Better Phetasy
@BetterPhetasy
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Following
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Media
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Statuses
12,613
PARODY/FAN/STAN/Potentially-a-MAN account you rascals. I am Bridget Phetasy's discarded id.
Merica
Joined June 2019
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Pinned Tweet
Social media has become the modern tabloid rack at the grocery checkout.
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If the aliens get to only see one thing made by our species I hope it’s this.
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This Chappelle news cycle is going to outlast the Afghanistan withdraw one.
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1940s: Sorry Jews, you’re not white enough.
2020s: Nooo the Jews are too white.
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Let’s face it. At this point the news is basically fanfiction.
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This new form of abstinence training is weird.
School kids recently went on a trip to a feminist "art exhibit" and this is what they saw. This is child abuse. This is insanity. This is the lunacy of left wing social engineering in action.
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If it’s antisemitic to attack Soros for his politics then it’s antisemitic to attack
@benshapiro
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So she’s oppressed by the government yet managed to rise to the level of supreme justice? What a great resistance story.
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If your penis is bleeding, please seek medical help immediately.
🗣 ANY GENDER CAN GET THEIR PERIOD.
ANY GENDER CAN GET THEIR PERIOD.
ANY GENDER CAN GET THEIR PERIOD.
ANY GENDER CAN GET THEIR PERIOD.
ANY GENDER CAN GET THEIR PERIOD.
ANY GENDER CAN GET THEIR PERIOD.
ANY GENDER CAN GET THEIR PERIOD.
#NationalPeriodDay
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What it’s like to thread the needle between left and right.
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The year is 2069. We now have 1,193 supreme court justices.
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My dying wish is that my bank account be credited $100B.
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This is why you make sure the work laptop and the faptop are two separate devices.
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You know media overlords you could fix this by giving
@TulsiGabbard
and
@AndrewYang
more coverage but whatever. Keep promoting the geriatrics brigade.
#PrimariesSoWhite
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Just a friendly reminder that the political parties could disappear overnight and our country would still be here.
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It’s Uyghur blood.
Lil Nas X set to release limited edition "Satan Shoes” that are reportedly filled with 66cc of red ink and "one drop of human blood."
Launching on March 29th for $1,080.
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Single mother having “the talk” with her son about where babies come from.
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I identify with Romney. He can’t pick a side either.
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Listen, capitalism is so good that obesity is a sign of poverty not the other way around.
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$0.16 is about what we make on a Dumpster Fire episode.
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Things you don’t do during a pandemic.
1.) Liquidate the old people by exposing them.
2.) Write a book about how well you did handling it.
3.) Nominate said individual for an international prize.
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Step 1 of connecting with someone - Don’t call them racist, uneducated, and disgusting.
Step 2 - Don’t say you want to connect with them just to influence their vote in an election.
Step 3 - Maybe sit this one out.
I join others in being dismayed and disgusted by these women. I don't know how to reach non-college educated white women. The women I can connect with and influence are college educated white women. I am open to suggestions of ways of doing so ahead of 2022. Bring it!
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America: Orange man is $1.1B in debt. He's compromised.
Also America: National debt $26,786,132,350,373.
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Going to be a lot of small businesses with 99 employees.
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Sounds like Hannah should build her own Netflix.
Hannah Gadsby publicly upbraided the Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos for citing her specials on the platform in his defense of Dave Chapelle, telling him not to "drag my name" into his justifications of "hate speech dog whistling you refuse to acknowledge."
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It I start The Irishman now do you think I can finish it before the
#IowaCaucuses
results are in?
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My aspiration in life is to be a ceremonial figure getting paid exorbitant amounts.
Hunter Biden Served as ‘Ceremonial Figure’ on Burisma Board for $80,000 Per Month
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Candace is attempting the Ye pivot. Bold move cotton. Let’s see if it pays off for her.
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It took a regime falling to get them to shut up.
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle 'left speechless' over Taliban takeover
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I may not be an expert on 2A issues, but after watching Iranian police open fire on protestors it seems our founders may have understood a thing or two.
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Now Bill and Donald have three things in common...
1.) Impeached
2.) Friends with Epstein
3.) Kept Hillary from getting elected
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It me
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Ah yes cause twerking fixed climate change too. Why didn’t we think of this sooner.
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I’m sure the African child slaves who harvest your cocoa are happy to hear that.
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The theme park ride would have been Small World but with faceless avatars shouting obscenities at you.
Disney called off a deal to buy Twitter because the platform was just too problematic.
"The nastiness is extraordinary," CEO Bob Iger said.
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Brains
Looks
& not 100 years old
Tulsi Gabbard: Impeaching President Trump would only "tear our country apart"
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Mom: You can be anything you want.
Kid: I want to be a comedian.
Mom:
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This is how he becomes a three term president.
Joy Behar and Rachel Maddow warn that Donald Trump will "cancel The View" if he's elected.
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If the parents aren’t on the phone with Nick Sandman I’ll do it for them.
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Cool, now ask them to find Palestine on a map.
And here's a video from Balboa High School students in San Francisco...
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Democrats: “We want to build a broad coalition to beat Trump.”
*Rogan fans, pro life dems, white people, black people with guns, midwesterners raise their hands*
Democrats: “Whoa whoa whoa... Who let you in!?”
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Dodgeball is “legalized bullying”? Lmao.
Should children play dodgeball in school?
[Tap to expand]
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Teenagers have been having fights including fights involving knives for eons. We do not need police to address these situations by showing up to the scene & using a weapon against one of the teenagers. Y’all need help. I mean that sincerely.
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Whatever it is, it definitely keeps Stefan Molyneux up at night.
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But men if you choose to identify as a woman you can claim $280 every time you pass go.
Unlike the classic game, women will collect 240 Monopoly bucks when they pass "go," while male players will collect the usual 200. It's "a fun new take on the game that creates a world where women have an advantage often enjoyed by men," the creators said.
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Schrodinger’s Joe Biden - The President is both alive and dead until we open the White House.
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Yessss
@BridgetPhetasy
is still unable to tweet. Things are going according to plan. Soon I shall be the royal nobody.
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I’m laughing so much I can hardly write about hamburgers linking Trump to Russia. The media didn’t just jump the shark, they cleared the planet and are off in space somewhere.
From the Magazine: Even one of Trump’s favorite foods has a hidden Russia connection
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Or it has been the greatest engine of eradicating poverty the world has ever seen.
It’s time for an economic revolution. Capitalism today is failing us, killing us, and robbing from our children’s future.
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Ultra rich executives wear the same outfit because it’s one less decision they have to make during the day.
Jeff Bezos, the richest man in the world, keeps wearing the same swim trunks
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Sir this is brand infringement.
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Clouds are overwhelmingly white too. And they look down on us... just like the man.
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They will now wear tuxedos.
Department of Homeland Security says it will replace military-style uniforms
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May 16th:
@BridgetPhetasy
appears on JRE.
May 19th: JRE gets huge spotify deal.
Coincidence? I think not.
Announcement: the podcast is moving to spotify!
Starting on September 1 the podcast will be available on Spotify as well as all platforms, and then at the end of the year it will move exclusively to Spotify,…
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Pussy undefeated yet again.
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The NYT HQ is built on Native American land. As a token of good faith they should surrender it back.
Mount Rushmore was built on land that belonged to the Lakota tribe and sculpted by a man who had strong bonds with the Ku Klux Klan. It features the faces of 2 U.S. presidents who were slaveholders.
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Him: "Surprise honey I got you a Peloton bike."
Me: "Surprise honey I got you a penis pump."
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Where did they hang the Epstein ornament?
A merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
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Honorary BDE award
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Phetasy is all about charity. We’re always helping no name podcasters get their start in the business.
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If anyone ever uses my death to score political points please compress my ashes into a brick and throw it at them.
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Written by someone who had the luxury of working from home.
Americans are in total collective denial about how lethal our car dependency is. We have to stop normalizing the suffering caused by cars, Erin Sagen writes.
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Dinner being wheeled out at hospice care and everyone sees it’s sweet potato biscuit day.
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