BitchyGriff
@BitchyGriff
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too crazy for boys town too much of a boy for crazy town
SLC
Joined February 2012
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yeah sex is cool but have you ever had sex with someone whose body feels like it was designed by god for you to give each other face melting orgasms?
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A DUDE I WORKED WITH MURDERED SOMEONE AFTER HE LEFT WORK ON SATURDAY NIGHT WHAT THE FUCKK
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SLC needs better late night food options than pizza and drive thru burritos that shave years off your life
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Is it just me or is convincing Salt Lake residents to drive more than 20 minutes kinda like pulling teeth?
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No offense but I can’t fucking wait for the salt lake housing market to crash
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This is kind of metal
This is the sign language for abortion. Just heartbreaking.
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I was just informed that I was baptized by a guy who murdered 2 kids
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My racist uncle posts the absolute worst shit in Facebook but this is the hill I will die on
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I’ll eat 2 credit cards I don’t give a fuck
You're eating a credit card's worth of plastic a week — and it's killing your gut
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Rich Utahans are absolute proof that money doesn’t buy taste
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I hate how Uber asks how your 3:15 am ride was. I was black out. Maybe Darren in a white Jetta gave me valuable life advice and helped me to my apartment. Maybe he tried to kill me. I do not know. 5 stars.
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I was making fun of Joe Rogan for taking horse drugs and my roommate looked up and said “You’ve literally done ketamine”
☠️☠️☠️
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My 16 year old dishwasher just come up to me and said “So I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 6 months and I think I’m gonna ask her to marry me” and pulled out fucking engagement ring
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People who think Salt Lake City sucks have never lived somewhere that actually sucks
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Quarterly reminder that this is the guy who baptized me
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Salt Lakes hottest club is: Harmons
Is has
Employees who gave up on their dreams a long time ago, the same 6 songs on an infinite loop, artisanal cheeses
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Apples
Unfuckwithable Pink Lady, Honeycrisp,
2nd round picks: Fuji, Braeburn, Gala
Fuck outta here: Jonathan, Red Delicious, Granny Smith
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You’re allowed to be mean to furries, cops and white people with dreads
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When I’m on my third “Damn that’s crazy” and they’re still talking
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They just keep making smoking cooler huh
🚬 - 'Smoking Kills' could be printed on every individual cigarette under new proposals aimed at discouraging the deadly habit.
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Midsommar or as I like to call it, Coachella Sucked This Year
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You can delete their number but you can never un-eat their ass
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Covid didn’t come from Wuhan it came from the men’s bathroom at Twilite Lounge
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Having someone cook for you when you cook for a living is a pretty rare occurrence. Having someone you’re dating cook an extremely labor intensive and heartfelt meal for Valentine’s Day is pretty much unheard of.
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There are 6 things that make life worth living
Sex
Good food
The right music at the right time
Memes
Spending time with people who make you happy
Sex again
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You know it’s an option to disregard the Mormon church completely, right? Like you don’t even have to think about it if you don’t want to.
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If Frank Ocean never released another album he’d still be in the top 3 best artists ever
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Imagine if movies just didn’t ever have r*pe scenes. That would be great.
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A series of photos taken of me trying not to die after taking mushrooms at 17, 21 and 25.
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Sitting at a restaurant, waiting for my sister (who didn’t tell me she was bringing her 2 kids and is a half hour late) and I just watched her son throw up in the car in real time as she drove past the restaurant while she was on the phone to tell me they’re not coming
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Just heard an australian person say “ricotta” and I want to fucking die
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I haven’t bothered leaving the Mormon church officially mostly because I think it’s hysterical that I’m technically a Mormon
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Polyamory took the coolest thing a person can do since the dawn of time (having sex with a lot of people all of the time) and made it cringey beyond recognition
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The only acceptable amount of cream cheese on a bagel is a fucked up amount of cream cheese
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Fuck (and I cannot stress this enough) every single law enforcement officer in the United States of America
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I don’t think most men understand that they don’t have anything to offer women that a detachable shower head can’t
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I remember thinking to myself at 17 that paying 5$ to see MGMT was the worst decision I’ve ever made.
I was wrong. Paying 50$ to see them at 22 was.
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Thread of underrated local restaurants:
Mano Thai. One of my all time favorite restaurants. Best Thai food in SLC. Get the Massaman Curry. 41 W 33rd S
Afghan Kitchen. Everything is wonderful and better than it should be for the price. 3142 S Main.
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I cannot overstate how pleasant it is to date someone who’s really nice
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The Avenues is the best neighborhood in Salt Lake City and it isn’t even a contest
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High school wrestling is the gayest thing I’ve ever done and I had sex with a dude one time
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All of this talk about sexual assault makes me feel absolutely sick to my stomach for every time I’ve turned a blind eye to suspicions or given my guy friends the benefit of the doubt when I shouldnt have. It’s so much easier to pretend your friends would never do something awful
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Just because somebody is homeless doesn’t mean they’re not your neighbor. Look out for the people who live around you.
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I was trying to break up a bar fight last night but then the white dude said the N word and I kinda just let him get the shit kicked out of him
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Sometimes I’m like “was that an earthquake?” And then I’m validated in my curiosity by a more obvious earthquake
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And the award for most toxic text message of all time goes to: my mother
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I just got a security deposit back???? That I never paid in the first place???? From the apartment that I moved out of 6 months ago???? And I didn’t even bother taking any of my furniture????? And I wrote GENTRIFYING FUCKS on the wall???
Anyways drinks me tonight
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My parents dog is such a shit that they sent him to obedience school and this was his progress report 😂😂😭😭
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Bro one of my best friends just told me he’s a flat earther and now I have to be mean to him on his birthday
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One thing about me is I’m gonna look directly at the eclipse for a second
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My work wife is now my girlfriend’s girlfriend it’s all very confusing
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I don’t know what “serving cunt” means but I think this might be it
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Me, my roommate and my 3 closest friends (all very hot) are all single with summer rapidly approaching. There is nothing but chaos in my future.
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The word adventure does not mean "smoke marijuana outdoors"
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Look at this creepy little gem of a house I found on Facebook marketplace
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Turns out I got in a bar fight with the dude who shot at the truck at that protest in Provo
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One of my best friends from high school just lost his virginity at 26. My man is gonna have his fuckboy phase just in time for everyone we know getting divorced.
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Dropping out of college after a comically short period of time is actually a green flag
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No more unsolicited updates about my ex please. I do not care. I did not ask. We don’t talk for a reason. Thank you.
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The fact that my Chinese coworker doesn’t go to the grocery store anymore because of the constant dirty looks and microaggressions breaks my fucking heart. Don’t forget to support Asian owned businesses where you can. Never ever give into xenophobia and scapegoating.
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Being really into The Office is not a substitute for a personality
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I went home with a girl from the bar last night but she fell asleep so I drank all of her wine and played with her 2 cats on the couch
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I accidentally watched the first 10 minutes of Up on mushrooms and I haven’t been the same ever since
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I may have a problematic relationship with alcohol and several drugs but I am also nice
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Ran into my high school nemesis/former close friend at the bar last night. Bought him a shot and we caught up for like an hour. Turns out our feud was over a misunderstanding. We still hate each other but it was actually kind of fun talking to him.
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This cook I used to work with told me he was going to put anal beads in my ass and rip them out like he’s trying to start a lawn mower one time and a diner heard it and specifically mentioned it in a Yelp review
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No offense but I don’t know a single man who’s qualified to be in charge of anything
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I am totally comfortable with the idea being someone’s less successful husband
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My sister just sent me a picture of me and my dad smoking weed out of a soda can on Christmas like 6 years ago
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I guess now is as good a time as any to come out at pansexual
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The only good restaurants in SLC
Indochine
The Pearl
Curry Fried Chicken
One more noodle house
Tacos Nayarit
Penny Anne’s
El Cabrito
Baek Ri Hyang
Cafe Shambala
Kyoto
Mano Thai
Nomad
Wildwood
Little America coffee shop
Deadpan Sandwich
The Olympian
Finns
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Yeah sex is cool but have you ever taken the pit out of an avocado by tapping with a kitchen knife?
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