Blake Bortles
@BlakeBortlesUCF
Followers
2,476
Following
918
Media
225
Statuses
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Quarterback (Retired). Son. Brother. Dreamer (Not Retired).
Earning It.
Joined May 2014
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I have made the difficult decision to step away from the game I love and officially retire from football. Much love to my family, fans, and teammates.
Next: I will be concentrating on my goal to make the US Equestrian team for the 2024 Summer Olympics.
#ride
🏇 🥇 🇺🇲
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My job is Beach.
For the record, I think a Blake Bortles documentary would be just as wild/funny. Title it Beach Bars Blake
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Back in college I heard the ladies called me Big 12
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Sharks.
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Chain smoking a pack during every victory. 17 packs in all.
@BlakeBortlesUCF
Blake what's your record prediction for the jags this year and how many games will you be ripping ciggs in the stands
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Good morning. I'm not Blake Bortles, but for the past 9.5 years I've played him on Twitter. It's been a joy. I've tried to keep this positive, silly, and entertaining. I'm ending it because Twitter stinks now. Best of luck, and please be kind to each other, like Blake would want.
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PACK IT UP
PACK IT IN
LET BORTLES BEGIN
I COME TO WIN
BATTLE ME THAT'S A SIN
I WON'T EVER SLACK UP
PUNK YOU BETTER BACK UP
I AM INVINCIBLE!!!!!!!!!!
Updated: Packers are signing veteran QB Blake Bortles today, per source.
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Rumors of my retirement are false, premature, and frankly wishful thinking for opposing fans. I'm not going anywhere other than the WINNERS CIRCLE.
#Championship
#BOAT
#Stallion
#
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RIP BOATfather. Jimmy heaved to so the rest of us slackers could ease up.
The actual BOAT.
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MY GOD IT IS BEAUTIFUL
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Once, football tried to limit me to throwing 600 yds per game but they realized you can't truly limit greatness. And that's a fact, Jack.
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BOAT
Most yards per rush among all active NFL players
1. Blake Bortles 6.24
2. Lamar Jackson 5.97
3. Marcus Mariota 5.96
min. 250 career rush attempts
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People have been asking me which social media platform I'm going to use and the answer is clear: I'll be dropping messages in a baggie in the dumpster behind the Belk in Clermont for people to read. Also probably some meth.
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I got to use the big digger thing and put the dirt in the dump truck! 👷🧰
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@RosaMaria112015
@carterhambley
Someone tried to but he took out a hammer and said "I'll turn you into a house you peanutbrain!" so they didn't. But you are SO right.
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@RedTRaccoon
THANK YOU. I'm an afghanistan vet living on Cap Hill and I'm cringing at this. Imagine giving the order for this show of force. Unthinkable. Unforgivable.
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What do you think of my Baldurs Gate 3 character?!? Her name is Lake Lortles and she can cast a Level 8 'Throw Touchdowns' spell about 3-5 times a game.
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Congratulations
@TomBrady
you are now invited to the old timers poker game Thursdays at 8pm at my place. A warning:
@JayHasTweets
has horrific gas and
@snakestakes
will try to look at your cards. Also please don't invite
@TimTebow
, he got a little too aggresive once. Bring beer.
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Hey if anybody sees this they locked up the green room and turned off the lights but I’m still in here. I barely get reception and they turned off the AC. Someone tell Caesars or ESPN thx. Also did anyone pick me?
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Just a teaser of something exciting coming your way this summer.....
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Programming Note: If you were planning on tuning in to "BOAT PARADE: The Blake Bortles Story" tonight on ESPN2 at 8:00pm, it has been pushed to "mid-June timeframe" and will be airing exclusively on VERSUS. My apologies, but believe me -- it's worth the wait!
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"It's Blake freaking Bortles"
@BlakeBortlesUCF
@Nike
why can’t I find a
#9
Blake Bortles Packer jersey? He was a Packer in May and November of 2021. It’s Blake freaking Bortles. My fantasy football ace turned legit Packer and this Wisconsin momma can’t find his jersey.
#sadface
#blakebortlesfan
#packerfan
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I have been made aware that a gentleman and his support gator were denied entry to a Philydelphia baseball game yesterday. This is a disgusting affront to the support gator community. Alligators deserve HUMAN RIGHTS just like all of us do and the Eagles should be ashamed.
My emotional support gator, Myrtle, is up for Emotional Support Gator of the year! Please LIKE and RETWEET so that Myrtle can get the recognition she so deserves.
#ESGOTYs
#gatorfriends
#emotionalsupport
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Serving as America's defacto ambassador to England as Jaguars starting Quarterback playing in London, I felt a cherished peership with the Queen. We could communicate with nary a word, just a look and a nod btw us could communicate across the great pond. She will be missed. -BB
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A BANNER DAY
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You are never going to believe what just happened to me!!! Out on the water, enjoying some peaceful waves, bikini babes, drinking some Bud heavy, ripping cigs. Normal Tuesday. (1/x)
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@_MLFootball
@SSN_UCF
@JStCyrTV
@_John_Shipley
@BigCatCountry
@Ballou1010xl
@FifthQuarterUCF
@johnnysaz77
@CFBKnights
I contain multitudes.
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WHEELS UP FEELS UP
IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!!!!!!
#GoPackGo
Veteran QB Blake Bortles is flying to Green Bay with the expectation he will sign to the Packers’ practice squad and be eligible for the 53-man roster Sunday, per source. Bortles was on the Packers’ roster this summer until Aaron Rodgers reported.
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90 Seconds to Doomsday
-or-
How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bortles
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@GailSimone
I met Bill Gates once at an arcade and he would not leave me alone. Eventually he agreed to leave if I promised to make a reshoot of Lionel Ritchie's "Hello" video where I sculpted his head out of mashed potatoes. I did it but I was not proud.
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You know a dream is like a river, everchangin' as it flows.
And the dreamer's just Blake Bortles, and must follow where it goes.
Trying to learn from what's behind me and never knowing what in store...
Makes each day a constant battle just to stay between the shores.
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@AustinHeff
What if I told you the real Blake Bortles was inside each and every one of us this entire time.....
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If I were an American Gladiator I think my Gladiator name would be BORTLES
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RIP Barbara Walters. You were always tough, but fair. You had a way of shining the brightest, most probing light -- A light of truth, deep into my eyes. We sat for four primetime interviews but it seemed like a dozen. I gave you the Bortles secrets; you gave us a flawless mirror.
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Umm is it just me or does the WASHINGTON BORTLES have quite a nice ring to it?!?!?!?!
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Joined right after the draft... Time does fly when you are Doing Construction and Rippin' Cigs....
#MyTwitterAnniversary
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My emotional support gator, Myrtle, is up for Emotional Support Gator of the year! Please LIKE and RETWEET so that Myrtle can get the recognition she so deserves.
#ESGOTYs
#gatorfriends
#emotionalsupport
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Getting revenge on Tom Brady.... you know how.
What's something you had to experience yourself to understand? Big or small.
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Every year I grew up we had this Santa in my bedroom. I wasn't allowed to wake up my parents before 7am, so I would lay on my floor beside this Santa for hours drifting in and out of sleep waiting for Christmas morning.
When you get older these objects mean everything.
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Goodbye, Carson Wentz
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold yourself
While those around you lost
They crawled out of the woodwork
And they whispered into your brain
They set you on the bench
And they made you change your team
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The release tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will score touchdowns
I will make you hurt.
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@brian_mcgough
Hey Brian. I'm not *actually* Blake Bortles (although, Blake Bortles - mensch.) I served too, and, work with men and women who were injured like you. While nothing this man will ever say can shake us, please know that your service is one of the very reasons we will get past him.
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Me too Keith, I miss you watching me.
@BlakeBortlesUCF
@CBSSports
Miss watching you play Blake, hope you get another opportunity soon.
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Saints are signing QB Blake Bortles today to serve as the backup QB to Ian Book on Monday night vs. Miami, as
@JeffDuncan_
reported.
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I'd trade for his hair straight up.
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HUGE UPDATE: I'm signing....
...up to be a big brother because I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let. them. lead. the. way.
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Bortles in the stream
That is what we are
No one in between
How can we be wrong?
Sail away with me
To another world
And we rely on each other, ah ha
From one Bortle to another, ah ha
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Some personal news: I'm day-to-day while currently undergoing treatment for an abnormally inflamed case of awesomeness. I'll be out there on the practice field soon,
#PackersNation
!
#GoPackGo
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About to make 91 million people very, VERY happy.
#GoPackGo
Average TV viewership, most recent championships:
Super Bowl: 91.6 million
World Series: 11.8 million
NBA Finals: 9.9 million
Stanley Cup: 2.5 million
MLS Cup: 1.0 million (plus 460,000 Spanish TV)
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Well this just inoculated my heart.
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THE WORDS OF THE PROPHETS ARE WRITTEN ON THE SUBWAY WALLS
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Anybody need a warm chunk of heaven????
Also, I made muffins too. 😘
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@CaucasianJames
Let me know if you want some pointers -- but not on grit, determination, or motor. Those are earned, not taught. You've got what it takes.
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Long and hard.
Touchdown passes of 75+ yards since 2015:
Blake Bortles: 4
Aaron Rodgers: 3
Tom Brady: 3
Russell Wilson: 1
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When you're weary
Feeling small
When tears are in your eyes
I'll dry them all
I'm on your side
Oh, when times get rough
And Jared Goff can't be found
Like a Bortle over troubled water,
I will score touchdowns.
#RamsHouse
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ALWAYS TWO SITHS THERE ARE: NO MORE, NO LESS.
Jordan Love on his relationship with Aaron Rodgers: "Master and padawan kind of thing."
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I'm building a castle and when I'm done with it you are all invited we are going to have a catapult contest where we try to launch babies over the wall. DON'T WORRY WE WILL CATCH THE BABIES IF THEY MAKE IT OVER THE WALL.
#castlebortles
#professionalbabycatapultingleague
#PBCL
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As the blue checkmarks disappear, I want you all to know that you are all still real to me damnit.
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SPOILER ALERT: Nothing keeps the Packers down. Commitment to Excellence. I wouldn't want to be the Chiefs right now.
Cause
@PatrickMahomes
Whatcha Gonna Do
When Packermania Runs Wild on You?!?!??!
#GoPackGo
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If anyone wants my assassination coordinates, I'm located firmly in your most incredible dreams. 💭💭💭💤💤💤🔥🔥🔥
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THANK YOU NEW ORLEANS I WILL NEVER FORGET YOUR GASSY FOOD AND CLASSY FANS
Blake Bortles asked for and will receive his release from the Saints today after their signing of Andy Dalton, per league source. At the age of 29, with 73 starts and 103 TD passes on his resume, Bortles is looking for a better opportunity to be a No. 2 quarterback elsewhere.
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Wait -- WHAT??!?!?
What was the whole one-in-a-million talk?!?!?
#gopackgo
#packers
@AaronRodgers12
#sadbortles
#abortlesscorned
#releasedbutnotforgotten
#thankyougreenbay
#revengeisadishbestservedcold
With Aaron Rodgers back in Green Bay, the Packers are releasing veteran QB Blake Bortles, per
@RobDemovsky
.
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I also signed for $200 million today, we are just keeping it on the d/l because EVERYBODY WANTS A PIECE.
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A team offered seven 3rd round picks to acquire me and the GM said 'No. You can't trade for grit. You can't trade for gumption. You can't trade for drive. You earn it.'
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HE SAID BB NOT GG! COME ON GUYS! GET WITH IT!
The Patriots are reportedly expected to sign Garrett Gilbert
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I drive it long and straight.
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With every guitar string scar on my hand / I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover
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I lift 26 hours a day, so honestly I'm sort of outgrowing that gym. DM me folks if you know of one open more hours. 💪💪💪
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