Astrobitch ♋ ♓ ♎
@Astrobitch13
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Cosmic Civil servant |Slut for Asteroid Astrology |For the sheets not the streets! |Better than you |Consults open 😋⬇️
20 |he/him|
Joined June 2021
Everyone, high key follow me on bluesky. I just started an account and am gonna try to main bluesky more than i do twitter 🤧
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I'm at Barnes and noble and found a whole ass astrology section
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I met a woman yesterday who was wearing moldavite and I was all like "oh. how's that going for you?!". it was not going well for her at all 💀.
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Me when I finally accept that I'm a pisces
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Get you a sexy bitch with gemini placements who can talk string theory, quantum mechanics, astrology, sociology, asteroids, etc. with you 🥱.
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What it's like being a 10Her.
accidentally became important at work n its ruining my life.
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This eclipse is gonna be ruled by venus in pisces 😙
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Basic astro shit 🌿✨️. If you were born at dawn, you'll have a 1H sun 🌅. If you were born at noon, you'll have a 10H sun ☀️. If you were born at dusk, you'll have a 7H sun 🌆. If you were born at midnight, you'll have a 4H sun 🌃.
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@witti_indi Synastry is less about IF it works and more about HOW it works, I don't think people realize that.
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Me when I see a chart with pisces AND aries placements:
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Experiencing 12H synastry.
Apart from hitting the gym, what else can make someone lose fat??.
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How i remember the 7H ruler in all the houses 🏘:. 1H 🏠: Codependent yet lonely 💏.2H 🏠: Rich Husband 🤵.3H 🏠: The bureaucratic process 📝.4H 🏠: Arranged marriage 💒.5H 🏠: Hoe to house wife pipeline 👩🍳.6H 🏠: Gym date 🏋♂️.7H 🏠: Yes 🤌.8H 🏠: Get a prenup! 💸.
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This is what it's like having cancer + gemini placements.
fuck you i miss you stay safe go to hell.
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Me when I finally accept being Mercurial
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How I remember the houses:. 1H 🏠: narcissist 🪞.2H🏠: Mr. Krabs 🤑.3H🏠: stfu. pls 🙏 .4H🏠: endings .5H🏠: Whores 🤪.6H🏠: Microsoft Excel 📊.7H🏠: Codependency.8H🏠: Parasites 🪱.9H🏠: smarter than you 🧠.10H🏠: daddy issues .11H🏠: touch grass 🎮.12H🏠: girl dinner 🚬.
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Me when I accept I have 10H placements
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I met a stranger yesterday who was kinda skeptical of astrology and didn't know much about it. I asked her her big 3, she was a gemini sun/rising with a scorpio moon, so i asked her if she had stomach problems especially around the colon, and she said in shock she had a colectomy.
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Pluto in aquarius to fixed sign placements for the next 20 years:
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Every time a venusian rejects an ugly admirer, an angel gets it's wings.
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The people who like ACTUALLY study astrology with like notes and homework and hand drawings and hand written research scare me, bc it like. I just googled it one day and was bored and am a godly weapon. what are you if you ACTUALLY traditionally study it 😳🤔.
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This is mars in libra.
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Chiron ⚷ in the houses . 1H🏠–Body dysmorphia 🧘♂️.2H🏠–Poor .3H🏠–dead sibling 😵.4H🏠–born in half-way house 🏚.5H🏠–dies during labor.6H🏠–doctor.7H🏠–Henry XIII 💔.8H🏠–Get therapy.9H🏠–Don't travel alone 🛫.10H🏠–Call HR!!!.11H🏠–Don't trust friends .12H🏠–Prophetic dreams 💭.
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Me when i see an abundance of fixed sign energy in a chart:
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–The 8H is sex with men.–The 2H is sex with women.–The 11H is female friends.–The 5H is Male friends.
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Omg mars finally left human resources!!! We made it!!.
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I honestly can't with aquarius placements getting pluto transiting over their placements, I'm friends with so many aquarius and I already see the transit manifesting 💀.
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Karl Marx having his chart ruler in the 2H is kinda CRAZY.
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Every other day I thank God for making me a gemini mercurial and not a virgo mercurial.
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She has Libra/Leo placements 🙄😌.
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How I remember mercury ☿in the houses: . 1H🏠: Hat wearers 🤠.2H🏠: Financial analyst 📉.3H🏠: Over-thinkers 🧠.4H🏠: Duplex 🏘.5H🏠: Knob tease.6H🏠: Anxiety 😰.7H🏠: Married 4 times.8H🏠: Toritsuka Reita 👻.9H🏠: Double major.10H🏠: Julius 💵.11H🏠: Shit posters.12H🏠: Ditzy.
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How it feels to be venusian when you read ancient astrology texts
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Saturn 🪐 in the houses:. 1H🏠–Chin check .2H🏠–Hard times by Paramore.3H🏠–Mute 🫢.4H🏠–Detroit.5H🏠–No bitches 😔.6H🏠–Kanyes workout plan 🏋♂️.7H🏠–alone 4ever.8H🏠–Crypto bro 💱.9H🏠–Spirit Airlines .10H🏠–Ceo 💼.11H🏠–No friends.12H🏠–lives too long 👴.
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I feel bad for da virgo/gemini risings rn, they must be going through it rn with pluto conjunct they shit 💀.
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Basic astro shit ✨️🌿. The houses the planets do best/rejoice in 😋:. Sun☀️- 9th House 🏠 . Moon🌙- 3rd House 🏠 . Mercury ☿️- 1st House 🏠 . Venus ♀️- 5th House/10th House 🏠 . Mars ♂️- 6th House 🏠 . Jupiter♃- 11th House 🏠 . Saturn🪐- 4th House/12th House 🏠.
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I like how in medical astrology sperm is ruled by mars amd copper is ruled by venus (opposite planetary archetypes obviously) and iud's are made from copper bc it is toxic to sperm/neutralizes it, like how Mars does to venus and vice versa.
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How I remember lilith ⚸ in each house 🏠:. 1H🏠: Sexy 🥵.2H🏠: Sex work 💼.3H🏠: Flirting 😏.4H🏠: erotic baking 🎂.5H🏠: Brandon Urie.6H🏠: Laura Vanderboobin 👽.7H🏠: a 1 dating a 10 😔.8H🏠: YES!!! .9H🏠: Sapiosexual.10H🏠: Pornstars 🔞.11H🏠: Fwb.12H🏠: sex with a ghost 👻.
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Hear me out.– jupiter ♃ has 95 moons .– the moon ☾ rules women.– jupiter ♃ = Zeus⚡️.–Zeus = hoe (therefore why he has 95 women ⚵ (moons ☾) in his roster/rotation (orbit)) . And this exact logic is why jupiterians are fucking whores . Thank you for your time *bows* 😙.
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The 11H is considered the most fortunate house in the chart 😋.
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How I remember cosmic bodies in the 7H 🏠:.☉– Codependent.☾– let's others get to them.☿– Talking stage 🗣.♀– a 10 with a 4.♂– Moves too fast.♃– learns from relationships .♄– Single 4 ever 😮💨.♅– Divorced 💔.♆– you don't know him like I do 😩.♇– The spouse did it! 🗡.
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When you have a debilitated, yet prominent mars placement
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Every day, I thank the gods and heavens above for not giving me 7H placements 🤭🤌.
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Sometimes I'm sad, and then I remember I'm venusian and am effortlessly attractive.
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I made it into a a giant ass poster that's in front of my bed, so when I wake up I can remember to check myself 😌
How can you read the stars when you can't even read the room?.
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How I remember uranus ♅ through the houses:. 1H🏠: not like the other girls 🤭.2H🏠: Gig economy T-shirt seller.3H🏠: Dr. Shaun Murphy 🩺.4H🏠: Franken food 🤮.5H🏠: Gay Sex 💋.6H🏠: infections 🧫.7H🏠: Divorced 💔.8H🏠: Crypto investor 📉.9H🏠: Engineering majors 🏗.
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How i remember Jupiter ♃ in the houses:. 1H🏠–Diabeto 🍪.2H🏠–Rich 🤑.3H🏠–Big brained 🧠.4H🏠–Mansion.5H🏠–Birth control DOES exist.6H🏠–Liver problems 🍸.7H🏠–Politician 👨⚖️.8H🏠–Inheritance check .9H🏠–Traveler 🛫.10H🏠–Promotion.11H🏠–Too many friends.12H🏠–Nihilist 😮💨.
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@NovaLunaReads I legit didn't think she knew until I asked her, bc she said it was fine, then started reminiscing about her time with it then started crying 💀.
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Valens said that leo is a sign of homosexuality, so now I'm thinking about that. Like my leo 11H manifests as my friends being bisexual. Never really thought of the other applicable houses.
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9H 🏠: 90 day fiancé 🛫.10H 🏠: Business closer 💼.11H 🏠: Dating app success story📱.12H 🏠: Cheater? Cheated on. ? Elope? Not posting them on ig?! 😦.
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Empty houses in #astrology . 1H: No sense of self .2H: Poor .3H: Dumb asf .4H: Born out of wedlock.5H: Bitchless .6H: Runs on C.P.T. 7H: Never getting married .8H: Immortal .9H: Law breaker .10H: Unemployed .11H: No fucking friends .12H: Insomniac.
EMPTY HOUSES IN #ASTROLOGY-->. 1H: lack of identity, puts on a mask, personality vampire.2H: feels insecure & unstable, outsider.3H: has difficulty dealing with logic.4H: detached, family problems.5H: bored easily, few or no passions/hobbies.6H: over-reliance on others, sickly.
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I gave someone a prediction that they wouldn't marry their boyfriend of 5 years with whom they've had no problems with so far, and that in April they'd probably break up, and they were so surprised bc it made absolutely no sense. And now they broke up with their bf, unexpectedly.
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I'm at the getty looking at their light/astrology exhibits, and like. 🤭
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Mercury:.
i’ve got to get more androgynous.
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The normies don't know about venus retrograde. .
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Bc they're neptune influenced.
why r pretty girls so lonely.
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Random ways I remember some of the uranus ♅ aspects:.☉: shakey ego.☾: Emotionally unstable.☿: mad scientists.♀: GAYS!.♂: Gay sex.♃: please calm down.♄: Stop & Start.♆: weird spiritual bitches.♇: Singularity.
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How are you a 6Her with an unorganized calendar?! 🤨.
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This venus in pisces transit is all about fucking tbh, where is it happening in your chart?.
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Looking for:.□ romance.□ friends.☑️ a new chart to study.
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@libramoongal This made me sad, but I don't mind being lonely, as long as I'm smart and hot and alluring ig 🙄✋️🫠😩.
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I feel like we all know that the 5H can add insight into what placements your child could have, but has anyone actually seen it come thru???.
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@iwasneverh3re The fact that I'm not even a crystal girlie like that, so i would mess with it, out of skepticism 💀.
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Valentines day happening under a Taurus moon just makes so much sense.
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My professor just asked her 6 year old son "what's your rising sign again?" And he legitimately answered correctly and with this child in his 6 year voice said "I'm a pisces sun, leo moon, aquarius rising" 💀.
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The libra + scorpio placement urge to gatekeep who you love 😋.
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The fact that venus is full of sulphuric Acid (H²SO⁴) clouds that make it impossible to see on the planets surface feels like the perfect analogy for why love is blind.
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@lunagiiselle A real astrologer doesn't fear monger, or view placement as bad or good, each placement has it's own ups and downs and it's up to the native to see how that will actually manifest in their life.
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And then she whispered to herself that, that was amazing 💀.
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