Breno
@BlackBandShirt
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2,492
Following
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Elder Emo best known for Metalling Blue Collar Blackgazer Debut EP:
Easthampton, MA
Joined June 2010
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Metalheads w/ everything: BLACK. BLACK SHIRT. BLACK JEANS. BLACK BOOTS. BLACK CAR. BLACK NAILS. BLACK HAIR. BLACK TATS. BLACK COFFEE. VOID OF LIGHT. INFINITE DARKNESS. BLACK.
Metalheads buying vinyl: IF IT AINT PRESSED TO LOOK LIKE A TIE DYE TOOTY FRUITY JELLY BELLY BEAN GTFO
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Low key listening to Power Metal on public transportation like
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NAILS 2016 - You Will Never Be One Of Us
NAILS 2019 - I Don't Want To Know You
NAILS 2022 - You Can't Sit With Us
NAILS 2026 - My Mom Says I'm Not Supposed to Hang Out With You
NAILS 2029 - You're Not Invited To My Sweet 16 Party
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Hey Metal Twitter, in honor of the re-emerging discourse regarding Tomb Mold's band photo fit, I'd like to remind folks of the average metal band photo. I am utilizing the power of the "Random Band" button on Metal Archives. No judgement, no names, just photographic evidence:
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This won't. This won't one-up France.
Begging America to try to one-up France by bringing out Knocked Loose and Kublai Khan TX for the Opening Ceremony in LA
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Stop asking young girls in Metallica/Slipknot shirts to "name 3 songs" and start asking 25-50 year old dudes in unreadable death/black metal logo long sleeves. I have a funny inkling whose failure rate would be higher.
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since ppl often do this for women lol are there any metal bands you think aren't good but the guy(s) are hot ("that's the only reason they are popular!!!1!")
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I now know 12 songs
Stop asking young girls in Metallica/Slipknot shirts to "name 3 songs" and start asking 25-50 year old dudes in unreadable death/black metal logo long sleeves. I have a funny inkling whose failure rate would be higher.
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"Studies show heterosexual men play extreme metal music just to impress other heterosexual men."
Wow, wait until you hear about this whole thing called sports.
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since short n' sweet is released... which blue album is better ??
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I will love Metal Twitter my whole life. Nowhere else in the world will you get words of love and support over your birthdays, anniversaries and major life accomplishments from people with names like GoatThroatFucker666.
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17 year old BM fans in Kristian's mentions like YAS VARG DADDY BURN MY DIRTY LIL CHURCH ALL ON THIS TL as if he still looks like this and not an insane farm wizard
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Tomb Mold is just Obituary for people who buy organic groceries.
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Metalcore was a pretty cool neighborhood before it got all djentrified.
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Nice band shirt. If you're such a fan, name three things you like about yourself.
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I forced a bot to read 1000 hours of Metal Twitter and asked it to write a tweet and here's what it came up with:
Bolt Incantation.
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Next death metal bar show I'm going full boy band fan. Crying and screaming from the crowd of 11 people and having security pull me away from trying to embrace some poor bassist with a day job named Dale.
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Death Metal member lineups like:
Ben - drums
Bill - vocals, guitar
Lucciotta Xander Quetzalcoatl VII - bass
Jeff - guitar
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@Redar_Chris
@AdamTuss
Centrists treat human rights like they're a discussion on pizza toppings or some shit.
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Update: Happy to report my dad has been discharged from the hospital and is recovering from Covid-19 at home. He was in a grim state, but they got him stable, full of fluids and breathing ok on his own.
Thank you all so much for the kind words, I'm reading them all now. ❤️
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Am I really reading about how y'all think Slipknot isn't a good metal band is the this the fucking Relapse Records community forum in 2003
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I watched Tidying Up with Marie Kondo and she said that I should only keep the clothes that spark joy; so now I'm pantsless with 57 band shirts.
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Say "Judas Priest" instead of "Jesus Christ" when cursing. You won't say the Lord's name in vain, because you can never speak Halford's name in vain. He will always be there to guide you through these hardships no matter how minimal in the grand scheme of things.
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Listening to Crowbar and my wife says "this music sounds humid".
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"Alright boys, it's time for us to totally redesign our masks for Slipknot again like we've been doing for every album for 20 years. Let's really get creative with it this time."
Mick Thomson:
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I'm gonna cop to something and maybe this conversation will get us somewhere if a lot of us admit to as much too.
I call people "Nazis" that exist somewhere on a spectrum of conservative/bigoted bullshit that socially has no place in a modern progressive society. (thread)
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Hit with inspiration again.
"Can't Get Out of DC" to the tune of Iced Earth - Watching Over me. Enjoy!
#jonschaffer
#icedearth
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Black Metal is a guitar, drum and vocal style. It's not the problem. Assholes are. Assholes aren't Black Metal, assholes are assholes. Good people perform Black Metal music all the time. If you write off the genre, you're handing it over to assholes. Don't give them the victory.
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I'm gonna learn to play guitar to be cool and get chicks.
*plays metal*
Oh no I've done this all wrong.
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I just let albums play without paying much mind to the track list a lot of the time, so if someone hit me with the "name 3 songs" quiz on the spot about my t-shirts, there's actually a solid chance I'd be fucked. Thank God I'm some fat white nerd.
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I'm confounded at how through the Metal community I have met some of the most brilliant, multifaceted, sincere individuals in my life right alongside the drop dead fucking dumbest.
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DUDES. I JUST GOT EMAILED THE JOB OFFER HE'S ACCEPTING MY DESIRED SALARY FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKyeh
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┻┳| •.•) when anyone calls Black
┳┻|⊂ﾉ Metal "BM". I always
┻┳| think they mean poop.
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I only enjoy metal music that most metalheads hate for being sissy bubblegum pop or metal music that sounds like broken glass going through a paper shredder with a goblin screaming over it recorded to tape at the bottom of a gas station toilet, there is no in between.
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How is a guy with a nickname like Corpsegrinder such a sweet wholesome genuine class act a billion percent of the time?
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Every metal elitist: This band you like sucks.
Me: Name five bands you like.
Elitist: Ok step back poseür:
Kill Guts Death Morgue
Assshit
HØRGJØRG
Weeny Rainbow Sprinkle Kisses
KVCK
Me: roflmao weeny rainbow ayfs
Elitist: what? wtf is wrong with WRSK?! WHAT?!?
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Starting a folk metal band with haircuts and suits called
Corporate Klaani
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MY WIFE TOOK ME TO A GOAT SANCTUARY FOR MY BIRTHDAY OMFG I LOVE THEM 𖤐😭🐐🐐🐐
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Metal dudes will call Ghost "Scooby Doo chase music" but will listen to Six Feet Under and not say shit about the dog himself doing vocals.
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Why is every metal fan on Earth a humorless chump that takes everything ever typed on the internet literally?
💀ThorLordHailNKillHammer666:
This is not always necessarily the case.
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Popping in to say things are coming way up after the mental health crisis that had me disappear in July. Started exercising, eating right (lost 11 pounds so far!) bought new clothes, haircut, reworked my shit.
Will be partying in Brooklyn this weekend for my bday to celebrate💪
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I just want y'all in my yard and we'll play death metal and doom metal of varying quality on a Bluetooth speaker and grill some dogs and it's 75 degrees out, camo shorts encouraged but not required.
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Metal dudes, never stop geting too personal in band social media page comments.
"Without this track, wouldn't have survived my step son shooting me. Love you bros, Cheers."
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I was gonna tweet about doom scrolling but it auto corrected it to "dio scrolling" so here's my contribution to your Dio scrolling
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I'm not down with blasting metal music to troll 'normies'. It's such a disrespect to the art and an acknowledgement that you yourself consider the music grating. I seriously question why you consume it in the first place. Our music isn't a whoopee cushion. Fuck off with that.
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Similar taste in music is not a basis for a healthy relationship. I listen to Black Metal and my wife listens to Doom Metal and we still manage.
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Oh did you mute? Let me help you with that
B L O O D I N C A N T A T I O N
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Me: I want to spend my money carefully on the music gear I need to accomplish my aspirational goals.
Spotify: Here's a Boris track.
Me: I want to spend my money on a guitar/bass double neck monstrosity like Takeshi plays because I desire only rad looking cumbersome nonsense.
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My Top Five Metal Bands:
5. How did this make your top 5
4. You don't really like this band, you just want to appear deep by pretending to like unlistenable trash.
3. Who?
2. OOH SAFE BET MR. EASY DOES IT
1. This was purposefully chosen to upset everyone.
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I don't care if Robert Pattinson plays Batman, just put Kiss From a Rose on the soundtrack again.
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You know the deal, Metal Twitter. Make it a conversation worth having .
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If you're a band / solo musician, please reply with your favorite track you made. I want to stop scrolling and click links and press play and absorb what you all sonically accomplished and feel proud of.
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Dopesmoker. By minute 28, the gunman's arm will grow tired from pointing and that's when I make my move.
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With thoroughly broken hearts we had to say goodbye to our 19-year-old girl Zoey today. She had so much kitten spunk and love to give right up until she suddenly couldn't. I can't stop ugly crying, it is an immense thing how pets can truly fill our hearts in ways no one else can.
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When you trip and fall into your pizza then stand and behold the carnage that's tragically befallen your precious meal
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I've been looking at the album cover for Pantera's Metal Magic since I last brought it up and I cannot get over the design of the sword. What happened there...
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I can tell I'm getting too old, because I do the Rob Zombie "YEEEAH" noise when I bend over to pick up something.
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After months of black band hoodie weather I'm looking forward to black band t-shirt weather.
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35 and still alive. I'm going to Chili's for my birthday today and nobody can tell me shit.
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