Callum Stephen (He/Him)
@AutisticCallum_
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Autistic ADHD’er 🧠 | LGBTQ+ 🏳️🌈 | Writer ✍️ | Dreamer ✨ | IG and TikTok: @ autistic_callum_
United Kingdom
Joined March 2021
The “sensitive” child to “difficult and dramatic teenager” to autistic adult pipeline.
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Stuff I did “wrong” as an Autistic kid:. - Playing by myself. I didn’t realise that invitations to play required me to play with others. - Gravitating towards adults instead of kids. Adults were (generally) calmer, more welcoming, more mature and more on my wavelength.
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When you’re Autistic and/or ADHD, it can be hard to determine whether you’re in love with someone or hyperfixating on them, or both. Here’s how I differentiate between love and hyperfixation - 🧵
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A perfect example of an autistic person (Julia Fox) taking something literally and being painted as a villain for doing so. It was big of Ms Fox to apologise when it was the other person’s language usage that led to the confusion. But, us autists are always expected to apologise.
Julia Fox apologizes to TikTok user after being accused of “condoning sexual assault” for a comment she made about his “mascara” story: . “Hey babe I’m so sorry I really thought u were talking about mascara like as in make up.”
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PSA for autists: When people invite you to dinner, a movie or some other activity, the activity may just be a fun excuse to meet up, and the real objective of the gathering may be to socialise. I find this endearing, but I want to share it because for years I didn’t know this….
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The autistic urge to use 100 words to say something that that could be said in less than 10 words because you figure the extra 90 words of explanation will reduce the risk of misinterpretation and conflict.
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The autistic gamer’s way of playing a video game several hours per day for a week or two then abandoning it for six months.
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Many autistic people have Misophonia, a condition that causes a person to have an extremely negative emotional response (usually anger) to everyday sounds, such as: chewing, joint cracking, snoring, breathing, nail tapping and nail clipping.
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PSA for autists: When people invite you to dinner, a movie or some other activity, the chances are the activity is just an excuse to meet up and the real objective of the gathering is to socialise. I find this endearing, but want to share it because for years I didn’t know this….
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People will say, ‘we didn’t have Autism in my day’ and ignore the fact that in their day, there were people who: didn’t allow guests in their home, ate the same food everyday, wore different variations of the same outfit every day, were experts on a few niche subjects, ….
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Being autistic means that I’m either two steps ahead of everyone or three steps behind. I’m either psychic or clueless; there is no in-between for me.
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Given that autism is highly heritable, it’s a huge flaw in the autism diagnosis process that parents are expected to know and confirm if there is anything “different” about their child. If there is, they probably won’t have noticed, as it’s likely their entire family is autistic.
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“That actor looks familiar. I wonder what else they’ve been in”. Most people: I’m not sure. Autistic ADHD me: * immediately grabs my phone, googles the character’s name, finds the actor’s name, looks at their Wiki page or IMDb page, and starts listing every role they’ve played*.
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Many autistic people are told that they have social anxiety, but what they really have is a rational and legitimate fear of being treated badly by others, who may neglect their needs or judge them for their differences - both of which have happened to them a million times before.
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IDK if this is an Autistic thing, but I can tolerate a lot of poor treatment - until a point. Yet, when that point has been reached, I’m done for good. No amount of apologising/changing can win me over. It’s like there’s a switch, and when it’s been flicked, it can’t change back.
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Many autists think that they don’t stim, as they see stimming exclusively as hand flapping and finger tapping. But, stimming encompasses so much more. It can also be: lip biting, playing one song on repeat, singing, repeating noises or body movements, staring at objects and more.
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PSA for autists: if someone says “we should grab a coffee sometime” (or something similar), they probably have no intention of actually following through, and will be shocked if you try to arrange something. 99% of the time, they’re just feigning warmth and interest to be polite.
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The autistic gamer’s way of playing a video game several hours per day for a week or two then abandoning it for six months.
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Like many autistic people, I have Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), which means I will often refuse to do things not because I don’t want to do them per se, but because someone has *demanded* I do them (for me this doesn’t extend to polite requests, which I’m happy to fulfil).
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A few less talked about autistic traits:. - Listening to audio on 1.5x+ speed. - Reading captions on videos despite having solid hearing. - Only speaking when you’ve knowledge or valuable insights. - Crying when feeling *any* emotion strongly. - Answering “how are you?” honestly.
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Many people think that Autism and ADHD are mental health conditions, but they aren’t. They are actually classified as *neurodevelopmental* “conditions”. It’s important that this is understood, because mental health conditions and neurodevelopmental conditions are different.
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Autistic people are often criticised for “reading too much into things” and “assuming” the worst, but usually what we deduce is highly accurate, thanks to our pattern-spotting and dot-connecting abilities. I think the real issue is we typically unearth truths others want hidden.
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I wonder how many autistic children go undiagnosed because their parents are undiagnosed autistics who don’t see anything atypical or out of the ordinary about their child and think everyone experiences what they do but just muddles through?.
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The autistic urge to tell a person something you remember about them, followed by a reflex urge to keep quiet, because they probably don’t understand how autistic memory works and would likely think that you are creepy for naturally and unintentionally remembering those details.
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Things I don’t understand as an autistic person…. Why:. - It’s considered outrageous/offensive to not drink alcohol. - A person would ask someone how they are if they don’t truly want to know. - People think it’s peculiar for an adult to still enjoy things they enjoyed as a kid.
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I used to think being openly autistic would result in people being more accepting of my differences, but years of being openly autistic has shown me that most people think acceptance is giving me more time and grace to do things *their* way, not allowing me to do things *my* way.
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The autistic urge to respond to “how are you?” with an honest answer.
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So, autistic people are considered “disordered” because we often: say what we mean, have no hidden agenda, focus on one task for a long time, prefer deep connections over shallow ones, are pragmatic, question what we don’t know and like to get straight to the point? OK…!.
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My autistic, ADHD brain works best with *flexible* schedules. I crave structure, but I need to allow for the fact that my brain’s functioning is inconsistent and unpredictable. One day, I may be bursting with energy and hyperfocus, but the next I may be exhausted and distracted.
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The ‘old soul’ child to ‘childish’ Autistic adult pipeline.
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Someone: *does something horrible to me*. Autistic me: No worries! It’s all good!. Autistic me to myself a few days later: Woah, that was not ok. I can’t believe I let them get away with that. My delayed processing! Is it too late, inconsistent &/or odd to revoke my “no worries”?.
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Some signs an autistic person may want to be friends with you:. - They are always trying to help you and solve your problems with/for you. - They gift you small things that you love. - They take great joy in sharing their favourite interests, and cool facts about them, with you.
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Many autistic people proofread and edit a text/email/message 5-10 times before sending it, to make sure they don’t send anything that might be misread as: rude, cold, condescending, critical, angry, ill-informed and/or sarcastic. If we ever take long to reply, this might be why.
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Many autistic people put subtitles on for every show they watch, even if they have a strong sense of hearing. This may be because the auditory processing differences and delays that many of us have mean we wouldn’t be able to follow what’s happening on our screens without them.
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Autistic people may immediately say “no” or become distressed when a change of plan is suggested, regardless of whether it’s objectively better/necessary. We aren’t tying to be difficult; our brain has perceived a threat and gone into survival mode. This is the “fight” response.
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Autistic people may have unusual reactions to pain. It’s common for autistic people to not even flinch at pulling a muscle, breaking a bone or sustaining a huge blow, yet become overwhelmed by a paper cut, a hair rubbing against their face, or certain fabrics touching their skin.
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The kid who played The Sims for 6 hours a day to autistic adult pipeline.
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My autistic literal interpretation means that I tend to see “yes” and “no” responses as sacred, firm and non-negotiable. If someone says they don’t want food, I don’t think to immediately offer it again. If someone offers to help, I expect that they will honour that commitment.
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A talent many neurotypical people have that I deeply admire is the ability to contribute to a conversation on cue without interrupting anyone or being interrupted by anyone. How do they jump in at lightning speed with the perfect response? How do they get others to let them talk?.
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Autistic people’s relationships are often circumstantial. E.g: my uni friendships ceased when uni finished, and when I leave jobs, I don’t keep in touch with colleagues. There’s no fallout or ghosting; the relationships simply come to a natural end because the circumstances have.
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Shoutout to all the autistics whose autism wasn’t identified because their special interests were so mainstream or stereotypically “feminine” that nobody thought about autism. Nobody blinked at my passion for: pop culture/music, psychology, sociology, animals, Barbie or The Sims.
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The autistic urge to finish a point with “if you know what I mean” or “if that makes sense”, because you’re so used to people not knowing what you mean or misreading you that you have little faith that your communication will be received as intended.
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Most people: That person is so lovely!. Autistic me: My vibe spotting powers - that are accurate 99% of the time - tell me that this person is insincere and will cause everyone a lot of trouble and hurt. I don’t know why I know this, and I can’t prove it. I just know.
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- If one adult told me I couldn’t do something, I’d ask another. I wasn’t trying to manipulate; I thought I was just following the rule that I needed one adult to approve certain things. - “Kissing up” to teachers. I endeavoured to be friendly, because I was encouraged to be.
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The Autistic urge to tell someone a “fun fact” that isn’t remotely fun but is very complicated, serious and/or unsettling.
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Why Autistics and ADHDers are not “lazy” - 🧵
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The neurodivergent urge to rush, rush, rush through everything at the speed of light, because if you hesitate for a moment you might get distracted, forget what you’re doing, run out of executive function or burn out, and then be unable to do anything for the foreseeable future.
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The autistic urge to confuse everyone by never instigating conversation, but being incredibly engaging and bubbly for a few short minutes if approached by others.
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A few ways Autists and ADHD’ers may express romantic and platonic love 🖤
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The life of an undiagnosed autistic adult - 🧵. - Has worked many jobs, but hasn’t been able to keep any long-term, because there was a big issue with every one. - Finds it hard to make and keep friends, and their friendships tend to abruptly end after an unexpected conflict.
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If an autistic person asks you to buy a particular brand of food, clothing or product, please listen. The brand is often important to us, not because we are shallow, but because each brand has their own idiosyncrasies, resulting in some meeting our specific needs and others not.
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I wonder how many quiet Autistic people started off outgoing and loud, but were told during childhood that they were “too much”, and this left them so deflated that they no longer wanted to (or felt they were allowed to) be their vibrant selves and they became quiet out of habit.
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Whenever someone interrupts an Autistic person, nobody flinches or thinks that the interruption is rude. It is seen as a natural course of events. But when an Autistic person interrupts someone, their behaviour is perceived as rude, awkward and inappropriate. It’s so strange!.
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An autistic person’s truth is usually considered less believable than a neurotypical person’s lie.
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Being autistic is apologising for being right, having read the situation correctly but neglected to pretend to be duped by the false narrative presented by others, and having not participated in the perpetuation of the false narrative by failing to dutifully carry on the charade.
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Many autistic people find it hard to tell the difference between a friend and an acquaintance. Here is a 🧵 to help you tell the difference.
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I used to automatically assume that the suggested activity was the *main* purpose of a meet-up. I thought an invitation to dinner meant that the predominant point of focus was the food, that an invitation to watch a movie meant that the movie was the centrepiece of the night etc.
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- Not following gender rules with toys. I played with Barbie and Action Man. To me, toys were toys. I played with what I wanted to. - Not watching “age appropriate shows”. As a toddler I watched toddler shows, but as I got older, I favoured soap operas and reality TV.
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The autistic talent of falling in love with unpopular products that keep getting discontinued without warning.
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PSA for autists: when people say “there is no rush to do this, just do it whenever you have some free time”, they usually expect you to make progress on it within 1-2 weeks (depending on the context). The “whenever” is not intended to be read literally, rather as “not right now”.
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- Spending “too much” time indoors. I didn’t want to sit around parks with my peers. That drained and bored me. I wanted to build homes in The Sims. - Creating intricate and detailed storylines for my toys and sims. I found imagination more fun than physically playing with toys.
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Do you ever think Autistic people may find it hard to set boundaries because we’re so used to feeling uncomfortable, exhausted, confused, like we’re being difficult and demanding but also like we’re being taken advantage of that it’s hard for us to know how/where to draw a line?
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I’d love to normalise autistic and ADHD traits by being brutally honest and saying things like: “sorry I wasn’t able to do X. The problem is, it’s really boring, and I was unable to muster up the spoons or hyperfocus necessary for me to even get started. Maybe another day?”.
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When an autistic person tells you why they did or didn’t do something, please know that they’re (most likely) explaining themselves, not making excuses. Many of us provide explanations to be helpful, namely to reassure you and help you to understand where we’re coming from.
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- Being too honest! If an adult asked me if I liked their cooking or their gift and I didn’t, I’d say “no, thank you”. I thought I was being polite and doing the right thing. I was being honest like I was told to be and even said “thank you”.
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This led to tension and confusion in my relationships. People invited me to things and then felt neglected by me, because most of my attention went towards the activity, not them. Meanwhile, I felt overwhelmed by their talking when I was trying to focus on and honour their plans.
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As an autistic person who sometimes takes things literally, I’d like to say that - contrary to folklore - I never think cats & dogs are falling from the sky when someone says “it’s raining cats & dogs”. But, I may think someone intends to see me later if they say “see you later”.
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Someone: do you want to do [some really boring/monotonous chore]?. Autistic me: no, thank you. Someone: oh, so you’re refusing to help out?!. Autistic me: no, you asked me if I *want* to do the task and I don’t *want* to, but I’ll do it if you’d like me to - I’m happy to help.
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Autistic and ADHD people will be like, “hmm, I’m not certain, but I think…” after they’ve done 10+ hours of research on the subject and know more about it than most experts.
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I used to automatically assume that the suggested activity was the *main* purpose of a meet-up. I thought an invitation to dinner meant that the predominant point of focus was the food, that an invitation to watch a movie meant that the movie was the centrepiece of the night etc.
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It’s sad that a lot of people’s “red flags” happen to be things that many neurodivergent people do naturally that do not hurt anyone. For example, being being direct, honest and open (and not playing games) is often pathologized and seen as being intense, creepy and oversharing.
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- Not saying “sorry” when I had nothing to say sorry for. I wouldn’t apologise to a classmate who hit me just because a teacher told me to. - Looking like I was not paying attention, because I processed information better when I fidgeted and looked down/away.
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Things to know about ADHD 🧵. - An estimated 5% of the population has ADHD (1). - Adults can have ADHD, even if they weren’t diagnosed as a child - it’s not a “child thing”. - ADHD is a neurodevelopmental condition. It is not a mental health condition or behavioural condition.
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The Autistic/ADHD “all or nothing” mentality stops me from even starting many things. I always feel I must give 100%, but I get so overwhelmed by what that requires that I end up giving 0%. I’m unlearning this, because even giving 5% is better than nothing and can make an impact.
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The autistic urge to only ever take your phone off silent when expecting an important call or text, because if you had your phone’s volume and/or vibrate on all the time, you’d be in a perpetual state of fear, waiting to be startled into panic mode whenever someone makes contact.
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This led to tension and confusion in my relationships. People invited me to things and then felt neglected by me, because most of my attention went towards the activity, not them. Meanwhile, I felt overwhelmed by their talking when I was trying to focus on and honour their plans.
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A less talked about autistic trait is an “all or nothing” mentality. Whilst NT people usually have a moderate mentality, autistic people tend to be at either 0 or 100 when it comes to many things, including: social issues, hobbies, work tasks, problem-solving strategies and more.
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Have you noticed that many autistic people eat using tiny teaspoons and rarely ever use big tablespoons?. I wonder why this is?! Do we have tiny mouths? Do we get overwhelmed by big servings? Do we find it easier to hold, grip and steer a smaller, more delicate handle?.
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“Autistic people can’t feel empathy”. Me: *feels the physical, mental and emotional pain of other people, animals and objects deep within my soul, such that I feel like I am experiencing their plight alongside them and wish I could fix everything and take all of our pain away*.
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For years, my autistic brain’s benchmark for friendship was so low that I mistook many acquaintances for friends. E.g. I mistakenly saw friendship if our paths only ever crossed incidentally at a shared location (school, work, uni) and we routinely shared pleasant conversations.
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The autistic urge to win people’s friendship by being as helpful as you can, but then accidentally getting manipulated and misled by opportunists who use you for your free labour.
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If they can’t handle your executive dysfunction, they don’t deserve your hyperfocus.
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The autistic/ADHD urge to replay a small portion of a song, show, movie or video again and again, because you find 3 seconds of it immensely satisfying.
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There’s a stereotype that autistic people are not interested in other people, however so many autists spend years studying psychology and sociology through courses, articles, books and videos just to learn more about other people and how to connect with them.
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… collected ‘ornaments’, rarely spoke, read voraciously about one thing, and were considered sickly, shy, awkward, dramatic and/or sensitive. There were definitely Autistic people; they just weren’t diagnosed or even identified as ‘Autistic’ but as ‘eccentric’ and/or ‘troubled’.
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Part of my autistic experience is not rebuilding relationships when they’ve fallen to ruins. My long-term memory’s propensity to retain relationship trauma, and my need for dependable structures, mean that once a relationship has been tarnished, it’s a source of anxiety for me.
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I worry for the unidentified Autists and ADHD’ers who have anxiety, depression and/or burnout, and are stuck in a mental health system loop because: their mental ill health is secondary to their Autism/ADHD, they’re receiving ineffective treatment, and they see no path forward.
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The autistic urge to not register red flags as red flags because you’re so used to people misinterpreting your harmless behaviours and you don’t want to do that to anyone else, so you go *overboard* trying to find acceptable explanations for other people’s unacceptable behaviour.
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Society: autistic people are poor communicators. Autistic me: *I say what I mean and I mean what I say, use precise and direct language, am transparent, share important details, use grammar/punctuation in text and script conversations so I won’t pause, stumble or miss anything*.
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- Asking to do group work on my own. My peers didn’t want to work with me, I’d rarely get picked to be in a group and, when I did, I felt like my peers dragged me down with their unfeasible ideas and contributions. - Looking smug and/or annoyed. My face didn’t match how I felt.
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Autistic people are surprisingly easy to understand when you actually listen to their viewpoint instead of ignoring anything they express that doesn’t align with yours.
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The Autistic urge to wish humans came with ‘relationship bars’ like in The Sims, so you could see what your relationships with people truly are and understand how they really feel about what you say.
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Many autistic people find small talk distressing, but I was fascinated to learn yesterday that small talk helps a lot of NT people to feel safe. I had no idea, and this realisation has reframed how I see the small talk ‘debate’. I now see it as an example of conflicting needs.
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The biggest communication hurdles I face as an autistic person are:. 1. People looking beyond my literal wording and reading implied meanings into my wording that I do *not* intend to imply. 2. People expecting me to read beyond/into their literal wording, which my brain cannot.
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Many autists hold grudges for longer than is considered socially acceptable. This may be the result of: a strong long-term memory, RSD, PTSD and “time blindness”. We may: find it hard to forget others’ actions, be more affected by them and not get the “time to let it go” feeling.
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The autistic/ADHD desperation to hold a thought until you can action it or write it down, because if you stop thinking about it for even a *second*, it may vanish, never to return.
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If you’re autistic, you might have ADHD (and vice versa); studies indicate that up to 80% of autists may meet the criteria for ADHD. If you’re wondering how your doctor could’ve missed one but not the other, prior to late 2013 the DSM didn’t permit dual autism and ADHD diagnoses.
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Reasons I am proud to be autistic 🧵. 1. High level of empathy. Many autistic people have incredibly high levels of empathy, especially for other marginalised people and those who are vulnerable. Sometimes it just looks different to NT empathy and is therefore not recognised.
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