career was walking into a management prez and realizing the cfo was the mom of a kid I “b*llied” in like 7th grade and she called my mom to tell her ab it (the b*llying)
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***deal is CLOSING in two days***
Buyer Q: how much ebitda does it do?
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Okay. No BS. Ice bath + fasting quantifiably improved my health. Liver enzymes have been high forever (autoimmune). ALT was in the 300s mid-December. As of yesterday, it was in range (40). Been seeing a liver specialist for over a year. Steroids and other stuff nvr worked
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This might be dramatic, but working in corporate America for ~40yrs is akin to a long, slow, painful death. The boredom is unbearable
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Selling businesses doesn’t need to be as difficult as bankers make it
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Had to put on suit pants today and nothing fits bc my quads are too jacked and my waist is too small. Many blessings. Quad god
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I think it’s important to remember the grass isn’t always greener. I’ve worked at 2.5 IBs (a2a & mba summer bc I couldn’t get a pe summer), 3 PE funds (pre/post mba pe), and now corp dev
My second ib was the best intersection of comp, career, WLB. But I was blindly focused on pe
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Leaving PE to do corp dev was the best decision ever. Instead of constantly doing the data driven pitch of telling LPs “my dick is huge” we just tell the public “I’ve never heard any complaints”. Focusing on what matters is actually the way to do it instead of a million analysis
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All my deals died simultaneously, which is sick bc I got roped in to something I know absolutely 🍆 about
The seller just so happens to be a fund I legitimately had 10 rounds of interviews with, incl two case studies … and then they ghosted me
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Getting oriented in a poorly constructed excel file is like waking up Saturday morning after a hellacious week and a gnarly Friday blackout
Like… How did I get here? Wtf is this? I don’t even understand wtf I’m looking at here…
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Lmfao I think I would get fired if I went to bed at 8pm
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How do I say “you’re such a bitch” in a professional tone?
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Never mind, I’m having to redo it all
I finally have a competent junior, and I will say, I do much more enjoy sending comments on the model than building it
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Has a perfect model ever existed? Whenever I hop into someone else’s super detailed model, even for stuff that’s been closed and has went external to raise co-invest, I always find something. Not on purpose, just happens
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Just sent my first recruiting email and was asked for my avails 10mins later. Here we go
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Am I interested in a “demanding role” at this stage in the game?? I’m corporate comfy right now. Free on nights and weekends like a cell phone bill homie
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Getting married soon. Was thinking ab the the benefits of having one vs multiple kids and my brain literally said “diversification”
I’ve been in the game too long fam
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When Drake said “my friends all went on to be [chartered] accountants”
… I felt that
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Equinox trainer just told me my shoulders / arms are looking bigger… better than a top bucket performance review
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I used to feel bad for lawyers, absolute grind… but lawyers absolutely LOVE lawyering
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Admittedly, see IB comp
#s
are really piss me tf off. I’m working IB hours (or worse), and not getting compensated for it
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Crushed the gym. Hit the grocery store. Going to model a sale lease back into our base case, watch a movie / play w the dog, and cook dinner. Today is a good day
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