Brooklyn Decker
@BrooklynDecker
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598,630
Following
823
Media
800
Statuses
10,529
Down for a funky feeling
North Carolinian/Texan
Joined April 2009
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Currently in the market for a new husband if anyone is interested.
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Following
@yashar
‘s lead here, If you need help purchasing gifts for your kids, follow the steps below and I’ll help where I can:
1. Reply to this tweet with an Amazon wish list.
2. Only stuff for kids please
3. Make sure your address is properly registered with your wishlist.
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@shannonrwatts
Can people do the
#Guilfoylechallenge
as they are doing mundane tasks around the house? "I AM MAKING MYSELF A HOMEMADE LATTE AND THEN STARTING A LOAD OF LAUNDRY"
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This was one of the best moments of my whole life.
@lsb
this THURSDAY
.
@BrooklynDecker
has a surprise for her husband,
@AndyRoddick
- fellow tennis legend and G.O.A.T.
@SerenaWilliams
!
🎶: "Sorry" by
@Beyonce
📺: Thursday 9/8c on
@ParamountNet
#lipsyncbattle
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They’re writing a letter to Albus Dumbledore. Hank wants him to know he has muggle parents, but hopes to attend Hogwarts when he’s old enough 😭. He asked if an owl could come take the letter to Hagrid and I don’t know how to tell him all of this is fake and the future is grim.
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This. Isn’t. Freedom.
No other high income country has their public events interrupted by gunfire and active shooter announcements. None.
This isn’t freedom.
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My toddler has the flu and my baby is colicky... they are both crying and miserable. At the very moment I thought my heart was going to shatter- my stud of a husband walked in with a cup of ice and a bottle of tequila.
I'm convinced this is what the gates of heaven look like.
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One year ago, this week,
@andyroddick
was supposed to receive his Hall of Fame ring. Hank got Hand Foot and Mouth so Andy missed the ceremony bc he couldn’t bear leaving him. Tonight he got his ring. Retirement looks good on him.
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Happy 40th birthday, to my stud muffin of a husband who hasn’t changed a bit since these photos were taken.
@andyroddick
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She won a grand slam pregnant. I needed Andy to dress me, carry me, and delicately place me on the toilet when I was 4 weeks pregnant.
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I just asked
@andyroddick
"Can you even imagine the nerves they are feeling?"
I forgot that he was a professional athlete.
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I love that Serena looks hot and elegant, and I look like a caffeinated nine-year-old.
This is just how I act when I hang out with my friends nbd.
@brooklyndecker
@serenawilliams
#lipsyncbattle
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I've walked home barefoot on New York City sidewalks at 4am fresh from the club without any major side effects.
I'm taking the vaccine.
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I don't think I could ever meet Joe Biden. I would be devastated if he were anything less than the meme superstar I've come to love.
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Find you a man who can rock a purse, a suit, and a toddler with class. Happy birthday to you, Andrew Stephen.
@andyroddick
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“There’s a fucking mockingbird out there.”
-My toddler, in his sweet little toddler voice, after playing outside.
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After all this, It won't be the quarantine that ruins my marriage, it'll be the way my husband cleans (destroys) our cast iron pans.
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The moment a boy realizes his father is a hero.
(What else could we say his retired dad did for a living?)
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I have to say, Trump calling Kim Jung-un "Rocket Man" might be my favorite thing he's done as the leader of the free world.
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How did 1 person get us to a place where if you stand during the anthem you support white supremacy & if you kneel you are unpatriotic?
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I was listening to the baby monitor and overheard
@andyroddick
singing to our kid... “ Biiig stinky poopy, biiiiig stinky poopy” to the tune of Taylor Swift’s “Big Reputation.”
I just felt compelled to share.
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I haven’t posted in almost a year, but THIS felt important. Another podcast hosted by a middle-aged dude!
(But he’s my middle-aged dude, so I’m proud)
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Our president talks like this about US citizens. Specifically ones trying to create incredible opportunities for children.
Lebron James was just interviewed by the dumbest man on television, Don Lemon. He made Lebron look smart, which isn’t easy to do. I like Mike!
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I criticized the former administration a lot, but credit to Mike Pence for putting country ahead of party on this momentous day.
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Dear
@twitter
and
@instagram
, why have non-chronological timelines when users follow who they want, and want posts in real time?
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For the umpteenth time- because people love to comment on my body (or lack thereof) my children sucked the life out of my body and left behind a bag of bones. I don’t know what else to tell you. I miss my boobs too- I don’t even know what to call them now. 🤷♀️
What happened to
@BrooklynDecker
She looked so good in Just Go With It.... Now she looks gangly and where did her body go?? Im confused.
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I just had to explain to my mom the definition of a "glory hole."
2020 is THE worst.
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My response to this tweet "God I love the internet"
My husband's (
@AndyRoddick
) response to this tweet, in a VERY serious tone, "Our country NEEDS to invest in EDUCATION"
Hundreds of thousands of people have signed on to a Facebook event pledging to raid Area 51 in Nevada in a quest to "see them aliens."
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I still like the Nascar rule, can’t remember who thought of this idea, but politicians should have to wear a jacket (like in nascar) with a patch of every. single. lobby. they’re taking money from.
You do not get to vote against the best interests of your people for a paycheck.
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Whichever group takes credit for this... how about we don't announce it? It was an act of terror. Period. Don't give them the satisfaction.
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I’m hopeful Biden/Harris will be victorious, but this still feels like a loss.
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Funny how we have to disclose if we’re getting paid to tweet about a freaking Oreo but politicians don’t have the same obligation when receiving $$ to vote a certain way.
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I’m gonna tell you something right now, tis not the time to have allergies.
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Thank you, Obamas, for demonstrating a shining example of family and morality. 🇺🇸
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Goodness gracious the kid is sitting out there with binoculars looking for an owl. (Note the letter to his right)
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1 and a half babies, 10 years later... and today you're 35.. where did the time go?! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HUSBAND
@andyroddick
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Repeat after me: OUR CHILDREN SHOULD NOT HAVE TO BE HEROES.
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If you do anything today. Watch this and please read the comments. I’m pissing myself.
@TheEllenShow
please have Missy and Funky White Sister on together. America needs this.
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Man oh man. We need more of this ❤️
This immigrant-owned restaurant feeds the homeless and poor for free every single day no questions asked. He treats them as if they were full paying customers!
@ABC7News
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I'm shocked at how out of touch I am with the feelings of so many Americans, and sadly- how divided we are.
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THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR LOW-RISE JEANS. Read the effing room.
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This is some kind of bullsh*t: a changing table you have to PAY TO USE in the men’s bathroom. God forbid a man try to be a good dad.
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When you+husband are trying to calm your kid with a lullaby and the next thing you know you're harmonizing to Sisqo's Thong Song.
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I just overheard
@andyroddick
say to Bob Costas, our almost-10-year-old bulldog “I hope you last forever, Bob.”
🥺😭
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My 4 year old just informed me that his best friend (a child whose mother I’ve been close friends with for 14 years) has been secretly hiding sausage under his bed.
I told her. She checked. Her son has in fact been stashing sausage under his bed. “For 2 months” he said.
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I am pro-male romper. Finally, men will understand the real humiliation of having to strip completely naked to use a public bathroom.
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I've always disliked this part of tennis. After a loss, the player has to sit on a bench alone while there is some weird celebratory pop playing. They have to keep it together, smile for pics & thank the tourney when all they want to do is get outta there as quickly as possible.
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.
@andyroddick
using the classic forward hat+backward hat/sock glove combo to combat the wasp nest.
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Kanye just made fun of himself. Guys this is a big step for us.
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My toddler just looked me dead in the eye and whispered “I don’t have a mama.”
So.
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North Carolina
Texas
Let’s show ‘em what we’re made of
💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
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I know we're in global economic distress and stuff, but a young, attractive man called me "ma'am" today, so just remember it could be worse.
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My husband just joined our kids’ preschool Parent Council (our version of PTA) as the only dad and honestly he’s never been sexier.
@andyroddick
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I would have love to have heard "I heard you today. Let's continue this conversation."
Why are they talking about inauguration turnout? 😔
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.
@andyroddick
has never seen Lion King. Never heard of Funfetti Cake. And I'm bringing a child into the world with this man?!? 😧
#thehorror
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Can the rest of the game just be the rest of this concert….
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What a historic day for our country. Thank you to every organizer, activist, volunteer, voter, donor (and the list goes on) who worked tirelessly to get our country to a better place. The collective can change the world.
Now who’s coming over for a driveway dance party?
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If this sh*t doesn’t turn us into Tom and Gisele, I quit. And don’t you dare come at me with a nightshade.
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NOW PRESENTING: MY HOMEMADE NSYNC JEANS. my dad just sent me a pic. The front is covered as well if u were wondering
http://t.co/oz7wuCjhk1
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Sometimes, when I’m making my coffee, I’ll mess it up. Not enough cream, etc. but instead of making it right— I just think “Nope. You made your bed now you have to lay in it. You’ll have to do better next time.”
And I drink it.
Anyone else do this?
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I'm just waiting for the moment two guys miss the trophy and kiss each other.
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Me and
@andyroddick
every time we have a disagreement in front of the kids.
“You are… how can I call it? A small cat.”
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If Lara Trump runs to represent NC in the US Senate, I will run to represent NC in the US Senate.
And now that I have your attention, by “I will run” I mean “I will be throwing my support behind
@JeffJacksonNC
“ who has the experience and track record worthy of this office.
Bad news: Lara Trump is gearing up to run for U.S. Senate.
Good news: So are we.
Join us:
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My almost-three-year-old daughter was in the shower with me— she grabbed a gob of my hair from the drain, looked at it in wonder and said “Wow... it’s so beautiful!”
Someone please remind me of this moment in 12 years when she’s calling me the C word.
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Dear
@CameronNewton
, this is a great opportunity to bring your baby on the field, raise him in the air, and have a real lion king moment.
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My favorite line from
@serenawilliams
:
“You won as many grand slams pregnant”
Serena, we love you so much. Thank you for roasting
@andyroddick
!
@theARFoundation
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Can we talk about the class act that is
@TheMandyMoore
who said yes to roasting her ex
@andyroddick
for
@theARFoundation
?!? Mandy you are a WONDERFUL human. Thank you so much.
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Lady G... you better stick to your word, honey.
.
@LindseyGrahamSC
in 2018:
“I’ll tell you this...if an opening comes in the last year of president Trump's term and the primary process has started we'll wait to the next election.”
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Well done,
@andy_murray
👏
Andy Murray had the best response to a reporter's "casual sexism"
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WAS THERE A FOAM PIT AT THE END. WHAT DID SHE JUMP INTO.
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@BillyCorben
@Gwen_UsBeauty
@profjaffar
I can’t help but to think about his spouse and children, if he’s willing to act this way in public, can you imagine what home life must be like?
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Sometimes
@andyroddick
leaves me the sweetest love notes when I check into a hotel. So dreamy.
http://t.co/b0s3vLusqi
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